Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Writer’s quotes Wednesday and #BeWow

This week has been busy with my oldest son’s hockey season starting. Between school, preschool, and hockey I spend my time driving up and down the highway. My youngest son who struggles with Obstructive Sleep Apnea had to get a polysonogram. 

  

I watched with nervous anticipation as the lab tech hooked him up with sensor pads and wires. I did my best to assuage his fears. I told him that his magic wires would hook him up to the computer to give him superhero powers. For all he’s had to endure medically, his bravery gives me wings to fly, he is my superhero  ❤️

  
This has been my submission to Silver Threading and Bewow linkup for Writer’s Quotes Wednesday. This is where I find love, hope, and inspiration. Please give this talented group your reader love, thank you. 😘

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Situation 

I’ve always been an honest person, I speak my mind, and do my best to not judge a book by its cover. I’m human so it happens from time to time, but here’s the situation I judge myself very harshly. I don’t know where it comes from but the second guessing myself gets exhausting. 

You know what the worst part is? Passing all the angst and anxiety onto my children. I watched it happen in my own childhood as the adults around me transferred their stress onto me. I didn’t blame anyone though, I just believed they were victims of victims and of life. A profound outlook for a five year old to have. I learned at a young age we create our circumstances through our thoughts, and these become our situations. 

If I want to create something happy and fulfilling I just need to think positive. I can bring what I desire to me by thinking about it. It’s proven in the laws of attraction you get what you expect. The energy that we put into repelling our good fortune is equal to what we gain, by accepting and appreciating the very best life can offer. You can try and find another way around it, by disbelief, ignorance, or denial it still is the same result, you reap what you sow.  

So I ask myself as I worry and wring my hands with anxiousness, how do I get myself out of this situation I created? How can I stop it from affecting my children. I can think positive, feel happy, and secure and believe that no matter what happens God will take care of me and my family. I do believe that’s true, yet there’s still a shred of anxiety flickering on and off like a light switch.

 There are days I feel so happy and I celebrate that joyfully. These are the days where I just trust that everything is going to work out fine. This is after I’ve spent time in prayer and meditation. I always need to have a plan B, it’s a no brainer with sensory children. Lately I’ve felt I’ve just been getting by on a wing and a prayer. 

Last weekend was different though I took chances, felt happy, and stuck my plan B in my pocket for safe keeping. I went to dinner with a new couple I had met through a group online. Which was a brave and beautiful thing because the lovely lady and I had been corresponding, but we were a mystery to each other till last week. We had our big reveal where I signed a card with my name. We made plans and after dinner we attended a carnival, went geocaching, and ended the night with an ice cream treat. 

I was elated we all hit it off and are already planning our next get together. I wasn’t anxious,  I was estatic and from someone who is constantly watching, worrying, and waiting this was like an epiphany! I have always said have faith, trust in God, and the universe to give you what you need. I do believe in all of that, but there’s always been that sneaking fear, doubt, and anxious vibration that didn’t allow that belief to seep into my cerebal cortex. 

Now I know more than ever I have to hold onto to this profound way of thinking. I owe it to my myself and my family to believe once and for all, that I got this and we’re going to be fine. Every day I spend worrying is another day taken away from living, loving, and appreciating my children. Every moment I spend wrapped up in doubt takes me further away from who I am and who I’m meant to be. Every minute I let fear take over and win makes me die a little more inside. If I live and exist with doubt I’m not honoring my true, authentic self. 

 It’s not easy to be anxious internally yet project confidence on the outside. I’ve been doing it for years and I always write more about my feelings than sharing my personal struggles. People are busy in life and the only one I expect to hold my hand through all of this is my husband. So here’s to closing this chapter in my book of life that doesn’t serve me well. And onwards and upwards to writing a whole new book about me being anxiety free!

  

This has been my Sunday confession with the amazing More Than Cheese and Beer. Please check out her anonymous confessions on her Facebook page, as well as the talented bloggers who linked up. Thank you. 😘

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Gamble

I’ve been living the life of a gambler. I’ve been running on empty for a long time thinking that I can continue this way. I’ve been going on whiffs of exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Reacting strongly with my emotions and easy trigger finger of blame. I have spent more time looking at a bottom of a wine bottle with only tears and rambling writings to show for it. I have spent nights in overwhelming valley and vacationed at heartbreak hotel. I’ve given my power away only to feel like a shell of my former self. 

I have decided enough is enough since my crazy train has run off the rails. I’m taking a gamble on myself and putting myself on my list of priorities. Self care will be my goal each and everyday. I will exercise to walk, run, move my body to feel good. I will get more rest, even if it’s not a lot of sleep. I will find a routine that works for me. I will have fun again as me not just Mom. Where I can laugh, love, find my hobbies that make me happy. I will be with others who share these common interests. I will begin to create again to draw, paint, scrapbook, and craft with my kids and on my own. Art is the way to my heart’s inspiration, love, and light. 

  
Eating well and maintaining a balanced diet of healthy foods will feed my body and nourish my mind. I will be kind to myself, by putting myself first, seeking guidance from my family and friends, and counselling from my therapist. I will get outside and explore my new town and surroundings. I will bask in the fresh air and the sunshine, and get my hands back in the dirt with my love of gardening. I will seek daily ways to relax, not just when the stress is choking me physically and emotionally. I will not gamble with my health and happiness again. I deserve to be fully, completely, safe and comfortable in my skin. 

 I will participate in my yoga practice, keeping mindful with my deep breathing and my temper. I will put my deepest thoughts that aren’t meant to be published in my journal. I will read to fill my mind with beautiful words, my heart with the longing to write my own words to inspire, and my soul with the love of making those chapters part of my being. And when the world is too much for me to handle I will sink into my loves arms and find my solace and believe in myself again. I vow to make my self care an integral part of me that it won’t be a chore, a list of demands to meet, it will be my gift to me. 

This has been my submission to More Than Cheese and Beer please check out her anonymous Sunday confessions and all the talent who link up. Thank you. ❤️

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One liner Wednesday

I’ve been thinking of what inspires me lately and I came across a beautiful quote. I will share it with you today.

“Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I’m not perfect, and I don’t live to be.
But before you start pointing fingers make sure you’re hands are clean.”

-Bob Marley

This powerful quote is my submission to http://lindaghill.com One liner Wednesday. Please check out her talent and all the others that link up. Thank you. 💓

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