Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Ten Things of Thankful-Feeling prayful

There are times in life when some things just don’t make any sense. Death for one isn’t something I can fathom. Whether a loved one is young or old, natural causes or sudden tragedies it tears at my empathic heart. My husband and I recently lost a friend this week. The sadness overtakes me as this special soul leaves behind a beautiful, caring wife and three amazing kids. I think about the last conversation we had, the laughter, the reminiscing, the hugs of let’s keep in touch. Just when I start to ride a grief wave another loss happens, and I’m threatened to be pulled under by the melancholy cloud of darkness. I don’t think I’m supposed to understand death I’ve lost too many people to count in the last ten years. I’m beginning to believe that I’m just supposed to survive the affects of death and keep learning and appreciating the life lessons I’m taught. I will now begin to attempt to find some thankfuls as part of Lizzi’s TTOT linkup and glean a silver lining in a dark cloud. 

I’m thankful that even though it’s been a difficult week my husband has been able to talk about his feelings. He attended his childhood friends funeral while I attended an appointment. He told me it was good to see old friends and there’s comfort in knowing how many turned out for the sad day and how loved our friend was. 

I’m thankful that I kept my head and my heart busy with baking, walks in the sunshine, and movie time cuddles. My oldest (Captain) went with his Dad and spent time with family. The youngest (Mad dog) stayed home with me and enjoyed having me all to himself. 

I’m thankful that my Mad dog is making great progress with his behavioural aid sessions. His fine motor skills are improving so next we will continue working on having him sit for longer periods at circle time. It’s a large part of preschool and kindergarten and I want to prepare him for when he attends his new school. I’m so proud of his accomplishments in the last six months. ❤️

I’m thankful that I had silly, sweet, text conversations with my Captain while he was traveling with his Dad. We chatted from everything about wrestling (he’s a John Cena and Shane McMahon fan), Donald Trump versus the world, and how he wants to surprise his brother with the best beef jerky on the planet. I sure love my son and his creative mind! ❤️

I’m thankful for healthy meals, daily exercise, and relaxing in my hot tub with my family. When I have these things in my life everything just flows better and I feel so happy and loved. My fitness journey is ongoing and I strive to grow stronger in mind and body everyday. 

I’m thankful for catching up on housework, the dreaded laundry monster, and enjoying some beautiful summer weather. My moods are really tied to how much vitamin D I’m getting so the sunshine’s my elixir in life. 

I’m thankful for earth day this week. My Mad dog and I went for a walk by the river with his behavioural aid. We skipped stones jumped from rock to rock and took in the beauty and appreciation of our home. I’m grateful for the fresh clean water, the plants and trees providing me with oxygen and the flowers blooming and letting me enjoy their fragrance and aromatherapy. 

I’m thankful for reading, writing, and accomplishing my work tasks. I still have a few things to catch up on but I’m crossing things off my list and that’s a win/win in my world. Organization has never been my strong suit but as I see my piles of clutter becoming less I feel more in control of the direction I’m taking. It’s the old adage “cluttered space equals a cluttered mind.”

I’m thankful that I was able to apply that mindfulness to eliminating my digital and online clutter as well. Now that I’ve deleted data, cleaned up email accounts, and uploaded pictures onto my computer my phone/office is running at the speed of light! It’s amazing what a good feeling of satisfaction that can generate. 

I’m thankful for late night cuddles when my son can’t sleep. Late night talks and tuck ins when they miss me when it’s time to go to sleep. I’m getting to a point now where they don’t need me as much, especially my Captain. It’s so rewarding to see them growing and discovering the world and still wanting me by their side to chat about life and it’s mysteries. 

