Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Monday Musings-The Aftermath of Time

It takes two minutes to return a smile, a lifetime to grieve a loved one, and thirty seconds for panic to set in when your child’s missing. People can vanish without a trace, be lost and never found, die of sudden or natural causes and we’re left to wonder about time. The time we could’ve spent sharing our love and appreciation with that person, a better use of the time spent with them not knowing it would be the last time we would see them. 

It’s happened a lot in my life-loss and the grief’s felt like a never ending cycle of turmoil and pain. Ever circulating and appearing in my life for a personal loss of life or one shared with a friend. Time where you wish you hadn’t said words in anger, fear or mistrust. When you could see past your very human ego to forgive instead of forming the words of negativity and pain. Forgiveness really is an art form, to move past the pain inflicted on your psyche and spirit. To turn the other cheek and give kindness when in your heart you know it’s the right thing to do. Forgiveness solves many problems but what happens to the person who releases the one who caused the indiscretion in the first place? 

Do they simply forgive and forget words that sliced through their heart like a serrated knife? Do they move on and feel their spirit lighter with an air of peace? Does the simple act of saying “I forgive you” imply that they understand why the hurt was inflicted upon them? Here lies in the struggle, I personally find it difficult to forgive. I was raised with an armour of stubbornness and tenacity that’s made it difficult to make that choice to forgive. I feel weak and vulnerable, to relent to pain caused to me. I’m human yet moving past the pain to divinity is better for my soul. 

I recently had an argument with my son and in his preadolescent mindset he chose to walk away then help resolve it. We were in a city we had never been to before and on our way back to the hotel we were staying at. He thought his Dad and I were being unfair so he stomped away. I had no idea where he was going or if he knew how to find his way back to our hotel. It was a dark yet a well lit parking lot but to see him run away like that was heartbreaking. I was feeling more scared then angry as I ran after him and he disappeared!  

My family and I entered the hotel and I couldn’t find him anywhere. My lungs were ready to burst as it was cold night and my asthmatic symptoms were setting in and I frantically searched for my son.  I asked the front desk staff if they had seen him and they replied they had not. The woman said “do you need a key card” and I replied “no I just need my son back now unharmed!” I made my way to the elevator to see if he was waiting for me while my husband and youngest son went ahead to our room. 

For fifteen heart stopping minutes I had no idea where my oldest son was. Was he hurt, was he kidnapped, was he lost and searching for me? By the grace of God he was found when another friends parent saw him waiting in the hallway and took him back to our room. I quickly jumped in an elevator and as my mind raised all I could think of was the last time I saw him. The hurtful words that were exchanged, the look of anger on his face, and how lost I felt when I couldn’t find him. I should’ve took back those spiteful words of anger said, I should’ve recognized he was frustrated and needing to be heard than reacting to his outburst. I needed to make better use of my time with him letting him know even though I disagreed I still loved and respected him. 

When I got to my floor I burst out of the elevator like I was on fire and ran to my room. I opened the door and grabbed my son up in my arms in a hug that needed to last a lifetime. He squirmed away from me then eventually relaxed into my embrace as the tears flowed. I tried to talk but my words were halted by my sobs. 

What I managed to convey to him was that I was so worried that something could’ve happened to him. With the last words we had spoken to each other in emotion were not what we meant to say. Yet it’s true as the adage says we always hurt the ones we love. Why is that easier option then to just agree to disagree and come up with a solution? There were apologies given and received and for the rest of the weekend he wasn’t out of my sight. Except to play hockey and use the dressing room facilities. Forgiveness was difficult but necessary to give in order to value each other and our relationship. 

I never want to go through that heart wrenching experience again! I feel like it aged me by ten years and took time off my lifespan. It all begins and ends with time.  I’ve learned a valuable lesson to curb my temper and refrain from spouting words of anger and angst in the heat of the moment. My son has learned that a moment of negativity can cause him to make a poor choice yet he’s willing to admit his mistake and learn from it. Time it’s the deciding factor of all our words, actions, and transgressions. And I for one will be using my time more wisely with my friends and loved ones. You just never know when that time will run out and regret will take its place. 

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Friday’s Feats and Fails

Well onto to another addition of my week in review. I’m feeling like it’s a fabulous Friday, which is the topic on my Facebook page right now. I love sharing and interacting there, it’s so much fun to celebrate with people through their words and pictures. You
can check it out here if you wish.

https://www.facebook.com/jsackmomblog

So onto my week, it’s almost December now so everything’s speeding by on the speed of light in my world. So let’s catch up shall we?

FEAT

Last Friday was an epic one as I attended the Fleetwood Mac concert, and crossed off my bucket list seeing them with Christine Mcvie. After a 16 year hiatus she joined them on your. She was fabulous, as was the amazing Stevie Nicks, phenomenal Lindsay Buckingham, and incredible John Mcvie, and rocking Mick Fleetwood. Wow, just wow can those seniors ever rock hard!!! Lindsay had a beautiful quote that he shared and it rang in my ears like bells of inspiration.
“We’re just a band who lived, loved, learned, and grown over the years. And that has made us more connected and prolific than ever. I wish I had videoed it but I was lost in the beauty of his words and spirit ❤️

FAIL

Well I was meeting my sister and her friend at the concert, as they were driving up after work. I got to the bank, got McD’s for the kids, (yes I know not the healthiest dinner but convenience and a texture sensitive child made it possible) My family was off to a hockey game so they were dropping me off at the subway. Which my anxious soul wasn’t happy about but I digress, we got lost trying to find the station!!! Do you know what you say to my husband when he’s lost?! Absolutely nothing, not a word, yes I must learn to remember that. 😳 So I quickly texted my friend who lived in the neighbourhood and we found our way. I get on the train, totally out of my empathic comfort zone so I breathe and blog and then I missed my stop!!!!

FEAT

Ahhhh the for the love of God and all that’s holy get me to this concert on time!!! Luckily I pray a lot and my plea was answered, and I made it to my destination. I danced, drank, and got lost in the awesomeness of the Fleetwood Mac vibe. I even got to a concert shirt that wasn’t black or white, but a beautiful blue. My hi light was seeing, hearing, and loving the beauty of Christine Mcvie singing Songbird. And then watching Stevie Nicks sing and dance to Landslide. I was in a puddle of tears as my emotions enveloped me.

FAIL

I haven’t been very connected to my husband as he’s been sick with tonsillitis and sleeping a lot. I miss him and it doesn’t matter if life is clicking along, if I don’t have my soft place to fall with him I’m incomplete. So after a few expletive exchanges due to my jealousy of him going out last night, and I had to drag our kids to an AGM. We’re due for some alone time, so tonight we have a date with Grim and Constantine and a bottle of wine. I really dislike that green eyed monster when he rears his ugly head. I must do more to keep him in check.

FEAT

Well I’m happy to say that my laundry nemesis was my bitch, instead of being hers!!! It feels so good to get all that accomplished before it’s road trip time. I’ve also written over 100 posts on my blog, so here I am doing a happy dance. 💃Things are going well for my Captain at school. He’s been playing soccer after refusing to be the referee. He’s a very gifted player and these kids just didn’t want to be the ref. So being the kind of kid he is, he made peace and took the position to end the bickering. But he wasn’t having any fun because kids on a semi supervised playground, don’t always play by the rules. So picking up the Captain and hearing a positive interaction instead of a negative one is super awesome. 😃 And my Mad dog is back to using the potty after a brief hiatus. So now I’ll celebrate with swimming sensory fun, wine, and hot tub time. It’s time for a hockey road trip, making new friends, and getting to know the other hockey parents. I’ve been so lonely lately and interacting lots of social media. So it will be great to have that and some social activity in reality as well. Cheers to a fabulous Friday and a beautiful weekend ahead. 😘❤️

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This has been my submission to http://morethancheeseandbeer.com check out Ash’s week and all the other talent that link up. 😃

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