Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Writer’s Quotes Wednesday Writing Challenge

After a brief hiatus from one of my most inspirational linkups with Silverthreading’s and  Ronovan Writes and  Writer’s Quotes. They’ve been busy with spring on the air and have renewed their challenge to include a theme each week as well as writing about it in particular. I’m back to find the happy, inspiring, thought provoking, and brilliant quotes. Sometimes the urge to create poetry has to overcome me and if it doesn’t I wait for the muse to find me. I felt blessed while I viewed this beautiful scenery and suddenly there was my muse. 

  

My Muse

Where have you been my sweet?
I’ve been lost without you in my thoughts. 
My head has been full of cobwebs blocking your loving light. 
When you come to me and tickle my synapses with your lyrical magic I feel complete. 
Like a lover when you leave me I feel so warm and then my side of the bed is cold and foreboding. 
These words that I weave with your inspiration and design fill my heart to the fullest. 
We have a romance you and I and I’m in love with what we create and grateful for your presence in my life. 

Like a husband and wife I smile as you whisper magical words in my ear is my pure and utter delight. 

Please stay with me and we shall create poetry that fairy tales are made of and give all we have to give art from the heart. 

May our romance my muse, continue on from stories to songs. 

 My love of your words and my ability to storytell your thoughts make us a match made in heaven. 

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Ten things of thankful-missing my Mom

I’ve been writing all day, furiously scribbling and typing out my feelings. Today is a day I dread more than ever the anniversary of my Mom’s death. I cry, write, read stories we wrote together, and listen to her favourite Elvis music. Two weeks ago I shared my list of thankfuls for my dear Dad. Today I will share about my Mom. She was my gift and I will love and miss her till my last breath. I’m proud to share my memories and thankfulness on the TTOT linkup with Lizzi and her ever faithful thankful family.  

 I’m so thankful that my Mom decided to have me her sixth child and third daughter. She was older yet I think she knew that I was meant to be. I was sickly when I was born so I’m thankful I got to spend that extra week in the hospital bonding with her. She would tell me stories of how I would look up at her as she fed me with this baby face and bright blue eyes of wonder. 

I’m thankful that she taught me the magic of books and how to read. My life has been full of all the adventures I’ve taken myself on with my love of words and wonderful memories. I loved when she would read to me and change the inflection of her voice and turn a story book into an interactive experience. 

I’m thankful for her beautiful smile even when she was tired as I wasn’t much of a sleeper as a child. She would read to me and T ell me stories she’s made up on the spot. She was so loving, kind, caring and an amazing story teller. She loved her children and Grandchildren with all her being. She was proud to show off pictures that graced her walls and upright piano. As beautiful as she was she just glowed when she held a child on her lap. 

I’m thankful for her brilliance. She wanted to be a teacher but she didn’t want to leave her parents to go away to study. She was very close to them as their only child. So instead she worked around town, met my Dad and fell in love. First came marriage, and many baby carriages and she had herself a full family to teach. 

  
I’m thankful for her gift of laughter. She could always find the humour in something. She would look for the silver lining and say this too shall pass sadness doesn’t always last. She had a beautiful laugh that would rise up from her toes and she’d slap her knee in emphasis. She taught me how to impersonate characters on tv and in the movies. I would get her into a fit of giggles when I’d do my Tim Conway impression from the Carol Burnett show. 

I’m thankful for all the times she let me stay up late watching old black and white movies with her. We’d have tea and treats and is watch the classics with her like Gone with the Wind, Citizen Kane, and every Elvis movie we could find. She had quite a collection of his movies that I’m proud to covet today. Our favourite was always his first Love me Tender and I sing it for her when I’m lonely for her presence. 

I’m thankful for my memories of singing and doing the dishes with her. She even made a mundane task like that fun. We would sing all the Irish classics and she’d dance a jig  around the kitchen. My heart would leap out of my chest as I joined her twirling around until I was dizzy with love and enthusiasm. 

I’m thankful for her talent of writing. She was so gifted with her thoughts and expressions and we collaborated on many stories together while in school and after I graduated. She would also make up silly poems and limericks and keep me in stitches with how funny she could be in real life and on paper. 

  
I’m thankful she taught me to be brave and follow my dreams. It’s because of her guidance that I started writing and sharing my heart here on the page. She guides me still and I write for her always in my mind and spirit. 