I’m thankful we had a successful follow up appointment with my youngest son’s sleep specialist. Since his diagnosis of autism in February and asthma in March we’re solving more health mysteries. The asthma medication has improved his breathing and shrunk his tonsils so much she doesn’t think he needs surgery! Now I will push for the MRI and see what’s going on inside his brain in regards to where the sleep apnea is originating from. Central sleep apnea is a a very serious condition-whereas the brain isn’t communicating with the heart and lungs about getting sufficient oxygen intake. Knowing my son is safe, breathing and sleeping properly is an answer to my prayers. Thank you to all you sweet souls who have expressed concern, said prayers, and empathized with us on this long, sleep deprived journey. This is the best outcome and update I could ever hope and pray for! I’m so thankful to God for these blessings. 💖

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Friday’s Feats and Fails

Wahoo it’s the weekend! It’s my favorite day of the week as it’s also my Captain’s best day as he’s much more relaxed when he comes home from school. It’s been a long week that’s felt like more than a month! So I’ll do my best to give you hi-lights and the low lights.

FEAT

As a family we start every Friday out with a movie, popcorn and cuddles. Can you see why it’s my favorite day? I love to hear my kids chatting, making each other laugh, and the things that they come up with to entertain me and each other. I managed to get through a movie without falling asleep and getting both kids to bed. And we were all organized because the Captain had his hockey bag packed and ready to go at the front door. I love that he’s so excited to go play instead of fighting me just to leave the house. 😊

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FAIL

Hockey was a smooth day minus one hiccup. My Mad dog doesn’t want to sit still and with his sensory condition he just can’t unless there’s a IPad game, or something vibrating and flashing to keep his interest. We were sitting in the arena and he was getting antsy and didn’t want anything to do with the bag of toys I brought him. So he was bored and stimming (seeking sensory input). This is when he gets mouthing and biting so as to get instant input. Well he started licking the hand rail and a young girl walked by. I went to grab his hands and lead him away, but that’s no possible when he’s screaming. This girl came up to me and said “he’s licking the pole, I replied yes I know. ” Her response was what’s wrong with your kid?” This stung me right to the core, so I replied “he has a sensory condition, no big deal.” She began to laugh and I told her keep on walking. I didn’t handle it calmly, I tried but it just hit me in the heart.

FEAT

We had a successful hockey weekend, but traveling together always seems to make my kids even more sensory. So I have the laptop charged playing movies, iPad and the V-tab when sharing the laptop isn’t feasible. Mad dog was very successful with his potty training and I’m so proud of his accomplishment. The Captain won both his games and we ended up running into my brother in-law and sister in-law before left a hockey game. It was such an amazing reunion as we hadn’t seen them in seventeen years. Living at the other ends of each province will do that. As well as being hockey parents that will bring you together for the sport, or keep you on the road every weekend away from everyone.

FAIL

Monday was a difficult day I had Dr’s appointments for my kids with a new Pediatrician. Since it was an assessment the visits were lengthy while I answered questionnaires. My husband came with the Captain while I went in with the Mad dog. He was very agitated and didn’t want to have anything to do with the Dr. I had prepared him with a social story and did his OT exercises beforehand. But when he’s uncomfortable it doesn’t matter what I do to accommodate him. He started to get antsy and my husband and I tag teamed off and he took him home, and I took the Captain. This is where it got difficult as the Pediatrician was very thorough and wants Maddox assessed for ASD and OCD. Hearing those letters made my head swim as she read out her report. It was hard to hear and even harder to talk about my Captain and his anger and anxiety issues. He was bored, angry, and disrespectful. And I understood why, it was difficult for both of us. He will be assessed for ADHD and ODD. My heart breaks for my sons having to struggle, but labels and letters equal help for them so I’m accepting that one day at a time. ❤️

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*Image used with permission from http://www.sharingwithshari.com*

FEAT

I heard a brilliant guest speaker at my support group and he talked about the risk factors of addiction. And also how they correlate to an an ADHD diagnosis. This psychologist was so amazing, thorough, and interesting with his approach I was able to see everything I had encountered in my life in the past six years more clearly. My Captain was also able to articulate how he was feeling when I talked to him about getting help for his anger and anxiety. He doesn’t want to be bullied anymore so he won’t wear headphones in the classroom. But he said he’d try them at home, and he wishes he could stop his brain from saying stupid things. I reassured him it’s never his fault, and we all need to be kinder in our family. 💖

