Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Ten Things of Thankful-Some kind of wonderful

It’s time to join up with the merry band of thankful crew. I’ve been on a little hiatus due to back to school craziness. It’s been a wild month of keeping track of all school responsibilities and I need to dive waist deep into some thankfulness. This is where my heart is and always will be whether in participating in the TTOT linkup or just reading all the wonderful talent that reside there. 

I’m thankful for having a more organized week and making each appointment and having my sitters lined up for the last week. My kids enjoy spending time with these special caregivers and I’m grateful for some me time and a date night with my handsome husband. 

I’m thankful for celebrating 11 years of marriage. There are times when life beats me down and I feel overwhelmed. I look towards my husband and he’s always there cheering me on and believing in my inner strength that I know I possess but need a reminder of when I’m feeling clouded by doubt. 


I’m thankful for the wonderful friendships I have in my life. I’m never without a kind word, strong shoulder, or zany sense of humour from my tribe. The real life friends make me feel so loved and appreciated. My online friendships have grown and have taught me to believe in myself and the power of my words. Words that can make a difference and be the change I wish to see in the world. 

I’m thankful for a successful week of charting and tracking my daily life habits. I’ve had 3 successful weeks of tracking my behaviours of food, mood, anxiety, sleep, and OCD I’m a journal. I’ve begun to see patterns of my behaviour that I can now work on changing and revitalize my self care regimen. 

I’m thankful for my behavioural therapist that I’ve been seeing for the last month. Cognitive behavioural therapy is the game changer in my life and I’m looking forward to more successes that I will accomplish with her support and expertise. 


I’m thankful for my sons doing well in school. It’s only been a month but they’ve both felt positive about being in their classrooms. Soon I will find out what funding is available for my youngest with autism and a teacher conference for my oldest to see how he’s doing in school. I’m proud of them both and the resilience and inner strength they’ve shown me. 


I’m thankful for a wonderful day spent at the women’s show. I met a lot of different vendors and listened to an amazing guest speaker. I sat in the sunshine and painted a wine glass and met some very interesting kind people. It was a rewarding day of being social followed by a 3 hour successful theatre practice. The most memorable part of my day was signing the poster asking the question in one word describing myself. I chose to say I’m inspirational and the loving energy that poured out of me from that moment onward was incredible. 

Speaking of theatre I’m thankful that I was cast in the lead role of the pantomime play! I was going to be brave and try out for a bigger role than in the previous years and I did. I’m memorizing a lot of dialogue, dances, and really enjoying my character. Performing is where my heart is when I’m on stage I feel like I’m invincible. 

I’m thankful for autumn days and walking along the river with leaves crunching under my feet. The pictures I take at this time of year thrill me as Mother Nature decorates these beautiful tapestrys of colour and wonder. 

I’m thankful for all things pumpkin now that it’s October. Halloween is a big deal in our household so let the dessert making and decorating commence. Stay tuned for guess what Halloween costume I’ll be wearing coming soon. 

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Love, Valentines Day, and the Walking Dead

My husband and I have been together for a long time. We have grown up together on this journey as a couple. I remember past Valentines days before kids and they included an expensive dinner, wine, chocolates, and time alone. Over these last few years intimate dinners gazing into each other’s eyes over seafood linguine have been few and far between.

 Securing a qualified sitter (able to handle the challenges of a special needs child) on the most expensive holiday of the year isn’t an easy task. Each family Valentine’s Day isn’t without a fancy meal, wine, and chocolate. Now they’re spent without the eye gazing, in my pajamas, and with two kids cuddled up watching Netflix. These moments are precious to me and I wouldn’t trade them for anything else because really it’s all about love. 

The love I have for my husband, my children, and the love I have for myself. When life is difficult and I find it hard to surf the waves of joy and disappointment I look towards them. My island of stability keeping me laughing, entertained, and loved. My husband and I are huge The Walking Dead fans and love all things zombie. So we’ve been having a count down on the calendar till tomorrow nights Season six premiere. When the show goes into its fall hiatus it’s a sad day in our house. 

