Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Theft  

I’ve put my heart and soul into the words I write. I have spoken and written the truth. It’s the way I live my life, and it’s what I teach my children. But what if I’m asked “Mommy are we going to be ok?” Are we going to find Daddy? How do I answer that when I don’t really know, I’m honest, truthful, as I’ve just said but not this time. The theft of my conscience in that moment rocked me to my core. 

It started out as a wonderful night of my husband and I surprising our kids. We were going into the city and going to see our first live Lacrosse game. We drove to the train station and started on our journey. My youngest son loves trains, and we’ve watched Thomas on Netflix on a continuous loop. To say he was excited is the understatement of the year. We started out on our train ride while talking about the sights we were seeing before us. 

Half way to our destination we found out the train route was being redirected and we would have to take the bus. So we went from excitement to a new change, which my youngest son doesn’t deal well with it at all. We boarded a very busy bus and sat in our seats. I sat behind the bus driver and my son got really upset because I sat in his seat. I picked him up and set him on my knee, which caused him to really panic. As he was freaking out and flailing in my arms, my husband stood up and I moved him back to his seat. 

Everything was under control as I checked in with my oldest son who has problems with being in close proximity to people in crowds. He was coping the best he could, because he could see his brother was struggling. Then I hear a woman talking she says “I wouldn’t have let him have the seat. I did that before and it ending badly.” I looked at her surprised she was even talking to me that’s when the theft of my patience happened. I said “he has autism, back off!” She replied that her son had it too.

 I had to stay my tongue even though I was boiling inside. I wanted to say “bitch you take care of your own backyard, and stay out of mine!” But I grumbled to my husband while the ignorant woman’s daughter listened to my every word. We finally reached our destination and the weather was bitterly cold so we ran to the arena. I was very relieved to find our seats and to sit down and wait for the festivities to start. The game was very exciting, action packed, and loud. By the third quarter my son’s were done. So we packed up to leave and started out for the train. It was getting ready to leave so my husband said jump on with the kids, so we did just that. He stayed at the ticket booth and we sat down to wait for him. 

The theft of my heart crushed me as I watched the doors close behind me. I tried to open them but the train was moving and the button wouldn’t engage. I sat with my son’s as they began to cry and wail for their Daddy. My own heart was breaking with their pain and anguish. I held them and tried to calm their fears and still my own. We had to get off the train and a woman was telling me instructions on what train to catch. I got out and waited for my husband and after 15 minutes he hadn’t shown up. My oldest began to cry so I hugged him, then my youngest wanted to be held. There was two security guards nearby and they asked how they could help. 

I told them of our situation and they radioed security at the last station with my husband’s description. We waited inside the bus terminal and then a man got the hackles on my neck rising up. So I went outside to stand with the security guards. The one was a wonderful British man who started talking to my son’s about sports. He was giving them a great distraction and me the tired Mama, a break. He got the call back and they couldn’t find my husband, so I made the decision to take the train home. 

I had told my son’s I wouldn’t leave the city without their Dad. But it was getting late and colder and I believed this was the best decision. When I’ve been lost before I’ve always remembered that if you go back to your original destination, that’s where you’ll find your beginning. As we boarded the train I silently thanked God for protecting us and held my son’s closer. What is it about the late nights that bring the creepy people out?!! Ugh creepy guy at 1:00, as my Mama bear is on high alert. My oldest is squeezing my hand so tight my knuckles are turning white. Yet I don’t say anything but “I’ve got this son, we’ll find your Dad and I have friends that live by the train station.”

He seemed to relax a little knowing that so we start counting the stops and coming up with rhymes. I’m doing my best to occupy his mind as his little brother is loving being on the train. We finally arrive at our destination and see my husband walking towards us. My heart skips a beat and I see him smile with relief. Our son’s run to him and I almost collapse with relief!  We get to our truck, warm up my seat and head home. Hoping that I will never have to go through that theft of loss again. 

This has been my Sunday confession with http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Please check out her anonymous confessions on her Facebook page. As well as all the other talent who link up. Thank you for popping by. 💓

  

  

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Friday’s Feats and Fails

Hello Friday where have you been all week? I have been waiting all week for today. I look forward to relaxing with my family and since my Netflix is still MIA I’ve bought a couple more movies. I wish I could figure out how to fix it. So now I have to take the time to contact the company and see if they can help me. I’ve banned my children from touching the remote controls so when I do get this resolved it won’t happen again. Well enough about that let’s chat about my week.

