Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. โค๏ธ

Friday’s Feats and Fails

  
Easter weekend is upon us and I’m excited. I always look forward to Easter and all the fun extravaganza of the Easter bunny’s arrival and seeing my son’s excitement. It’s the only time I allow chocolate before breakfast or even candy for breakfast! Well let’s get to the good stuff have a wonderful Easter. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

FEAT

I had a really relaxing weekend my husband let me sleep in Sunday and then I spent the morning beta reading. Then we switched off and he napped, while the kids played hockey in the backyard and I started a marathon of the Outlander on tv! Oh my gosh I’m so hooked on it I have to start reading the books!!! Oh be still my Celtic heart. โค๏ธ I was very fortunate to be a guest post on the http://thehappylifeaholic.wordpress.com

She’s an amazing and inspiring woman and I feel blessed that she gave me that honour. You can see my interview here: https://happylifeaholic.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/thl-interview-jeanine-lebsack/ 

And my blog post here:

https://happylifeaholic.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/thl-guest-post-jeanine-lebsack-my-pursuit-of-happiness/
 

  
FAIL

Due to my beta reading I got a little behind on my housework so I had to do a mad scramble before my Mad dog’s birthday party. It was ok though because overflowing laundry baskets can always be stuffed in a closet. ๐Ÿ˜‰ My husband helped me by vacuuming and I quickly tidied, organized toys, and bedrooms, and made up the goodie bags. It’s so wonderful when we work as a team, I feel less overwhelmed when I have his support. 

FEAT

My husband and I pulled off a great party for our little four year old. We weren’t sure how well things would go because four of the guests were sick and unable to attend. So the two other kids (brothers) showed up with their Mom. It was a wonderful day as the kids are close in age and my husband and I enjoyed getting to know their Mom. It was a blast while the kids played, snacked, and we had a yummy Thomas cake to dive in. 

 

Our birthday boy and his cake face. ๐Ÿ˜˜โค๏ธ


 

This cake was so delicious. ๐Ÿ˜‹


FEAT

It’s been a short school week so I’ve got all the laundry baskets folded and put away except for two. I’ve been getting the kids to help me more so I feel better about that. My youngest enjoys helping me, while the oldest grumbles but if wants screen time certain chores have to be done. I was able to have a nice visit with my in-laws as they were just passing through and stayed the night. Once again my house is always at its cleanest an hour before company comes. So we had Chinese food, relaxed and had a few cocktails while the kids entertained us. I took my Captain out of school early and then took him to an appointment to meet the infant and adolescent psychiatrist. He took him for the first half of the visit and then we went in towards the end. My Captain really liked this therapist and said he’d love to go back to see him. He doesn’t think there’s a need for my oldest son to start medication and will write up a report for our paediatrician saying so. I left there feeling like I was on cloud nine finally someone that understood that not every issue in children needs to be medicated. I recognize it’s needed in some cases as well as therapy so I wasn’t completely opposed to it.  Im happy to say that we’ll continue doing what we’re doing with managing his anxiety and getting the school to fill out paperwork to help him with his sensory needs there. 

  
So that brings us to the  weekend of TGIF day so I send you Easter blessings  to you all. Hug your loved ones close, and remember the reason for the season. Thank you for stopping by now it’s time to link up with me and More Than Cheese and Beer and let us know how your week was. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฐ๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿฃ

Link up time!

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Friday Feats and Failsย 

Hello Friday where have you been? I’ve been searching for you since Monday and couldn’t find you. Whenever you show it up its so wonderful and when you leave I’m so sad. Let’s enjoy the time we have together before another twenty four hour day comes and whisks you away.

FEAT 

I had a great weekend wrap up to my Captain’s hockey season. On the Saturday it was the Dad’s versus the kids game. My husband was the goalie for the kids side. Every time one of them scored he skated to the blue line and high fived them. The Captain loved playing hockey with his Dad, and  I could see and feel his pride. *Sigh* how I love that man with all my heart. โค๏ธ On Sunday we had a wind up party at the pool. We swam, soaked, dived, played, and slid on the waterslide. It was an absolute blast, I even ran into an old work friend I hadn’t seen in ten years!!!  A great day shared with great company. I can’t wait till the next hockey season. Now onto to decide what the next sport will be. Soccer, baseball, golf, or lacrosse. The choices are endless in the big city!

