Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Lose the Cape-Never will I ever (then I had kids) Book Review edited by Alexa Bigwarfe and Kerry Rivera

  
It’s been no secret that I received the honour of being published in this book anthology. I’ve been on cloud nine since my essay was excepted by the Lose the Cape team! I was even more excited to purchase an ebook to read on my kindle app before the printed version was available. I’ve bragged about this book shamelessly and promoted it on all corners of my social media. For this I have no apology as my acceptance revitalized my commitment to my writing. 
I was feeling dejected as some bigger publications I submitted to denied my stories. In the meantime I was published on some great websites as well and I’m appreciative of that. I was looking for some reach on my social media platform and to build my brand. I was floundering and I didn’t feel like their was a clear path for me. So I decided to write for publications that really mattered me and not chase the “cash cow” that I was. I have no judgement for anyone else to enter those hallowed halls it’s just been too hard on my bruised ego. 

I saw that Lose the Cape was accepting submissions so I applied and got accepted! I was very happy and my post made it into the top 5 as most read for the month of October. This was a nice feather in my cap then I saw the call for personal essays for the book anthology to Lose the Cape-Never will I ever. I jumped on this opportunity like a cowboy to a horse and sent in my story. 

You can imagine my surprise and elation when I opened up my email and saw my acceptance and congratulations! I hugged my husband tight and I sprang out of bed like I was on fire and broke out into an Irish jig. I’m sure I made my ancestors chuckle as I like to speak in an Irish accent when I’m happy. Tis true it was my Ma’s way of making me laugh, sing, and dance. So who am I not to entertain my family in the same manner? 
Without further ado I give you my review of Lose The Cape-Never will I ever. 

I received this book as an ARC (Acquired reading copy) for my honest review and I’m privileged to be a contributor to it as well. I was very excited to see my words in print but this book has provided so much more than that! I read each story learning more about myself with each writer’s personal accounts. I laughed, cried, laughed, found my composure again and found myself so absorbed in these heartwarming stories. Lose the Cape-Never Will I Ever is a wonderful book written by such talented people and edited by the amazing team at Lose the Cape and Kat Biggie Press. I feel so blessed to be a part of something so special. Just recently I applied and was accepted as a writer/contributor to Lose The Cape. I love being on such a creative and talented team that reside there. I’m learning more about myself as a writer and as a person with each story I read there. I’m affirming myself as the writer I always dreamed I would be and living for my Mom’s vision for me. Please come check out the website and follow along on social media as well. I also wrote a book review for Alexa and Kerry’s first collaboration Lose the Cape-Realities for Busy Modern Day Mom’s and Strategies to Survival you can read it Here

  
  Make sure you enter the Valentine giveaway for these great books. 
You can follow Alexa and Kerry on social media sharing their book here:
http://losethecape.com/

https://twitter.com/LosetheCape

https://www.facebook.com/LoseTheCape

Author background information:
Alexa Bigwarfe

Alexa Bigwarfe is a freelance writer, wife, and mother of three children and a dog. In addition to raising her children, managing her home, and writing, Alexa’s heart is in advocacy and raising funds to support nonprofit organizations involved with infant, children and women’s issues. Alexa launched her writing with her personal blog No Holding Back, (katbiggie.com). Here she chronicles topics including health and wellness, living with autoimmune diseases, and most importantly, her grief after the loss of one of her twin daughters to complications from Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). Alexa took the experience from that painful life event and channeled it into a compilation book for grieving mothers entitled Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother and recently edited another book anthology Never the Same Again-Families Forever Changed by Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. She has also been published in two anthologies, The Mother of All Meltdowns and The HerStories Project. Alexa enjoys writing articles about parenting and children’s health and wellness topics for regional parenting publications and online magazines. In her “spare” time, you can find Alexa enjoying time with her girlfriends or hiding in her closet for some “alone” time.
You can follow Alexa here:
http://katbiggie.com/

