Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Degree

Is there any degree of sanity in my chaotic, cacophony of a life I lead. I spend my days rushing, medicating, researching, and ruminating on life’s events. I start my mornings with kisses and cuddles from my cubs, then breakfasts, backpacks filled and off to school. I’m greeting with any degree of temperament in the morning. Tired, cranky, get out bed heads, who seem to think that sleeping is an option lately. And sometimes there’s pleasant good mornings , did you have a nice sleep greetings. The walk to school will bring out any degree of conversation. From Minecraft building secrets, to what cartoon to watch when we get home, or I hope I don’t get bullied today. These conversation topics enlighten, engage me, and break my heart at times. As I fight for the last degree of maintaining patience at my sons school. There are different degrees of personalities he encounters each day. Sometimes friendly, fun, and other times mean and cruel. How much is one child supposed to take as he reacts and reaches for degrees of courage and bravery to stand up for himself. Against these mean little monsters who lack social skills, boundaries, and respect. I go through all degrees of Motherhood as I advocate to protect my son from this over populated, overcrowded, melting pot of emotions school. After the walk home there are requests for hot chocolate, cuddles on the couch, and IPad time. Then on to any degree of Lego building, trucks crashing, and tower stacking. Playtime is fun then it’s time for me to work as I sort through degrees of historical stats, people, events as a type out their stories. The mornings flow from afternoon to school pickup time and once again it’s time to go. And the degree of my sons mood is gauged cautiously with careful questioning. “How was your day, what did you learn, what was great about it, and did anyone bother you today?” Sometimes I feel my level of my patience bucket is dangerously low as I question him. I struggle to hang onto to this degree of sanity, so my emotions don’t take over and overwhelm us both. What degree do you flow with your day? Degrees of happiness, love, faith, or hope? I feel and experience all of them. Wrapped up in a big box with a bright red bow shows my battle scarred heart. That has cried for my Cubs, fought for them, and even died inside for them to some degree. Because that’s the degree of love I have for them and always will.

This has been my submission to Stream of Consciousness Saturday with the one and only http://lindaghill.com. Today’s prompt was degree. Check out her Saturday thoughts and all the other talent who link up.

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Shape

I think about things that are many different shapes circles that are round, squares that are shaped like a box, and I think about myself and how I fit into this scenario. I’ve always been different, I didn’t think like other kids I was deep, introspective, and I saw a lot more than they did. For underneath the surface lies the truth even if people aren’t telling it. I’ve always been that proverbial square peg in a round hole never quite fitting in, and always going against the grain. This has served my purpose here in life quite well. I either attract like minded people and energy or I repel what is considered the “norm”. I think about myself as a person, my mind, spirit, and my body. I have curves like a race track I was born to hug corners and the people I love. That has always brought me a lot of attention from men and jealousy from women. I never could understand why there could be such an attraction,as I never saw myself as more than my mind and emotions. Feeling the repercussions of the green eyed monster baffled me, as women would think I was flirting with their man if I said hello, or asked the time. I was raised by kind people, and they taught me to be kind in return. I remember the first time I moved to the city and I saw this good looking guy and he looked at me through a window at a restaurant and smiled at me. I in turn smiled back, he walked by and I left the restaurant shortly after. My sister in-law and I walked around downtown as she showed me the sights. I caught this guys eye again crossing the street and he again smiled. So likewise I reciprocated, my sister in-law saw this and became very alarmed. She dragged me into a store and said you never make eye contact with a stranger, and you never ever smile! Well I was perplexed to say the least as all my small town charm wasn’t necessary. And in this particular case she was right as this good looking guy started following us. That was my first and very important lesson and I began to look ahead, confident, and tough, while walking around the city. My brothers advice was keep your head up, and look like you know where you’re going even if you don’t. So the way my childhood shaped me didn’t prepare me for the big city life. I still prefer small towns, but I’ve adapted over the years with each move that I make. And I still shape my personality to how I was raised to be kind, caring, and respectful. I’m still a little different and that’s ok, I don’t need to shape myself into something I’m not. I see that very clearly now as I mature and find more reasons to be comfortable in my own skin. I really like the shape I’m in and make no apologies for that. I think that’s the best part of being a square peg in a round hole.

Today’s Saturday Stream of Consciousness is brought to you by http://lindaghill.com. and the prompt is shape. Check out her Saturday thoughts and all the other talent who link up. 😊

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