Jsack's Mom's Blog

Sharing my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Always

on November 23, 2014

I will always worry, even when someone says don’t worry about it. I don’t know why I’m like this, is it the way I grew up, or do I get some kind of pay off in the end? Tough questions to ask myself for sure, but in the questioning comes the truth. I come from a long line of worriers. My beloved Mom, Gram, and her sisters were all worriers. Then they raised a next generation of worry warts. I remember when I was kid and I’d hear a family member say something like “I’m going to go visit my sister on Sunday, which is an ordinary conversation. Added with a prayer would be “yes if God spares me, that is. ” There was nothing ordinary about that, I would question “why wouldn’t God spare you, he loves you!” It was a confusing time because then I would worry if that loved one was going to die! Then I would spend my time worrying and praying instead of playing and just being a kid. There’s no wonder I grew up with anxiety, I don’t blame anything or anyone for it. It was a generation of worriers raised by another older generation of the same. Growing up as empathic child was a double edged sword. I could always feel so much love by absorbing the energy around me. Than the alternative was fear, worry, and hate, and emotions so ugly they would wake me up screaming at night. My beloved Mama and my Gram would always protect me from myself. There was lots of prayers, love, and secrecy. As I told them about my dreams, aura colors, and energy I picked up around me. They were my precious protectors and really made me feel safe, even if all I was feeling was uncomfortable. So I question myself endlessly am I the product of my environment or blessed with spiritual gifts? I could let these deep thoughts and emotions overtake me and send me into a swirling vortex and suck me in. Yet I fight against them and just give them a moment of time in my head, and then move on. I owe it to my family to not always feel fear and worry. I don’t want to raise my sons to be afraid of life and all the wonderful things in it. I always have to fight and be vigilant to not let the demons of worry enslave me. I learned a lot from my previous generations of wise elders. I need to have my faith in God, the love of my family, and the believe in myself that I can rise above whatever my fretful mind can worry about. I owe to my family to at least try….

This has been my Sunday confession for Ash at http://morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her blog and all the awesome talent that link up. Smooches. 😘

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16 responses to “Always

  1. 80smetalman says:

    I am a big time chronic worry. If I didn’t have something to worry about, my mind would go blank from boredom. I just keep telling myself is what I am worrying about important and if so, will it do me any good to worry about it at this particular time. Works for me

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jenn, Sparkly Poetic Weirdo says:

    It is hard not to worry about the ones we love and how our lives are going. It just shows we are compassionate and concerned about the future, there is nothing wrong with that.

    It’s just better for our blood pressure and our souls if we can learn to let go and trust in what will be-I know that’s hard, I’m trying to learn that too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • jsackmom says:

      Thank you Jenn, yes I agree a compassionate nature is a beautiful thing. It’s when the worrying becomes compulsive where my problem lies. Little by little I’m learning to let go. It’s honestly one of the most maddening things I struggle with. But my soul deserves more, so I persevere. 💗

      Like

  3. Jenniy says:

    Man, I’m a total worrier myself. My Negative Nancy has a tendency to take over… one of these days…BOOM, down the well, though. ha.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Cindy Koszegi says:

    I COULD easily have become a product of my environment: my mother, who is a carbon copy of HER mother, tried desperately to inject the worrywart into me from a very young age. They would fret and fumble their way through life, wringing their hands with despondent agitation at what COULD happen. I grew up knowing only ‘ worst case scenarios’. If it weren’t for my dad’s overly relaxed attitude and other aspects of my maternal influence that even as a child I recognised as damaging and unnecessary, I COULD have become ‘ one of them’. But, instead, for as long as I can remember, I set abouts my life’s mission to be as great a polarity to anything my mother and her mother were. And I succeeded. I am me – I don’t worry – I evaluate situations and take action. I refuse to allow the fear of life to enslave me but rather do what I am comfortable with. I look forward to the future with the knowledge and experience of where I’ve been knowing my path is free of the worry of, well, worrying what the next worry will be. This is NOT to say I don’t have pressing matters of concern – oh but I DO! I just don’t allOw the fear of my own shadow and that of the world to control me and paralyze me to inactivity with worry of the surety that the worst will come to pass. My mother should be proud I escaped the wrath of fear and fret that so plagued her Irish roots. But instead, I’ll let her worry about me for the rest of her days.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. maddchic says:

    I worry for I cannot help myself!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Prayers for you to know the peace of God that passes understanding even in your moments of feeling all the feelings which come with the unknowns in your life and those lives closely linked to yours… The Father knows… ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nyree Grindle says:

    Oh yes this worry monster is a very close friend of mine. It holds me back from so many things in life. (That makes me worry!) Lol I went to the drs years ago got into a conversation with the receptionist while I was waiting my turn she started to tell me things about a friend of hers, her daughters problems all sorts of stuff and what did I do after my apt try my hardest to come up with solutions for all her friends and families problems, wow I need to learn to let go and stop worrying, but it’s who I am and I don’t see that changing any time soon. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • jsackmom says:

      It’s what makes you so loveable and endearing Nyree. It’s the ones with the biggest hearts who worry the most, in my opinion. What a beautiful gift to be a sounding board for that receptionist. Positive exchanges like that are what will change the world for the better. ❤️

      Like

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