FEAT

Last weekend was a fun skating day at the Captain’s arena and he had fun shooting slap shots with his team mates. We had a relaxing Sunday of playing, reading, writing, and movie watching. On Monday I had a great meeting and managed to cross a few things off my giant to do list. Then on Tuesday I had respite and I did some shopping and got my hair done. It was four months of growth and it was a relief to see it gone! My bangs were eight inches long and I had zero style, except wearing an awesome hat. Who would’ve thought that all that hair was weighing down my spirit?!

 

A before and after picture of my hair cut. I felt so great I could’ve bench pressed a Buick.! 😃

FAIL

Laundry, laundry, laundry, I believe that’s enough said. I got five loads folded and still need to put away. Now there’s another five waiting in the wings. My friends is their life after laundry? I would say yes, but I’ve been to park everyday this week to provide fun and OT to my Mad dog. It’s been great enjoying the sunshine but nothing is getting done. 😳

FEAT

My cousin and her family got amazing news and were able to go home this week. Little Amazing Grace is off the bottle and completely breastfeeding. She was released from the hospital on the Sunday weighing 4 lbs, 4 oz. and after being home for five days she’s already up to her birth weight of 4 lbs, 11 oz!!! Her cardiologist appointment showed nothing wrong with her heart, and the Doctor’s are impressed with her feeding. For a baby that had the odds stacked against her and specialists were foreseeing what she could and couldn’t do, she is not only surviving she is thriving!!! Amazing Grace is a testament to the human spirit, of never giving up. The doctor’s can never predict that capacity of strength or the love that heals.  I look forward to the updates on Facebook and recently there’s been a Go fund me account set up for all the services that Amazing Grace will need. Such as occupational therapy, physical therapy, and speech and language therapy. As well as what’s needed for her daily baby needs. Thank you for all your love, support, and prayers. My cousin and her fiancé are appreciative of all the love shown to their precious Amazing Grace. 💖

http://www.gofundme.com/opkm0c?fb_action_ids=10152571310411792&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=undefined&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%5B844632275573762%5D&action_type_map=%5B%22og.shares%22%5D&action_ref_map=%5B%22undefined%22%5D

 

Amazing baby Grace day 1 in the hospital💖

 

Baby Amazing Grace sleeping peacefully at home in her crib. I love her so much. 💗

FAIL

I haven’t had a lot of sleep lately, so many things on my mind and the fear of the unknown can keep me awake. I know I can’t control the future and it doesn’t make sense to worry about it. But I’m just a overwhelmed Mom that gets scared sometimes and my banged up, bruised, bandaged, heart shows through. With the sleep deprivation and exhaustion setting in my patience bucket starts to empty. I had a long day yesterday and I just wanted to make the Captain’s lunch, and watch my Grey’s Anatomy. I’m a fanatic about that show and I never miss it. After picking me up from the city and getting home late my kids were still up and hyper. I finally got them to bed at 9 pm. Not usually there bed time so they were over tired and getting their second wind. I went downstairs and got ready to watch tv and then I couldn’t find the remote. DVD’s without any cases were strewn about, popcorn, and granola bars wrappers everywhere; andit looked like it puked Toys R Us!!! I started yelling, cursing, and cleaning. Which caused everyone to get upset and then my husband found the remote and set up the tv for me. I appreciated his help especially after my verbal tirade. So I finally relaxed and decompressed while watching some TV. Welcome to life in my world, where we roll with the punches and I donate to my swear jar daily.

 

Did Derek cheat on Meredith? Or did these lovely ladies just hear me swearing? ☺️

 

Even when we think we know the future even for a second it changes. Assuming the worst can happen, or we step forward into the unknown and assume it will be brilliant. -Christina Yang (actress Sandra Oh)

 

I really hope that these two will make their long distance work? 💞

FEAT

Yesterday I did some fundraising for my theatre group at the casino. I put in a long nine hour day there and got to know some more people, and secrets were shared in what I dubbed “the cage of truth.” I hadn’t seen anyone since December at our last performance so there were happy hugs and hellos exchanged. This was all positive and just what I needed to lift my spirits. 😃

So he we are back at Friday again that’s my week in review. How was yours? It’s time to link up with me and the lovely Ash from More Than Cheese and Beer. ❤️

Link Up Here:

 An InLinkz Link-up

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