Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Monday Musings-hiding in plain sight

Life has a way of catching up on you without you realizing. Whether you’ve been eating unhealthy, sleep deprived, or skipping out on daily workouts. All the above has happened to me I’ve been dealing with death, disillusionment, and deadlines. It started out as a way to protect my heart, my family, and just not wanting to deal with the sadness of it all. 
I found it difficult to concentrate on anything so I just kept putting my head down and plowing through life. The late night spent reading, researching, and staring at the moon and asking for answers to life’s mysteries has taken their toll. I had to take a backseat as I felt like my emotions were in the drivers seat. I had to share more than I wanted as I walked away from my business, ignored emails, and my accountability fitness group. I protected myself and put my attention  into my family and my passion and dedication to my theatre group. 

This hasn’t been the first time I put my grief on hold. There’s many times when the pain I felt as an emotional reaction and the empathic aftermath of the grief of others has sent me into a tailspin. You wouldn’t know it to look at me. I got up and got my kids off to school, folding my ever flowing laundry baskets, and made my daily phone calls to family and friends to inform them of the sad news. I had to cut of communication with a family member who’s need for greed was too much for me to bear. Yet I continued to pray that their heart and mind would change. Death doesn’t always bring out the best in people. It’s a rude awakening to see it happening right before my eyes and being powerless to change it. 
Every night for eight shows you’d seen me bright and shining on stage with my cast of our pantomime play. I only told three people how I was really feeling and then dry my tears and put my makeup on and carry on. We had boisterous sold out crowds and small appreciative ones who’s interaction with the pantomime play was as entertaining as the acting itself. 
On our final show I was backstage at intermission and everyone was running around signing each other’s programs and making efforts to keep in touch and it struck me like a thunderbolt, that this was my lifeline. These people, the script, costumes, heart to to heart chats whispering back and forth were my way of divinely grieving. I was honouring my loved one by continuing to live! I had dove headfirst into something that gave me a chance to escape and in the process I was healing my heart. I didn’t realize it until I looked around the room and saw those smiling beautiful faces. It thrilled me to have this ephiphany and I wrote something quickly in my notes so I could cherish this moment for always. Today I share it with you and I hope my words bring you some inspiration about finding your passion in life. Thank you never seems like enough to say so to exude those feelings of gratitude is even more special to me. 
  

  
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Today I link up with #Mondaymusings hosted by Richa Singh and Vidya Sury thank you for having me in your linkup today. 

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Writer’s Quotes Wednesdays and #Bewow

Inspiration finds me in the most opportune times. I talk about and study neuroscience as the research captures my fascination. I’m never at a shortage of knowledge or picturesque opportunities for growth as I fill my days with wonderful words from poets, philanthropists, personal development specialists, free thinkers, and listening and sharing with the young and amazing minds of my children. Today is one of those days where the words flow, the ideas form, and creativity is ignited. Thank you for sharing this moment with me today as I submit my meme to Silver Threading and #Bewow linkup. Please follow the link and be inspired yourself. ❤️

  

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Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind

It’s confession time I have been marking the days off on my calendar with a big red X. Three guesses on why I’m doing that? Yes you guessed right if you’re Canadian, it’s back to school time. It’s been a long fun summer but it’s time for pencils, books, and learning the fine art of listening again. 

My oldest son is very excited about this school year and having a new teacher. To ease his anxiety filled mind I requested a meet and greet as soon as school was out. It was wonderful as his teacher is new to the school and that made him feel better knowing that. This year my son is not the new kid on the block and that’s a comforting thought. 

As the bullying he had to endure last year made for a difficult start. I spent so much in the vice principal’s office you would think I was staff! Now this month of August has left us with the last few dog days of summer before school’s in session. I wanted to make this an amazing summer for my kids because last year we were moving. 

