Jsack's Mom's Blog

Sharing my heart, tears, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

We all deserve to shine

on November 17, 2013

When was the last time you let your soul shine? I’m sitting here on a cloudy rainy day introspectively thinking of my childhood, of how my past has brought me here today. The question running through my mind is when did I give myself permission to let my soul shine? Painful memories play in my mind like a projector, from when I was four years old and how my Dad left and said he was never coming back. I felt all the light God gave me start to fade away as he ran out the door. I watched how he took on a new family, a new life and I wondered how I fit in… Anyone who’s the product of a broken home knows the child always blames themselves. I became angry, rebellious, and a troublemaker and I did everything to get my Dad’s attention and it always resulted in a negative manner. I definitely wasn’t letting my soul shine in those moments. So what helped me you may ask, hugs from my Mom, love, tea and cookies from my Grandparents, family, and always God in my life. I felt if I could go to a church and sing all my pain away I would be saved. At least in that moment, there are happy times too as I don’t want to be the proverbial downer on my blog. I remember a wonderful memory of being five years old at my Grandparents 50 th anniversary party. My Mom took my sister and I to get our hair done and shopping for a new outfit for the special day. I remember how happy I was to see all my family and how beautiful my Mom and Grandma looked in their new dresses, shoes, and hairdos. After we all had an amazing dinner at one of our favorite restaurants everyone went around the table to say an anniversary wish I suddenly felt sad since I had nothing to give. So it came to my turn and I was sitting in a puddle of sweat and anticipation I started to say happy anniversary I love you Gram and Grandpa and it came out in a song. I’ve always craved the spotlight so as the response became positive I stood up on my chair and sang You light up my life by Debbie Boone. Oh how wonderful I felt to see my family smiling at me and how my Gram picked me up and cuddled me on her knee afterwards. My Grandpa sat back and grinned and said that’s my little girl with the big voice. The rest of the night we gathered at our relatives for cake, and copious amounts of tea since we’re an Irish clan. I sat on my Mom’s knee and sang all the classic Irish songs as well some Elvis tunes while my brother played his guitar. A happy memory that fills my heart  that let that little girl start to let her soul shine again. And through a few bumps in the road I still let her come out and play. So in closing we all deserve to shine, whatever it is that makes you happy, feel fulfilled, and comfortable in your own skin, do it and let your soul shine!!!

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6 responses to “We all deserve to shine

  1. Amanda says:

    I totally agree everyone has a right to let their soul shine through! hugs

    Like

  2. This is very true, we all deserve to shine and not let the shadow of our past define us forever. However, the truth is when we are little, it is difficult, children can’t process information like adults, they don’t understand adults complicated lives so they deserve to not be dragged into mess that is adults lives, whatever the situation, children needed assurance – constantly that they do not cause the rift not just in word but in actions –

    I can relate to your story, though mine was not permanent but still it took me several years to forgive my father because the few months he was away – I could have been LOST forever if not for my mother’s hugs (hhem).

    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • jsackmom says:

      Aww those are such beautiful words. Bless you and your kind Mom for raising you with such a strong faith in yourself. I did have a wonderful, yet confusing at times, childhood. My beloved Mama and my sweet Gram were my rocks through it all. Thank you so much reading. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. danyloor says:

    We do all deserve to shine!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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