Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Ten Things of Thankful-Feeling prayful

There are times in life when some things just don’t make any sense. Death for one isn’t something I can fathom. Whether a loved one is young or old, natural causes or sudden tragedies it tears at my empathic heart. My husband and I recently lost a friend this week. The sadness overtakes me as this special soul leaves behind a beautiful, caring wife and three amazing kids. I think about the last conversation we had, the laughter, the reminiscing, the hugs of let’s keep in touch. Just when I start to ride a grief wave another loss happens, and I’m threatened to be pulled under by the melancholy cloud of darkness. I don’t think I’m supposed to understand death I’ve lost too many people to count in the last ten years. I’m beginning to believe that I’m just supposed to survive the affects of death and keep learning and appreciating the life lessons I’m taught. I will now begin to attempt to find some thankfuls as part of Lizzi’s TTOT linkup and glean a silver lining in a dark cloud. 

I’m thankful that even though it’s been a difficult week my husband has been able to talk about his feelings. He attended his childhood friends funeral while I attended an appointment. He told me it was good to see old friends and there’s comfort in knowing how many turned out for the sad day and how loved our friend was. 

I’m thankful that I kept my head and my heart busy with baking, walks in the sunshine, and movie time cuddles. My oldest (Captain) went with his Dad and spent time with family. The youngest (Mad dog) stayed home with me and enjoyed having me all to himself. 

I’m thankful that my Mad dog is making great progress with his behavioural aid sessions. His fine motor skills are improving so next we will continue working on having him sit for longer periods at circle time. It’s a large part of preschool and kindergarten and I want to prepare him for when he attends his new school. I’m so proud of his accomplishments in the last six months. ❤️

I’m thankful that I had silly, sweet, text conversations with my Captain while he was traveling with his Dad. We chatted from everything about wrestling (he’s a John Cena and Shane McMahon fan), Donald Trump versus the world, and how he wants to surprise his brother with the best beef jerky on the planet. I sure love my son and his creative mind! ❤️

I’m thankful for healthy meals, daily exercise, and relaxing in my hot tub with my family. When I have these things in my life everything just flows better and I feel so happy and loved. My fitness journey is ongoing and I strive to grow stronger in mind and body everyday. 

I’m thankful for catching up on housework, the dreaded laundry monster, and enjoying some beautiful summer weather. My moods are really tied to how much vitamin D I’m getting so the sunshine’s my elixir in life. 

I’m thankful for earth day this week. My Mad dog and I went for a walk by the river with his behavioural aid. We skipped stones jumped from rock to rock and took in the beauty and appreciation of our home. I’m grateful for the fresh clean water, the plants and trees providing me with oxygen and the flowers blooming and letting me enjoy their fragrance and aromatherapy. 

I’m thankful for reading, writing, and accomplishing my work tasks. I still have a few things to catch up on but I’m crossing things off my list and that’s a win/win in my world. Organization has never been my strong suit but as I see my piles of clutter becoming less I feel more in control of the direction I’m taking. It’s the old adage “cluttered space equals a cluttered mind.”

I’m thankful that I was able to apply that mindfulness to eliminating my digital and online clutter as well. Now that I’ve deleted data, cleaned up email accounts, and uploaded pictures onto my computer my phone/office is running at the speed of light! It’s amazing what a good feeling of satisfaction that can generate. 

I’m thankful for late night cuddles when my son can’t sleep. Late night talks and tuck ins when they miss me when it’s time to go to sleep. I’m getting to a point now where they don’t need me as much, especially my Captain. It’s so rewarding to see them growing and discovering the world and still wanting me by their side to chat about life and it’s mysteries. 