FAIL

I had to deal with some confusion in regards to my youngest son’s health journey. I applied for finding through my province and received back a letter stating I didn’t have enough medical information. So I contacted my Paediatrician to ask her help. She got very ignorant with me and told me she couldn’t give me a diagnostic letter. I told her I wasn’t asking for that, I was asking for her to write up a letter stating that she made referrals to the children’s hospital. She said she put the referrals in and I needed to be patient and wait and get a diagnostic letter from the neuropsychologists. I responded I don’t want to wait I’m only going to be a case file till the end of May and I’ll have to apply again! She responded with more ignorance and said she could write me up a letter but it’s not covered by my insurance. I just need something that says she’s tested my child and the referrals are going through for more tests. So that will be $100 dollars for two letters ugh I’ve never wanted to throat punch someone so badly before! ๐Ÿ˜ก

FEAT

Ive managed to keep my house fairly clean and get out and enjoy some beautiful spring weather. I also did a meet and greet in town where I didn’t know a soul. I even made some new friends and I went to geocaching three times this week. I love treasure hunting and finding little treasures its so much fun. My kids love it too, especially my youngest as he adds new treasures to his collection. ๐Ÿ˜Š

FAIL

I managed to have ten clean laundry baskets throughout the week so yay me!!! I have four folded, three put away, and three to be folded. I’m totally owned by my bitch laundry. It’s just easier to light a match and walk away. Either that and walk around naked, I’d probably have to invent some creative excuse as to why I was. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I wish I had this sink , I’d spend a lot more time in my laundry room. ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿท

FEAT

I was brave this week I stood up for my beliefs and didn’t allow the professionals to dictate to me what I was thinking or saying. I resisted the urge to throat punch bitches, and pushed back when I felt cornered. I crossed my hurdle and started seeing a therapist. I wrote from my heart even though it pained me. It was for the #1000 speak compassion movement called building from bullying. I verbally puked that story out of me as I wrote about my experience of being bullied for a year in high school. I’ve been so fortunate to have it published on the http://www.originalbunkerpunks.com. And my lovely friend bought me a t-shirt to celebrate. I made some new friends and connected with old ones. If you look up in the dictionary for the definition of brave you’ll find my picture. I’ve also been blessed to be nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award from the fabulous https://one mothertoanother.com.  I also guest blogged for https://happylifeaholic.com. My 1000 speak story can be read here 

http://wp.me/p46h5g-kO

My guest post can be read here

https://happylifeaholic.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/thl-guest-post-jeanine-lebsack-my-pursuit-of-happiness/

 

Rocking my new OBP t-shirt. ๐Ÿ˜ƒโค๏ธ

FAIL

I’ve been fortunate to be co-host this segment Friday’s Feats and Fails recently with the lovely http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. And my big fail is not getting my link up in time and to share and promote within social media. I have no excuse but to say I got so busy with trying to complete a book review project, planning my Mad dog’s birthday party, and ran out of time and sleep doing all the above!!! I haven’t been a very good sister and I’ve needed to make apologies for that. I’ve judged a friend harshly for the decisions she’s made, and with zero patience left in my bucket I’ve yelled at my kids, husband, and anyone else who pissed me off.๐Ÿ˜ฃ

FEAT

 I took a personal day on Wednesday and read all day. I of course parented and enjoyed myself immensely. I need to have more days like that. I was reading the sequel anthology to I just want to pee alone. Oh my sides still ache from laughing and my eyes are red and swollen from crying. Funny, touching, hilarious, and a much needed feel good book. You can read my reviews over at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Special thanks to the awesome http://www.tracyontherocks.com who’s featured in this fabulous book for this wonderful opportunity. Please check out her latest blog post that has the links to all of the lovely Jen Mann books. ๐Ÿ˜˜โค๏ธ

 

I want to be in the next group with these amazing, funny, talented, group of writers! I’m fangirl crushing on all of them. โค๏ธ


*Update*

My cousin and her family have been home from the hospital for a week tomorrow. Amazing Grace has been growing well, putting on weight, catching up on sleep, and doing so incredible. Thank you to everyone for sharing/contributing to the Go fund me. All the proceeds will go to providing whatever services, and baby supplies that Grace will needed. And thank you to everyone for all your prayers and support. My family is so grateful for all the kindness bestowed on their precious baby girl. ๐Ÿ’–

It’s link up time tell me how your week was. ๐Ÿ’ž

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Friday’s Feats and Fails

Hello Friday where have you been all week? I have been waiting all week for today. I look forward to relaxing with my family and since my Netflix is still MIA I’ve bought a couple more movies. I wish I could figure out how to fix it. So now I have to take the time to contact the company and see if they can help me. I’ve banned my children from touching the remote controls so when I do get this resolved it won’t happen again. Well enough about that let’s chat about my week.