  
We find ourselves watching previous seasons on Netflix and this week it’s been a marathon to get us caught up for the big day! My husband knows I have a über crush on Norman Reedus’character Daryl Dixon. He will tease when he sees him on talk shows and he’ll call me into the room and say “honey you’re boyfriend’s on tv.” I will giggle and come running so I can swoon over his loveliness. 

Why Daryl you may ask? Well I love a strong man with family values, able to live off the land, take care of himself in a conflict, offer a supportive ear to a friend in need, and cook a squirrel on a open fire and make it tasty. This may be a spoiler alert for a few so I’ll give you time to stop reading and you can hum TWD theme music…

Daryl has to face the most difficult task when his brother Merle returns to the governors compound and in turn gets bit by a zombie. Daryl storms in to rescue Merle, Andrea, and Mischonne and finds his brother’s blood thirsty gaze in his direction. In order to protection himself he then shoots his brother. The sadness that ensues is palpable as he holds him in his arms and cries out all his pain. 

I have always been a fan since the first season but that scene made me a believer in his character and a lover of all things Norman Reedus. I had first saw him in the Indie hit movie Boon Dock Saints 1 and 2 speaking in Irish accent and I found myself swooning. Tonight will be The Walking Dead Eve so that will mean a Valentine’s Day dinner feast lovingly prepared by my sweet husband. 

There will be wine, chocolate, and heart cookies we will watch Netflix and hang out in our pj’s and enjoy each other’s company.  Then tomorrow you’ll see us cuddled up watching our favourite show and over 1,3000 zombies on the screen in an episode director by Greg Nicotero the phenomenal makeup artist. There will be screams, hiding my face in my pillow at the most gruesome parts, and gazing into my loves eyes. That’s romance after ten years of marriage that’s how we roll. ❤️

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To my love on his birthday 

Today is a special day it’s my husband’s birthday! I know this day is very special to me, because he was born to become my love, and my life. I’ve known my husband for a long time, as he went to school with my sister. I’ve wrote about our love story here, but today I write about why I love him so much. 

You can really discover a lot about a person when you’ve known them for thirty years. Yes that’s 3-0, three decades of crushing on him and his smile that still makes the butterflies float in my tummy. My belly that housed our precious son’s and my body that nourished them through nearly 10 years of marriage. This love of mine has never wavered, for as long as I’ve known him I wanted to be his one and only. 

 

 Now he slumbers peacefully as I’m too excited to sleep and need to write this. I adore him so much, when others saw a little punk kid trying to look grown up; he saw the real me batting my blue eyes. I only told my Mom and Gram of my crush on him. I wouldn’t even tell my sister for fear I might get teased. If you have an older sibling you know what I’m writing about. 
My Mom and Gram would never tell my secret and I never would tell my love either. Well, until many years ago when after a few drinks shared I couldn’t contain my enthusiasm for the truth! I was only 12 when we met that fateful and happy day at a hockey game. He was 17 playing hockey and ready to graduate. I didn’t care though I saw him and he captured my interest and my heart. 

It didn’t matter what our age difference was I believed if it was meant to be it would. He moved away right after graduation but I kept tabs on him through mutual friends. Then I found out he moved away to another province and I moved there as well before graduation. I tried to find him but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Then I moved back to my hometown to cure myself from my homesickness and graduate with my friends. 

I found out through my cousin that my love had moved back too! I kept a low profile as I was preparing for exams. I still had an interest in seeing him after all those years. I had done some growing up of my own and I wasn’t that kid sister anymore. Then as fate would have it he literally walked back into my life. It was at a friend’s birthday party and I was bouncing and battening  and making sure my friend’s apartment wasn’t getting trashed. Then I see him and all my care taking and “Mother henning behaviour flew out the window! My heart was captured once again and this time I wasn’t letting this prize winning catch go. We stayed up the rest of the night talking, laughing, and yes even sobering up. 

He had to go to work the next day and I had to clean up after the party. We parted ways but we’re content on seeing each other again. Back to school and reality, and phone numbers exchanged and no phone calls were made. Well I did some serious thinking and praying and a week later I called him. I was excited and nervous so I made the date to meet some friends at the theatre. 

