Sleep deprivation

Going without sleep does strange things to a person. You begin to forget what day it is as your days and nights merge into each other. There’s never enough hours to even catch up and the mood swings are crazy! Odd little scenarios play out in my head “my name’s Mrs. Bitchy, and I’ll be your bitch today.” After I’ve been sleep deprived for a few days I’ve been known to be the mayor of bitchyville. I just want to curl up and sleep for a hundred years like Rip Van Winkle.  Everything starts to suffer like my relationships, household, projects, and health. As everything in my world starts to focus on sleep, as I count how many hours I get and how much I’ve lost. I become obsessed with counting Bon existent sheep and exist as a “Mombie” living on snacks and caffeine. My kids begin to forget what a fun Mom I used to be as this shell of an exhausted Mom takes her place. The guilt I feel is crushing, even debilitating, and I want to be able to whisk my kids away with fun and laughter for an awesome adventure. All the things that cause me to have sleepless nights begin to wear on me and my patience runs thin. The guilt wears away at my heart that I wear on my sleeve, and I do all I can to make up for my deficits. My children are so loving and forgiving and understand when I just need to crash hard on the couch while they watch a movie. I catch up when I can on the weekends when my kind husband lets me sleep in. It’s not always this way, sometimes everyone gets more sleep than usual even me. That’s a glorious night when I get more than four hours of sleep and I survive to face another day. Through a sleep hazed fog we don’t think, see, or feel clearly so I do my best not to take my crankiness out on the ones I love. If I do my guilt is punishment enough for my transgressions. Sleep apnea plagues my sweet little boy so restful nights are few and far between for him as well. Now we finally find someone and some ways to help him. So here’s to sleep filled nights, caffiene, cuddles, love, laughter, and happiness. Because without these things my world would be a dark place indeed. I celebrate my sleep victories and look forward to restful nights ahead.