I’m thankful she was my biggest cheerleader and my sounding board. I could and did tell her anything. She knew I could see and feel things about people and never made me feel like I was weird. With  being empathic in a very sensory overloaded world was a gift and cross to bear that we both shared. She was my guiding light, truth seeker, lover of people, compassionate, kind, and had the strongest love and faith in God. She gave her heart to those who were deserving. And a piece of her intelligent mind to those who were not. 

I’m thankful I’m a Mom myself and I still wonder in situations what would she do or say. There will never be a day I won’t wish for her presence in my life. I have my memories and pictures, but most of all I can look in the mirror and see her there. As well as glowing  with love and pure divine light in my children. Love you always and forever Mama. ❤️

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Monday Musing-Riding the grief wave

I look at my reflection in the mirror and I’m a mixed tumble of messy emotions.  I don’t feel sad or cry everyday and there’s bursts of enthusiasm for life and all the wonderful things that make me happy. My family, friends, reading, writing, and creating something from nothing. Whether that’s in my kitchen or my craft room making something fills my happy bucket. 

Last year I suffered the loss of three special people in my life and just when I feel I’m dealing with my grief someone else dies! What do you do when you’re grieving during the month of love? Sometimes I can feel these emotions ebbing and flowing like the tides towards my heart. I can catch it in time or let it wash over me and fill me with overwhelming love or sadness. 

Sometimes it’s a mixture of both as this month has been difficult for me since the death of my parents. Seven years ago for my dearest Dad and five for my beloved Mama I had to say goodbye. Their leaving has left a huge hole in my heart in the shape of their love. I’ve done my best to live around that hole and create a new “normal.” Sometimes I succeed and then the grief wave threatens to pull me under again. Under the water where I’m drowning in emotion and struggling to breathe with the weight of my tears. 

I’ve been in counselling a lot of my life. I started when I was twelve in family therapy then continued on into adulthood. I still see someone when the urge arises and he thinks I need to deal with my grief instead of just trying to survive it. In the last ten years of my marriage my husband and I collectively had to say goodbye to ten loved ones. In the seven years since my Dad, step sisters, and my Mom’s deaths I’ve been in grief recovery in some form of another. Whether it was journaling, actively seeing a therapist, or in a support group. 

I’ve learned a lot about myself and I even wrote up a timeline of my happy and sad times in my life to track my triggers. The happiness is about feeling loved and discovering something new. The sadness always centres around a death in my life since I was three years old. I was born to older parents so I was around older people in my family tree. To me this was my life not anything unusual until I went to school and my friends parents were the same age as my older siblings! That was a shock as I never thought about all these special people leaving me. 

Some may say that dealing with death so young prepared me for the path I need to take to resilience. I have questioned my own mortality, mourned for a a young life snuffed out by tragic circumstances, and have wrote out my living will to prepare my family. I’ve learned a lot during this time of self reflection and pain yet still feel like there’s more to discover. As I carve out a new “normal” and live around this void in my heart. I keep taking it one step, one breath, one journey at a time. With all that I have lost I’ve gained more love, perspective and appreciation; for all the people who have touched my life on this earthly and heavenly plane and for that I’m grateful. 

It’s time for #MondayMusings and it’s being co-hosted by Everyday Gyaan and The Philosopher’s Stone
Would you like to take part in #MondayMusings?

Here’s how it works:
Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.

Use the hashtag #MondayMusings.

Add your link to the linky which you will find on Everyday Gyaan and on the post of a co-host.

Use our #MondayMusings badge to encourage other bloggers join in too.

Visit and comment on the posts of other bloggers linked here.

Share the love.

  

  

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Ten Things of Thankful-Feeling the love

The day of love is upon us as I cozy up under my cozy fleece blanket and cuddle up with my family and feel thankful for the smiles, laughter, tears, and most of all love. Here I am to share my week with the lovely hosts of TTOT linkup while the lovely Lizzi enjoys her travels. 

I’m thankful for the blessing of being here with my family. I think of so many times in my life I didn’t think I would ever realize this dream about becoming a Mom. Now here I am cuddling with my precious boys and feeling full of love and bliss. 

I’m thankful for the beautiful gifts of flowers, a wonderful meal and a lovely card my adoring husband gave to me. He spoiled me in all thewonderful  ways and our son’s treated us to a V.I.P. restaurant experience. 

