Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Ten Things of Thankful 

  
Here it is my time of the week to express my thankfulness. I think we should be thankful every time we wake up breathing. Today I celebrate with Lizzi and her kindness family for TTOT reaching its two year anniversary! Kindness and thankfulness should be spread everywhere and I’ll jump on that VW bus and start promoting that daily! I’ve been participating for three weeks now in this very special linkup and it’s my happy place to be in the blogosphere. So without further ado onto the link up. 😃
https://summat2thinkon.wordpress.com/ten-things-of-thankful/

1. I’m thankful for my gorgeous, goofy boys who make me laugh out loud with their ridiculous antics. If I’m having a day filled with sadness they lift me up with laughter. 

2. I’m thankful that I had a wonderful time on my son’s field trip to the zoo. I got to be a parent volunteer in his group and get to know some of his classmates that I don’t talk to regularly. I also got to see how well liked my son is. Being the new kid on the block a year ago was a difficult struggle for him and us. So seeing him thriving in his classroom environment made me so proud. ❤️

3. I’m thankful that my week without having a functioning fridge is over. I made do with a little bar fridge until our new one was delivered yesterday. You don’t realize how important those amenities are until you lose the use of a much needed appliance. Here’s to solid ice cream and ice cubes again. 😉

4. I’m thankful for reaching out to a friend when I was struggling to find my smile. Sometimes it’s within those vulnerable moments we find our greatest strengths. 

5. I’m thankful for another successful Bloggy Throwback on the Original Bunker Punks website. Each week I see more bloggers linking up reading and sharing some wonderful talent. This amazing site is finally getting it’s name out there. I’m so proud to be a part of something so fresh, fun, and fabulous. This was the first site I was ever published on and now I’m helping to make it a big success. 😃

5. I’m thankful for working hard on my self care by getting my daily workout in. All the support I’ve received on my fitness journey makes me feel so grateful. 

6. I’m thankful no matter how far I move away from my Mommy group we’re still a special part of each other lives. Only a phone call, text, FaceTime, and message away from each other. 💝

7. I’m so grateful to my awesome friend Punk Rock Papa for letting me be part of the OBP. I started running Bloggy Throwback a month ago and watching it grow has been a great source of pride. This special friend and I connected through our words, our hearts, and our families.  He’s like my brother from another Mother. I love him and his wonderful family so much. ❤️

8. I’m thankful for the sunshine and spending time with my family. It really is the elixir in my life, besides wine. 😉

9. I’m thankful for my ability to tell a story. I have always believed we all have one to share. And when I close my eyes at night all the blog ideas, characters dialogue, and sentence structure come dancing through my head. I love being creative and jotting those gems down before they disappear with the moon beams. 

10. I’m thankful for being safe, warm, fed, and loved. Without these basic needs I would be struggling like many are in the world. I’m grateful I can help the ones I can, and that God has blessed me abundantly with my family to love. 

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I’m not ready to say goodbye

  
When I got the news today my knees hit the floor and I cried with a vengeance. No I screamed in my head you weren’t supposed to die! Someone so loving, giving, caring with the biggest, most beautiful heart wasn’t supposed to leave this earth. Now that you’re gone, I’ve held my children tighter. Knowing that you won’t be physically there to hold yours tears me apart. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I just sent you a message last week telling you how I loved and missed you. 
You drove that stretch of road so many times, for so many different reasons. Why should today be any different? Why would this trip from point A to point B be your last? Life just isn’t fair sometimes, people are born and people will die everyday. But not you, or never should’ve been you. Thinking of you alone and tumbling through the air as your vehicle left the road fills me such heartache I can scarcely breathe. Even now the tears fall silently down my face thinking of my memories of you. 

If I could write a book I would fill it with my thoughts of you. The way your eyes danced when you were mischievous, the way your laughter bubbled out of you with abundant joy. The way you made me feel when you hugged me so tight. How you’d say “Mama we can get through anything, because we’re survivors, it’s what we do!” And I know it’s your words ringing true in my head and heart today. 

I would fill each chapter with your wisdoms, all the times I quoted you for your brilliance. And how when you get so excited and start talking a mile a minute, I would from and I’d say “breathe love, you’re not going anywhere.” I was wrong you always were going somewhere as you filled up your life and love with people who adored you as much as I did. You never said no, or turned anyone away. You’d drive across the province to lend a helping hand, make your kids happy, make life easier for someone else it was your way. Anyone who experienced your love was changed forever. 

Even now I read all the kind and wonderful words people have left behind. They too are mourning your loss. They won’t see your beautiful smile when they walk through the doors of your work. Greeting them with warm hellos and how are you today? Your bosses were blessed to have you as long as they did, and I was so happy that they told you so. You mattered to many, and not only your family mourns you but a whole community does. 

To touch so many lives and hearts for your short time on earth was a gift. You filled my life with sunshine and love. And my children adored you as I do yours. What will happen to them now that they’re gone? They will never have to question your love for them. They felt that in everything you did. From the sweet little nicknames you gave them, to teaching them independence, to your beautiful smile and Mama bear hugs. I pray that they will all stay together to heal in their grief. You etched an imprint on their hearts that will never fade or be replaced by another. You were their North Star guiding them to safe harbour. You were their quiet place when the world was noisy and annoying. 