https://www.facebook.com/NoHoldingBack1212

https://twitter.com/katbiggie

Kerry Rivera
Kerry Rivera is a full-time working mom of three kids with a to-do list that stretches to “infinity and beyond.” Between a demanding corporate gig, the nightly homework and kids’ activities, and managing a household with her full-time working husband, she blogs about the “juggle” at BreadwinningMama.com. Her career journey started in the newsroom trenches and has since transitioned to working for one of the largest global automotive companies. She additionally writes for corporations, government agencies and brands in her “spare” time, and especially enjoys sharing the joys of modern parenthood around the web. Her love for content creation is only trumped by her love for content consumption. Her Kindle and nightstand are equally full, and a stack of magazines can be found in every room of the house. As a Southern California native, she takes advantage of the outdoors, enjoying both the beaches and mountains with family and friends, and loves to caffeinate with Starbucks Refreshers and Coke. She aspires to perfect a handstand in yoga, but is still working on touching her toes.
You can follow Kerry here:
http://breadwinningmama.com

https://www.facebook.com/BreadwinningMama

https://twitter.com/breadwinningmom

 

10 Comments »

Science of Parenthood book review

  
Have you ever had a book come into your life right when you needed it the most? I have a handful of times it’s like the right book was searching for me as I was it. This marvellous book I’m referring to is the Science of Parenthood written by Norine Dworkin and illustrated by Jessica Ziegler. 
I signed up to be part of their #Boogiewipes Science of Parenthood blog tour and I’m also proud to be a #Boogieblogger. I received this book as an ARC (acquired reading copy) for my honest review. It arrived in my mailbox on Christmas Eve and I was tickled pink to see it there. I eagerly dived into it getting lost in the pages while my cookies baked and I left my kitchen a disaster. 

Covered in flour and cinnamon is how I spend most of my December with Christmas baking so that day  was no different. My son had been sick nineteen days out of the month so I was grateful for my reading break! I began to giggle as I read the scientific explanations of what Norine had explained in relation to parenting. 

To say I liked this book is an understatement I absolutely loved it! The information backed up with scientific data as well as the tongue and cheek way it was presented made me giggle late into the night under my covers hoping I wouldn’t wake my sleeping household! I really related to to the chapter on Darwin Parents: Adapt or Die! As I believe this is what parenthood is all about. Constantly adapting to sleeping, feeding, bathing yourself and your children. Then just when you figure it out and get cocky and say out loud “I got this” your kids will change up the game and you’re back at square one! 

My favourite paragraph in the chapter is as follows:

“Whoever coined the phrase “change is good” clearly never woke up every two hours to feed a newborn. Or paced 26.2 miles round the living room, trying to soothe a screaming infant. Or went ten days without showering because she was too exhausted to care. Or notice.”

It’s like the heavens opened up and the clouds parted and the angel chorus sang Hallejuah to me when I read that, because this is my life! My kids were never sleepers, not the babies that you bring home from the hospital and are sleeping by one month. No they never got that memo and I’m still trying to fax it to my son’s bedside at 4.5 years old! 

The chapter on potty training left me in stitches as we went through it last year. He was a little late with all of the steps with having some special needs. Now it’s a big production in the bathroom I cringe when I hear those words “come see what I did Mommy, it’s right there!” Then the road trips for hockey I hear “stop the truck I have to pee.” But you just went before we left the house.” Which means nothing to a preschooler.  I soon find out it’s much more fun to pee on Daddy’s tires than a toilet! 

  
Reading this graph had me hysterics as we go through this every time we go to grocery store or are stuck in a lineup shopping. I ask all the questions as described and get a no, I’m fine, let’s go, then it’s holding his bottom screaming “I got to go now!” It makes running errands an Olympic event as I pick up my child and run through the aisles to find the nearest bathroom. 

  
This particular case above wonderfully illustrated by Jessica described my Christmas. I love to build things Legos, blocks, puzzles you name it I want to build it. I was so excited to give my oldest son a box of Connext so we could build some awesome structures with it. He was kind enough when he opened it to say “thanks Mom that’s cool” but I seen his eyes light up when guitar hero was the next gift unwrapped. I just can’t compete with rock and roll so if you can’t beat them join them. 