I’m thankful after a mid season hiatus that season six of The Walking Dead premiered tonight. My husband and I are huge fans and we’ve been counting the days till it was back on the air. I won’t give away any spoilers to any other fans. I will only say that it had everything I ever wanted in an action packed, turbulent, jaw dropping, firestorm of emotional thrill ride episode! 

I’m thankful that the reward chart that I’ve been using with my son has worked out so well. He’s been very helpful and we’ve figured out some of his triggers and ways to work with them. He’s done so well that he’s earned himself a special day out that I look forward to sharing with you next week. 

I’m thankful that he also offered to read to me tonight without me having to ask or beg. He does love to read to himself but not out loud. He enjoys adventure chapter books, Diary of a Wimpy kids comics and the Hardy Boys. He found a Jurassic Park book and was excited to read to me and his little brother. I’ve discovered if he finds something interesting he’ll want to share it with me. It’s a win/win for both of us. 

I’m thankful that my youngest son is finally over his chest cold. My poor little boy has been so sick lately and it tears out my heart to see him struggling with his breathing. Next will be asthma and allergy testing to see if there’s anything underlying with him having a weakened immune system. 

I’m thankful that he’s been able to sleep the last couple of nights. I don’t sleep when he’s not sleeping I just drift in and out of consciousness. I was so exhausted this week I fell asleep at 9:30 pm with a book, snack, and my phone in my hand. That was a restful sleep that was sorely needed and the ability to unplug helped tremendously too. 

I’m thankful for a fabulous Valentine’s Day having a family hot tub soak. It was the perfect day for laughs, making plans, and filling each other in on the events of our week. I love moments like this no matter where we live we always have each other. 

I’m thankful for groceries in my pantry, food in my fridge and a roof above mine and my family’s head. In times likes these during this recession not everyone has one or many of those blessings. I’m grateful for how hard my husband works to provide these for our family. 

I’m thankful for time off for the week. Tomorrow is a province wide family day and my kids are out of school as well for a convention. I’ve planned some down time as well as some fun activities that I look forward to surprising them with. 

  

21 Comments »

Ten Things of Thankful

  
It’s that time again to say hello, and tell you how thankful my week has been. I’ve had smiles, tears, laughter, love, and forgiveness. There’s also been blessings,  ephiphanies and the realization that I’m a force to be reckoned with. Let me tell you a story of my gratitude as part of Lizzi’s TTOT linkup
I’m thankful for a quiet Monday this week after we just got back from a fun but busy hockey tournament. I was feeling drained and a hot tub soak, chiropractor visit, and a home cooked meal were just what the Dr ordered. 

I’m thankful that I don’t take no for an answer in the medical community. My youngest son was scheduled for surgery on Tuesday and late Monday night he started running a fever out of the blue. He had a slight cough and was burning up I had no medicine left in the house so my husband had to bring some home after hockey practice. I phoned the hospital and alerted them of our situation. I was told to still bring him in and have him assessed the next day. 

I’m thankful for my husband bringing home Tylenol our poor little boy was so feverish and falling in and out of sleep. I put a cool cloth on his head while he slept in our bed all night. I was so afraid to leave him alone with his fever and sleep apnea. He radiated heat all night and his fever didn’t break and I sat on my bathroom floor crying and praying for him to be well again. 

I’m thankful when we did get to the hospital how thorough the nurses and Dr’s were with my son. Taking his blood pressure, checking his temperature, and listening to his heart. They had to cancel the MRI again with the fever of 101 Farenheit and postpone the surgery. I asked a lot of questions and asked the Dr to assess my son and explain to me what the risks were associated with administering an anesthetic in colleration with a fever. She was patient and felt sorry that she had to cancel since we were up at 5  am to get to the hospital and she was aware how much we have to prepare our son for these hospital visits. 

I’m thankful for a day to rest just cuddling with my sick little boy this was Wednesday and his fever was still high at 100 Farenheit. It had only come down a degree and he just laid in bed and slept most of the two days. Both my children and I run high fevers so it’s our “normal” but I still watch for signs of febrile seizures which can occur from infancy to the age of six. 

I’m thankful for day four (Thursday) and goodbye fever and hello happy boy! I still kept him home from preschool in case there was any residual germs floating around. It’s still unexplained what he was fighting off with no cold, flu, or infection symptoms possibly a virus.  We worked on fine motor and gross motor skills training and napped to conserve our energy for the weekend. 