That date was a lifetime ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. What I wore, the smell of his cologne, and the movie we watched. My mind and my heart will never forget that first tender, soft, kiss that left me with all the romantic stereotypes. Weak in the knees, butterflies, and breathless and wanting more! That’s what happens when two energies collide, pure pulsating magic. 

  
It wasn’t always easy as there were naysayers on both sides of the coin that said we would never last. And here we are outlasting a lot of those marriages that came to be before ours. I still remember the best compliment we ever received was from my husband’s aunt. 

“I would never know you were together for a long time. It’s like you both just met and have fallen in love and it’s a privilege to witness that.”

I will never forget that compliment nor the 200 people who came out to celebrate on our wedding day. To my husband, my heart, twin soul, and lover for life. Happy birthday and  thank you for blessing mine and our sweet son’s life with your love. You are loved, respected, and appreciated and are our gift to have everyday. ❤️ 

  


 

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P.T.Macais’ Book series Sugar’s Fate and Seizing Fate Review

  

Today I’m going to be reviewing the book Sugar’s Fate by P.T. Macais. I’ve had the pleasure of working with her before on her Spring Blog Tour hop Love is in the Air. So I was thrilled to sign up to get to actually read her book and let you know what I think. 

  
Review of Sugar’s Fate

If you haven’t read P.T.’s books before I will suggest you buckle up for a fast and wild ride. In the paranormal genre that I love to read she sets the story with us meeting the main characters Artemis Evans and Easton Macenzie. She can’t explain why she’s been having these strange and erotic dreams since she hit puberty. Little does she know that Easton is plagued by the same dream. It’s their mystery that P.T. let’s the reader start to unravel. And when you do wow, what a hot thrill ride awaits! Artemis meets her mate in Easton and their world is turned upside with their sexual intensity and the inner wolf growling inside. I love P.T. Macais’ use of descriptive language in her writing. I really felt like I was in the main characters heads. Feeling their intense feeling and wrapped up in their emotions of love, lust, and gratitude after having finding their mate at last. I really enjoyed this book. It moves fast, and you have to catch your breath. Easton’s character doesn’t mess around with playing the dating game. He’s a wolf and his primal nature is at the forefront of his mind, and he goes after what he wants like a true Alpha male. Due to the highly sexual nature of this amazing, descriptive, book it’s rated for an 18 + mature audience. 

Author P.T.Macais

http://ptmacias.com/ http://ptmacias.blogspot.com/   http://romancefantasymagic.blogspot.com/  
www.amazon.com/author/ptmacias.com https://www.facebook.com/ptmacias.DeLaCruzSaga
Twitter   @pt_macias  https://www.facebook.com/pages/PT-Macias/319871778087970
http://youtu.be/n5p8k_pZ36A

  

Seizing Fate
The story picks up where we left Artemis and Easton’s love affair and her discovery that she’s a hybrid part human, and part wolf. As the book left off with Artemis fighting for her life Easton is intent on protecting his beloved mate and their cub. This brings the Mackenzie family together to meet the Evans family. And our two new characters Grant (Easton’s cousin) and Kymberly (Artemis cousin). The scene is set for the family’s to join in the celebration of Easton and Artemis’ engagement. As soon as Grant and Kymberly meet they are made aware of their wolf mate attraction. He resists because of their age difference but there’s no denying the wolves need to bond with his mate. Soon your swept up in their lusty love affair and taken on an exciting ride of love, power, sex, and intrigue. Like in the previous book Sugar’s Fate the content is of a highly sexual nature and intended for an 18 + mature rating. I loved getting to know these characters and reading the paranormal genre is my first love. Wolves, mates, love, and lust and passion are wrapped up in this series P.T. Macais rocks and knocks it out the park with this exciting book series! 

Availability Links on Amazon for Kindle:

Sugar’s Fate:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00RY8OLZQ?ref=aw_sitb_digital-text

Seizing Fate 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RY8OLZQ

Thank you for reading my book review today stay tuned for both books to be released in paperback as well. And another writing in progress from P.T. Macias’ titled  Vamphire’s Forbidden Wolf. I’m really looking forward to reading and reviewing that as well. 