This book is a must have for every expectant parent it will be my token baby shower gift from now on. It’s leading the charts in the categories of Parenting, Motherhood, and Funny books and is available on Amazon. I would recommend Science of Parenthood to anyone that’s done daycare it will keep you laughing. You’ll be nodding your head in agreement so much like me you’ll think you’re one of those bobble head dolls! Enjoy then you can say you read a book like this famous Doctor who’s definitely one of my favourites. 

“The perfect field manual for all the parents out there who can do nothing else with their day but laugh.”

-MEHMET OZ, MD, father, grandfather, and Emmy Award-winning host of the Dr. Oz Show. 

(So true Dr.Oz)

  
About the Authors

Norine Dworkin-McDaniel 

Norine is the co-author and principal writer of Science of Parenthood. A longtime magazine writer, Norine’s articles and essays have appeared in just about every women’s magazine you can buy at supermarket checkout as well as on The Huffington Post, Parenting.com and Scary Mommy. Norine is the co-author of You Know He’s a Keeper…You Know He’s a Loser: Happy Endings and Horror Stories from Real Life Relationships (Perigee), Food Cures (Reader’s Digest) and a contributor to several humor anthologies, including Have Milk, Will Travel: Adventures in Breastfeeding(Demeter Press). She lives with her husband and 9-year-old son son in Orlando.

Jessica Ziegler

The daughter of famed New Yorker cartoonist Jack Ziegler, Jessica is Science of Parenthood’s co-author and illustrator. In her “off hours,” Jessica is the director of social web design for VestorLogic and the writer/illustrator of StoryTots, a series of customizable children’s books. Jessica was named a 2014 Humor Voice of the Year by BlogHer/ SheKnows Media. Her writing and illustration have been published on The Huffington Post, InThePowderRoom.com, Vegas.com and in Las Vegas Life and Las Vegas Weekly. She lives with her husband and 11-year-old son in Denver.

 Together, Jessica and Norine are the creators of The Big Book of Parenting Tweets and The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets, published earlier in 2015. 

Science of Parenthood is available in soft cover and e-book on Amazon

Follow along on these Social Media Links:

Facebook

Twitter 

Pinterest

Instagram 
Visit the website to see where abouts Norine and Jessica are on the #Boogiewipesblogtour. 

Follow along to see the Book tour Cities/Dates it might be in your town next. 

2 Comments »

Lose your Cape-Book Review

  

Today I’m going to tell you about a wonderful book that I read this month, and fell in love with. I was fortunate enough to receive an ARC (Aquired Reading Copy) for my honest review. I knew with my first child that I wanted to be a super Mom so badly. I stayed home and spent endless hours reading and researching on how to be a good Mom. As I look back on it now I realize all I had to do was love my son, feed, change, protect, and put him first and that was being a good Mom. In Alexa Bigwarfe and Kerry Rivera’s book I saw myself as a first time Mom relating to the anecdotal responses from other Mom’s like me. And all the mistakes that I made trying to wear that cape and be that Super Mom. From the newborn to the toddler stage they cover each part of parenthood with honesty, joy, and humourous anecdotes. I felt so connected with their advice and the advice of bloggers they interviewed. Each chapter begins with a quote and for a quote junkie like me I loved it. Chapters covered are preparing for life with a newborn, spousal support at home, tackling chores, keeping organized, and family mealtimes. Also included are information on single parenting, getting the help you need to tame that laundry beast. I appreciated the pertinent information for surviving in today’s world as a modern day Mom. Including all the excellent websites, blogs, and books recommended. I loved this book so much with its’s honest approach to just loving and accepting who I am as a Mom, and just lose the cape because to my kids I’m already a SUPER  hero MOM without it. My favourite tip was the chapter on family organization. Learning about the different calendars and apps to help my family get coordinated with our busy schedules. As well as all the tips on mealtimes and how to appease picky eaters. Which I could write a book on myself with my son’s food texture issues!  Special thanks to Alexa and Kerry’s blog tour coordinator Alison for granting me the pleasure of beta reading this wonderful book. And to the authors for writing such a fabulous, candid, heartfelt book. 😃