I’m thankful for Friday TGIF it’s family movie night in our house and I was really looking forward to seeing Inside Out on Netflix. Wow that was the worth the wait what a lovely movie. That really helped touch on some anger and anxiety issues my oldest son was having. I love movies with a message that all we need is love, appreciation, and to communicate our needs. 

I’m thankful for catching up on work assignments, cuddles and movies with my son’s, and hockey Saturday. Although my son’s team lost 4-3 they put in an another valiant effort when they were missing one of their top scoring  offencemen. I must say every arena I go to has an assortment of foods on the menu. This one had the best chicken fingers and fries I’ve ever had for hockey food. 

I’m thankful for Sunday a day of rest and reflection. I read, got almost all my laundry put away, washed, dried, and folded. It feels  good to have two weekends in a row where I’m not my laundry’s prison bitch. 

I’m thankful for learning a lot about myself this week. I didn’t panic when my son got sick, I usually do with all the other neurological issues he has. He was a premature baby so I’m used to him catching whatever germs floating in the air. Yet he hadn’t ran a fever like that since he was two years old! I stayed calm, used my essential oils on him and myself, gave him medicine when he needed, and let him rest to strengthen his immune system. We will wait and see what happens with rescheduling his hospital procedures. I feel I’m better prepared and equipped to handle them then I was before. 

Thanks for stopping by today, goodnight my sweet readers. 😘

16 Comments »

#Mondaymusings-Lets talk about mental health on #Bellletstalkday

 
I have a story to share I always have. I have a big heart and a big vocabulary and I’m always up for a honest, open discussion. Yet the one thing that always silenced me was my depression. To speak of it meant a horrible feeling of shame that washed over me. I have struggled with the stigma of it since I was very young. I was four years old when my parents separated and with that brought an immense sadness. 

I had no control of it but I was glad to see the fighting stop in my daily life. There were still tears, prayers, and long heart to heart talks but the hurtful words thrown about so carelessly were gone. My Dad took on another life and family and my Mom was forced to make a life as a single parent to two little girls who needed her. She struggled with mental health too, sleeping at odd hours of the day, angry outbursts, tear filled days and nights as her heart was broken over her failed marriage. 

I saw it all, heard the stories, and did my best to comfort her. Being empathic I could feel every emotion and it was like a double edge sword living with this pain. I was so young and impressionable and yet I was growing wise to the ways of the world. I grew up like any other typical kid living in this  existence as I fought with the sadness and anger that would overtake my heart. The world was too loud, confusing, chaotic, and busy. I didn’t know how to cope so I turned to prayer, songs, and my faithful books. 

I grew into a sullen teenager and battled with anyone who would talk to me. My poor Mom didn’t know what to do and so we attended family therapy. I soon started having nightmares as triggers from my childhood came back to haunt me. I would go days on end not sleeping which means my Mom did do. I was finally diagnosed with clinical Depression and Insomnia 

I refused medication as I had such a fear of being drugged into what I call the “Ritalin generation.” It seemed like any child who couldn’t sit still, thought outside the box, and expressed a volatile opinion was put on the token drug of choice. I wasn’t going to be a statistic so I chose to take a more natural route. 

My Mom supported me with this as I changed my nutrition plan, got more exercise, and took Valerian and other herbs for my lack of sleeping pattern. It was a dark and confusing time in my life and I coped with it the best I could. I soon matured into an adult and had years of journals that commemorates that confusing chaotic time in my life. As I grew older graduated and attended college my mental health issues came back full force. The stress of deadlines, securing a student loan to attend school, and maintain a relationship took it’s toll. At the age of twenty I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

I also experienced a lot of death in my life losing both my Grandparents, parents, and my step sister all before I was the age of forty. I suffered with Post Partum Depression which I had with both of my babies and it was dark, devastating tunnel of grief and despair. What I hadn’t know that it was being overshadowed by Sensory Processing Disorder. I would come to know that when I took the journey with my children to a diagnosis.  Who both have two types of SPD, (also known formerly as Sensory Integration and Sensory Dysfunction Disorder) Sensory Defensive Disorder which means avoiding all sensory input to the central nervous system and  Sensory Modulation Disorder which is the opposite, it’s the seeking out of all sensory input to the central nervous system. 

