Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Life in a pink shirt

Tonight I’m writing an update to my son being bullied. I still believe bullies suck, and I was able to talk to the teacher this morning and she said she’d deal with it. I don’t know her, and she doesn’t know me, so I’m hoping this issue is resolved. Or I will come down hard on this school. I will not tolerate my son being bullied! Like my dear friend said it stays with you and changes WHO you are!!! And yes the kids were able to talk and work it out. And the boy answered the reason why he picked on my son. He told him that he was bored and had nothing to do. Really, this is what we’ve come to as a society? Kids aren’t entertained with a video game so they have to make their own fun by ridiculing and hurting someone? I’ve taught my son to use his WITS but NO ONE is allowed to lay their hands on you. I’ve been the victim and stood up to bullies over the years. And I have done as my dear friend has done and gone directly to the source of the behaviour. We have to protect our kids, bullying is not like it was back when we were in school. It was horrible then, but now with cyber bullying and social media everywhere, there’s no escape. I shudder to think if the internet was as accessible back then, as it is today. I might not be here to tell my tale, yes it was that bad as I felt powerless. To be stalked, cyber bullied, ridiculed, relentlessly by a mob mentality is devastating. It tears out your heart while it’s left there bleeding on the floor. And everyone watches and waits to see your reaction. Will she cry, will she scream, will she run away and hide? Maybe, but whatever she does she’ll die a little more inside, each time she’s torn down. Bullying changes who YOU are. It makes you so scared to look in the mirror, because you don’t recognize this shell of a human you used to be. I was afraid to cross the street, sit on the bus, use the bathroom, because of my tirade of bullies. I couldn’t take the constant berating any longer. I missed 75 days of school, went into counselling, and started fighting back. My respect for authority was zero, as no one protected me from the endless torment. I got into trouble for fighting, suspended, and still felt my bullies had won. My saving grace was leaving that school but those painful, humiliating memories stay burned into my brain today. And why do I write about it today? It helps me heal a little more each time I help someone else. No one deserves this, and a wise friend told me that the behaviour says more about the bully then the victim. Feeling powerless is an emotional crime. And I want the anti bullying campaign, to mean more than just a pink shirt worn in February. Today my son came home from school and begged me not to send him back there. It broke my heart as yet another incident had occurred. 😠 More on that later, as now parents and principals are involved. I will be speaking with the guidance councillor tomorrow to make sure there’s a plan in place to protect my son. I take bullying very seriously and I will protect my child, and anyone’s child from this torment. Thank you for reading and for your love and support for my son. It’s most appreciated and heartfelt. ❤️

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Bullies suck

My heart hurts for my son today. He’s in a new school, in a new town, and he was bullied today. I too was bullied in school and it’s stayed with me always. I blog about it to cope, and over these years I just wish I could get over it. My son was bullied for the first time, in his previous school and I was irate!!! He’s gentle and kind and has always had everyone like him. Including teachers and support staff. Then this one boy changed his world. I got it dealt with immediately as it was right before the teachers went on strike in the province. Before he moved away, I took a goodbye book to school and had teachers and students sign it. His principal signed it and had said she was going to miss him a lot. Every day he saw her for 2.5 years, he said good morning and goodbye to her. Out of all her students he was polite, kind, and respectful and was going to be very missed. This memory of him will stay with her, and she wiped tears away as she hugged him goodbye. This is not a boy that needs to be bullied!!! No kid deserves to be ridiculed, hurt, made to feel worthless, and less than the amazing person they are! Before my son started at this new school, he was experiencing anxiety and fearful of the unknown. He was so afraid to go to summer camp in our new town because of being bullied once. I had to talk to the organizers and explain his fear and talk him into giving it a try. Luckily I was able to spend time at the playground with my youngest, while watching my son in camp. He did remarkably well, loved his time there, and was sad when it was over. I was so relieved and proud as I know how difficult it was for him to even try. I told him I love him, and I’m there for him always, and to let me know immediately if he’s ever bullied again. Last time, 3 weeks had passed before he let me know anything was amiss. 😳 After repeated attempts to find out what was wrong. I talked to his teacher and friends and found out the truth. And now it’s happening again, as hard as it was to hear it I thanked him for telling me. He also talked to his Dad, and I’ll be discussing the incident with his new teacher. I know some kids can be cruel, and I don’t believe in that old adage “boys will be boys” either. Rather I believe “do onto others, as you would have done onto you.” He’s being raised right, to show kindness, respect, and compassion. And he’s not a little a-hole, I’ve seen him at school interacting with his peers when he doesn’t know I’m there. I’m not trying to be a helicopter parent, just curious. I’ve gotten so many compliments on how helpful, kind, and courteous he is to his peers and teachers alike. He’s just a sweet boy who loves sports, math, and is a Titanic history buff. And why does one child have to ruin things for him? I want to protect my son away from life’s cruelties. I teach him everything’s possible, and he can accomplish anything he puts his mind to. And now I have to teach him how to be stronger, more thick skinned, and that people can be mean, and to use his W.I.T.S. Meaning walk away, ignore, talk to someone, and seek help. This was taught to him in his previous schools, but that doesn’t mean a damn thing when a bully puts their hands on my child!!! My heart aches, I know this pain, confusion, frustration, all too well. I wish I could keep him in a bubble away from all the hurt and pain. But unfortunately life won’t do the same for him. 

