There are some days I want to run and hide. Sometimes life gets to be too much for me and I dream about getting away. I picture myself in a luxury hotel room lounging in a supreme king size bed, while I sink into the huge pillows, silk blankets, and Egyptian cotton sheets. Basking in this luxurious, sensory experience I began to fall into a delicious nap. I awaken to find I have the remote all to myself, and I can watch anything I want on TV. Without anyone telling me this sucks, or ” I want to watch Toopie and Binoo!” I then feel after such an incredible nap I should have a bubble bath. So I run the water until it’s the right depth and temperature and I sink into the tub. The bubbles feel so silky on my skin and all my tension, stress, and cares dissipate into thin air. But what’s that sound? An incessant beep, beep, beep fills my poor sensitive ears. It’s not music to my ears, as my annoying alarm clock brings me back to reality. I live this dream so many times in my mind that I can smell the coconut lotion soaking into my skin and feel the droplets of humidity from the warm bath. So when life’s too tough to deal with, I retreat to my bathroom and soak in a bubble bath. I don’t want this to turn into my blog about “I just want to get away from my kids because they’re driving me crazy.” I mean I won’t kid you, I do have thoughts like that sometimes. The reality is my love for them is the reason I push myself, to get past these manic, melancholy feelings. When I feel the walls closing in on me I just want to run to the highest mountain and climb to the top and scream at the top of my lungs. Just so I can vent about my stresses of the day and how unfair life can be. I don’t want my sons to be struggling with a world that treats them like they’re unimportant, and insignificant nobodies. So as I advocate and fight for them in the education system, medical field, and from people that don’t see how amazing they are. I feel strong, rewarded, and emotionally battered at the same time. Maybe I should just take up physical running and feel fit, and able to deal with my daily stress. Run away from trouble, run away from my insecurities, run away from my fears. But what would that solve ? As soon as I run away everything still remains the same, and still stays with me. I’m running around in circles in my mind wondering if these swirling, confusing, emotions will ever stop. I see these pictures of people who do run, and the expressions on their faces look blissful. I can’t remember the last time I felt that kind of bliss. I’ve been through a lot in my life, shuffled between both parents in my childhood, and as an adult moving a lot and having to start fresh. I know it’s my choice, and I follow and support my family to where the work and opportunities are. There’s times in my life all that unpacking and packing my belongings just feels like running. If I run to far and get lost will anyone ever find me again?
Today’s Sunday confession is brought to by Ash at http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Today’s prompt is run, check out what Ash blogged about and all the talented bloggers who link up. Love and hugs. 💓