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Mindfulness

I look around me and I see all the beauty around me. I see the sun shining as it rises up over the hills. As it floods the sky with it’s beautiful pinks, yellow, and blues. I walk out onto my deck with my tea cup in hand, and I’m struck with how blessed I am. The colours swirl and intermingle as the sun starts to rise in the sky. I wrap myself up in my fuzzy blanket and sip my tea. This morning I’m not thinking of my to do list, what to make for dinner, or about the laundry that needs folding. For now I sit back and enjoy the beauty and tranquility in this moment. 

 

  
Soon my quiet will be broken as my alarm goes off and it’s time to get my oldest son up for school. I sit with him and we chat about what will happen in his day as he eats breakfast. Soon he’s dressed, ready, kissed, hugged and out the door while his little brother still slumbers. I crawl back into my bed and read for a few delicious moments before he wakes up. These quiet moments hold such beauty for me as they’re few and far between. I catch up on my reading, laundry, and I hear the sound of my youngest son waking. 

He’s so much like me not a morning person as he stomps down the hall. If he was old enough to drink coffee I’m sure he’d demand where it is! We sit and snuggle under my cozy blanket as he adjusts to his wakefulness. After he gets his fill of Mommy’s cuddles we have breakfast. By now he’s wide awake and filling every empty space with his chattering. I smile and realize just how precious and beautiful it is to hear his voice. The beauty of it is that he was speech delayed for so long. Where he only had a few words at two, now at four there’s a word and comprehension explosion! I love to see his face when he says certain words like delicious, sure, I will eat up the no or throw maybe in the garbage when he doesn’t like something being said. 

My sons fill my life and my heart with their love, honesty, and the beautiful beings that they are. When it came to God blessing my husband and I with these two precious souls we hit the jackpot. There’s such a tenderness in the way they love and adore each other and us. I casually joke around that we’re riding the crazy train or going to crazy town, and I’ve been told I’m the mayor of it by my youngest!  And when I hear Ozzy’s Osbourne’s song Crazy Train I will crank it up and exclaim this is my jam. But oh how I love them, and want to hold them and stop them from growing up so fast! I know that’s not possible but time can just stand still for a little while. The magic of the moments frozen in time fill my love bucket to the brim! 
  
It’s time for me to carry on with my day doing my chores. Tidying up my kitchen, unloading, and loading the dishwasher while listening to my favourite radio station. There’s a mindfulness in the rhythm of my life. As I listen to my washing machine singing its little tune that it’s done, and my son and I walk down the stairs, counting each step as we go. 

He trots off to the toy room as I switch the laundry over and carry on to the living room. I set him up with a movie and as he relaxes into the comfort of his blanket and the antics of Toopie and Binoo I watch him with amazement. How much he’s grown, endured, and how he sees the world. I pull out my treadmill, set it up, and step on. As I start out with walking and work up to a light jog I’ve entered my zen. I’m lost in the mindfulness of my footsteps while  I hear my adorable son’s infectious giggles, the whir of the motor, and I feel my heart beating in the rhythm of mindful beauty.  

This has been my contribution to the #OBP #bunkerpunkwordswap. Come and follow along and read some amazing bloggers today. Thank you. ❤️ 

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Not your Ordinary Love Story

 

Today I’m participating in my first Love is in the air blog hop. There will promotions, prizes, and stories of love and romance. Hop on board while I share my story and make sure to visit all the blogs on the list. Thank you, now onto the fun. 💞

I’m going to share a story and it will either inspire you, make you giggle, or run for the hills! My love story it started innocently enough when I met my love at a hockey game with my sister. After the game I went to this party and met the goalie. We talked, we laughed, and I was hooked on his vibe. I was younger by about five years but didn’t matter to me I had just met the man I was going to marry. He didn’t know that yet though. I had developed a huge grade A crush on the goalie but only my Mom and my Gram knew about it. 

