Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Gamble

I’ve been living the life of a gambler. I’ve been running on empty for a long time thinking that I can continue this way. I’ve been going on whiffs of exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Reacting strongly with my emotions and easy trigger finger of blame. I have spent more time looking at a bottom of a wine bottle with only tears and rambling writings to show for it. I have spent nights in overwhelming valley and vacationed at heartbreak hotel. I’ve given my power away only to feel like a shell of my former self. 

I have decided enough is enough since my crazy train has run off the rails. I’m taking a gamble on myself and putting myself on my list of priorities. Self care will be my goal each and everyday. I will exercise to walk, run, move my body to feel good. I will get more rest, even if it’s not a lot of sleep. I will find a routine that works for me. I will have fun again as me not just Mom. Where I can laugh, love, find my hobbies that make me happy. I will be with others who share these common interests. I will begin to create again to draw, paint, scrapbook, and craft with my kids and on my own. Art is the way to my heart’s inspiration, love, and light. 

  
Eating well and maintaining a balanced diet of healthy foods will feed my body and nourish my mind. I will be kind to myself, by putting myself first, seeking guidance from my family and friends, and counselling from my therapist. I will get outside and explore my new town and surroundings. I will bask in the fresh air and the sunshine, and get my hands back in the dirt with my love of gardening. I will seek daily ways to relax, not just when the stress is choking me physically and emotionally. I will not gamble with my health and happiness again. I deserve to be fully, completely, safe and comfortable in my skin. 

 I will participate in my yoga practice, keeping mindful with my deep breathing and my temper. I will put my deepest thoughts that aren’t meant to be published in my journal. I will read to fill my mind with beautiful words, my heart with the longing to write my own words to inspire, and my soul with the love of making those chapters part of my being. And when the world is too much for me to handle I will sink into my loves arms and find my solace and believe in myself again. I vow to make my self care an integral part of me that it won’t be a chore, a list of demands to meet, it will be my gift to me. 

This has been my submission to More Than Cheese and Beer please check out her anonymous Sunday confessions and all the talent who link up. Thank you. ❤️

16 Comments »

Regret

Well to say I don’t have any regrets in life would be a lie. For indeed, I have many. I think if we live our lives the way we always wanted, we would have few. But we don’t always allow ourselves to do that, so we end up living with regret. I do believe that our experiences in life lead us on the journey to who we are today. I was taught by my parents to not judge a book by its cover. And when I have lived in judgement I became unhappy, miserable, and distrusting. We all have our paths to walk in life, and some people take the road that is least travelled. In my childhood I have many regrets. I wish I would’ve learned how to knit when my Great Aunt wanted to teach me. Instead I wanted to hang out with friends, climb trees, instead learning her craft. And now when I see my talented friends that can knit and crochet amazing creations, I feel regretful. I regret that I didn’t have much self confidence when I was a teenager, and allowed both boys and girls to take advantage of my good nature. I wanted to be liked and loved, and thought if I got their attention I could feel better about myself. Many broken relationships and friendships later, I have paid that price of low self esteem. I regret not listening and learning more, and should’ve talked back less. I had an answer for everything, argued with authority, and became to be known as a right fighter. My Dad said I had missed my calling and should’ve been a lawyer. Now I share this karmic debt with my oldest son. 😏 And when my parents pulled their hair out over my drive for autonomy and independence, I should’ve listened when they said “one day you’ll have kids and you’ll understand our worry.” Now I’ve given birth to a defence lawyer and a free spirit adventurer and now I understand… I regret that I let years of depression and anxiety stop me for being who I was. I grew up happy, loved, and looked after. But somehow I feared that I’d cause that all to end. I regret not travelling more, exploring cultures and lands, I’ve only read about in books. I did have fun and interesting experiences, but I never travelled to a foreign country and experience their culture and ways of life. I regret letting my fears overtake me and hold me back from pursuing a career as a singer, dancer, and actress. I had big dreams of seeing my name up in lights in the Hollywood scene. My Dad said I had a voice like an angel, and belonged in Nashville. One of my greatest joys was singing all the Charlie Pride, Tom T. Hall, and Red Soverign, classics to him, or with him.I was raised on a love of music through my Mom and Grandparents. And always had an appreciative family and church audience. But I didn’t think others would think I had talent. I regret not finishing my children’s literature course after I got into college. I thought I had to do what everybody else was doing and enrolled in a business course, because it was the right thing to do. I regret not believing in myself and instead of letting others dictate my future. I was told I had writing skills, but I couldn’t possibly make a career being a writer.i was told that writers struggle, have to work a day job, take forever to get published, blah, blah, blah etc. So here I am today married, a Mom who passed on my love of singing, and dramatic arts to my children, who love to read, or be read to. And my oldest also writes his stories, sings, and dances with his little brother and keeps their parents happily entertained. I write, sing, act, and dance in a local theatre group. It might not be the bright lights, and big city of Hollywood, but it makes me happy and fulfilled. And I’ll never regret watching my kids entertain my hubby and I, with a puppet show, or a Saturday night dance party. For they are my heart, my everything, and my greatest accomplishment in life. ❤️

Today’s Sunday confession is from the marvellous http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her blog and all the other amazing bloggers who link up.

4 Comments »