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Regret

Well to say I don’t have any regrets in life would be a lie. For indeed, I have many. I think if we live our lives the way we always wanted, we would have few. But we don’t always allow ourselves to do that, so we end up living with regret. I do believe that our experiences in life lead us on the journey to who we are today. I was taught by my parents to not judge a book by its cover. And when I have lived in judgement I became unhappy, miserable, and distrusting. We all have our paths to walk in life, and some people take the road that is least travelled. In my childhood I have many regrets. I wish I would’ve learned how to knit when my Great Aunt wanted to teach me. Instead I wanted to hang out with friends, climb trees, instead learning her craft. And now when I see my talented friends that can knit and crochet amazing creations, I feel regretful. I regret that I didn’t have much self confidence when I was a teenager, and allowed both boys and girls to take advantage of my good nature. I wanted to be liked and loved, and thought if I got their attention I could feel better about myself. Many broken relationships and friendships later, I have paid that price of low self esteem. I regret not listening and learning more, and should’ve talked back less. I had an answer for everything, argued with authority, and became to be known as a right fighter. My Dad said I had missed my calling and should’ve been a lawyer. Now I share this karmic debt with my oldest son. 😏 And when my parents pulled their hair out over my drive for autonomy and independence, I should’ve listened when they said “one day you’ll have kids and you’ll understand our worry.” Now I’ve given birth to a defence lawyer and a free spirit adventurer and now I understand… I regret that I let years of depression and anxiety stop me for being who I was. I grew up happy, loved, and looked after. But somehow I feared that I’d cause that all to end. I regret not travelling more, exploring cultures and lands, I’ve only read about in books. I did have fun and interesting experiences, but I never travelled to a foreign country and experience their culture and ways of life. I regret letting my fears overtake me and hold me back from pursuing a career as a singer, dancer, and actress. I had big dreams of seeing my name up in lights in the Hollywood scene. My Dad said I had a voice like an angel, and belonged in Nashville. One of my greatest joys was singing all the Charlie Pride, Tom T. Hall, and Red Soverign, classics to him, or with him.I was raised on a love of music through my Mom and Grandparents. And always had an appreciative family and church audience. But I didn’t think others would think I had talent. I regret not finishing my children’s literature course after I got into college. I thought I had to do what everybody else was doing and enrolled in a business course, because it was the right thing to do. I regret not believing in myself and instead of letting others dictate my future. I was told I had writing skills, but I couldn’t possibly make a career being a writer.i was told that writers struggle, have to work a day job, take forever to get published, blah, blah, blah etc. So here I am today married, a Mom who passed on my love of singing, and dramatic arts to my children, who love to read, or be read to. And my oldest also writes his stories, sings, and dances with his little brother and keeps their parents happily entertained. I write, sing, act, and dance in a local theatre group. It might not be the bright lights, and big city of Hollywood, but it makes me happy and fulfilled. And I’ll never regret watching my kids entertain my hubby and I, with a puppet show, or a Saturday night dance party. For they are my heart, my everything, and my greatest accomplishment in life. ❤️

Today’s Sunday confession is from the marvellous http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her blog and all the other amazing bloggers who link up.

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Fridays Feats and Fails

Well my last Friday started out on a long weekend road trip with my kids to a family reunion. For someone like me with anxiety and being directionally challenged, this is a huge deal! I packed up my truck and my kids and set out on my adventure.

FEAT:
I was armed with my handy dandy IPhone 5, complete with voice activated Siri. Talking her way through my travels. The plan was to meet up with my brothers at a half way point, on the 6 hour tour. Siri and I disagreed a few times about the direction I was to leave town. But like an understanding Aunty who just wants the best for you, she zeroed in on where I wanted to go and continued her advice from there. When I reached my half way destination, I couldn’t find the gas station where I wanted to stop. So I hit the first one and met up with my brothers, and we headed out to our final stop on our journey. All was going well, until I came across some wicked weather and poor driving conditions. I didn’t handle that well as I was following along behind my brothers, and I lost them. When I became stuck between one slow moving semi and a fast moving semi riding my ass to the next town.