  
Time passed by and the goalie graduated and moved out of town. I had secretly kept tabs on him over the years. And our next meeting was at a friend’s funeral that I attended. Then I heard he moved out of the province and I once again inquired of his whereabouts. I ended up moving to the same province before I graduated. I tried to track him down but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. I met a couple of guys along the way, dated one, and had a long distance relationship with the other. It was fun for awhile then I was homesick, so I moved back to my hometown. I wanted to graduate with my friends so I left my past behind and looked towards my future.

Shortly after I moved back I heard the goalie was back in town. Life carried on and since we were in a small town I knew he was working and I was preparing for my graduation. 

Then I started planning a friends birthday party. Everything was going great as the party was in full swing. I was collecting empty bottles and filling up snacks and a party crasher walked in. I went up to to confront him and some bantering ensued. I saw he was wearing a Dallas Cowboy hat so we chatted about football, as that’s my favourite team. My curiosity got the better of me as this mystery man wouldn’t tell me who he was. So I took off his hat and looked into familiar eyes when I realized it was the goalie! We were inseparable the rest of the night and I sat on his knee and chatted about that time from long ago. 

He eventually left in the morning because he had to work. We parted ways with kisses and hugs and exchanged phone numbers. I couldn’t wait to see him again! A week had passed and I hadn’t heard from the goalie, so I took matters into my own hands and called him. He seemed happy to hear from me so we arranged a date. He picked me up and I introduced him to my family. He was polite and funny and we happily went on our way. The movie we saw was King Ralph and although John Goodman’s a great actor, he couldn’t hold my attention for long with my goalie in the room. After the movie we drove down to the golf course and went for a walk. 

We talked and enjoyed each other’s company. Our first kiss was on the first hole and one I’ll never forget. He literally made me weak at the knees, and I was hooked on my goalie man.

It wasn’t an easy relationship as the age difference made a difference with his friends. There was comments about my age, yet my friends could care less. I continued on the road to  my graduation day, and my goalie was working a lot. We spent as much time as we could together and looked forward to to getting to know each other. As the months carried on he found his way into my heart and my bed. I couldn’t get enough of him he was like my drug and I was his. Graduation day came and I introduced him to the rest of my family. My sister hadn’t seen him since she graduated,  and was quite shocked that he was my boyfriend. I couldn’t have been happier and my thoughts turned to a future starring only my goalie in the main role. 

 

 In the fall I moved out of town to attend college but still came back to see my boyfriend on the weekends. I knew we were meant to be so I worked even harder on our relationship. He moved in with his roommate and I continued my studies. He started a new job working with his best friend. I didn’t get to see him much with his work schedule of working nights. I finished my semester and came back to town, and found work while continuing my schooling. I have to admit though love was in the air and my thoughts were only of him.

An economic recession hit our town and his hours dwindled and he was struggling to make ends meet. A job opportunity came up for him to move away for a couple of months. He began working for a short term position, so he took it. I wrote him a letter each week and went up to visit before Christmas. I will always be grateful for that time as it was my cousin who got him the job. Him and his family opened up their home to him. This first temporary transfer started my love on the path to his career. My goalie was becoming a working man wearing a uniform and goaltending less. I was really happy for him, but I sensed change was in the air. I’m always right about these feelings, and sure enough he was asked to come back to the new job in a more long term position. So we sat down and decided what the next move would be. Either we parted ways as friends or we continued our relationship. We chose to remain together and found a home to start this new chapter of our lives. 

 

My love, my goalie man. ❤️

 
 It was an exciting and stressful time as I had to find work and move into our new home. The first year of any relationship is the hardest one. I loved him and I was determined that we were going to make it. It wasn’t easy and there was many times I cried a lot and wanted to be more than the girlfriend. He wanted to be with me but marriage wasn’t what he had in mind. So we continued living together and I became stronger in my self worth and concentrated on establishing my own career. I had finally decided what I wanted to do with my life so I went full steam of ahead with my plans. I found a job working in my profession as well as a part time job to supplement this goal.