 

Clara Hughes

 
I’ve learned a lot as a Mom to children with complex needs and I’m now referred to as a walking medical dictionary by my therapist. I’ve come to know from my experience that being a special needs parent is not for the faint at heart. We’re all struggling in our ways with parenting, making our marriages a priority, and trying to carve out some me time. Some of us struggle, swear, drink, and eat too much. I believe others do too they just hide it better. I still have another leg of my journey to take with my children as more letters of the alphabet are discovered with each diagnostic test and assessment. Since I’ve introduced therapy with a psychologist, a psychiatrist, occupational, physical therapists,  and speech and language pathologist their future is looking brighter with early intervention. 

 

Clara Hughes speaking candidly about her mental health

 
I advocate strongly on their behalf and my own and I share this glimpse into our lives for #Bellletstalkday. This is a mental health initiative in my country Canada and for every talk, text, tweet, and share Bell will donate five cents to Canadian Mental Health. Last year the campaign raised over $500,000 and I had the fortunate experience of meeting one of the spokespersons former two time Olympian Clara Hughes. 

Please share, talk, text, and tweet the hashtag #Bellletstalkday to erase the stigma of mental health and bring it into the spotlight than having it shrouded in darkness and fear. One random act of kindness can do so much to help others like one ripple across the water that can create a wave of understanding. 

It’s time for #Mondaymusings and all you have to do is this list of things. 


Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.


Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and link to this post.


Add your link to the linky which you will find either here and on the post of a co-host. Today’s co-hosts are Everyday Gyaan and Living My Imperfect Life

Use our #MondayMusings badge to help other bloggers join in too.


26 Comments »

Ten things of Thankful

I’m thankful but tired, I’m grateful but overwhelmed, I’m appreciative yet introspective. So I’ll roll it all into another quick post where  I’m plagued with insomnia and worry. One thing I’ve learned is there is always, always, something to be thankful for. I’m sharing today with my thankful hosts with Lizzi’s Ten Things of Thankful linkup

I’m thankful for a warm cozy bed, and the moonlight that keeps me company when I can’t sleep. 

I’m thankful for spending the weekend with my family on a hockey road trip. There was laugher, excitement, outbursts, and even tears. But must of all there’s always so much love. 

I’m thankful for naps when I’m exhausted and time to soak in my hot tub when I’m pent up with nervous energy. 

I’m thankful for old friendships that stand the test of time, space, distance, mutual respect and love for one another. 

I’m thankful for pain killers, heat packs, chiropractor visits and finally relaxing when I’m stressed. 

I’m thankful for cuddles with my kids, the love of my husband, and wine and chocolate shared with great company. 

I’m thankful for my love of the written word, being in love with books, and working on my novel daily. 

I’m thankful for deadlines met, assignments conpleted, and discovering how I thrive under pressure. 

I’m thankful for the love of music when it can lift me up to great heights when I feel my heart crashing to the earth with worry and strife. 

I’m thankful for the gift of time to heal my wounds, patience to learn from my mistakes, and the love and my believe in myself to conquer my fears. 

  

28 Comments »

Monday Musings-the lies we tell ourselves

I’m a truthful person I’ve been taught to always be honest but never cruel, to be appreciative and not take things or people for granted. To always speak from my heart instead of inventing a lie. There’s one lie I’ve told myself is that I’m fine. I’m really not when I say that, it’s a easy way of letting the world know I have it together. 

Even though it appears like I do I really don’t, I’m struggling and I hide behind the mask that I present to world. I always think about that quote 

“Be kind to others, because everyone is fighting their own secret battles.”

I am a kind and loving person and I’m raising my children to be this way as well. I teach them to tell the truth, and to let them know they can tell their parents anything. I give them the opportunity to tell the truth first then give consequences if they’re not honest with me. I don’t want them to think it’s ok to tell me they’re fine when they’re not. Or that “I didn’t do it”or “I don’t know broke” the lamp. 

We tell ourselves these lies because it’s hard to face the truth sometimes. But even though it’s an old cliche the truth will set us free. There’s nothing to remember when you tell the truth, there’s nothing that needs to be created when honesty is the best policy. I’m dealing with a situation right now of lies being told. I have given the opportunity to hear the truth but wasn’t given that respect.