FEAT

Last weekend was a fun skating day at the Captain’s arena and he had fun shooting slap shots with his team mates. We had a relaxing Sunday of playing, reading, writing, and movie watching. On Monday I had a great meeting and managed to cross a few things off my giant to do list. Then on Tuesday I had respite and I did some shopping and got my hair done. It was four months of growth and it was a relief to see it gone! My bangs were eight inches long and I had zero style, except wearing an awesome hat. Who would’ve thought that all that hair was weighing down my spirit?!

 

A before and after picture of my hair cut. I felt so great I could’ve bench pressed a Buick.! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

FAIL

Laundry, laundry, laundry, I believe that’s enough said. I got five loads folded and still need to put away. Now there’s another five waiting in the wings. My friends is their life after laundry? I would say yes, but I’ve been to park everyday this week to provide fun and OT to my Mad dog. It’s been great enjoying the sunshine but nothing is getting done. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

FEAT

My cousin and her family got amazing news and were able to go home this week. Little Amazing Grace is off the bottle and completely breastfeeding. She was released from the hospital on the Sunday weighing 4 lbs, 4 oz. and after being home for five days she’s already up to her birth weight of 4 lbs, 11 oz!!! Her cardiologist appointment showed nothing wrong with her heart, and the Doctor’s are impressed with her feeding. For a baby that had the odds stacked against her and specialists were foreseeing what she could and couldn’t do, she is not only surviving she is thriving!!! Amazing Grace is a testament to the human spirit, of never giving up. The doctor’s can never predict that capacity of strength or the love that heals.  I look forward to the updates on Facebook and recently there’s been a Go fund me account set up for all the services that Amazing Grace will need. Such as occupational therapy, physical therapy, and speech and language therapy. As well as what’s needed for her daily baby needs. Thank you for all your love, support, and prayers. My cousin and her fiancรฉ are appreciative of all the love shown to their precious Amazing Grace. ๐Ÿ’–

http://www.gofundme.com/opkm0c?fb_action_ids=10152571310411792&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=undefined&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%5B844632275573762%5D&action_type_map=%5B%22og.shares%22%5D&action_ref_map=%5B%22undefined%22%5D

 

Amazing baby Grace day 1 in the hospital๐Ÿ’–

 

Baby Amazing Grace sleeping peacefully at home in her crib. I love her so much. ๐Ÿ’—

FAIL

I haven’t had a lot of sleep lately, so many things on my mind and the fear of the unknown can keep me awake. I know I can’t control the future and it doesn’t make sense to worry about it. But I’m just a overwhelmed Mom that gets scared sometimes and my banged up, bruised, bandaged, heart shows through. With the sleep deprivation and exhaustion setting in my patience bucket starts to empty. I had a long day yesterday and I just wanted to make the Captain’s lunch, and watch my Grey’s Anatomy. I’m a fanatic about that show and I never miss it. After picking me up from the city and getting home late my kids were still up and hyper. I finally got them to bed at 9 pm. Not usually there bed time so they were over tired and getting their second wind. I went downstairs and got ready to watch tv and then I couldn’t find the remote. DVD’s without any cases were strewn about, popcorn, and granola bars wrappers everywhere; andit looked like it puked Toys R Us!!! I started yelling, cursing, and cleaning. Which caused everyone to get upset and then my husband found the remote and set up the tv for me. I appreciated his help especially after my verbal tirade. So I finally relaxed and decompressed while watching some TV. Welcome to life in my world, where we roll with the punches and I donate to my swear jar daily.