I’m thankful we had a successful follow up appointment with my youngest son’s sleep specialist. Since his diagnosis of autism in February and asthma in March we’re solving more health mysteries. The asthma medication has improved his breathing and shrunk his tonsils so much she doesn’t think he needs surgery! Now I will push for the MRI and see what’s going on inside his brain in regards to where the sleep apnea is originating from. Central sleep apnea is a a very serious condition-whereas the brain isn’t communicating with the heart and lungs about getting sufficient oxygen intake. Knowing my son is safe, breathing and sleeping properly is an answer to my prayers. Thank you to all you sweet souls who have expressed concern, said prayers, and empathized with us on this long, sleep deprived journey. This is the best outcome and update I could ever hope and pray for! I’m so thankful to God for these blessings. 💖

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Ten things of Thankful

I’m thankful but tired, I’m grateful but overwhelmed, I’m appreciative yet introspective. So I’ll roll it all into another quick post where  I’m plagued with insomnia and worry. One thing I’ve learned is there is always, always, something to be thankful for. I’m sharing today with my thankful hosts with Lizzi’s Ten Things of Thankful linkup

I’m thankful for a warm cozy bed, and the moonlight that keeps me company when I can’t sleep. 

I’m thankful for spending the weekend with my family on a hockey road trip. There was laugher, excitement, outbursts, and even tears. But must of all there’s always so much love. 

I’m thankful for naps when I’m exhausted and time to soak in my hot tub when I’m pent up with nervous energy. 

I’m thankful for old friendships that stand the test of time, space, distance, mutual respect and love for one another. 

I’m thankful for pain killers, heat packs, chiropractor visits and finally relaxing when I’m stressed. 

I’m thankful for cuddles with my kids, the love of my husband, and wine and chocolate shared with great company. 

I’m thankful for my love of the written word, being in love with books, and working on my novel daily. 

I’m thankful for deadlines met, assignments conpleted, and discovering how I thrive under pressure. 

I’m thankful for the love of music when it can lift me up to great heights when I feel my heart crashing to the earth with worry and strife. 

I’m thankful for the gift of time to heal my wounds, patience to learn from my mistakes, and the love and my believe in myself to conquer my fears. 

  

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Ten Things of Thankful

  
This is going to be a fast and furiously typed post because I have less than 30 minutes before the linkup expires with the TTOT linkup group. I missed last week as I couldn’t find the link and really the week went by in a blur I didn’t even realize it was Sunday! Have you had that kind of thing when you’ve been “catfished” into thinking it was certain day and it really wasn’t? Well as you ponder that thought I’ll get on with my thankfuls. 
I’m thankful that the week went swimmingly well and I did less complaining than I have in a long time. 

I’m thankful that I have a group I’m part of where we share our Facebook posts about learning what’s a lesson and what’s a blessing. It’s made me see the course of my day in a whole different and enlightening way. If you’d like to join up just put the #lessonsandblessings on your social media posts. 

 I’m thankful for a wonderful 10 year anniversary celebration with my dear husband. ❤️

I’m thankful I was able to pull off a big surprise of a seafood buffet and a concert plus surprising my love with cake and balloons at his work. 😃

  
I’m thankful for an amazing evening spent rocking out with the band Trooper. Who after 40 years our still providing an entertaining, fun, and rocking experience all across Canada. 😃🍁❤️

  

I’m thankful for a magical night of love, laughter, and dancing with my love. We felt so carefree and had never gone out to celebrate our anniversary alone before. 

  
   
I’m thankful for our amazing sitter and her lovely dog who looked after our kids and had a blast with them. 

I’m thankful for getting to experience the Super moon lunar eclipse. Although it was cloudy I knew there was magic happening behind those clouds. I was fortunate enough to watch a live newsfeed that was streaming from the east coast. 

  
I’m thankful for all the pictures and video that was shared of the eclipse. Even though my view wasn’t clear I kept thinking how we’re all connected throughout the world by looking at the same moon. 😊🌕🌟

  
I’m thankful for the love of my family and friends. Who no matter what calamity I’m facing in life they are there with their empowering hearts, minds, and always all encompassing love. 💞

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Ten Things of Thankful

It’s been a busy and fun week with the end of school and all the exciting things for my son’s to do. I’m thankful I can share them here with you today. 