You can preorder your copy here release date April. 26 th 2015

 Amazon link
You can follow Alexa and Kerry on social media sharing their book here:

http://losethecape.com/

https://twitter.com/LosetheCape

https://www.facebook.com/LoseTheCape

https://www.pinterest.com/losethecape/

Authors Background Information

Alexa Bigwarfe


Alexa Bigwarfe is a freelance writer, wife, and mother of three children and a dog. In addition to raising her children, managing her home, and writing, Alexa’s heart is in advocacy and raising funds to support nonprofit organizations involved with infant, children and women’s issues. Alexa launched her writing with her personal blog No Holding Back, (katbiggie.com). Here she chronicles topics including health and wellness, living with autoimmune diseases, and most importantly, her grief after the loss of one of her twin daughters to complications from Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). Alexa took the experience from that painful life event and channeled it into a compilation book for grieving mothers entitled Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother. She has also been published in two anthologies, The Mother of All Meltdowns and The HerStories Project. Alexa enjoys writing articles about parenting and children’s health and wellness topics for regional parenting publications and online magazines. In her “spare” time, you can find Alexa enjoying time with her girlfriends or hiding in her closet for some “alone” time.


You can follow Alexa here:


http://katbiggie.com/

https://www.facebook.com/NoHoldingBack1212

https://twitter.com/katbiggie

Kerry Rivera


Kerry Rivera is a full-time working mom of three kids with a to-do list that stretches to “infinity and beyond.” Between a demanding corporate gig, the nightly homework and kids’ activities, and managing a household with her full-time working husband, she blogs about the “juggle” at BreadwinningMama.com. Her career journey started in the newsroom trenches and has since transitioned to working for one of the largest global automotive companies. She additionally writes for corporations, government agencies and brands in her “spare” time, and especially enjoys sharing the joys of modern parenthood around the web. Her love for content creation is only trumped by her love for content consumption. Her Kindle and nightstand are equally full, and a stack of magazines can be found in every room of the house. As a Southern California native, she takes advantage of the outdoors, enjoying both the beaches and mountains with family and friends, and loves to caffeinate with Starbucks Refreshers and Coke. She aspires to perfect a handstand in yoga, but is still working on touching her toes.


You can follow Kerry here:


http://breadwinningmama.com

https://www.facebook.com/BreadwinningMama

https://twitter.com/breadwinningmom

 

Now go on a get your ebook preorder link here: release date April.26 th 2015. 


http://www.amazon.com/Lose-Cape-Realities-Strategies-Survive-ebook/dp/B00UWCLY9M/ref=sr_1_1_twi_2_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1427760438&sr=8-1&keywords=lose+the+cape




2 Comments »

A Mother’s guilt

I’m at my wits end with my oldest son. He said he had a sore throat so I let him stay home from school. The rules are rest, rehydrate, and relax. He had helped clean up the basement so I allowed him a movie with his little brother. I’m upstairs cleaning, laundry, dishes and I go to check on him and he’s downstairs playing video games. I walk into the room and he’s pretending to be sleeping!!!! I told him get up and go to bed. He starts to argue that he was having quiet time because his little brother didn’t want to watch a movie.

So I sent him to bed and I continued folding laundry. Then I can hear him out of his room. I’m ready to lose it I’ve sent him to bed twice and he’s come back out. First he was playing hockey with the Mad dog so I said get to bed! He says I’m hungry; then get your food and get to bed!!!! So he says forget it I’ll just starve you don’t care! So then he’s there for 10 minutes and he comes back out again to ask his brother to go downstairs to watch a movie. Get the $@@% to bed now I bellow!!!!

What is wrong with my kid? He won’t listen, he doesn’t respect me, then he tells me he’s getting yelled at school by five people. And one is supposedly his teacher. Well I’ll be addressing this and I will be sending him to school tomorrow because if I don’t I might just duct tape his mouth shut!!!!!
I don’t know where I went wrong we used to be so close. Then I was so sick and sad when I was pregnant with his brother. I carry a lot guilt because my Mom died then I had my baby five weeks later.