 

Did Derek cheat on Meredith? Or did these lovely ladies just hear me swearing? โ˜บ๏ธ

 

Even when we think we know the future even for a second it changes. Assuming the worst can happen, or we step forward into the unknown and assume it will be brilliant. -Christina Yang (actress Sandra Oh)

 

I really hope that these two will make their long distance work? ๐Ÿ’ž

FEAT

Yesterday I did some fundraising for my theatre group at the casino. I put in a long nine hour day there and got to know some more people, and secrets were shared in what I dubbed “the cage of truth.” I hadn’t seen anyone since December at our last performance so there were happy hugs and hellos exchanged. This was all positive and just what I needed to lift my spirits. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

So he we are back at Friday again that’s my week in review. How was yours? It’s time to link up with me and the lovely Ash from More Than Cheese and Beer. โค๏ธ

Link Up Here:

 An InLinkz Link-up

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Fridays Feats and Fails

It’s Friday one day closer to the weekend and wow what a week it’s been!!! I’m excited to share it with you. So let’s get to it shall we? I’m so happy and honoured to be co-hosting Friday’s Feats and Fails with the awesome Ash from http://www.morethancheeseandbeer. This is a new adventure for me so I feel giddy with excitement. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ƒ

FEAT-Amazing Grace

My beautiful cousin brought her baby into the world and I haven’t stopped crying since! Amazing Grace was diagnosed in utero as having mosaic triploidy. According to Wikipedia.org research Triploid syndrome is an extremely rare chromosomal disorder. Individuals with triploid syndrome have three of every chromosome, i.e. a total of sixty-nine rather than the normal forty-six chromosomes. There are only sixty recorded cases across the world. Thanks to the research I found on http://www.mommiesofmiracles.com I’m understanding a lot more. These children are blessings, and although there genetically different abled, they are beautiful gifts to the world. 

A Mother’s Love ๐Ÿ’—

Amazing Grace was brought into the world on Tues, March. 10 th at 6:04 am she had a healthy delivery and Mom and baby have been doing well. Grace had a defect with her heart diagnosed in utero and no one has known how long she would be earth side. After receiving a heart scan yesterday my cousin was happy to report this morning, that there are NO signs of the defect!!! God is creating miracles for my family daily as Amazing Grace has been defeating the odds against her since her conception. Just yesterday she opened up her eyes for the first time her Uncle held her. Oh and what a beautiful moment that was!  There has been an amazing photographer that has been capturing Grace’s journey with her Mom and Dad. All images are by Love by Krista Evans Photography and she and my cousin have allowed me to share them with you today. ๐Ÿ’•

A Father’s Love โค๏ธ

I read all the updates eagerly each moment that my cousin posts them. Today Grace will have a brain scan as she was also diagnosed with agenisus of corpus callosum. According to research from Wikipedia.org (ACC) is a rare birth defect (congenital disorder) in which there is a complete or partial absence of the corpus callosum. It occurs when the corpus callosum, the band of white matter connecting the two hemispheres in the brain, fails to develop normally, typically during pregnancy. 

Amazing Grace is being tested and evaluated in preparation to going home! She’s  classified as a strong baby, despite the disorders and her early arrival of eight days before her due date. The amount of love and prayers that are surrounding Grace and her parents is incredible! Thanks to Krista at Love by Krista Evans Photography 12,000 people have seen my family’s pictures. To me that means that 12,000 people are joining in prayer power! You can view Krista’s amazing body of work here:

https://www.facebook.com/lovebykristaevansphotography


The love, pride, and powerful energy emanating from this family fills my heart to the brim. ๐Ÿ’–

FAIL

I’ve been keeping as positive as I can considering how precious life really is. And my own son has to undergo genetic testing for Fragile X and ASD. According to Wikipedia.org Fragile X  is a genetic syndrome. Nearly half of all children with fragile X syndrome meet the criteria for a diagnosis of autism.[1] It is an inherited cause of intellectual disability especially among boys. It results in a spectrum of intellectual disabilities ranging from mild to severe as well as physical characteristics. I’ve had my moments when I’ve dissolved into tears, yelled, cursed, and locked myself away in my pity party of one.

My incredible family has shown me I can have those moments but I just can’t unpack and live there. So other than not cleaning since last weekend, not keeping up with folding my laundry as that relentless bitch is owning me. I’ve been enjoying the sunshine, adventuring with my kids, and counting my blessings. And really appreciating the miracles in life like Amazing Grace’s journey with her phenomenal parents. The strength they’ve shown has been remarkable. In my cousins words to prepare for a life half way through pregnancy, then a possible death, back to preparing for her baby’s life is an extraordinary blessing. I know God will continue to watch over and bless them as they are all miracles of the heart.  ๐Ÿ’ž

