Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Monday Musings-Triggers of the Past

What is it about the past that activate the triggers in your mind from childhood? It’s like those thoughts lay in a locked  box deep inside my brain then something happens and then they’re triggered, and opened up to sift through like a filing cabinet of memories. I recently woke up with a stiff neck and had to spend most of my day resting and stretching my overworked muscles. 

I started a new fitness program and I was overzealous about it and this is the result. I have to remember I’m not twenty anymore and take it at a less than frantic pace. All I could think about as I lay there feeling sorry for myself was how much I loved to climb as a child. You could find me in trees, on top of the roof of my house, and sitting on my Mom’s upright piano. 

There was one time I was climbing like usual after I bounded out of the house after breakfast. I reached out to grab a branch and instead I grabbed a snake! You can imagine my fright as I felt helpless and plummeted to the earth below. I lay there listening to my bones crack I wondered if I could walk and if that snake was going to land on my head. I could see it still in the tree hissing at me like something out of Disney’s Robin Hood. 

I never did like that character Sir Hiss as my Mom and Gram had a fear of snakes and all I knew was to fear them as well. My Mom came outside to check on me and saw me lying on the ground. She started screaming, crying, and praying as she tried to find help. All my siblings had left for school and my Dad for work. So she picked me up and brought me into the house. 

She laid me softly down on the couch and covered me with my favourite blanket. She put a cool washcloth on my forehead and began to check my head and neck for damage. I was so sore and had a big goose egg on the back of my skull. It hurt to move my neck so I just laid there while my sweet Mama cried and prayed over me. 

We lived in a rural community so to find anyone home to take me to the Dr was a slim and none chance. My Mom gave me something for the pain and turned on the tv. She had put my favourite show Sesame Street on and I listened and drifted off to sleep. I survived that fall and many others because I was a climber. Now I have my own child that loves to climb bookshelves, the back of the couch, on top of his bike, and has yet to climb a tree. 

This is what I thought about as I lied there in my bed having my pity party unable to turn my head while my sweet little boy looked after me. I don’t do helpless and sick very well, I don’t suppose any of us does. I just wish for my Mom to look after me like she did so long ago. But time has passed on and with it her life has too so I end up wistfully missing her and her tender loving care. 

Childhood triggers fill my mind with memories of good days and bad. Songs, games, and old friendships that were so important to me. I think of that old red house that reminded me of a barn on a farm. With the big heater with the stove pipe in the middle of the room. I think of the many hours spent there on my beloved Mama’s lap as she rocked me holding me tightly in her arms. I wish I could go back there for another day feeling that loves and cherished. Instead I lie here in my bed stiff and sore cuddling my child. Who will grow up and have these memories of special times with his Mom. 

This brings to mind a poem to fill my wistful grieving heart. 

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

-Rumi

This has been my late edition of #Mondaymusings as I was searching for the linkup that is now being hosted at Everyday Gyann if you’d like to join in here are some tips to take part in #MondayMusings? Here’s how it works:

Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.
Use the hashtag #MondayMusings.

Add your link to the linky which you will find here and on the post of a co-host.

Use our #MondayMusings badge to encourage other bloggers join in too.

Visit and comment on the posts of other bloggers linked here.

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Ten Things of Thankful

  
Another week has passed to recollect thankful days and grateful nights. I have to admit I’m struggling this week with years of tears that want to pour forth. I will do my best to articulate them here, or you may just see me bleed upon the page. Here’s to Lizzi and the TTOT Linkup my favourite spot to visit on the weekends. 😃

I’m thankful for my family. My sister took my oldest son for a holiday and it was good for all of us to miss and have some quality time with each other. 

I’m thankful for hiking and the beautiful scenery and moments of clarity I experience. Sharing that with my husband and youngest son is so special. We even made a friend along the way. 

  
  
I’m thankful for walks in the woods and nature and all it’s beauty. I always feel such a spiritual connection with God’s glorious creations. We’re all one, feeling the heartbeat of all life and love. 

I’m thankful for trips to the zoo with my zany family, and our two little monkeys that are so excited to climb, laugh, and explore. Our favourites are the Penguins and seeing their family’s having fun showing off for all their fans. 

   

 
I’m thankful for my memories and friendships. I’ve been struggling this week with the passing of my sweet friend 3 months ago. Everywhere I looked and every song I heard made me feel that ache of missing her. But I reached out to a mutual friend and she was able to help me with my grief. 

I’m thankful for the truth, even if it hurts. I am a seeker of knowledge and I dig until I find what I’m looking for. Sometimes it’s hard to face the truth of a matter, but I’d rather face that and it’s discomfort than live in a web of lies. It’s the unspoken truth of humanity that always keeps me guessing and searching. 

I’m thankful for overcoming obstacles and rising to the challenge. I completed my latest fitness challenge and I’m learning so much building my Beach Body coaching business. I’m lighter, leaner, and stronger, and I finally feel hopeful instead of harbouring pain in my mind, body, and spirit. 

I’m thankful for this beautiful spot I found on my favourite hike. I sat here to muse about life, love, and thoughts that need to be written and shared. 

  
I’m thankful for this rock it’s on this rock that I found my strength and belief in myself. Where I decided to make my dreams come true of writing my book and how to fund it. My son and I scrambled up here and wanted to show off our muscles for Daddy. 

  
I’m thankful for the generousity of family and friends. My sisters who love me and are my greatest most fulfilling friendships. They give me the gift of time, the smiles on my children’s faces, laughter, and fresh produce from ones garden, and homemade hummus and chips from the other. My in-laws gifted me with a beautiful new set of dishes as we’ve been using the same ones since my bridal shower. And my sweet friend I, I’m grateful for the words of encouragement and compassion right when I needed them the most. ❤️

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Writer’s quotes Wednesday

I walked along the path not knowing where it led. It was a new area of town  for me, and hand in hand I walked with my son eager to see what we were meant to see. Two, three, and then four deer came bounding through the forest so quickly I couldn’t even take a picture. We saw them and their gracefulness through the lens of our eyes than the camera. And what a beautiful sight it was before us.  
This has been my very late submission to Silver Threading Writer’s Quote Wednesday. Please check out all the talent and inspiration that link up. 😊

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Writer’s Quotes Wednesday

I watched my youngest son watching the sunset as he exclaimed “the sky is beautiful Mommy, like you.” And that magical  moment inspired this quote.

   
This has been my submission to Silver Threading Writer’s Quotes Wednesday. Please check out all the inspiration and creativity there, thank you. ❤️

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