Due to the premature birth he had to stay in the hospitals NICU. When I was finally realized after five days, I still went back and forth to the hospital to care for my baby. This is when I feel the disconnect happened. My son was grieving the loss of my Mom, me not being there, and then a little brother who was sick. What had happened in his little world was too much so he turned to his Dad as his saviour and protector. That’s when it all changed between us.

His attitude changed towards me and jealously set in because I was always with my baby. Even though he adored his baby brother. It didn’t matter how much that new love was blossoming and growing, he had lost a part of his Mom. I had to be strong, stoic, and a rock for my children. Meanwhile I was dying and falling apart into little broken, jagged pieces. My heart was shattered I lost my one and only one and I felt like a part of me had died too! Not something a four year boy could understand with his precious heart. So I put my grief on hold to deal with his.

I thought I was doing the right thing as I struggled with intense grief of my own, sleep deprivation, and adjusting to an anti depressant. I didn’t want to be that parent that checked out when my kids needed me the most. It was bound to happen, as I just felt like I was a medicated brain and a body barely able to function. I honestly don’t know how I got through that difficult time. Grief recovery, family, friends, my husband and the love of my sons all played a role.

Life within that little bubble of calm helped me exist. As my body and my brain began to connect as I adjusted to my medication. But my little boy changed as his brother grew up. He got more abrasive with me, his angry tantrums became longer, and I went into research mode. If I don’t understand something I will read until I do. I read books, listened to lectures, attending parenting workshops. In order to understand what had happened to my son. I wish I had looked more into neurology than maybe I could see the early signs of his brain changing.

The ADHD behaviours, dyspraxia, and Sensory Integration disorder were there. He was just so much like me sensitive with an explosive temper that I just saw pain, grief, and jealously. This is when the switch happened, and when I had to fill out recent questionnaires about these behaviours it was hard to hold back the tears. I cried for that little boy who lost his Grandma, Mom, and gained a baby brother. I cried for my lack of understanding, the turmoil, and stress that cyclones around me.

And most of all I cried for that broken relationship between a Mother and her first born. I pray I can repair it before it’s too late and I lose his love and kindness forever. That’s a Mother’s guilt always wearing my heart on the outside of my body. So here I am today parenting through the pain and loving myself and my family with everything I have. Praying for that change to patch my oldest son’s heart back together. That’s Motherhood both beautiful with the moments of cherished gazes and spoken words of I love you. And crushing defeat and frustrating when those words turn to you don’t care, you don’t love me. I put my eyes on the prize and slowly, but carefully walk that tightrope of love and hate for myself.

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8 Comments »

Living, Loving, and Surviving

There’s a story I’ve never told, well I’ve touched on it in previous blogs but I’ve never told the whole truth of it. I read a blog last night that hit me with glaring, beautiful, inspiration, and acceptance. This blog at http://heysweetlittlething.wordpress.com reached into my heart and held it in the palm of her hand. She wrote a beautiful, brave,poignant, story about her survival with Post Partum Depression (PPD).

It was liked she walked inside my head went into a filing cabinet and pulled out my memories. I had a beautiful pregnancy with my first child. I ate healthy, exercised, rested, worked retail, taught yoga, and rested some more. Everything was on schedule and I was due on Halloween. What you don’t know about me is I’m short, like 5″1 and by the time I got into my eighth month I was all baby. My Dr asked me how I was feeling and how I was eating. I was starting to slow down walk less, and waddle more. I could only eat small portions because there was just no room. I felt like a whale even though I was told I looked six months along then full term. This should’ve been my cue to my first guilt trip entering parenthood.