FAIL

With all the changes with Dr’s appointments and my stress levels my Mad dog has slipped in his potty training. I blame myself as I’ve been preoccupied with scheduling more appointments, applying for funding, and researching. Life has been topsy turvy with Mercury in retrograde so there’s always a few more curveballs to dodge. I found out I didn’t have health insurance from either province and I was just sick when I was told my Ped Dr visits were $300!!! Of course I had a few family Dr’s visits as well so color me embarrassed. 😳 I also had to apologize for getting frustrated and letting my feelings get the best of me. Luckily the receptionist could see a tired, overwhelmed Mom and they didn’t charge me a cancellation fee. I really appreciated that and assured them I’d be back with my Health insurance.

FEAT

After applying for health insurance for the third time our claim was processed and we got our Heath care numbers to use immediately. And our coverage will be retroactive from October 1 st. All it took was a trip into the city, an understanding insurance agent, and ID and boom problem solved. 😃
So now here we are going into the weekend and it’s hockey time again. I’m way ahead of the game as laundry is all caught up with one load in the dryer to be folded tomorrow. Ha take that laundry you’re my bitch this week. 😉 The Captain’s hockey bag is organized and ready, dishes are washed and floors are vacuumed. Tomorrow I tackle the bathrooms and mopping and fold and put away laundry. It’s amazing what happens when I get an hour or two of extra sleep. I’ve also been taking am electrolyte supplement and drinking two liters of water daily. As well as taking my vitamins, walking, and doing cardio on the treadmill.

So here we are heading into the weekend so we’ll see what adventures are in store for my family and I then. Until next weekend, blessings to you with whatever you’re doing and wherever you’re doing it. 💓

This has been my submission to Ash’s Friday’s Feats and Fails at http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com Please check out how her week went and all the other talent who link up. Smooches to you for being here on my journey. 😘

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Be the Change

I feel like crying today, no one wanted to get up for school today. Myself included, we’ve had a 5 day weekend so it was slow moving this morning.
Then we walked to school in the pouring rain. That definitely woke me up but didn’t do a damn thing for my mood. I watched all the kids line up this morning for the bell to ring and I saw that boy that bullied my son. He was talking to him and pushing another kid so I yelled at him to stop. He didn’t hear me, then he started poking my son in the chest so I yelled even more. He didn’t hear me, or chose not to so I yelled at the Captain to tell him to back off. He did, then the bell rung I wanted to march right in there and lose my ever loving mind on this kid!!! That proves to me that the school Administration never talked to this kid, because if they did he’d leave my son alone wouldn’t he? I chose to go home with my cranky, tired hungry toddler (lethal combination) in the rain. So now I sit here writing this and I feel like crying, screaming, and cursing. So many people are struggling in this world. Financially, emotionally, and mentally and being empathic I feel it all. My beloved Mom always told me to never fear my tears, because they’re pearls of wisdom. I always loved that saying, and she understood when life got too hard I could have a nice cup of tea, a good cry, and a big laugh and I’d feel better. It’s always been the Irish way. I always admired that way of thinking. It just seemed easier than all the doom and gloom stuff I put myself through.
All’s not well with the world, there’s greedy corporate companies taking instead of giving, syphoning funds from the public sector, a scary threat of the Ebola virus in the US, financial ruin in all walks of life. My heart hurts for the world and I want to help everyone. It’s times like these where I sing that Barenaked Ladies song. 🎶 If I had a million dollars and I think to myself what would I do? I would be a humanitarian, well more than I am now. I’d build houses for the homeless, grow community gardens for the hungry, feed, clothe and shelter the poor and unfortunate. So I’ll start in my little corner of the world, make a donation to the food bank, drop off clothes to the thrift store, and start changing the world in my way one cup of tea at a time.

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