Amazing Grace.๐Ÿ’–

FEAT

My Captain’s hockey play off round ended for him last Saturday. It was a disappointing loss with some questionable referee calls that ended in a 2-1 loss. It was an exciting game, but I’ll be honest and say this part of being a hockey Mom really sucks. It was so hard to see those disappointed expressions on those sweet children’s faces. They played a great game though and they still have their practices, parents against the kids game, and windup party to look forward too. It was Father son time the next day as my husband took our Captain to work. They both looked so handsome as they dressed up in a shirt and tie. I haven’t seen my son dressed up since his first communion last year. It struck me how fast he’s growing up! I’m so proud of his accomplishments on and off the ice. โค๏ธ

I have so much pride for my Captain and his team. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

We also had a major accomplishment as my little Mad dog and I attended the play group specifically for children with special needs. He loved it there as it was fun and manageable with a small group of kids. The most touching moment was when my son thanked me for his happy. I was in awe of him and his gift of understanding in the moment. After the group we attended the indoor playground and he did very well being around more children and some noise. We were both happy to nap when we got home. ๐Ÿ˜ด

“Thank you for my happy Mommy.”

So here we are back to Friday and since our Netflix is M.I.A. due to Mad dog resetting all the information we’ll be watching movies. My wonderful husband picked up Night at the Museum for family movie night and Mocking Jay Part 1 for after they go to bed. Thank you for being here today and please check out everyone else’s post who links up today. ๐Ÿ’•

That’s my Friday’s Feats and Fails how’s your week been?

This is going to be an amazing weekend of watching the currents and the classics. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐ŸŽ‰


It’s link up time! Don’t mind the HTML code I couldn’t convert it back to text just click on the link below that say inlinkz. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Ready, set, go!ย 

I have so much to do and I’m already overwhelmed thinking about it. I have never ending overflowing laundry baskets and I’m totally my laundry room’s bitch for the past two weeks. I’ve got a wicker basket full of stuff I need to do, and the paperwork monster is threatening to grab me in a choke hold till I cry uncle! I know I can take things one day at a time but it’s my brain that never shuts that doesn’t get that message. 

Last week I had a meeting with my respite worker she asked me if I was a list person. I replied yes I love making lists, a lot of my blog topics start out that way. She asked me to write things out instead of using my notes app. So I did and it’s amazing how something so simple, can be so affective. Today I made another list and each day I cross off my accomplishments. It feels good to see that I’m taking care of things, but my overwhelm is with all the things I still need to do. It’s easy for me  to dispense out advice to friends and say look after your priorities and the housework will be there tomorrow. Like death and taxes laundry will always be something you can count on happening. 

I feel like I’m at the start of the race and I’m waiting for someone to be standing there with a pistol saying ready, set, go and I’m off like I’m lit on fire when I hear that shot go off! On one side of me is my calendar jammed with appointments, and on the other is my phone loaded up with texts, emails, and blog topics I need to return and write. At times we’re neck in neck and I literally feel the sweat pouring down my brow. Then I’m wiping it, dying of thirst, and I fall behind and struggle to keep up. 

There are many phone calls to be made, test results to track down, letters to be written, paperwork to be signed, and faxed. I’ve literally been held paralyzed with anxiety that I have to complete all the things and do it record time. The finish line appears to be so far away and my eyes are getting blurry as exhaustion starts to overtake me. Must be the fact I’m dehydrated and in need of something to quench my thirst. And that pesky cataract starts to bother me when I’m tired. So I start veering off the track and daydreaming while I can scarcely see my opponents in the distance. My vision doubles and I start to yearn for my couch. 

There I can have my fuzzy blanket and security while watching Lawrence of Arabia and enjoy eating a bowl of ice cream. This parenting gig can be hard at times. Add in a list of objectives, goals, and lists and you’ve got another job. Sometimes I just want to say &@@@ it and leave for someone else to do. But if I do that then my children won’t get the services they desperately need. I can’t miss out on that, no matter how mentally, emotionally, and physically, exhausted I am. It’s not fair to them or to me if I fail, there’s a lot of resources and a lot of families in need as well. The autism journey can be a bumpy one at the best and worst of times. I’m learning new terminology everyday and as my brother says ATL’s (another three lettered acronym). 

He told me that last week and I laughed so hard, for about fifteen minutes as my life has become all about the letters. When will it all begin, when I’m assessed for funding, get a case worker assigned to me, or get a therapy team in place. There will be more people joining our small circle, lots of transitions, more appointments, and more trips into the city. I will be requesting a lot of home visits in the beginning. Getting my youngest son prepared for these upcoming changes and strangers in our reclusive world. This is never easy and I can use all the PECS (Picture Example Cards) available, but if he has anxiety about it all it’s just not going to happen. 