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Stock Photo found on Pic Collage

So there I was ready to pop and my baby came into the world two days later. He was a very healthy 7 lbs, 10 oz baby boy and I fell in love the moment I laid eyes on him. He was so long, 21 inches, lean and had a purple cone head. Oh wow he was beautiful to me, as I gazed into his eyes and held him in my loving embrace. He was delivered after eleven hours of labour via emergency Caesarean section. He was only in the NICU for a short amount of time until my IV came out the next day. He had a healthy cry and was very resistant to being swaddled, and had to have his hands and feet sticking out. I called him my baby burrito and little jack rabbit, because he had the biggest feet I’d ever seen on a baby. My dear husband and I took him home and became parents, even though we didn’t have a clue what we were doing. He didn’t sleep much and seemed to be clustered feeding all the time!

My Dr noticed at my six week post partum checkup I was struggling and said I could supplement him. I persevered as I wanted to breastfeed, so I survived on very little sleep, and whatever the nutrition had was gone in one feeding. I couldn’t put my baby down for ten minutes without him shrieking like he was dying. I knew of course he wasn’t, so I took to wearing him in my baby Bjorn carrier so I could get laundry and dishes done. He loved it with being so close to my heart, as I did. My husband had gone back to work after two weeks so I had started a routine to be that stay at home Mom. I started to notice things like how emotional I was and every cry would set me off into panic mode. I knew hormones played a huge role but something was off…

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I remember walking the floor up and down my hallway and around the upstairs and down again trying to get my son to stop crying. I loved him so much and he’d screw up his face and cry until he turned purple. I felt like a huge failure and my heart was breaking with each crying jag. And my sanity was shattering as I was surviving on vapors of sleep. I didn’t know what else to do so I did baby yoga to relief his gas, gave him medicine and rocked him till my body was numb and my ass was square. I then began to lock the doors and check the windows one by one and I was terrified someone was going to break in and kidnap my precious son.

At first I thought this was odd behavior but I rationalized and thought I was sleep deprived and that could make anyone connect with their inner psycho! Then I became possessive and hovered if anyone else held him and I just chalked it up to being a first time Mom. And that could make anyone protective of their first born. Then the day came when my son was three months old and my body was aching from one to many nights in the rocking chair. So I decided to take a bubble bath, I pulled back the curtain and saw this disgusting soap scum bath tub ring and I just lost it! I put my baby in his swing and scrubbed the ring and cried and scrubbed until my bath tub shone, and my hands were raw. I stepped into the tub letting the hot warm envelop and cleanse me from my sins. I loved my baby so much but I couldn’t take anymore sleepless nights. I laid in the tub bawling as my son watched me and rocked back and forth.

Later that evening I was doing my nightly shuffle around the house so my husband could be rested for work. Feed my baby, burp him, change him and try to put him to sleep. He would cry the minute I laid him down and the routine would start all over again. He would eat until I was completely drained, he was like a vampire and could never be full for more than forty-five minutes to an hour. I remember walking past the stairs and thinking if I just fell down them then I wouldn’t have to go through this torture! I never wanted to hurt my baby EVER, I just wanted all the insanity to stop and to finally rest.

I feel such shame and self loathing as I re-read that last sentence. It’s not something I’ve ever forgiven myself for and its been eight years! The next morning I was up when my husband went to work. I told him how I felt and what I was thinking last night. I told him I put our baby to bed in his crib and laid on the floor and cried until I was just an empty shell of a Mom. So my husband called my Uncle and he came over to stay with me so I could get some rest. I called my Dr that day but wasn’t able to get an appointment till the following week so I slept off and on all day, feeding my baby, changing him, till my husband came home. God bless my uncle for being there for me, he saved me that day. As I just wanted to walk out the door and walk away.

The next day my friend and her son’s came over and she took one look at me and said go to bed. And they looked after my baby and brought him to me to feed. She decided to call my husband and tell him I needed a night out and she was concerned about me. I told her how I felt and I couldn’t understand this craziness inside my head. So my husband came home from work, and I was showered and dressed up and ready for a night out. I felt like their was an ice pick plunging into my heart to leave my sweet boy. It had been three months and I never left the house without him. I’m the end I knew it was the best thing for both of us. As I pumped a lot that day, and I knew my friend was an amazing Mom, and my son was in the best of care.

