Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Monday Musings

I sit here lost in my thoughts and I wonder to myself what shall I muse about today on this Monday? I have woke up feeling exhausted from all that magical lunar energy that was shared across the globe last night. The truth is I spend a lot of late nights with the moon as my company. Last night wasn’t any different except of the status of the moon in all it’s super blood moon glory! 

 

My view from the live feed from Clay Center Observatory

 
Unfortunately cloud cover impeded my viewing experience yet I knew there was magic happening up there. That helped me to feel connected with the rest of the world and their revelations as we were all gazing upon the same splendour. The lunar vibration in the air was electric and I felt old ideas, thoughts, and patterns start to fall away. Only to have new ideas, creative thoughts, and a sense of renewal take it’s place. A time of rebirth and renewal will begin to take shape in my life and things will start to make sense again. Where I will be blossoming and beginning to thrive instead of just survive! 

   
I like to think of the moon as my late night companion. He comforts me when I can’t sleep due to worry, anxiety, wrapped up in an insomnia based package. When I’m awake listening to the sounds of snoring drifting from each of the bedrooms in my household. As I make my rounds checking on my children tucking them in, tidying up their rooms, making sure they’re organized for school. I then go back and check and re-check my youngest as he suffers with sleep disordered breathing. After two years, countless hours, days, weeks, and months of sleep deprivation he will have a poly sonogram to investigate what the problem is. 

I’ve been through a lot to get him help and haven’t given up when told he had a long tongue that was falling back in his throat and obstructing his airway. I have held him in my arms as his body relaxed and his head tilted back and he stopped breathing. I have shook him awake and cried countless years of tears waiting for his breathing pattern to continue slow and steady. 

During these times the moon has been my best friend comforting me when no one else could. Seeing my tears and without judgement I continued to let them fall until I was emotionally spent. My exhaustion knows no end so I do my best to keep healthy with exercise and proper nutrition. I have ran in empty for far too long so self care has become my saving grace. 

Tonight won’t be any different from any other night. I’ll make the school lunches, bath, book, bed routine will commence with my children. They will read to, loved, cuddled, and prayed for. And the moon will be there for me as I read, write, think, and pray to get through another day watching over me like an old friend. Departing wisdom and magic upon me right when I need it the most. 

This has been my privilege to linkup with Monday Musings hosted by the lovely Crazy Little Family Adventure. If you’re interested in joining up click on the info above. 

#mondaymusings

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Revenge

What would they think if they really knew what went on behind my eyes? As my hot, salty tears, fell relentlessly on my tear stained cheeks.
What would they think of all the days, nights, minutes, hours, and years I wasted crying for those days gone by?
Would they care, would they feel remorse, would they shed a tear themselves?
What would they say if they knew how I cursed them under my breath time after time? As their endless torment rained down upon my ears.
What would they do if I fought back, and finally let them taste the defeat of their own demise?
What would happen if the victim after years of torment, became the bully?
What if I haunted their dreams with hearing the poisonous venom dripping from my tongue? Words spewed with hate, violence, and pain.
What would they think, feel, do, or become after that torment day after day?
What if I ever did realize those forbidden, evil, maniacal, thoughts in the cobwebs of my mind?
What would become of me? My soul, my faith, my mind, my heart, my sanity?
What if I became the nightmare that I feared, loathed, and despised?
What if all the love, faith, kindness, compassion, and goodwill seeped out of my body like a deep, open wound.
What if I grew into the hatred, pain, and anguish?
What if I became a monster of all these painful memories that have kept me awake endless nights?
What if I became the epitome of REVENGE?
No every shred of my human decency forbids it! I’m loved, cherished, and valued. I will not lose myself to the sins of those others. I will become reborn, renewed with hope, love, my faith in God.
I will not become their choices, their thoughts, their sins, their hate!
I may write about it in an imaginative way, but I will never allow myself to taste the bitterness of revenge.

Today’s Sunday confession brought to you by awesome Ash at http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her awesomeness and all the other fab bloggers that link up.

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