Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

My blessings

10 years ago I married the love of my life. I can honestly say that no one ever gave me dancing butterflies like he does. Or make me so mad that I’m foaming at the mouth when I’m angry! It’s real deep love when after that there’s forgiveness and remorse. I have loved him since I set my eyes upon him 30 years ago. He was my goalie man and I adored him from afar and developed a raving crush on him. And here we are today celebrating 10 years with our amazing son’s, 4 job transfers, and living this wonderful life. Proving that dreams really do come true when they’re touched by love and happiness. Happy anniversary sweetheart I love you more than I did yesterday, and I will love you more tomorrow, because each day my heart grows with my love and adoration for you. I thank you for loving me and being my partner in life here’s to our future wherever it may lead us. As long as I have you and our son’s by my side I know it will an adventurous ride. I love you so much as the world just keeps on turning and we keep evolving with the love we have for each other. You’re my rock, my laughter, my love, and soft place to fall. I thank God every day I’m blessed to spend with you. ❤️
  

🎶So glad we made it, look how far we’ve come now baby.🎶

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To my love on his birthday 

Today is a special day it’s my husband’s birthday! I know this day is very special to me, because he was born to become my love, and my life. I’ve known my husband for a long time, as he went to school with my sister. I’ve wrote about our love story here, but today I write about why I love him so much. 

You can really discover a lot about a person when you’ve known them for thirty years. Yes that’s 3-0, three decades of crushing on him and his smile that still makes the butterflies float in my tummy. My belly that housed our precious son’s and my body that nourished them through nearly 10 years of marriage. This love of mine has never wavered, for as long as I’ve known him I wanted to be his one and only. 

 

 Now he slumbers peacefully as I’m too excited to sleep and need to write this. I adore him so much, when others saw a little punk kid trying to look grown up; he saw the real me batting my blue eyes. I only told my Mom and Gram of my crush on him. I wouldn’t even tell my sister for fear I might get teased. If you have an older sibling you know what I’m writing about. 
My Mom and Gram would never tell my secret and I never would tell my love either. Well, until many years ago when after a few drinks shared I couldn’t contain my enthusiasm for the truth! I was only 12 when we met that fateful and happy day at a hockey game. He was 17 playing hockey and ready to graduate. I didn’t care though I saw him and he captured my interest and my heart. 

It didn’t matter what our age difference was I believed if it was meant to be it would. He moved away right after graduation but I kept tabs on him through mutual friends. Then I found out he moved away to another province and I moved there as well before graduation. I tried to find him but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Then I moved back to my hometown to cure myself from my homesickness and graduate with my friends. 

I found out through my cousin that my love had moved back too! I kept a low profile as I was preparing for exams. I still had an interest in seeing him after all those years. I had done some growing up of my own and I wasn’t that kid sister anymore. Then as fate would have it he literally walked back into my life. It was at a friend’s birthday party and I was bouncing and battening  and making sure my friend’s apartment wasn’t getting trashed. Then I see him and all my care taking and “Mother henning behaviour flew out the window! My heart was captured once again and this time I wasn’t letting this prize winning catch go. We stayed up the rest of the night talking, laughing, and yes even sobering up. 

He had to go to work the next day and I had to clean up after the party. We parted ways but we’re content on seeing each other again. Back to school and reality, and phone numbers exchanged and no phone calls were made. Well I did some serious thinking and praying and a week later I called him. I was excited and nervous so I made the date to meet some friends at the theatre. 

That date was a lifetime ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. What I wore, the smell of his cologne, and the movie we watched. My mind and my heart will never forget that first tender, soft, kiss that left me with all the romantic stereotypes. Weak in the knees, butterflies, and breathless and wanting more! That’s what happens when two energies collide, pure pulsating magic. 

  
It wasn’t always easy as there were naysayers on both sides of the coin that said we would never last. And here we are outlasting a lot of those marriages that came to be before ours. I still remember the best compliment we ever received was from my husband’s aunt. 

“I would never know you were together for a long time. It’s like you both just met and have fallen in love and it’s a privilege to witness that.”

I will never forget that compliment nor the 200 people who came out to celebrate on our wedding day. To my husband, my heart, twin soul, and lover for life. Happy birthday and  thank you for blessing mine and our sweet son’s life with your love. You are loved, respected, and appreciated and are our gift to have everyday. ❤️ 

  


 

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The Tapped book Review and Blog Tour

  
I’ve been enjoying being a beta reader the last  while. This month I was able to read a book series from Stacey Grice the author of Totaled and Tapped. In the first book we’re introduced to the characters Drew and Bree. He’s an up and coming UFC fighter and he begins  training at her family’s gym and thus begins their love story. Admist tragedies and triumphs they manage to make it through as a couple together. After following their story and the trouble that befalls the main characters, I needed to read the sequel ASAP! I fell in love with the star crossed lovers and had to see what happens to them. Can they survive Drew’s past demons, will their love really heal his mind, body, and soul? Read on and find out in the next book in the series. 

  
Totaled
We begin the story with Bree and Drew still in love and maintaining their relationship despite her Father’s opposing stance on it. Drew continues training at the gym and is trying to move up the ranks of the Mixed Martial Arts world. Then one fateful night it all changes and Drew and Bree’s love story is tested to its core! I loved getting to know these characters and I was cheering for them with every positive experience, and supporting them with each negative one. I loved all the twists and turns in their journey. Just went I thought I had the story figured out there was another plot twist. Stacey Grimes weaves an exciting story line and really made me want to root for the under dog, and believe that love does conquer all. 

Available on Amazon

Kindle link Totaled available for .99 
Tapped synopsis…

Unexpectedly thrust into a whirlwind romance, Bree thought her relationship with Drew could withstand any obstacle thrown their way. Excited for the future, everything she thought she knew came crashing down in one horrible night. Forced to re-evaluate her feelings, Bree is left alone with a heavy heart and the realization that Drew’s nightmare changed everything. 

The effects of his trauma once again surfacing, Drew had no idea how volatile his actions were until it was too late. He must work to rebuild trust with everyone around him, all while participating in vigorous therapy and being separated from Bree. When a once-in-a-lifetime career opportunity presents itself with impeccably poor timing, Drew has some tough decisions ahead.

Can he heal the wounds his past has created and quiet the demons that haunt him? Can he repair the damage done with his love or will he give up? 

Discover if it’s all too much and Drew ends up…

Tapped. 

Author’s Note: Tapped is a continuation of Totaled, the first book in the Totaled series. It is highly recommended to read these books in sequential order. Due to mature content, profane language, and sexual situations, this book is recommended for ages 18 and up.

Title: TAPPED
Author: Stacey Grice
Add to  Goodreads 

Other Books: (Totaled #1)
Add to  Goodreads
Buy from: Amazon | B&N | IBooks | Kobo | CreateSpace
I am a mother, wife, Registered Nurse, avid reader, and most recently pursuing taking my own writing to the next level. I appreciate honesty but not cruelty, a wicked sense of humor, and a good cup of coffee, blond with enough creamer to coat my tongue yellow.Being an astute people watcher and having an extremely judgmental mind gives me constant inspiration for my stories. But my characters, like many authors, are conceived from actual people in my life. A hodgepodge of personality traits, real world instances, and conversations that I have directly taken part in are the foundation for my fictional world.
FACEBOOK | TWITTER | GOODREADS 

Find Stacey:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/staceygriceauthor

Tsu: https://www.tsu.co/StaceyGriceAuthor

Twitter:https://twitter.com/SGrice_Author

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/StaceyGrice

To add Tapped to your Goodreads TBR… https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24865564-tapped

Pinterest: http://goo.gl/xwaw19

Instagram: http://goo.gl/iUUME6

 Buy Links:

Buy links for Totaled… 

Amazon: http://amzn.to/1tjNKbi

B & N: http://bit.ly/1hkjGuh

iBooks: http://bit.ly/1pLKXZ6

Kobo: http://bit.ly/1lbdN1L

CreateSpace: http://bit.ly/1peDj7h

to add on Goodreads: http://bit.ly/1nWndSx


GIVEAWAY 

Two winners: (1) a signed paperback USA only (1) $10.00 Amazon GC

giveaway code: a Rafflecopter giveaway

directlink: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/share-code/ZjZkYWNmMmY3NzQwYzczNWIzY2RlN2IyYWI0OGJiOjE3MQ==/?

EXCERPT: 

Something told me to walk around to the back and my legs took me. I followed the skinny path within the dunes and sea oats on the side of his house until he came into view. Standing with his back to me, he watched the water as the sun rose higher and higher above the horizon, the colors beautifully framing his silhouette. He turned his head ever so slightly, I guess sensing that I was there, and then turned around completely. 

I froze. 

I was unable to take another step for a few seconds as we stared at each other. His posture relaxed, relieved to see me before him, and he advanced toward me. I walked forward, my stomach in knots of nervousness, and he matched me step for step until we were mere feet apart. The salty sea breeze blew violently around us both, coming off of the crashing waves and onto our skin. The second we entered each other’s space, my world went silent. I didn’t hear the water or smell the ocean. I didn’t feel the wind on my face or the sand under my feet. I was only in tune to him. 

He swallowed hard, his eyes sharp and assessing, darting around my face as he took me in. They roamed and finally settled on my cheek just underneath my left eye; his shoulders fell as he exhaled. His right arm reached for me, stopping midway and then slowly continuing up, his eyes asking for permission. I lowered my chin and leaned into him as his fingertips grazed over my skin, tracing the scar he had given me. My eyes closed at the intensity of the moment. 

He moved a few inches closer and cradled my jaw in his hand, urging me to open up and look at him—to really see him. I did and his eyes brimmed with tenderness and compassion. I looked into them, trying to memorize every shade of green, every fleck of gold, not knowing what the future held. I just knew that if I was never able to lay eyes on him again, this was the image that I wanted to remember. My gentle and loving Drew, normally stuck inside a giant, rough exterior, was now exploding out, his shrapnel penetrating my soul.


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Muffy Wilson 20
Author Stalker Chelle’s Diamonds 20
Diary of an Urban Housewife 21
Sugar Shack Book Blog 21
My secret romance 22
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Attachment

I think we’re all attached to something in life, in one way or another. I’m personally attached to my love for my family, accolades on my writing, and to characters in books I’ve read. I’ve been so attached to the outcome of a movie I’ve been transfixed by my tv. I think there are healthy attachments and unhealthy ones as well. I will focus on the healthy ones as my love for my husband and our children.

They’re attached to my heart in a way I never believed possible. When I walked down the aisle to my future husband, being led by my loving parents was a magical moment. I felt their attachment to me being the youngest and the last one to marry. I felt attached to them and their love and guidance over the years. As I was leaving them behind as an adult and attaching to my future with my husband to be. The first moment I saw my precious babies come into the world I was attached to my love for them, and how I would guide and protect them as my parents did me.

Now I’ll focus on unhealthy attachments as I think both bases should be covered. I was once attached to an unhealthy relationship. I thought he was an ideal boyfriend. He was the quarter back of the football team, volunteer in the community, and had a small part time business while attending high school. I fell for him pretty hard especially when he buttered me up with fantastic comments. They were good for my ego but not for me. He started out all sweet and charming and had met my family I was living with at the time.

As our relationship progressed I noticed little signs of his manipulation. He spent money on me lavishly. I had my hair and nails done, he loved going shopping with me while I tried on outfit after outfit. I loved all the attention and my kind nature over rode my impulsive one at times, while I said stop, I can’t afford to pay you back. He constantly dismissed me and what he called my foolish notions. My reality came crashing down when we were going away on a school trip. He arrived to pick me up and he was very sullen and quiet.

Due to it being very early in the morning I understood, and continued to babble on about my excitement. We got to our destination and we’re boarding the bus and he goes to the back, and sits with a friend. So I’m thinking this is strange and I sit with some people I knew. After a long ride we finally arrive at the location and I walk up to him and hold his hand. He shrugged me off and says “no, not here” so I let him go. I soon learned that this was the beginning of the end.

I don’t really know anyone but a couple of people and my new boyfriend. I gravitate towards them and try to fit in. I feel really dejected as this is a very close knit group of people. I grab my gear as I’m on a camping trip out in the wilderness, and head up the hill. I set up camp and sit down to build a fire. I gather rocks, twigs, and dead leaves. I’m not the best tent builder so I turn around to adjust it and this wind blows out of nowhere.

I suddenly smell burning as I’m trying to hold onto my tent from blowing away! The wind gust has blown sparks all around and my campsite is starting on fire! I trying to grab blankets and beat them out and I end up spreading them and a spark blows up into my hair!!! I’m freaked out right now and screaming while grabbing my water bottles. Suddenly there’s a noise as a stampede of people comes running through the trees. I’m shocked at their arrival as the smelled the smoke and came running. I try to explain that I didn’t intentionally try to burn down the forest, but with the tinder dry conditions things happened very quickly.

My teachers start gathering my supplies and I look over at my boyfriend (who could be my ex by this time) and he looks mortified. It’s amazing isn’t it how I started this post out about how I’m in love and attached to my family, and my past attachments come trickling in? Now that’s a story and experience I must learn to detach from. It goes to show you where I learned to appreciate negative attachments to more positive ones. And there’s a few more stories in between me getting to that realization. As they say that’s a story for another day, and another stream of conscious thought.

This has been my submission to
http://lindaghill.com/2015/02/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-february-1415/
I know it’s Sunday and I’m posting this now. I posted as a draft and forget to change it to publishing. I’m attached to being involved as I love Linda’s Saturday Stream of Consciousness.

IMG_0900

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Before

I’m sitting here trying to think about how my life was before mental health disorders became an issue. I remember being very young and watching scary episodes in my family play out before my eyes. I was scared and sensed there was danger so I just stayed clear and pretended I was sleeping while chaos ensued around me.

I had an interesting childhood, a very loving and devoted Mom and five siblings. Four of them were a lot older than me, and graduated or were in high school when I was born. My parents had a loving marriage before reality crashed in and my Dad found someone else. That time in my life was heart breaking and unpredictable, as I was sent to stay with my Dad and his new family that belonged to his girlfriend. I seen and heard things I didn’t want to know about.

Alcoholism was predominant in my family tree at that time. So I saw adults behaving badly fighting, cursing, and other drunken behavior. I never saw that with my Mom. She was very religious, honored God, and we went to church every Sunday with her. Every second weekend I would be in the middle of these drunken debauchery nights and feel so confused. I would wake up on the Sunday and there would be no church.

At first the thought of sleeping in was exciting to me but there was always work, and plenty of it. My Dad was raised to believe that idle hands were the Devils workshop. So if he had to work then so did his kids. We had chores to help out with the household and other outside ones. My favorite thing to do was help my Dad in the garage working on his logging truck.

I would spend hours with him cleaning the cab, greasing the axles, and operating the tire gun. I loved those times because we would talk and the stereo would be blasting Charlie Pride, Conway Twitty, and George Jones. He loved the old classic country and I would entertain him with my singing and dancing to Glen Campbell’s Rhinestone Cowboy.

I was only four when my parents separated and I was your proverbial people pleaser, trying to make them both happy. My Mom’s heart was broken as she tried to pick up the pieces of her failed marriage and move on and raise my sister and I. I was her friend and confidant helping her through and remaining loyal and steadfast. She suffered from anxiety and depression throughout my whole life.

I always prayed to God to give me a magic wand like the a fairy Godmother in Cinderella, and make her fears disappear. My Dad had told me he just wanted to be happy so he chose a different life with a different family. This was something that was very difficult for me to except, but I really tried for my Dad’s sake. I think this is where these adult situations gave birth to my anxiety. A monkey on my back today that I still have to control.

I never planned on having to make everyone happy, but somehow I felt like it was my job. What was life like before my parents separated? I have no clue, I was too young to remember. I have a few memories and some involved traveling , visit my Grandparents, and meeting lots of different people. My Dad and his girlfriend were in the process of building a house so there was always people coming and going. My brothers helped with the construction, my brother in-law with the electrical wiring, concrete mixers and painters.

I still remember placing my hands and carving my initials in the cement. Before I knew what divorce meant at five, I was a product of it. My parents never officially did that paperwork, it just felt the same as if they did. My Dad never did remarry as my Mom wouldn’t grant him a divorce. Yet they both moved on, my Mom found solace with raising us and being devoted to her church.

My Dad worked a lot and took us traveling to the United States. I’ve seen the open skies of Montana, driven Route 66, had my hands, feet, and legs in all four corners, and spent time wishing upon a star in Disneyland. I look back fondly on those family vacations with a smile. My Mom never got amazing trips like this so I always made it a big deal to find her a souvenir. I remember when we would make phone calls home to her, how lonely and sad she sounded. My Mom’s children were her life.

My oldest siblings were old enough to have their own lives and two were living on their own, and two still in high school. So having my middle sister and I filled up that void she felt with the empty nest syndrome. There was happiness coupled up with the confusion, and I spent a lot of time with both sets of Grandparents.

Before I was even six years old I knew what the classic black and white movies were, how to plant and maintain a garden, and every tune of an Irish song lovingly sung by my Mom and Gram. I still remember hearing stories of the old country(Ireland and Scotland) and how my Great Grandparents came over to start a new life after surviving hardships in their countries.

What was their life like before they ventured to take a boat to the new world of New York and later Western Canada? I often pondered this in my head as I read stories of Charles Dickens. I’m grateful for the lessons I learned from my parents discussions of my ancestors. Knowing I come from people that are so resilient, has had me rely a lot more on my intuition then people’s versions of the truth.

This has served me well from the past to my present. Today I work through my own mental health issues and my children’s, keeping mindful of who I was before, and who I am today. That scared little girl who loved to sing and dance grew up to love to write, and express herself authentically. And if there’s anything I learned in my childhood was be true to myself before trying to please others.

This is my Sunday confession to Ash’s http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Today’s prompt was the word before and I chose to write about my childhood. Please check out her Sunday confessions on her Facebook page, and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 😊

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