You were their safety net when others let them down. Who do they follow now that the light has burnt out in your eyes? My answer is no one, you were their light, love, soft heart, their Mother; there will never be another. You were the yin to my yang, and talked me off the ledge plenty of times in that gentle way you had. I still remember the first time we met. How you smiled that mega watt grin and said hello and extended your hand to me. I was new to town and knew no one. You looked at my son in my arms and stroked his cheek and I felt safe with you. You patted his head and said “so blonde, and so beautiful just like his Mama.” And in that instance I fell in love with your kind spirit. 

As our friendship grew stronger my love and admiration for you did too. That moment that you called me by my childhood nickname I was taken aback. I told you I hadn’t heard it since my Mom died how did you know? You said “it just fit, it was perfect it was who you are.” And then I gave you a nickname and I never called you anything but. We bonded over so many things, but the loss of our Mothers affected our whole beings. You knew of that pain of wanting the one and only women we had ever loved and trusted, more than anyone in the world to hold us. You had been a few years into your grief, and I was year into mine. 

You saw the pain in my eyes that I tried to hide from others, but you recognized it instantly as you had your own. I was coming back to town soon and I knew I was going to see you. I was going to pop into your work and surprise you. I knew I could do that because you were never a slave to social media, and how you gently teased me about “my need for my social newsfeed.” I picture the look on your face as you looked up to see who was coming in the door, and how you’d run out and give me the tightest hug. Now I will come back and see you one last time, as my heart is stacked with pain and remorse. I don’t want to say goodbye to you. I’m not ready, prepared, or able to do so. Today when you left the world a small fragment of me went with you. To a place I pray is your happy place. 

We talked about heaven and what you thought was waiting for you there. How you hoped it would have beautiful mountains, lakes and trees that you so dearly loved in your town. I was so sad when I had to leave you behind when I moved away. I wouldn’t have got through those four months of solo parenting while my husband worked away, without you. When I asked your help you told me “I love you and I love your son’s I will help you, we will make this work.” And how my kids loved when you and the girls would come over. The dance parties, games, the singing, and cupcakes. I always seemed to have a never ending supply of happiness when you were around. And after the kids went to bed the copious amounts wine we would drink and the laughs we would have. 

I don’t want to say goodbye to you it’s just too hard to even mouth those words. I’m devastated like your family is, they had you longer so I don’t even feel a right to my feelings. How do they go on without you? When can they speak your name without dissolving into tears like I do? Thinking of not seeing that mischievous grin or hearing infectious laughter makes me want to scream it’s just not right, or fair! Somehow life will go on, people will go to work, kids will go to school, the earth will keep spinning on its axis. Even though I feel it’s all off kilter and imbalanced waiting for you to come back. 

I feel you nearby watching and waiting not able to take your journey to the other side. You remain fixed until you know everyone is ok. This is how you were in life, and I wouldn’t expect anything less from you in death. I’m just not going to get over losing you. There will be a space in my heart that is the shape of you. You were such an amazing friend, sister of my heart, Mother, daughter sister, Aunty, and cousin. There will never be a day where I speak your name and the memories of wonderful you will come flooding back. I hold those close to my heart for that’s all I have left now. Until we meet again my sweet friend, I will keep you and your family in my heart and prayers always. ❤️

 

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My #Mommitment music play list

Music is so important in my life it’s the reason I smile, my heart skips a beat, and my true passion in life. I grew up with music playing in my home constantly. From the melodic sounds of Elvis Presley, crooning of John Denver, rock and roll of Creedence Clearwater, and soft sounds of Charley Pride. I heard, learned, and sung it all. There is music that inspires me to write, sing, and create. There’s music that can lift up my spirit when it’s dragging on the floor from being sleep deprived at 2 am from a wide awake four year old. There’s music that kick starts my heart and body into action when I’m in full workout mode. And lastly music that makes me think screw all the haters as I dance around in my underwear like Tom Cruise in Risky Business  Old Time Rock and Roll style. Here’s a few of my personal favourites enjoy. 😃💃🎶
Bitch- Merdith Brooks
I have sung this loud and proud in my shower. Which everyone knows has the best acoustics next to a church. 😃

What’s Up- Four Non Blondes
This song makes me think about the state of the world we’re living in. The judgement, tyranny, anarchy, and pain mixed in with the melting pot of beauty and emotions. ❤️

Zombie-The Cranberries
This song takes my heart to a place where I feel supported, loved, and understood. I had a friend who’s dogs would sing along with us when ever it was played. Rest in peace Stan and Gary. 🌟

Kick Start My Heart Motley Crüe
My all time favourite heavy metal band on the planet. And yes this song has kicked started my heart, energy, and pushed me to the extreme in my workouts. 

Don’t Stop-Fleetwood Mac
This is my theme song in life wherever I go, or wherever I am this song follows me. My heart, my love, my band is Fleetwood Mac. 🎶💞

This has been my contribution to the mixed tape #Momittment movement. I’m so happy and proud to be part of this beautiful ripple in the social media world. If you’d like to learn more about it check out Next life no kids and sign her petition. She rocks hard and so does her truth. 💗🎶🌟


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One Liner Wednesday

Easter weekend came in like a lion.  The + 16 temperatures quickly went down to -1 Celscius. With the colder temperatures came the snow. As my son watched the snow falling he looked up at me with big worried eyes. 

“Mama the poor Easter bunny is going to get cold feet in all that snow!”

So that smart bunny came inside and hid all those treats in our basement. A happy boy, and a happy bunny was all that mattered. 😃
This has been my submission to http:// lindaghill.com One liner Wednesday. Please check out her talent as well as everyone awesomeness who links up. Thank you. 💗

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