We had a wonderful date night and I felt so relaxed and refreshed. Later that night my husband got up to the what he dubbed the “hockey glide walk” rock, rock, glide, glide, walk around the house. I fed the baby put him back to bed and we all fell asleep! It was miraculous moment in time, later that night I woke up in a panic because I thought my son was in our bed and I was going to suffocate him! I looked at my blankets and I could’ve sworn he was really there and I was going to hurt him. So I sprang out of bed crying turning on lights and looking for him. My husband woke up startled and went to check on our baby and there he was safe and sound, sleeping in his crib.

I called my best friend the next day that lived far away and she said I needed to get out of the house and be around people. She assured me it would be good for me and the baby. I could detect a hint of worry in her voice so I agreed. I went to health unit and there was a few Moms there I had been getting to know. The topic from the health nurse Erin was Postpartum and Beyond. After listening to the discussion and sharing a little of my experience I finally learned what was wrong with me. That day I swear I would’ve kissed Erin, as she saved my life. I had felt horrible for so long then I realized it was my brain chemistry and hormones wrecking havoc with me. After that I went to the library and took any and all books out pertaining to Post Partum Depression. I shared what I was learning with my husband and he could see I had purpose and drive again. Other than being the best Mom I could be for my son. Who I love so much my heart aches with that longing.

My son was growing well and I would lay there on my bed and stare up at the light and watch the fan go round and round. Those were the best times as he was quiet, content, and happy. I had test weighed him at the clinic and then fed him, and he was taking in two to three ounces so the health nurses weren’t concerned. I had kept a food journal since he was in the hospital. Keeping track of how much he ate, what his diapers were, and how long he fed. I had three journals and scraps of papers everywhere so I didn’t lose track. I was able to record it all and take it into my Dr. She said I was very thorough, loving, Mother and I was suffering from PPD. So she gave me the choice to accept medication, nutrition, and therapy. I chose nutrition and therapy and I started attending a support group close by my house.

I met up with the wonderful facilitator and my new friend A from Baby Talk at the health unit was there as well. We were given a manual to read and follow with homework sections. It was about putting ourselves first with rest, proper nutrition, hydration, and socialization. A and I began to bond our babies never slept, ate all the time, and we were walking Mombie’s before The Walking Dead was created as a television series. We spent a lot of time together and she was the one I prayed to God for to help me through my crisis, and gain some understanding. Every since her baby girl reached back and grabbed my son’s giant feet while we were feeding our babies, we were destined to meet.

She is my sister from another mister and we’ve seen each other through another child in our family’s and deaths in our family tree. She has been my rock through thick and thin and her and her family are my own. Even though we live far apart we’re never to far away with social media or a phone call. Our children still have a bond even though they go months without seeing one another. When they are together it’s like they never were apart. Much the same as for us Moms. We walked a very dark path together and have found the light and survived PPD. A. taught me that I’m human being, a wonderful Mom, a loving wife, and a survivor. I admire her courage, bravery, honesty, and the fact that when she wants to give up she admits it, then jumps right into the ring of life again. The journey we take with our children now is a neurological one and we stand by each other sides brave and true.

I owe my survival of Post Partum depression to her friendship, my husband’s unwavering love and support, and the help of my network of kindness from far away. I will agree with Hey Sweet Little Things blog that PPD and any mental health issue are taboo subjects by many in society. They need to be talked about and shared without shame or ridicule. My beloved Mama always said when times were tough life was always better with red lipstick, rouge, and dark sunglasses. And my sweet Gram said that if you had love, laughter, and a cup of tea you could get through anything. I’ve lived my life on these these very wise philosophies. So each day I live, learn, and forgive myself one day at a time.

This story has been written for my Blogging 101 assignment. Getting to know your neighbours by reading their blog and commenting. After commenting write about why it inspired you. Thank you for reading today, and please check out http://heysweetlittlething.wordpress.com. She has a wonderful blog and I’m so happy I found it to start my healing journey. 💓

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This beautiful art used with permission from Arna Baartz http://www.artofkundalini.com

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