I put my thoughts of marriage and family on the back burner and settled into a happy lifestyle. We were in love and committed to one another and that was all that mattered. After many years and thirty five weddings attended we got engaged. It was such an exciting time as I was on the road to getting all that I wanted. That can be exhilarating and scary at the same time. We had a fabulous wedding and got married in our hometown with all our friends and family in attendance. The church had a historic significance as it was the one that my Great Grandfather helped build. The greatest compliment ever told to us was that it was like we just found each other. Not a couple that had spent a lifetime together already. Our love for each other shined through with a force of a thousand suns. 

  
One of the most romantic events was the gift I gave to my husband. I wrote him a song and made a demo of it, and had it played at our wedding. We danced to it and looked into each other’s eyes. Time fell away and in that moment there was only us. He soon realized it was me singing and he hugged me so tight I thought he was going to crush me! Oh how I loved that moment and wanted to freeze it in time. 💞

 

   
 
Our honeymoon was on the Oregon coast as this was plan B since our trip to New Orleans was cancelled due to Hurricane Katrina. I knew we were meant to be in Oregon, as it was a magical week of discovering and exploring the beautiful coastline. Our  time there came to an end and we had to go back to reality. We settled into our routine as a married couple and change was in the air again in the way of a job transfer. Off went my husband to a new city and finding us a place to live. I stayed behind and continued working while packing up our house and hiring the moving company. In the new year we had found a beautiful new home, and found out that we were becoming a family. In that first six months of our marriage we did more living than all the years prior!  

We got married, bought a house, and got pregnant. Now here we are twenty five years later, married with two precoius sons, four job transfers later,  and living a happy life. There’s been bumps in the road of marital bliss but nothing we couldn’t handle. I knew our love was meant to be from the first moment my husband made me laugh,  and I got butterflies in my stomach. All these years later I still feel that way about my loveable goalie man.

  

  Is there a time in your life when you knew that someone was the one?

Tell me all about it in the comments below. Please visit all the other blogs in the blog hop for your chance to win the grand prize and read some great love stories. 

Special thank you to P.T. Macias for inviting me to be part of this exciting event. You can find her awesome self on her blog. Please go there to enter for the grand prize of an Amazon gift card! 

  
 
http://ptmacias.blogspot.com/

Sugar’s Fate is P.T.Macias’ latest release.


You can purchase it here:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RY8OLZQ
 

 

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Safe

My favourite place at the end of my day is in my husband’s arms. He makes me feel safe, loved, and cherished. We’ve been together a long time it’s hard for me to imagine life before him. There was a time when I didn’t feel safe to give my heart to anyone. I had countless boyfriends cheat on me and still want a relationship with me. That’s not how I operate its loyalty, monogamy, or nothing. I had a very verbally abusive ex who I began to not feel safe with. At first when we were dating everything was great, than that nagging feeling in the back of my thoughts will plague me. As the relationship progressed I thought I could change things when I he became sullen and moody. I wouldn’t talk when he wanted quiet, I wouldn’t talk to anyone when he wanted me by his side. We had one class together in high school and I was intrigued by him. He was a two  years older than me and I wasn’t shy and made friends easily. He liked what he saw in me so we began dating. At first it was new, fun, and exciting then like everything in life the bloom was fading from the rose. He started to show his true colors through his jealousy. I thought that I could change him by changing myself. This became a pattern of my obsession to improve myself. Better hair, makeup, clothes, and becoming fitter. I began to not recognize that person in the mirror as I slept less, ate more, and worked out religiously. In his kind moments that were fleeting, he’d tell me I looked so good I was good enough to eat. I didn’t really know what to think of that, I was 16 years old and never thought of myself as I prey before… It was really bizarre I remember one time hanging out with him and we were in his car. He was kissing and cuddling and watching the luminescent moon over the water. It was beautiful and romantic but it escalated quickly to tugging, pulling, and pinning me down. He wanted much more than I was willing to give. I of course said no loud and clear and he continued to press me further. I felt cornered and I came out fighting and punched him in the face and got out of the car. I started to run but he had my leg and my shoe came off in his hand. It was dark, scary, rocky, and I felt very unsafe. I didn’t know where I was as this was the first time I had been to this area.  I managed to climb up on some rocks while he tried to talk me down. I could smell him and see his thick, shrouded, aura emanating from him as he walked away. He got in his car and he left, roared out of there while I was huddled up on a rock in a skirt and sandals. I stayed up there and prayed for some resolution. These were the days before everyone had cell phones to capture their every move. I knew I couldn’t spend the night there and I was going to be in a lot of trouble because it was way past my curfew. I started to climb down and make my way across the rocks to the road. My feet were so sore and I had developed a blister. I was so scared and longed for the safety of my home and my bed. I trudged on and tried to shield myself from the icy cold wind blowing off the water. All I had to cover myself was my jean jacket. I was dressed to attend a dance which I did that my boyfriend was working at. I continued walking along the road praying that someone safe would find me. Suddenly there was bright lights heading towards me and I continued walking, then the car drove past me and I could hear tires squealing as it headed towards me. I ran as fast as I could and I heard music blaring then dead silence. I wasn’t safe but I knew I needed help. Then I heard my name being called it was my boyfriends friend and he told me he was looking all over for me. He was told I had a bitch fit and ran away. He drove me back home and I talked less and listened more. I felt relieved to be able to escape that debacle. I knew my ex was moody, was used to getting his own way, and every intuitive thought screamed at me to run not walk, away from him. As soon as I arrived home and thanked my ride for rescuing me I sat down and took a hard look at my life. I wrote down five things that I wanted for myself. 

