Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Gamble

I’ve been living the life of a gambler. I’ve been running on empty for a long time thinking that I can continue this way. I’ve been going on whiffs of exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Reacting strongly with my emotions and easy trigger finger of blame. I have spent more time looking at a bottom of a wine bottle with only tears and rambling writings to show for it. I have spent nights in overwhelming valley and vacationed at heartbreak hotel. I’ve given my power away only to feel like a shell of my former self. 

I have decided enough is enough since my crazy train has run off the rails. I’m taking a gamble on myself and putting myself on my list of priorities. Self care will be my goal each and everyday. I will exercise to walk, run, move my body to feel good. I will get more rest, even if it’s not a lot of sleep. I will find a routine that works for me. I will have fun again as me not just Mom. Where I can laugh, love, find my hobbies that make me happy. I will be with others who share these common interests. I will begin to create again to draw, paint, scrapbook, and craft with my kids and on my own. Art is the way to my heart’s inspiration, love, and light. 

  
Eating well and maintaining a balanced diet of healthy foods will feed my body and nourish my mind. I will be kind to myself, by putting myself first, seeking guidance from my family and friends, and counselling from my therapist. I will get outside and explore my new town and surroundings. I will bask in the fresh air and the sunshine, and get my hands back in the dirt with my love of gardening. I will seek daily ways to relax, not just when the stress is choking me physically and emotionally. I will not gamble with my health and happiness again. I deserve to be fully, completely, safe and comfortable in my skin. 

 I will participate in my yoga practice, keeping mindful with my deep breathing and my temper. I will put my deepest thoughts that aren’t meant to be published in my journal. I will read to fill my mind with beautiful words, my heart with the longing to write my own words to inspire, and my soul with the love of making those chapters part of my being. And when the world is too much for me to handle I will sink into my loves arms and find my solace and believe in myself again. I vow to make my self care an integral part of me that it won’t be a chore, a list of demands to meet, it will be my gift to me. 

This has been my submission to More Than Cheese and Beer please check out her anonymous Sunday confessions and all the talent who link up. Thank you. ❤️

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My one year of finding myself

Today is my one year blogging anniversary. It’s also the 23 rd year of my Grandpa’s death. I still remember it like it was yesterday the second man I’ve ever loved, besides my Daddy. I grew up being fascinated, perplexed, and adoring my Grandpa. He always told me I was a little girl with a big voice. I still remember how proud he was to hold me in his arms. I was the last of his daughters children. And there I lay bundled up in my pinkness in his arms. He always told me I could do anything I set my mind to. And now that little girl has grown up to have children of my own. When I started out on this blogging journey I really didn’t know what to expect. I went from blogging once a month when the thought moved me to write, to blogging once a day sometimes twice a day!!! I have always had a love of writing since an early age. I remember being 6 years old and learning how to read. Back then we were read to but weren’t expected to know actual words. My Grade 1 teacher Mrs. Bossio, opened up a magical world to me when she helped me learn to read. I would sit at my desk and look up at her with wonder as she made Dick, Jane, Sally, and Spot’s world come to life. And when I discovered I could put those letters into words and read those adventures myself I was hooked. By the time I was in Grade 3 I was an avid reader and was reading by the dozen out of the Silent Reading Assisted box. I was also an advanced reader so I helped tutor kids who needed it. I was also writing stories getting lost in the adventures of my characters. So I started and never looked back, over the years I collaborated on story writing with my Mom. And when I got into high school I tried my hand at poetry. I have stacks of journals, papers, notes of my writing and scribbles. I have boxes of duo tangs, binders, and books of stories and poems I’ve written over the years. Will any of these stories ever make it into print? I don’t know I may share them here, or get up enough courage to finish them off and submit them somewhere. What I didn’t expect after joining WordPress was how much I’ve grown, learned, and changed as a writer, person, and a parent. I didn’t know that I would find such an incredible, supportive, generous, community in WordPress land. So many other bloggers that have laughed with me, cried with me, and understood me better than my own family!!! I’ve gathered a following, come across your reader, and garnered some attention and likes. I didn’t expect to have late night conversations that made me smile, giggle, and feel philosophical, when I felt so lonely in my personal life. Today I say thank you to everyone who has read, shared, commented, and followed along on my journey. Here I am one year later, and finding my way back to myself one story at a time. Smooches and warm and fuzzy hugs to you all. You make my grateful heart super happy. 😍😘❤️

*Image used with permission from http://bravegirlsclub.com.

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