 So now there are consequences and disappointment. Why do we have to hide behind a mask of untruths instead of just being honest? Why does it feel better to lie and make ourselves feel better than ripping off the bandaid and exposing ourselves? It’s easier to hide behind a facade then to be real with ourselves. This is a foreign concept for me as I was taught the truth is a positive way to live my life. 

To be lied to is to be disrespected, and the hurt that arises from that is crushing. I don’t need to build myself up with a house of cards where the truth is distorted and I can’t tell what is real or what is not. Whether it happens sooner or later that house of deception comes crashing down around you. Be real, it’s the only way to feel good about yourself don’t build yourself up into being someone you don’t recognize or respect. 

I’m going to start taking my own advice when people ask me how I’m doing I’m not going to say fine. I will tell the truth I’m happy the sun’s shining, I’m struggling but I’m finding a way to cope. I owe it to myself to speak the truth and not hiding behind a mask I’ve created out of fear.  William Shakespeare is one of my favourite poets and playwrights and he spoke the truth when he created this simple but profound quote. 

“To thine own self be true”

It’s time for #Mondaymusings and all you have to do is this list of things. 

Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.
Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and link to this post.
Add your link to the linky which you will find either here and on the post of a co-host.
Use our #MondayMusings badge to help other bloggers join in too.
Visit and comment on the posts of other bloggers linked here.

Share the love.

Today’s co-hosts are Everyday Gyaan and Tales of Two Tomatoes

  

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5 ways to make 2016 my year 

Happy new year blessings to you!  I rang the new year in the same way I do every year cuddling with my sleeping children. They try to make it to midnight and watch the ball drop in Times Square on Dick Clark’s Rocking New Years Eve party. Earlier I spent an hour in the hot tub with my husband talking about our goals for the new year. This is a list I’ve come up with as result of that conversation. I’m in restoration than resolution mode as these are ongoing gifts I will be giving myself and my family. 

1. I will love myself more. 

I’ve gone through a lot of self reflection and introspection throughout last year. Every problem, issue, or obstacle that stopped me in my tracks is at the core of my not loving myself enough. I will be changing that from this day forward as I deserve to look in the mirror and say I love you and really mean it! 

2. I won’t let fear hold me back from my persuing my goals. 

I’ve accomplished a lot of amazing things in 2015. Submitting my writing to various websites, guest blogging, growing my blog and social media followings, being accepted into the Wellness Universe community to spread love and positivity, and being published as a contributor in Lose The Cape-(Never Will I Ever than I had Kids). 

  

Available on Amazon Kindle store in ebook and print format

I’m so grateful for these fabulous opportunities in my life! This has been amazing to know I did all these wonderful things yet I know I could’ve done more if I didn’t let my fears and anxiety take over. 

3. I will have faith in myself and my abilities. 

I had a tremendous cheerleader in my life and that was my beloved Mama. After she died I felt a piece of me die with her. She always told me I could do anything I set my mind to. I did do that in the instances I wrote of above, but I had so much fear! I fought through it the best I could but this year I will put faith in God, myself, and the project at hand at the forefront. 

4. I will continue to put my self care as a priority in my life. 

I did this in 2015 which led me to being 30 lbs and 20 inches lighter! I’m very proud of this accomplishment as I learned more about myself on this health journey while getting my stress levels in check. I did this with the help of some amazing people like my coaches on each fitness challenge. Game changers have changed my life for the better and made me a Beach Body Coach. I’m excited to reach even more fitness goals for myself and my family. 

5. I will continue to write out my goal list every day to give me incentive and accountability to keep persuing what I desire. 



I did this for 90 days, everyday for 3 months and my life did indeed change! I was able to start writing my book and work on various other passion projects, be published with the Lose The Cape Team, find an amazing publisher who wants to see me reach for the stars with her guidance and expertise. For my son I was able to secure funding for his therapy team at preschool and at home, and recently got accepted for funding for our family to have respite care. For my husband and I our couple is our goal to make more a priority and stronger in the new year. It’s easy to lose sight of each other as special needs parents. Our children deserve to see us closer, united, and in love more than ever. 

Thank you 2015 for all the life lessons, learning, and showing me I’m stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally than I ever thought possible. Hello 2016 I’m ready for your love, gifts, guidance, and abundance of awesome! 

  This has been submission to the January Blog Hop with Blogs & Business-Mom’s who do it all there are a lot of other talented bloggers who joined in check them and their blogs out today. Thank you! 