I have things up my sleeve planned to surprise them. Yet I have to do this strategically as my oldest doesn’t like surprises and will ask 52 questions before we leave the house. My youngest loves the act of a surprise initially, but with his sensory processing disorder this makes transitions very difficult for him. I load up the kids and my truck and I tell them we’re going on an adventure. Sometimes that’s enough to cause them excitement or for me to be incessantly asked are we there yet? So it ends up working either way the stress of keeping a surprise, organizing my family to leave the house, is either a positive experience or negative one.

 I always prefer it to be the former than the latter, and if it doesn’t work out I at least gave it a try. Sometimes all this thinking wears me out, and I feel like I’m losing my mind! Do you know when you have a dream and you don’t want to wake up because it’s so wonderful than the reality you’re living? Sometimes I have those moments, and other times I feel like I had a dream I didn’t plan on dreaming.

 I don’t know if that makes sense when you’re reading it, but it makes sense to me as my stream of conscious thought keeps unravelling one layer of yarn at a time….

This is my submission to Stream of Conscious Thought I’ve had a brief hiatus from participating so I’m happy to be back to where the thoughts flow and the talent oozes from this creative place. Please check out this haven, and see if you can guess today’s prompt. 😉

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I got my eye on you

I peek out from behind my pillow and I say I can see you peekaboo. And I’m met with the most beautiful smile and infectious laughter. We’ve been playing this game since my son was a baby. It never gets old as I add in puppets, different voices, and stuffed animals to join the party. His favourite thing to do now is put on a puppet show for our family. We sit down on the couch eagerly awaiting whatever joyful exuberance he has woven together. “Ladies and gentleman today we’re here for Mickey’s play house puppet show!” 

 
The happiness I see on his face as he jumps wildly in the air from his mini trampoline fill my heart to the brim. He uses different characters and voices to entertain. How he plays, acts, and draws you in with his cute little voice sounding like a soprano when female, and then low and guttural when he switches characters to masculine. He is living in themoment and you can’t help but get swept up in his love of drama and all things Disney. One moment he’s singing the Hot Dog, hot diggity dog song next he’s singing Let it go at the top of his lungs! My son’s joy is music he lets it fill him up with the tones, lyrics, and rhythm. 

  

   Having fun trying on Dad’s goalie helmet. 😃💛 

He picks out music patterns quicker than any other child his age. Something that his former music teacher was astounded by. It didn’t surprise me though music is a beautiful sensory experience. And one thing my son knows how to do is enjoy any positive sensory experience he can. So peekaboo never gets old as I pop around corners and say “I’ve got my eye on you, peekaboo.” He will pop out the pantry, underneath a blanket, or from behind a couch cushion. He lives for the surprise, joy, and play. He will curl up in my lap and will ask me to sing him a song. I’ll start the first few bars of Twinkle, twinkle and he’ll finish it. I love hearing his sweet gentle voice, that rises and falls, with the flow of the music. 
  

My son will ask me for his favourite tune which he calls the “Yes song.” Most of you know it by Meatloaf’s You took the words right out of my moth. He will sing right along with me, and answer affirmatively when I ask him if he he would offer his throat to the wolf with the red roses. He adores this song and when we go out to do errands he yell “yes song please Mommy!” My son’s love of life and keeping his eye on the wonderful things like puffy clouds that look like dinosaurs, sparkles that act like fairy dust, and whip cream that tickles his nose, when he drinks his hot chocolate. He makes me catch my breath with love and wonder when I see the magic of life through his eyes. 

  
  He constantly teaches me new things when we take a walk and play eye spy with my little eye. He see things that others don’t see eagles nests high up in the trees, and a fish flopping on the rocks trying to make it back into the water. How he can dance circles around the room when he hears a beat that just makes him move and groove fills my heart. He teaches me as much as I teach him at the tender age of almost four. I look into his eyes and see love there and it makes me want to be a better person than I was yesterday. I love him so, and if you’ll excuse me it’s time to play another rousing game of Peek-a-boo I see you.

   
This has been my submission for https://lindaghill.com SOCS please see what she wrote and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 💕 
 

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