I honestly don’t know what to expect from branching out into this new world of programs, people, and personalities. I’m thinking as positively as I can and preparing and educating myself as well. So off I go into the sunset leaving worn out ideas, speculations, and false truths behind. From now on its facts, concrete results, and verified diagnosis’s that will matter. I owe it to my children to get them all the help I can. And I owe it to myself to know and believe this age old wisdom from Yoda. That little green guy’s wisdom has touched my life with its simple but gifted advice more times than I can count. Special thanks to http://lindaghill.com for the writing prompt. I couldn’t think of anything to use it for till now. It’s funny  how I just looked at this picture and words started flowing. Green man wisdom for the win!

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My futureย 

I cast my eyes forward watching and waiting with great anticipation.

What by chance do I see waiting and watching on the edge of the precipice?

Do I see hope on the horizon, faith in myself, or disaster looming ahead?

It all depends on my point of view how comfortable I feel in my skin. 

Thinking positively I see help, support, and advice. 

Thinking negatively will lead me to feeling exposed, vulnerable, and protective. 

Will I let down my barriers and allow goodness to pour forth?

Like wine, songs, and poetry enjoyed on a dark night with the moon looming above. 

I hope to conquer my fears and rise up to my challenges. 

Instead of cowering into the mysterious passages of my mind. 

Every soul carries a mystery and misery to their name and sometimes it’s revealed or hidden for all of time. 

I must learn that my heart is still intact even while the words spew forth, like a geyser emptying its contents from the earth. 

It is here where I sit, my mind contemplating, then upright and pacing my heart racing. 

This newness, this peacefulness, this soul’s rebirth. 

This is my attempt at a sonnet, for my Writing 201 Poetry. I pray that this poem won’t have Shakespeare rolling over in his grave with discontent. The prompt is future, the form is sonnet, and the device is chiasmus. 

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Space

I need some space, so I can read, write think, and sleep for more than five hours a night! I fantasize about checking into a five star hotel and doing exactly that! I love my family and my friends but sometimes I just need to get away and let my creative ideas flow. I’ve always liked having my late nights.

When everyone else sleeps I’m at my best in the midnight hour. I weave stories, ideas, and thoughts into conduits from my past to tell my tales. Then the darkness starts to turn to light and I head to my bed only to sleep for moments. Then the glaring light of reality rears its ugly head and I have to get out of bed and start my day. My kids need to wake up, get fed, and go to school that’s my life as a parent. Which I do with all my love and honour as their Mom.

Now I must put my dreams away up high on the shelf. I need space to let the ideas turn into my reality. The thoughts filling my head space need to clear so I can continue working on my book draft. I have so many goals and aspirations for myself. I want to feel personal success whether that’s writing a prize winning novel, Nobel peace prize for neurology research, or keeping up with my laundry.

I want the space to think clearly, save money, and travel to places I’ve only read about in my books. I want to stand at the Eiffel Tower looking out onto to Paris and see how the lights of the city glow. I want to run through the fields of green in Ireland and stand above the Cliffs of Moher in County Clare, Ireland as the oceans waves pound against the coastline.

2015/01/img_3303.jpg

The Eiffel Tower as seen from the Champ de Mars.

2015/01/img_3301.jpg

Looking North towards O’Brien’s Tower.

2015/01/img_3302.jpg

Looking South towards Loophead.

2015/01/img_3303.jpg

Lighthouse at Loophead operated by the Commissioner of Irish Lights.

Ireland photos taken by Bjรธrn Christian Tรธrrissen and Eiffel Tower photo by Benh LIEU SONG. These were found on http://www.wikipedia.org and used in compliance to Creative Commons Attribution laws of copyright.

Where does my time, space, and dreams begin and my goals end? Where does my path occur and how does it fit in with the loom of time? If those threads were cut and my fate changed would I choose a different path? No I don’t believe I would, I have always wanted to be a Mom.

I have let Motherhood envelop my life with the greatest love I’ve ever known. With this love my heart grew three times it size. The love I feel for my children inspires me daily. The gratitude I feel for my husband for the love he gives me, and the space to write out my dreams, and catch up on the sleep I miss is abundant. And the one thing about hotels I can always check in to find my centre, gain balance, and relax. Then it’s time to check out feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world.

This has been my submission to Ash’s Sunday Confession at http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com
Please check out her confession and all the other talent who link up. Thank you for being here today. ๐Ÿ’—

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Heal

There are so many parts of me that need to heal. My heart which isn’t as broken as I thought, but cracked and held together with glue and a band aid. My mind which I’ve allowed to overpower me with negative thoughts, and guilt.

My body which hasn’t been the same since my back injury so long ago brought on by grieving for my dear Dad, and saving my son from a near drowning.

My soul which when it’s my time to meet God and enter the Kingdom of heaven, that I will have absolved all my sins and righted my wrongs. I know I was put on this earth for a great reason.

I’ve spent years trying to figure that out as I was a very introspective child. I was hear to speak, sing, and write my truth. I feel this burning passion inside me to write my book of survival, to help people discover their truth, and to make a difference in the world. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be an entertainer.

I spent countless hours writing after school, stories, songs, poems, and plays. Literature fascinated me as I could dive into my books and get lost for hours. When my parents ended their twenty-four year marriage after raising six children, and myself being the last one I felt immense guilt over it. So why should a precious, precocious, little girl of four years old feel such a trip.

I just thought if I was better they would’ve stayed together. I didn’t sleep a lot as a child, I had visions and spirit visitors that needed to be near me. It never scared me it just was natural to me. I stayed up late a lot of nights with my Mom watching black and white movies in the dark. I thought it I could just go to sleep without anyone invading my dreams then my parents would’ve had a better marriage.

I wish I didn’t lay awake at night hearing the screaming, crying, doors slamming and the sound of a body falling to the floor. But I did I heard all of it, and I never told a soul. Well a living breathing one that is, I need to heal from this childhood trauma. It wasn’t my fault that my parents marriage ended.

They had a lot of love for each other, but over the years the respect was gone. My Dad as dear as he was to me, checked out a long time ago. He was there in body but in spirit he was on another planet.

By the time he was forty-five he had six children. He told me he always wanted a big family, being the oldest of seven he didn’t know any different. And my Mom being an only child felt lonely a lot, and prayed to find someone to love and have a big family.

And so these two star crossed lovers were destined to meet, create a family, and not last. I need to heal from their love story ending. It’s what I based my whole life upon a strong relationship, effective communication, and mutual love and respect.

They had it all at one time but unfortunately it wasn’t enough. I tried so hard to be better, and for a while there I thought I was going to heal. Then my Dad moved in with his girlfriend and took on another family. I knew that was the beginning of the end for me. I would not, could not accept that this was his new life.

So I fought furiously and bitterly and wrote story after story of becoming the heroine of my words. Saving everyone from the crashing and burning. I was only four years old so what could I do?

I need to heal from the pain, guilt, and suffering I’ve put myself through. It can never be too late to heal my inner child, treat her with kindness, and let her blossom with beauty and kindness and release her on gossamer wings to finally be free.

This has been my submission to http://Lindaghill.com Saturday Stream of consciousness. Please see what her beautiful brain wrote, and all the other talent that link up. Thank you for being here today. โค๏ธ

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Dreams really do come true

imageI’ve been branching out and taking chances as this was the only resolution I wanted to do for myself. I wanted to believe in myself to hold an audience captive with sound of my voice, and appreciative of my writing. I’ve been working behind the scenes and have discovered that I can be the catalyst for igniting this passion in myself. So yesterday I became a a featured blogger on a fantastic website that just launched. I feel so proud to see my words there upon the page. Words that I dug deep to find as it lays my life out there with my guts exposed. I’m proud to say I did it with the help of some amazing people believing in me. I thank God for the amazing love and power he has in my life. My beloved Mama whispering in my ear of stories that must be told. Her unwavering belief she has in me even surpasses the realm of death. And I thank the best Bunker punks on the planet for the encouragement and giving me wings when I forgot how to fly. You can see my big debut here and check out all the other talented bloggers.

http://www.originalbunkerpunks.com

My first published submission is here

http://tinyurl.com/p2lodrm

And you can follow me here

https://www.facebook.com/jsackmomblog

https://www.bloglovin.com/

I am proud to have this badge on my blog and I look forward to submitting more of my stories there in the near future. Thank you my dear readers to following on my journey, and for believing in my words.

 

 

 

 

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