Jsack's Mom's Blog

Sharing my heart, tears, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

I am Machine

on November 7, 2014

I am machine, I wish I could feel something.
I am machine I sleep with my eyes wide open.
I am machine I wish I could fix what’s broken.
I am machine I wish I could feel something.
I hear these words pounding out of my radio and I’m transfixed by their sounds, their lyrical brilliance, and remarkable timing. I just finished saying to my Captain today I am a machine. As I crawled out of bed with 4 hours of sleep and waking up to find one of two kids in my bed. My throat was scratchy, my eyes blurry from lack of restful sleep, and my body achy from what I suspect is the flu. Captain says “what’s wrong Mom?” I reply “I think I’m sick.” He responds “ok I’ll get Dad to take me to school. I said “No he has to go to work. It’s ok I’m a machine I’ll take you.”

I do survive on little sleep, live a busy life, and suffer from anxiety. At some point in my days I have raging, anxious, emotions to deal with one or sometimes both of my sons. Yet here I am day after day doing the hard stuff, fun stuff, and the not so fun stuff. Because I’m a machine and it has to get done. Appointments with teachers, school staff, Dr’s and hockey fill up my calendar. The house needs cleaning, laundry needs folding, and this machine Mama needs a nap or a sick day. We know that’s not going to happen-ever. This isn’t a blog to whine or start a pity party. It simply states that parents don’t get sick days, more like minutes to pop a pill, chug some cough syrup, grab the Visine drops and go. No matter how tired, stressed, or sick I am life carries on even if I have to push myself through it. And when my body aches with the virus invading my system or my old back injury, I just pop some vitamins and keep on trucking (as my Dad used to say.) I think our bodies cry out when they’re overloaded sensory wise, chemically, emotionally and physically suffering. It shows in our skin, nutrition, sleeping patterns, ability to handle stress, and pain intolerance. I spend so much time regulating my kids that I get lost in the process. I comfort myself to know I’m doing all I can to help them, in a world that’s too busy, bright, harsh, and loud for them. I believe we are all Mama (and Papa) warriors who will break down walls, barriers, and intolerances to make our kids safe, happy, and healthy. So listening to this song from Three days Grace has me spellbound as I slowly and hypnotically move to the beat of the music. As I pour out all my stress, angst, and fears into every heart shattering lyric, and lose myself in this beautiful sensory experience. And nothing else on earth exists for these 3.5 minutes, just me the Mom machine. I’m lost in the rhythm of the music and I think to myself thank you, for writing this song with these powerful lyrics because finally someone gets it.

I found this prompt on http://inspiringmax.com Run or walk to your nearest music playing device and turn it on. Select a lyric from the first song you hear. Use that lyric into a piece of writing (fiction, non-fiction, poem, letter etc.) The twist work the name of the artist into your writing as well.

Advertisements

8 responses to “I am Machine

  1. mira65 says:

    That was so good! A story for every Mom.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Underdaddy says:

    Nothing speaks like music. For me anyway and sounds like you too

    Liked by 1 person

  3. sweetpea2love says:

    What a lovely post today, but not happy to hear you’re getting sick. Always remember & never forget to take care of yourself, first. You are the cement foundation, which keeps the family unit operating as if it is a miracle. Perhaps, mothers do work little miracles every day with the help of the many blessings we receive. Take care & Happy blogging (Dancing) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • jsackmom says:

      Thank you my sweet friend. Yes I’ve ran my body down and burnt myself out. I’m a little better today, for that I’m grateful. Nothing a happy dance, meditation, and a nap can’t cure. 😃🌞💗

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I think we all feel like a Machine at times jsackmom that is why we need to take time out for ourselves and enjoy life too, we have so much beauty in Creation and the Talents we have been given when developed, can bring much happiness when we share them.

    I appreciate honesty very much jsackmom in sharing our ups and downs, so thank you, of course I don’t like things that are best left unsaid and so I am considerate of those whom they may offend, having the right to be ourselves does not mean we walk over other peoples feelings or violate their rights and only the foolish will not accept good advice and needed correction.

    Christian Love – Anne

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: