Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Irish in my heart

I’m fortunate as I grew up knowing and learning about my Irish heritage. I loved listening to the stories of my ancestors from my Gram and her sisters. Four of my Gram’s siblings came off the boat with their parents, for dreams of a better life. After the devastation of the Great Potato famine of 1845-1849 my Great Great Grandparents and their kin, survived and without them I wouldn’t be here today to tell this story.

Michael and Elizabeth left Scotland at the age of nineteen and traveled by ship to South Hampton, England. At the time, they had three daughters and a son in tow. With competition for jobs, financial security, and food being scarce with the population boom, they made their way to Canada and settled in British Columbia.

My Great Grandparents *image courtesy of my cousin*

My Great Grandfather Michael found work in the mines and was there for twenty-nine years. They hadn’t lived there in the community long when devastation ravaged the town with floods from 1848, to 1947, the mining disaster in May of 1908 that killed one hundred and three miners, and the Great Fire of August. 1 st of 1908 that destroyed the town.

My Great Grandma Elizabeth was pregnant with my Grandma Margaret and due to give birth that hot summer. There were ten lives lost and thousands of homes burnt to the ground. There was a lot of hardship and sadness that my ancestors had to encounter in the new land. I’m happy to report my Gram made it safely into the world as the hospital and the church were the few buildings that were left.

Time passed on with my Gram and her siblings growing up and their parents had added on to their family with four more daughters. More hardship would come to the family as the mine would be closed in order to investigate the fire of 1908. My Great Grandpa Michael had to find work elsewhere. All the daughters worked as well or helped look after the youngest children.

My Great aunts such lovely lasses. *image courtesy of my cousin*

That was the life back then, everyone had a strong work ethic and supported one another. I remember my sweet Gram Margaret telling me stories of her housekeeping days, collecting oranges at the train yard, and working as a caddy at the golf course. The sisters all went on to marry and have families of their own. They still remained close as they raised their children and visited each other when they were Grandparents.

My Gram and 3 of her 5 sisters *image courtesy of my cousin*

A tragic accident in 1917, took the life of the youngest family member Josephine and she died at the age of two, with severe burns to the chest and abdomen. Poor baby girl lighting up the world with her beauty and smile, and for her life to be snuffed out like a candle is so sad. Peter, the only son of nine children returned home from World War 1 and fell ill as well. He succumbed to cerebral meningitis at the age of twenty-six on March. 17th 1922.

He was to sing in the St. Patrick’s day concert that evening for the Knights of Columbus, and he sat up in bed and sang then died. The song that he sang was Danny Boy, a beautiful Irish melody that is dear to my heart to this day.

My Great uncle *image courtesy of my cousin*

After the youngest daughter and only son had passed just 5 years my Great Grandma Elizabeth became ill. My Grandparents were set to get married in the summer month of July and Elizabeth passed 9 days before the wedding. Instead of the church wedding that was planned they quietly got married in the priests rectory of the Holy Family Catholic Church.

My parents got married there as well and my middle sister followed suit and my husband and I proudly married there after. As a devout Irish Catholic family that attended mass every Sunday and invited the priest over for dinner after one of my Great aunts went into the sisterhood. She took the name Sister Michael and lived out her young life devoting herself in service to God.

She passed tragically in a car accident when I was a little girl and my Gram would tell me stories about her love of the family and of the church. There was always tears and hugs given when she spoke of her siblings that had passed on.

My Great aunt Elizabeth and her Father Michael *image courtesy of my cousin*

I celebrate my dearly departed loved ones memories and I carry on the namesake of my Great Grandma, my Great aunt, and my Mom. My Great Grandpa Michael lived on to see his daughters marry and meet his Grandchildren. My Mom had a special relationship with him and would speak of him with joy on her heart. He passed on well into his 80’s to be reunited with his lovely wife and daughters and son.

My Gram and my Mom *image courtesy of my cousin*

My Gram and Mom always said I had the gift of my Great uncle’s vocal talent. To this day when I sing the song of my ancestors homeland Oh Danny Boy I feel uplifted on their angel wings. St. Patrick’s day is celebrated in our family household as much as the joy of birthdays. Wishing you all Irish blessings and may the luck and love of the Irish be with you always. 💚☘️

An adapted version of this story originally appeared on The Wellness Universe titled Irish heritage.

*Special thanks to my cousin Maureen for the use of her family pictures. The late night chats of our family’s story helped me feel closer to my Irish clan.*

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The Tear

What is it about the passage of time? I’ve heard that time heals all wounds, time passes on and time is short. It’s that tear in the fabric of time that intrigues me the most. Where you can be another version of yourself-someone who is stronger and makes better decisions and takes a different path in life.

Like the actress Gweneth Paltrow played in the movie Sliding doors her character was on the subway platform deciding if she should or shouldn’t get on the train. The director portrayed what would happen with her life if she stepped on the subway and who she was and who she interacted with.

It really fascinated me with the twists and turns within the plot of the movie. It showed me that you do have to be careful what you wish for. As I’m watching this the character in my favourite TV show #Thisisus is replaying the memory track of what his life was like before when he was a high school football star and adored by everyone. Kevin had colleges scouting him, a girlfriend who loved him and a close relationship with his family. Then it all came to a crashing end when he was tackled in the big game and suffered a broken leg.

He still had the beautiful girlfriend (who he would later go on to marry and divorce), a strong bond with his fraternal twin sister Kate, an emerging relationship with his adopted brother Randall, and his parents Jack and Rebecca that were there to love and support him to this jagged tear to his football dreams. Yet Kevin can’t see past any of that as he sinks into a depression that goes on to shadow his life in his current phase.

What would’ve his life been like if he avoided that devastating hit that changed his path forever? Would he have gone on to football stardom and become the proud recipient of the Heisman trophy, married the girlfriend and lived happily ever after? Even though he’s a television character Kevin and his life story is enthralling to me that he went onto to what appeared to be a good life making a successful living as an actor while recovering from the death of his Father, the rock in his life.

How would his life be any different if he would’ve just thrown the football, avoided the tackle and never have to lose his Dad at such a young age? It’s the conundrum I’m sure most of us have encountered at some point on our path what if I would’ve taken that subway train, stayed with the ex or gotten that scholarship to college. It’s the tearing of the dream that we have for ourselves that can hurt the most where we feel the regrets of time we’ve lost and where the what if’s eat us up inside.

Is the grass always greener over on the other side of the fence? Not necessarily, should we all just be living the life of our dreams with no regrets or resentments? I’ve always intended to raise my sons to follow their dreams, reach for the stars and be kind and giving human beings. It’s the life that we live that shows us who are true character really is. Excepting the hand we’re dealt and taking the leap of faith and being who we’re really meant to be that matters the most.

I saw myself becoming a famous actress and singer entertaining the world with my talent. Unfortunately I didn’t have the courage to pursue those idealistic dreams and leave my parents and go off to the big city. I didn’t believe in myself as much as I should’ve and that tears at my heart still today. But who am I to say that my dreams shall just wither and die? I can still realize them just in a different way, by performing in theatre and pursuing my passion for storytelling.

It’s the gift of words that sets my heart aflutter now as I’m passing on that love of reading and writing to my sons. It fills my eyes with happy tears as I sit and listen to my youngest champion son reading about Pete the Cat and his buttons as he acts and sings out every page. When I thought his brain might not be able to make sense of the letters with his autism and mental processing speed. Then as my heart swells with pride when my oldest rock star son starts reading me an essay that he’s writing for school and telling me he wants to be a writer like me when he’s older.

I wish for them not to struggle with their identities or what direction they should go career wise like I’ve done. To be able to avoid the “hits” that happen in life the fair weather friends, bullies on the playground, and young love breakups. If I could I’d protect them from it all but then they wouldn’t be truly living and discovering the world for what it is. Their time shouldn’t be spent wondering what if but really experiencing all that life has to offer them from school, friendships, love, and beyond!

It’s in these moments that I know I found the right path and even though my mind can wonder about the what if’s of the world it’s the life that I’m living being the best me I can be that matters. Not the one who made her way to Hollywood to become the actress of her dreams who may have caved in to all the pressure that a lot of celebrities fall under and resorted to drugs and alcohol as a way to cope.

I would rather be my authentic self who loves who I see when I look in the mirror, that prays with my children every evening for a better world for them to grow up in, and loves my husband with everything in me. That’s the bond of family that dreams, pride, fantasies, or ego can never tear away.

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Monday Musings-The Aftermath of Time

It takes two minutes to return a smile, a lifetime to grieve a loved one, and thirty seconds for panic to set in when your child’s missing. People can vanish without a trace, be lost and never found, die of sudden or natural causes and we’re left to wonder about time. The time we could’ve spent sharing our love and appreciation with that person, a better use of the time spent with them not knowing it would be the last time we would see them. 

It’s happened a lot in my life-loss and the grief’s felt like a never ending cycle of turmoil and pain. Ever circulating and appearing in my life for a personal loss of life or one shared with a friend. Time where you wish you hadn’t said words in anger, fear or mistrust. When you could see past your very human ego to forgive instead of forming the words of negativity and pain. Forgiveness really is an art form, to move past the pain inflicted on your psyche and spirit. To turn the other cheek and give kindness when in your heart you know it’s the right thing to do. Forgiveness solves many problems but what happens to the person who releases the one who caused the indiscretion in the first place? 

Do they simply forgive and forget words that sliced through their heart like a serrated knife? Do they move on and feel their spirit lighter with an air of peace? Does the simple act of saying “I forgive you” imply that they understand why the hurt was inflicted upon them? Here lies in the struggle, I personally find it difficult to forgive. I was raised with an armour of stubbornness and tenacity that’s made it difficult to make that choice to forgive. I feel weak and vulnerable, to relent to pain caused to me. I’m human yet moving past the pain to divinity is better for my soul. 

I recently had an argument with my son and in his preadolescent mindset he chose to walk away then help resolve it. We were in a city we had never been to before and on our way back to the hotel we were staying at. He thought his Dad and I were being unfair so he stomped away. I had no idea where he was going or if he knew how to find his way back to our hotel. It was a dark yet a well lit parking lot but to see him run away like that was heartbreaking. I was feeling more scared then angry as I ran after him and he disappeared!  

My family and I entered the hotel and I couldn’t find him anywhere. My lungs were ready to burst as it was cold night and my asthmatic symptoms were setting in and I frantically searched for my son.  I asked the front desk staff if they had seen him and they replied they had not. The woman said “do you need a key card” and I replied “no I just need my son back now unharmed!” I made my way to the elevator to see if he was waiting for me while my husband and youngest son went ahead to our room. 

For fifteen heart stopping minutes I had no idea where my oldest son was. Was he hurt, was he kidnapped, was he lost and searching for me? By the grace of God he was found when another friends parent saw him waiting in the hallway and took him back to our room. I quickly jumped in an elevator and as my mind raised all I could think of was the last time I saw him. The hurtful words that were exchanged, the look of anger on his face, and how lost I felt when I couldn’t find him. I should’ve took back those spiteful words of anger said, I should’ve recognized he was frustrated and needing to be heard than reacting to his outburst. I needed to make better use of my time with him letting him know even though I disagreed I still loved and respected him. 

When I got to my floor I burst out of the elevator like I was on fire and ran to my room. I opened the door and grabbed my son up in my arms in a hug that needed to last a lifetime. He squirmed away from me then eventually relaxed into my embrace as the tears flowed. I tried to talk but my words were halted by my sobs. 

What I managed to convey to him was that I was so worried that something could’ve happened to him. With the last words we had spoken to each other in emotion were not what we meant to say. Yet it’s true as the adage says we always hurt the ones we love. Why is that easier option then to just agree to disagree and come up with a solution? There were apologies given and received and for the rest of the weekend he wasn’t out of my sight. Except to play hockey and use the dressing room facilities. Forgiveness was difficult but necessary to give in order to value each other and our relationship. 

I never want to go through that heart wrenching experience again! I feel like it aged me by ten years and took time off my lifespan. It all begins and ends with time.  I’ve learned a valuable lesson to curb my temper and refrain from spouting words of anger and angst in the heat of the moment. My son has learned that a moment of negativity can cause him to make a poor choice yet he’s willing to admit his mistake and learn from it. Time it’s the deciding factor of all our words, actions, and transgressions. And I for one will be using my time more wisely with my friends and loved ones. You just never know when that time will run out and regret will take its place. 

Would you like to take part in #MondayMusings? Our host is Everyday Gyann read her post to see how to slow down and get creative. 
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Ten Things of Thankful

It’s Sunday a day of rest and reflection from the week. Well not for me Sunday is one of my busiest days as I’m usually on the road for hockey. Not today though one boy on the road and one home sick and feverish. Tis the season for germ warfare, let’s go back to reflect on my week of thankfuls. With my gratitude to the TTOT thankful linkup that bless me with their stories each week. 😃

I’m thankful for being home after a busy weekend. It was a fun time mixed up with some stress but we survived and that’s all that matters. It was so wonderful to see my son get his reward for the player with the most heart and hustle. Second year in a row for my Captain, I couldn’t be any prouder Mama! ❤️

   
I’m thankful for getting back to our routine and more Christmas decorating and baking. My youngest son has been very excited about Santa Claus coming soon that his Advent calendar is his favourite time of day. This is a double thankful moment because I received the amazing news that my son qualified for some provincial funding. We’ve waited a long time to hear those words “you’re approved” and wow what a beautiful response it is! 💖 

I’m thankful for the most exciting day of the week when the book Lose The Cape Never will I ever then I had kids that I’m a contributor in got published! I’m so happy that my words will be read and shared and I can show my son’s to follow your goals and pursue your dreams, and never ever give up. I am a writer! 

Amazon Link for Kindle
  
I’m thankful for all the support from family, friends, and people that bless me on social media that  I’ve received since I shared the news about the book. It’s been a whirlwind since I found out my essay was accepted and I’m keeping busy by writing and submitting to some more sites and anthology’s. It’s in the doing that we find out what we’re really made of. 

I’m thankful for my family’s love when I haven’t been loveable, and letting me have the time to read and write when the words in my head need a release. I’m thankful for all the amazing, hilarious, caring and even crazy things my kids say and do. They make writing about my journey a happy experience so I can share with all of you how much I love them. 

 

saying your sorry and being forgiven


I’m thankful for the magic of Christmas and how the joy and laughter of my children help my heart to heal a little more each day. We’ve had the tree up and decorated since Nov. 25 th at the insistence of my Halloween loving child and seeing his reaction to the wonder of the holiday has been a gift. 

I’m thankful for those special nights of the bath, book, bed time routine where my oldest son reads to us and his confidence is growing as is his grade level in reading. Then how his brother takes out his favourite book and tells us his story that he creates. Both of them have such a wonderful imagination I’m so excited to see and read their journey in school. 

   
I’m thankful for the ability to nap when I’m tired. My youngest is fighting a cold and between late feverish nights and early morning wake up calls for hockey we spent the morning catching up on our rest. 

I’m thankful for baking and filling my home with the smells of apple cinnamon oatmeal muffins. They tasted so delicious with apple sauce to dip them in. This holiday I’m going to bake and create and pin less. My kids love when I get into that mode of homemade and handmade with love. 

  
I’m thankful for great books to read, keeping up with my own word count for my passion project, and always having someone who appreciates my efforts. I’m so grateful for friendships that have stood the test of time and make you feel like Dorian Grey stopped time at the most perfect moment.  I’m grateful and thankful for all you lovelies that read my ramblings. I reached 500 followers in between book promotion, hockey tournament, and the infestation of the flu bug. Thank you to each of you that stop by to read, share, laugh, love, and comment on my latest story. You make my heart super happy and I’m hugging you from afar. 

  

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My two year journey sharing one story at a time

Well another busy week has passed and low and behold I see this message from WordPress that it’s my two year anniversary of creating my blog. Time sure flies when you’re writing I hadn’t intended to immerse myself in my words as I started out publishing once a month. Now I’ve created unknowingly an online journal for my children.
There may be things here that may be hard for them to digest. Writing of my worries for them but also my joy for their successes and achievements. I write for me and my beloved Mama who’s influence in my life is immense and who started me on the path of my love of words. I only wish she could read them from beyond heaven and earth, no matter what though I know she feels pride.

She had always told me that I would do big things someday and I truly thought that would happen when I became a Mom. I see the path I travel with my children being their advocate and educating everyone in a five mile radius about special needs, neurological disorders and different abilities. If I had known what I know now I would’ve become a neurologist. Yet here I am fascinated with neuroscience and becoming a walking medical dictionary.
I take that as a great compliment and I credit my Mom and my love of research and having a photographic memory. Without even knowing it I’ve created a space here to share, vent, and make sense of my life. I write to express the chaotic thoughts that run with through my hamster like mind. I write to feel comfortable in my skin. There’s times where I leave myself feeling naked and vulnerable with my words upon the digital page.
Yet at the same time relieved that I don’t have to be suffocated with the feeling of them needing to come to life. My one goal last year was to be published. I made that happen first on a website and next for an international magazine! The one thing I wanted more than ever was to see my words in a book and that will be a dream becoming a reality before Christmas!
One of my essays was chosen to be in a book titled Lose The Cape-Never Will I Ever and Then I had kids. I will be featured as a contributor  with another thirty writers sharing our stories. This is a book I’m really proud to be part of and promote. The book is available for preorder on Amazon on Dec. 7 th. 

Amazon Link-Lose The Cape-Never Will I Ever Then I Had Kids

Amazon Link-Lose The Cape Book 1-Realities from Modern day Moms and Strategies to Survive

The Lose the Cape team has been a incredible gift in my life. They have taught me that I’m super just the way I am, and I don’t need a cape to prove it! So cheers to two years of blogging and finding myself and sharing my heart one story at a time.

 

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Lose your Cape-Book Review

  

Today I’m going to tell you about a wonderful book that I read this month, and fell in love with. I was fortunate enough to receive an ARC (Aquired Reading Copy) for my honest review. I knew with my first child that I wanted to be a super Mom so badly. I stayed home and spent endless hours reading and researching on how to be a good Mom. As I look back on it now I realize all I had to do was love my son, feed, change, protect, and put him first and that was being a good Mom. In Alexa Bigwarfe and Kerry Rivera’s book I saw myself as a first time Mom relating to the anecdotal responses from other Mom’s like me. And all the mistakes that I made trying to wear that cape and be that Super Mom. From the newborn to the toddler stage they cover each part of parenthood with honesty, joy, and humourous anecdotes. I felt so connected with their advice and the advice of bloggers they interviewed. Each chapter begins with a quote and for a quote junkie like me I loved it. Chapters covered are preparing for life with a newborn, spousal support at home, tackling chores, keeping organized, and family mealtimes. Also included are information on single parenting, getting the help you need to tame that laundry beast. I appreciated the pertinent information for surviving in today’s world as a modern day Mom. Including all the excellent websites, blogs, and books recommended. I loved this book so much with its’s honest approach to just loving and accepting who I am as a Mom, and just lose the cape because to my kids I’m already a SUPER  hero MOM without it. My favourite tip was the chapter on family organization. Learning about the different calendars and apps to help my family get coordinated with our busy schedules. As well as all the tips on mealtimes and how to appease picky eaters. Which I could write a book on myself with my son’s food texture issues!  Special thanks to Alexa and Kerry’s blog tour coordinator Alison for granting me the pleasure of beta reading this wonderful book. And to the authors for writing such a fabulous, candid, heartfelt book. 😃

You can preorder your copy here release date April. 26 th 2015

 Amazon link
You can follow Alexa and Kerry on social media sharing their book here:

http://losethecape.com/

https://twitter.com/LosetheCape

https://www.facebook.com/LoseTheCape

https://www.pinterest.com/losethecape/

Authors Background Information

Alexa Bigwarfe


Alexa Bigwarfe is a freelance writer, wife, and mother of three children and a dog. In addition to raising her children, managing her home, and writing, Alexa’s heart is in advocacy and raising funds to support nonprofit organizations involved with infant, children and women’s issues. Alexa launched her writing with her personal blog No Holding Back, (katbiggie.com). Here she chronicles topics including health and wellness, living with autoimmune diseases, and most importantly, her grief after the loss of one of her twin daughters to complications from Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). Alexa took the experience from that painful life event and channeled it into a compilation book for grieving mothers entitled Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother. She has also been published in two anthologies, The Mother of All Meltdowns and The HerStories Project. Alexa enjoys writing articles about parenting and children’s health and wellness topics for regional parenting publications and online magazines. In her “spare” time, you can find Alexa enjoying time with her girlfriends or hiding in her closet for some “alone” time.


You can follow Alexa here:


http://katbiggie.com/

https://www.facebook.com/NoHoldingBack1212

https://twitter.com/katbiggie

Kerry Rivera


Kerry Rivera is a full-time working mom of three kids with a to-do list that stretches to “infinity and beyond.” Between a demanding corporate gig, the nightly homework and kids’ activities, and managing a household with her full-time working husband, she blogs about the “juggle” at BreadwinningMama.com. Her career journey started in the newsroom trenches and has since transitioned to working for one of the largest global automotive companies. She additionally writes for corporations, government agencies and brands in her “spare” time, and especially enjoys sharing the joys of modern parenthood around the web. Her love for content creation is only trumped by her love for content consumption. Her Kindle and nightstand are equally full, and a stack of magazines can be found in every room of the house. As a Southern California native, she takes advantage of the outdoors, enjoying both the beaches and mountains with family and friends, and loves to caffeinate with Starbucks Refreshers and Coke. She aspires to perfect a handstand in yoga, but is still working on touching her toes.


You can follow Kerry here:


http://breadwinningmama.com

https://www.facebook.com/BreadwinningMama

https://twitter.com/breadwinningmom

 

Now go on a get your ebook preorder link here: release date April.26 th 2015. 


http://www.amazon.com/Lose-Cape-Realities-Strategies-Survive-ebook/dp/B00UWCLY9M/ref=sr_1_1_twi_2_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1427760438&sr=8-1&keywords=lose+the+cape




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#1000Speak-Building from  Bullying 

I’ve been through a lot in my life but you wouldn’t know it unless you read my blog, or I decided to share with you. I’ve lived my life to be a kind, honest, and caring person. I was taught to be loving and patient even when others were not. I was taught to protect the weak and vulnerable, and cheer for the underdog. I’ve learned to turn the other cheek, and push through the pain and turn it into power. 

When I became a victim of bullying it turned my world upside down. I lived in a very small community so if anyone found out you were doing things outside of this bubble you became local gossip fodder. It wasn’t like I was doing anything wrong I was hanging out with my cousin in a bigger town, going to hockey games, and dating a hockey player. When the kids in my school heard about these things it became a mission to tear me down for having a life outside of my country existence. I can’t even begin to describe what I went through day in and day out with the taunting, teasing, and bullying.

I was only thirteen and the things I had to hear, defend, and ignore about myself were devastating. There was a group of boys and they had a ring leader and he made it his mission to make my life miserable. I wasn’t ugly, mean, ignorant, or self righteous but he was. He had everyone convinced that I was gutter trash and wasn’t worth the kindness of a smile, pat on the back, or acknowledgement for any talent. I was a volleyball player and I was good at my sport. I had all these girls from my grade and one above as my team mates. But no one spoke to me except my coach and my assistant.

If my lead bully saw anyone talking to me then they would suffer his wrath as well. So no one dared incur that, and it was easier to make rude comments or ignore me completely. I still continued to play volleyball and I had a couple friends that would talk to me and be seen in public with me, that were in a grade below me. This disgusting, defeating, behaviour only occurred in my classroom. In between classes I could mix in with the swarm of other kids filling up the hallway to get to their next classes. I enjoyed that anonymity even with however brief it was.  There was this time I went to my locker before gym and had noticed that it  had been tampered with.

Someone had splashed something on it and smeared across the door was the words bitch slut! I was born and raised Catholic so I was the furthest from those derogatory terms. I opened up my locker and saw my binders had all been opened up and papers were everywhere, and my wallet was also missing. I was pissed off and I felt the hot, salty, tears run down my face. My teacher came up behind me and told me to go to the office to report it, so I did. Then I walked out to gym class and in between there and the school was a corridor and I sat there on the steps, trying to process my anger. I had my head in my hands wondering what I was going to do I was ready to cry again, when I felt I was being watched. I looked up and this girl who was a fair weather friend came up to me. She leaned over and said “I saw your locker and it’s too bad that you didn’t get your wallet back, I guess you won’t need this anymore!”

It suddenly clicked in my head that she was responsible as she was holding a picture of my boyfriend in his hockey gear. I flew across the stairs and grabbed her and started punching her in the face. I then grabbed and pushed her into a wall and started banging her face off it. She was frantically trying to fight back but I was possessed with a rage of a thousand moments of being bullied. Classes were ending and people started coming through the corridor. I was still punching and kicking and she began crying and screaming for someone to help her.

Suddenly the principal was there and he was pulling me off of her. He was shocked as well as the school secretary, who always knew me as being kind. This wasn’t the same girl who walked into the school and said good morning to all the staff. In the office, passing them in the hallway, and each of their classrooms. I had attended this school system since Kindergarten so I knew everyone very well. I had to sit in detention with the bitch/thief and she sat there with an ice pack over her eye and glared at me, as we faced each other across the room.

I still wanted to bash her face in as she looked at me smugly as our parents were called to come pick us up. My Dad was working and my Mom didn’t drive, and I refused to go anywhere with my Step Mom so I sat in the office the rest of the day. I had to write out an apology letter to my victim and I was still very angry so I remember wording it as I’m sorry you couldn’t defend yourself after you broke into my locker. I’m sorry that you were such a bitch and I had to kick your ass and I got caught. I was suspended for five days and my Mom sent me to my Grandparents so I could have a break from our community gossip circle jerk.

I welcomed it, attended church, looked after the garden, and helped my Gram with meals. She knew I wasn’t a bad kid I was just tired of being bullied. I just wanted to live my life and not hurt anyone. Enjoy seeing my boyfriend play hockey games, go to his house for homemade Italian meals while his Grandma said “mange, mange your’e too skinny.” While I was at my Grandparents I saw a lot of him. He lived not too far away and he’d walk up and meet me after school. I also went to church and asked God to forgive me for my sins, anger, and bad temper. I was taught by my parents that I didn’t start a fight, but I sure finished one if it was brought to my side of the equation. I didn’t get punished from them as I think they were surprised that their sweet, smiling, studious, daughter finally snapped. The victim that had taken the ignorance, defamation, and horrendous behaviour for a year became the bully.

This is not something I’m proud of but I’m neither ashamed. I feel compassion for that confused, hurt, pissed off, teenager I was. I learned my lesson and today I’m a stronger, capable, and confident adult. I don’t let anyone step on my feelings or crush my spirit. I know when situations and people aren’t good for me as I trust my intuition a lot more. Now knowing my own child had to experience being teased, hit, and bullied, has ignited the fire of that child I was. I’ve advocated with the office administration, his teacher, and have even reprimanded his bully. I will not let the sins of the Mother, visit the son.

I teach both of my son’s to stand up for themselves, don’t instigate the fight, but definitely protect themselves. Now in the school system students use the W.I.T.S. program. The acronym stands for walk away, ignore, talk to someone, seek help. Since my son has been playing hockey he’s more confident in himself. And no one gets away with hitting him, teasing him, or bullying him. I will be that parent on the playground watching and waiting and he knows that I have his back always. My cup of compassion runs over with my children, and I am that Mama bear protecting my cubs. But my patience bucket is empty when it comes to bullies, their lack of intelligence, their own self hatred, and fear of not measuring up in society. So I pass down the golden wisdom to my kids that my beloved Mama would always say to me, “love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe.” I’m spending more of my time doing this. It’s so easy to get wrapped up into who we were in the past. The true courage is surviving that, and thriving with that knowledge in the present. ❤️

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Fridays Feats and Fails

It’s Friday one day closer to the weekend and wow what a week it’s been!!! I’m excited to share it with you. So let’s get to it shall we? I’m so happy and honoured to be co-hosting Friday’s Feats and Fails with the awesome Ash from http://www.morethancheeseandbeer. This is a new adventure for me so I feel giddy with excitement. 😃🎉💃

FEAT-Amazing Grace

My beautiful cousin brought her baby into the world and I haven’t stopped crying since! Amazing Grace was diagnosed in utero as having mosaic triploidy. According to Wikipedia.org research Triploid syndrome is an extremely rare chromosomal disorder. Individuals with triploid syndrome have three of every chromosome, i.e. a total of sixty-nine rather than the normal forty-six chromosomes. There are only sixty recorded cases across the world. Thanks to the research I found on http://www.mommiesofmiracles.com I’m understanding a lot more. These children are blessings, and although there genetically different abled, they are beautiful gifts to the world. 

A Mother’s Love 💗

Amazing Grace was brought into the world on Tues, March. 10 th at 6:04 am she had a healthy delivery and Mom and baby have been doing well. Grace had a defect with her heart diagnosed in utero and no one has known how long she would be earth side. After receiving a heart scan yesterday my cousin was happy to report this morning, that there are NO signs of the defect!!! God is creating miracles for my family daily as Amazing Grace has been defeating the odds against her since her conception. Just yesterday she opened up her eyes for the first time her Uncle held her. Oh and what a beautiful moment that was!  There has been an amazing photographer that has been capturing Grace’s journey with her Mom and Dad. All images are by Love by Krista Evans Photography and she and my cousin have allowed me to share them with you today. 💕

A Father’s Love ❤️

I read all the updates eagerly each moment that my cousin posts them. Today Grace will have a brain scan as she was also diagnosed with agenisus of corpus callosum. According to research from Wikipedia.org (ACC) is a rare birth defect (congenital disorder) in which there is a complete or partial absence of the corpus callosum. It occurs when the corpus callosum, the band of white matter connecting the two hemispheres in the brain, fails to develop normally, typically during pregnancy. 

Amazing Grace is being tested and evaluated in preparation to going home! She’s  classified as a strong baby, despite the disorders and her early arrival of eight days before her due date. The amount of love and prayers that are surrounding Grace and her parents is incredible! Thanks to Krista at Love by Krista Evans Photography 12,000 people have seen my family’s pictures. To me that means that 12,000 people are joining in prayer power! You can view Krista’s amazing body of work here:

https://www.facebook.com/lovebykristaevansphotography


The love, pride, and powerful energy emanating from this family fills my heart to the brim. 💖

FAIL

I’ve been keeping as positive as I can considering how precious life really is. And my own son has to undergo genetic testing for Fragile X and ASD. According to Wikipedia.org Fragile X  is a genetic syndrome. Nearly half of all children with fragile X syndrome meet the criteria for a diagnosis of autism.[1] It is an inherited cause of intellectual disability especially among boys. It results in a spectrum of intellectual disabilities ranging from mild to severe as well as physical characteristics. I’ve had my moments when I’ve dissolved into tears, yelled, cursed, and locked myself away in my pity party of one.

My incredible family has shown me I can have those moments but I just can’t unpack and live there. So other than not cleaning since last weekend, not keeping up with folding my laundry as that relentless bitch is owning me. I’ve been enjoying the sunshine, adventuring with my kids, and counting my blessings. And really appreciating the miracles in life like Amazing Grace’s journey with her phenomenal parents. The strength they’ve shown has been remarkable. In my cousins words to prepare for a life half way through pregnancy, then a possible death, back to preparing for her baby’s life is an extraordinary blessing. I know God will continue to watch over and bless them as they are all miracles of the heart.  💞

Amazing Grace.💖

FEAT

My Captain’s hockey play off round ended for him last Saturday. It was a disappointing loss with some questionable referee calls that ended in a 2-1 loss. It was an exciting game, but I’ll be honest and say this part of being a hockey Mom really sucks. It was so hard to see those disappointed expressions on those sweet children’s faces. They played a great game though and they still have their practices, parents against the kids game, and windup party to look forward too. It was Father son time the next day as my husband took our Captain to work. They both looked so handsome as they dressed up in a shirt and tie. I haven’t seen my son dressed up since his first communion last year. It struck me how fast he’s growing up! I’m so proud of his accomplishments on and off the ice. ❤️

I have so much pride for my Captain and his team. 😃

We also had a major accomplishment as my little Mad dog and I attended the play group specifically for children with special needs. He loved it there as it was fun and manageable with a small group of kids. The most touching moment was when my son thanked me for his happy. I was in awe of him and his gift of understanding in the moment. After the group we attended the indoor playground and he did very well being around more children and some noise. We were both happy to nap when we got home. 😴

“Thank you for my happy Mommy.”

So here we are back to Friday and since our Netflix is M.I.A. due to Mad dog resetting all the information we’ll be watching movies. My wonderful husband picked up Night at the Museum for family movie night and Mocking Jay Part 1 for after they go to bed. Thank you for being here today and please check out everyone else’s post who links up today. 💕

That’s my Friday’s Feats and Fails how’s your week been?

This is going to be an amazing weekend of watching the currents and the classics. 😃🎉


It’s link up time! Don’t mind the HTML code I couldn’t convert it back to text just click on the link below that say inlinkz. 😉

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Ready, set, go! 

I have so much to do and I’m already overwhelmed thinking about it. I have never ending overflowing laundry baskets and I’m totally my laundry room’s bitch for the past two weeks. I’ve got a wicker basket full of stuff I need to do, and the paperwork monster is threatening to grab me in a choke hold till I cry uncle! I know I can take things one day at a time but it’s my brain that never shuts that doesn’t get that message. 

Last week I had a meeting with my respite worker she asked me if I was a list person. I replied yes I love making lists, a lot of my blog topics start out that way. She asked me to write things out instead of using my notes app. So I did and it’s amazing how something so simple, can be so affective. Today I made another list and each day I cross off my accomplishments. It feels good to see that I’m taking care of things, but my overwhelm is with all the things I still need to do. It’s easy for me  to dispense out advice to friends and say look after your priorities and the housework will be there tomorrow. Like death and taxes laundry will always be something you can count on happening. 

I feel like I’m at the start of the race and I’m waiting for someone to be standing there with a pistol saying ready, set, go and I’m off like I’m lit on fire when I hear that shot go off! On one side of me is my calendar jammed with appointments, and on the other is my phone loaded up with texts, emails, and blog topics I need to return and write. At times we’re neck in neck and I literally feel the sweat pouring down my brow. Then I’m wiping it, dying of thirst, and I fall behind and struggle to keep up. 

There are many phone calls to be made, test results to track down, letters to be written, paperwork to be signed, and faxed. I’ve literally been held paralyzed with anxiety that I have to complete all the things and do it record time. The finish line appears to be so far away and my eyes are getting blurry as exhaustion starts to overtake me. Must be the fact I’m dehydrated and in need of something to quench my thirst. And that pesky cataract starts to bother me when I’m tired. So I start veering off the track and daydreaming while I can scarcely see my opponents in the distance. My vision doubles and I start to yearn for my couch. 

There I can have my fuzzy blanket and security while watching Lawrence of Arabia and enjoy eating a bowl of ice cream. This parenting gig can be hard at times. Add in a list of objectives, goals, and lists and you’ve got another job. Sometimes I just want to say &@@@ it and leave for someone else to do. But if I do that then my children won’t get the services they desperately need. I can’t miss out on that, no matter how mentally, emotionally, and physically, exhausted I am. It’s not fair to them or to me if I fail, there’s a lot of resources and a lot of families in need as well. The autism journey can be a bumpy one at the best and worst of times. I’m learning new terminology everyday and as my brother says ATL’s (another three lettered acronym). 

He told me that last week and I laughed so hard, for about fifteen minutes as my life has become all about the letters. When will it all begin, when I’m assessed for funding, get a case worker assigned to me, or get a therapy team in place. There will be more people joining our small circle, lots of transitions, more appointments, and more trips into the city. I will be requesting a lot of home visits in the beginning. Getting my youngest son prepared for these upcoming changes and strangers in our reclusive world. This is never easy and I can use all the PECS (Picture Example Cards) available, but if he has anxiety about it all it’s just not going to happen. 

I honestly don’t know what to expect from branching out into this new world of programs, people, and personalities. I’m thinking as positively as I can and preparing and educating myself as well. So off I go into the sunset leaving worn out ideas, speculations, and false truths behind. From now on its facts, concrete results, and verified diagnosis’s that will matter. I owe it to my children to get them all the help I can. And I owe it to myself to know and believe this age old wisdom from Yoda. That little green guy’s wisdom has touched my life with its simple but gifted advice more times than I can count. Special thanks to http://lindaghill.com for the writing prompt. I couldn’t think of anything to use it for till now. It’s funny  how I just looked at this picture and words started flowing. Green man wisdom for the win!

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The Journey- A limerick

This journey I will take.
Before my wee heart will break.
Into the vast unknown.
I rise to the challenge
Even though I feel alone.

This is my first attempt at writing a poem in the Irish limerick style. I hope I didn’t offend my Celtic ancestry by doing so. Day 2 of my assignment with Blogging 201-Poetry

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