1. I’m thankful for the friends I made in the parenting support group I attended. It was so wonderful to get to know and bond with them through our parenting experiences. 💓

2. I’m thankful for the last day of school and sharing ice cream with my kids on a hot day. The look on their  happy faces was enough to put up with the boob sweat that accumulated with sitting in the sun. 🍦

3. I’m thankful for late night movie nights on Friday’s and cuddles with my  family in my big king sized bed. 💞

4. I’m thankful for sleeping in on Saturdays when I’m up late on Friday’s. Even my kids slept in and weren’t my 8:00 am wake up call. 🌞

5. I’m thankful for a clean home, fresh smelling laundry, and frozen ice cream from my brand new fridge! 💃

6. I’m thankful for beers, BBQ’s, and my boys giggling and having a water gun fight. 😜

7. I’m thankful for strangers who’ve become friends, and friends who’ve become family. It makes the world a less lonely place when you find your tribe. 😊

8. I’m thankful for my son’s amazing report card that he brought home this week. I’m so proud he’s gone from being bullied in the beginning year to being very well liked and respected at the end. ❤️

9. I’m thankful for love, laughter, hugs, and compassion. Like the Beatles said all we need is love. 🎶💖

10. I’m thankful for fresh baked pies, book club, and discussing a funny book. It feels so good to have something I love and cherish in my life again. 😃

This has been my contribution to the Ten Things of Thankful (TTOT) linkup with Lizzi and her wonderful tribe. Please come check up the shiny happy people that inspire me each week. ❤️
  

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Pull

I find I’m struggling with myself lately. I’m feeling this pull to my past. Where I felt really happy I had a great group of friends I saw daily. I didn’t feel lonely or shut in like I do now. I had my respite worker recently say I needed people. I know she was right, but that didn’t make me like less of a loser. I feel so pulled to my old life where I knew who I could call, count on, and have my back. Now I try to navigate a new town and new people feeling so unsure of myself. I’ve never had trouble making friends but I don’t know this time around I do.

I need to pull myself up by the bootstraps and just keep trying. Having children with special needs doesn’t always open the door to having friendships. I’m afraid of taking my son to a playgroup and he reacts to too much noise and stimulus. Or if he’s sensory seeking and he gets to aggressive with another child. The times I’ve gone I’ve sat on the edge of my seat drinking my tea, and waiting and watching. I find the pull of my friendships and lamenting that I haven’t found a group. I have a few friends and they lead very busy lives.

So I connect with them when it works with their schedules. I don’t complain, I don’t demand, but I do cry silently at night when everyone else is asleep. With that pull from my heart I have to decide if I’m going to stay stuck in my past, or push myself forward with my future. I’ve been attending a support group and its been helping. I’m hoping to connect and get to know some parents there as we walk the same path with our children. I find more and more each day I have to resist that pull and push myself towards my future.

With that push I’m hoping to gain some more confidence in myself. I have a dilemma with my online life colliding with my reality. Online I’m admired, respected, appreciated, and yes even loved. I’m told I’m beautiful, brilliant, talented, and yes even funny. In my reality I struggle with being social. I have children with special needs. I have to keep them calm, regulated, and comfortable in their surroundings. If I don’t there’s hell to pay. Not to many know my struggles. And honestly I don’t ask for pity just a kind word, an invitation, a smile or a hug.

I don’t ask to impose on people’s lives but maybe just maybe I shouldn’t have blogged about this. Because honestly reading it back makes me sound quite pathetic. I have hid in my online world that makes me feel whole. Today I chose to be brave and put it out here because this is, what is is. My online world meeting my reality, the whole ugly, beautiful, poignant truth of it. Written by me a lonely, heartbroken soul just looking for a friend to understand. I have to pull myself out of my self imposed depression. I’m starting with baby steps and going to attend a playgroup geared towards children with special needs.

I’ve been in denial that it’s what my son needed but no Mom is an island. And the potty training blues have gotten me down and I’ve been stuck inside the house for too long. So time to pull up my big girl sexy panties and get this social thing on the go. No one is an island we all need inhabitants to create some sort of bond, a family.

This has been my submission to Ash’s Sunday confession from http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her brilliance, anonymous confessions, and all the other talent that link up. Thank you for reading my blog today.

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