  • 1. I wanted to feel safe. 
  • 2. I wanted to be with someone who loved, respected, and cared about my well being. 
  • 3. I wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin. 
  • 4. I needed to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. 
  • 5. I would never try to change a person again, and pay more attention to my empathic feelings. 

I took this list and then wrote a letter goodbye. I read it to my ex and we parted ways. There was apologies and attempts to win me over with charm and gifts. I looked at the list I had made and stuck to my guns, and didn’t give in. Fast forward twenty-five years in time and I’ve met, fallen in love, and created a life with a wonderful man who is on my list. He’s my soft, safe, place to fall when my world is scary. He loves, respects, and cares about my well being as well as our children. My husband makes me feel comfortable in my skin by showing me he’s comfortable in his. He gives me outlets to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. And when I’m not he makes sure I get more sleep, flowers, chocolate, dessert, and movie nights for just the two of us. I never try to change him, I just love him for who he is. Sure there are times I wish he’d fold some laundry, but that’s  minor in the long term view of our relationship. He helps me be a better, woman, wife, Mom, and friend. And knowing that he loves all of me, even the scary parts of my personality is a gift. I feel safe in knowing I’m loved and safe with him. 💗

This has been my submission to http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com Sunday confessions. Which I know it’s Thursday now. I wrote and saved it but couldn’t find it till now. Please check out the anonymous confession on Ash’s Facebook page and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 💕 


 