January Blog Hop List #1

1. Mrs and Momma

2. Souls Searcher Mom

3. Blessed be the tie

4. Tiggy Poes and Flutterbys

5. Kids Kicks and Cloth

6. Cook with 5 Kids

7. Stay at Home Yogi

8. Harlem Parent Xpress

9. Kids Money Lessons

10. Mommy Gone Tropical

11. Western Newyorker

12. A Kreative Whim

13. Life Lemons and Lemonade

14. Hello Little Bean

15. Sequins in the South

16. Beck List

17. Messy Cutting Board

18. My Dysautonomia

19. Aileen Cooks

20. Jsack’s Mom’s Blog 

12 Comments »

Monday Musings Worry

Waiting for days on end for news that I’m praying will be positive instead of negative. I watch my son’s behaviour to indicate if he’s having seizures and I’m missing out on documenting them. My mind can go in a thousand different directions without hearing any results for a month. And trust me it has, is this how my life is supposed to be in constant worry for his health? 

I never knew when I rubbed my belly at eight months protecting him from the news of my Mom’s death that I would be in this state of mind now. I never knew with him arriving at thirty-six weeks we would encounter all these medical issues. I wasn’t prepared for my one and only Mom’s death, nor ready to to give birth prematurely. 

I went home from the hospital reeling with grief while my baby had to stay behind in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive care unit) I had a four year old son and a husband that needed me and I felt so torn. All I wanted was my Mom to hold me and tell me everything would be alright. But I didn’t have her then and I don’t have her now. 

Being a special needs parent feels a lot like venturing out on a lonely road to find my happy, peaceful place in my mind and body. A lot of the time reading and researching helps so I know how to approach Dr’s and specialists with my questions. What is the reason that my son’s Global Developmentally Delayed, why does he struggle so much with basic concepts of visual spatial relations and verbal fluency with his conversational speech? 

Why does he suffer with anxiety, OCD, and possibly ADHD behaviours?  I’m told he was born early so he would be delayed to reach his developmental milestones. Which is half true he sat up and crawled later then his peers, but walked early and ran laps around me by the time he was fifteen months. Yet there are challenges, his speech was delayed, he had a high threshold to pain, but a weaker immune system and was sickly as a baby. 

Life has turned into a system of checks and balances he’s been tested for genetic disorders, allergies, and I’ve completed many developmental questionnaires. To date he’s had a polysonogram and an EEG that will be followed by an MRI and surgery to help improve his severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea Disgnosis. He has a wonderful therapy team that is helping him succeed so I question myself what do I have to worry about? 

I worry for his future will he hold down a job, graduate and go to college, meet someone special and fall in love? What will it be like when he does and he gets his heart broken? How will he cope with his anxiety, how will I? Will he still be living with us or in assisted living? I pray he will be continue to be his own success story as I cheer every accomplishment he makes. The latest is remembering words to the Christmas carols he practiced in preschool. As well as being able to sing Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes while performing the actions. 

When we would sing that song before he’d get so confused and start yelling and putting his hands over his ears to block out all the excess information flooding his brain. I had to explain to his preschool teachers that the song irritated and I think even scared him. It broke my heart to see his reaction so after three months of therapy he can sing the song with a smile on his face. Then I think you don’t have anything to worry about he’ll be fine. I’ve heard this from well meaning people in my life and I always say he will be with the proper early intervention in his life. 

The call I’ve been waiting for finally came in today after waiting for thirty long days! The results were great there’s no seizure activity but his brain will need to be assessed at his MRI. So I arm myself with Teflon encased around my heart, cover myself in prayer and I realize I’m not emotion or bullet proof but I have God and a wonderful support network on my team. I will help my son get through this with love, acceptance, and prayer. I’m a warrior, and I love homand I may get knocked down with worry but I will always get back up ready to fight. 

It’s time for #Mondaymusings and all you have to do is this list of things. 

Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.
Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and link to this post.
Add your link to the linky which you will find either here and on the post of a co-host.
Use our #MondayMusings badge to help other bloggers join in too. Write Tribe is going through some maintenance so it will be hosted at a different website for a few weeks. 
Today’s Monday Musings is co-hosted by Crazy Little Family Adventure and Everyday Gyann please check out their posts and all the other talent that link up. 

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