Fail:
I didn’t handle that part of the road trip well. As I was in the mountain pass and I didn’t have a cell signal, so no Siri. I was more than a little panicked and just took my time driving straight down the highway. There was paving in one part of the right lane and very chewed up road on the other side. My kids heard some choice language that day. Oops sorry sons for those F- bombs, as I was being passed and swerved into by crazy drivers. While it looked like I was standing still. 😳 I stopped in the next town, called my brothers and let them find me. A text chat with my loving sister, put me in the right frame of mind. So I got gassed up, and continued on my way. Following closely behind my relocated brothers. All was well when I arrived with my kids and my bros to our destination. Later my sister and my niece arrived to stay as well. We stayed at this lovely B&B on this gorgeous acreage. Looking at its beauty, rustic country charm, and beautiful scenery made me feel so welcome. More on that later, as I’m interviewing my gracious hosts for a future blog. 😊

FEAT:
I had a wonderful time at my reunion, meeting cousins I never knew of. And reconnecting with ones I hadn’t seen in 11 years. Out of my Bubba’s (Grandma in Ukrainian) there are only 3 siblings left out of a family of 14. I had the joy and pleasure of spending time visiting with one of my Great Aunts. Who loved and hugged me like she had seen me yesterday. It was a beautiful moment watching and seeing how many relatives (“rellies”) showed up for the event. We were treated to amazing food, great company, kids playing, and enjoying a fun family baseball game. The best part for me, was the fabulous slide show of my cousins trip to the Ukraine. Before the rumblings of war reared it’s ugly head. I seen the land of my Great Grandfather’s birth, the scenic spectacular views of his homeland, and the beautiful reunion of family still residing there today! I chatted, played, reminisced, and shed a few tears as well. I knew how happy it would make my Dad, seeing all our family coming together in this special moment in time. He loved family, and as he travelled he would always find a phone book and look up his Dad’s or Mom’s surname, to see if there was anyone he was related to! It’s a practice he taught me that i still carry on today. Because you’ll never know just how much your family tree has grown, if you don’t dig to find the roots. I can picture him sitting up there on a cloud enjoying all the sights and sounds of this family love fest.

FAIL:
I ended up having to deal with my over tired, over stimulated, sensory son and he had a very public meltdown. It was right as tables were lining up, to partake in the scrumptious buffet of fabulous Ukrainian food. So I took him screaming, crying, and picked him up, as he squirmed like a bag of snakes in my arms and we left the building. I got him strapped into his car seat, and proceeded to call my hubby and cry about the debacle. I felt so sad, embarrassed, and ripped off, because everything had been going well. I know my sons cues when he’s had enough, and I thought I’ll just get him fed and we can leave. But alas, I waited too long and a sensory, overloaded, meltdown was the result. I was “hangry” myself, so I texted my brothers and one brought me a plate of food. Thank you my brother! My poor boy fell fast asleep after all that emotional upheaval, and I proceeded back to the B&B. The lovely owner looked after us, and helped me put my tired boy to bed, and made me a pot of tea. And I took that time to eat my delicious dinner, sip my tea, cuddle up in a cozy blanket, and forgive myself for being human. And thank my son for showing me the errors of my ways.

FEAT:
As the reunion came to a close I was able to say goodbye to my “rellies” give hugs and kisses, take advantage of a bunch of photo ops, and pack up my kids to go home. I reflected back on my memories, of precious moments of celebrating my Uncle’s 80 th birthday. While his family gathered around him, sharing love and pride. My kind brother drove us to the half way point in our destination. I felt gratitude for all his help over the weekend, the joy I felt when myself and my sons connected with their uncles, Aunty, and cousins. And the pride in myself for having the courage to take the road trip in the first place! And now we’re home, we survived all the peaks and valleys that come with leaving our comfort zones, and the back to school routine is upon us. I smile, I get a little teary eyed, and jump through the air with my arm held high, and say “I did it Dad, yay me, high five sent to heaven. ❤️

Today’s submission is to Fridays Feats and Fails and is brought to you by the fantastic Ash at http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her hilarious, honest, poignant, blog and support all the other talented bloggers who link up.

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Thank you. 😘

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Guilty Pleasures

My guilty pleasures are things I like to indulge in and feel comforting to me. Of these many things I love to stay up late eating chocolate covered almonds, chips and dip, and drink copious amounts of tea. Sometimes I’ll be blogging, reading blogs, or watching Netflix. I think we all need to have vices in life and I love to binge read books or watch Netflix TV series. I have to admit the Orange is the New Black, the Walking Dead, and the Twilight saga had me seeing a lot of sunrises. My bookshelves are more like a library with selections like fiction, non fiction, supernatural, fantasy, self help, parenting, and mystery. I love to dive into a book and escape to a world that only exists in my dreams. As much as I love to read, I love to write. When pen and paper meet, an idea is formed, and magic happens. My Mom and I used to write together. I would start the topic and we’d both contribute. I remember a story we wrote in high school, and the topic was who would you have dinner with. Alive or dead, out of anyone in the world I chose Jim Morrison. My Mom thought that was an interesting choice but I believed he was a fascinating person. I seen past the addict and into his brilliant mind. Back then I had recently saw the Doors starring Val Kilmer, who in my opinion was channeling the real Jim! I became fascinated and searched for every article, tv appearance, and video clip I could find about him. Recently I was unpacking a box when I moved into my new house. I found all these papers of my writing and my Mom’s collaborations. There were songs, poems, and binders full of writing. Going through that box took me back in time. To a place where reading and writing nourished my soul, and music was my therapy. It’s amazing what the affects of my guilty pleasures have on my mind, body, and spirit. I still rock out to my guilty pleasure 80’s heavy metal hair bands of my era. And I appreciate the journey I’m taking back to that carefree, creative, happy, poetic, self I used to be. ❤️

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