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Father

Over the last year I’ve wrote about my Dad a lot on Father’s Day his birthday and anytime I was thinking of him. He’s the first thing I think of when I read the word Father. Today I think about my husband the father he’s become to our children. We had been together a long time before marriage and kids and animals gravitated to him. I was the same way, I always had a bunch of kids to babysit and animals to look after before I had that I’m my own life. My husband and I were together for 15 years before marriage and I’ve known him even longer as he went to school with my middle sister. Oh you may think why on earth did I stick around for so long?! I wondered that myself over those years. I had well meaning friends and family even my own Dad, to move on if it wasn’t meant to be. What they didn’t understand was that I knew it was meant to be. I knew he was destiny, I knew that he would be my forever love. As soon as I met him when I was 12 years old, and felt my heart skip a beat, and butterflies in my tummy. Not to say it wasn’t difficult in the beginning stages of our relationship. As my friends and family thought he was too old for me, and his friends thought I was too young. We struggled and persevered and moved out of town and into a house together. That first year was the hardest, and there was plenty of times I wanted to throw in the proverbial towel and run. But I stayed and learned a lot about myself in the process. We had a strong bond and a deep love for one another but feared commitment. I struggled with my childhood abandonment issues as the little 4 year old girl in me was afraid of be left again. My past childhood trauma of all the cursing, crying, and cutting when my Dad ran out of my life. I still remember it like it was yesterday as my Mom’s face changed and the look in her eyes was deadly as she chased him out the door. He had made many mistakes and I was witnessing a woman on the edge who could take no more. And my husband had his own memories of his childhood witnessing fighting, crying, and booze soaked nights of his Father absenteeism whole spent at the bar. The Mom home looking after her son’s never knowing what would transpire when he got home. So my husband and I found each other and our broken inner children fell in love as well. We had learned to patch up those broken pieces of our hearts and psyche with our addictions to booze, partying, and fair weather friendships.
And year after year I wondered when this fantasy in my mind of being his wife and Mother to his children would transpire. As empaths my beloved Mama and Gram knew of this vision, this vibration for that I couldn’t explain it just would be. So time marched on and I knew there was a change in the air. My husband got a promotion at work and he felt more stable financially. His first response when we went out to celebrate was “I guess it’s time to buy a house.” And our best friends chimed in and said “yes, and get married.” I was very happy for him and for us but I knew that wasn’t a step he was ready for. It had seemed throughout our relationship it was my hoping, wishing, and praying that we would walk that aisle to matrimony. I just knew it would come to fruition, but the endless question was when?! The first time he proposed I didn’t even think that beautiful ring in the white velvet box was for me. I thought he bought something for his Mom, that’s how far away from the idea of marriage I had been!!! And we did have a fabulous wedding as our family and friends marvelled at the 15 years together as a couple, looked like a new found love and respect for one another as we became husband and wife. I wrote him a song and recorded a demo that played as we held each the tight, basking in the glow of our love. Shortly after our marriage came a job transfer to a new city and a house buying adventure. And after our first new year celebrated as a married couple I was pregnant. In that 6 months we did more learning, growing, and life changes than we did in the 14 years prior!
So the excitement of moving into our first home and my growing belly, while we both worked to secure our dream. Then that magical day when our first son entered the world on a cold snowy winter day everything that was meant to be was. I watched my husband hold our precious bundle of joy and bathe him for the first time in the hospital. I didn’t think I could handle the joy that squeezed my heart as I watched their bond forming. As the tears leaked out of my eyes I knew this was what happiness was all about. Then a dark tunnel of post partum depression and the death of my Dad followed to cloud that silver lining. Yet my husband’s love and support got me through this dark night of my soul. And I became stronger and resilient. And after a long grieving period I found myself pregnant again. I remember telling my Mom of our joyful news and how she hugged me tight and we cried, with the sheer beauty of the moment. This was to be our miracle baby, as I struggled to keep him till he was ready to enter the world. In that time my beloved Mama was struggling with ill health. Her poor body couldn’t take it and she died when I was 8 months along. My heart broke into a thousand pieces as I had to say goodbye to the reason I was in the world today. I remember singing at her funeral her favorite hymn, where my voice reached the rafters of the church in musical notes I had never reached before. I knew she was with me, and would continue to be throughout the last month of my pregnancy. My second son made his arrival a month early but a healthy 6 lbs, 2 oz. He had to stay in the NICU as he was severely jaundiced and sleepy and he was losing ounces. I watched as my Captain met him in the hospital and he looked a gamut of tumultuous emotions as he saw his brother hooked up to wires and machines. Fear, happiness, and love were visible in his precious face. He sang Tom T. Hall’s I love and there wasn’t a dry eye in that NICU. Then that blessed day came when we could take our precious baby home. We met our Captain at preschool and the joy and relief he had on his face of us being reunited as a family is something I will always cherish. And my sons love their sweet Daddy, like the flowers love the sunshine. Now those days have turned to weeks, months, and years as we find ourselves spending Christmas with our loved ones. Instead of being so far away like the previous moves we’ve ventured on. I’m looking forward to ringing in the new year in our new home with my loving family. To my husband, my forever love, my soft place to fall, the Father of our children thank you for amazing you. Happily ever after really does exist, when it’s touched by the glow of love. ❤️

This has been my Sunday confession hosted by the sweet http://www.sparklypoeticweirdo.com. Check out her confession and all the other talented bloggers that link up. Smooches and Merry Christmas to you all. 😃❤️🎄🎅🌟

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