Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Ten Things of Thankful

Here I am today participating in Lizzi’s Ten Things of Thankful linkup. I started last week and I’m looking forward to sharing with you how very thankful I am to have this place to share. 

1. I’m thankful that I was able to attend my beloved friend’s funeral this week. It was a very quick trip there and back, in four hours. It seemed almost like a dream I was there. Knowing I could say goodbye and God bless to her and her loved ones made my heart happy. 

2. I’m thankful that husband was able to take the day off, pay for my flight, and drive me to the airport. He rearranged his schedule to suit my needs and there’s not enough adjectives to describe how much I love and appreciate him for who he is. 

3. I’m so thankful that my lovely friend was able to pick me up at the airport when I arrived. Seeing her and her son’s smiling faces when they greeted me was such an incredible feeling. Going to our favourite place Starbucks like we used to do and catching up on list time was so wonderful and appreciated. 

4. I’m very thankful I was able to share my acknowledgement and gratitude for my beloved friend at her service. Seeing all those faces looking at me as I shared my love and appreciation for how much I loved her and her family was very healing for me. My heart was as full as the overflowing, standing room only church congregation before me. 

5. I’m thankful for the beautiful words of comfort that Paster Daniel coveyed in his service. Listening to his eulogy and seeing how my beloved friend touched so many hearts in the community was a blessing. She was loved by many and will be mourned and celebrated by many. 

5. I’m thankful that I was able to see friends and family and pass along my condolences to them. The hugs and hellos were so appreciated from everyone and helped me to smile on such a sad day. 

6. I’m thankful for my lovely friends giving heart, amazing friendship, and being able to see her and her children again. Having lunch with my other sweet friend catching up on our life events and hilarious antics of our son’s was so appreciated as well. 

7. I’m thankful for my wonderful cousin driving me  back to the airport. Our conversation, companionship, and laughter was so needed and appreciated. Knowing I have family to reach out to after I move away is a gift. 

8. I’m so thankful I was able to catch my plane with five minutes to spare before boarding! As we encountered construction and traffic on our way there. Sitting on my flight looking out the window as I flew over the farm lands and Rocky Mountains made me feel grateful for this beautiful view of my country. 

9. I’m so thankful that I have this wonderful forum and group to share my gratitude in. Lizzi’s Ten Things of Thankful came into my life at a divine time I needed it and could appreciate it the most. 

10. I’m so thankful that my family was there to meet me at the airport as I reached my destination. Seeing their smiles, feeling their love and hugs is so healing to my heart. Sharing my pain and vulnerabilities with them lets me know how very blessed I am. 

This has been my submission to  Lizzi’s Ten Things of Thankful Thank you for being here today for me to share my thankfulness. Knowing I’m not alone as I grieve, and sail my boat on these choppy unchartered waters helps with healing my broken heart. ❤️

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I’m not ready to say goodbye

  
When I got the news today my knees hit the floor and I cried with a vengeance. No I screamed in my head you weren’t supposed to die! Someone so loving, giving, caring with the biggest, most beautiful heart wasn’t supposed to leave this earth. Now that you’re gone, I’ve held my children tighter. Knowing that you won’t be physically there to hold yours tears me apart. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I just sent you a message last week telling you how I loved and missed you. 
You drove that stretch of road so many times, for so many different reasons. Why should today be any different? Why would this trip from point A to point B be your last? Life just isn’t fair sometimes, people are born and people will die everyday. But not you, or never should’ve been you. Thinking of you alone and tumbling through the air as your vehicle left the road fills me such heartache I can scarcely breathe. Even now the tears fall silently down my face thinking of my memories of you. 

If I could write a book I would fill it with my thoughts of you. The way your eyes danced when you were mischievous, the way your laughter bubbled out of you with abundant joy. The way you made me feel when you hugged me so tight. How you’d say “Mama we can get through anything, because we’re survivors, it’s what we do!” And I know it’s your words ringing true in my head and heart today. 

I would fill each chapter with your wisdoms, all the times I quoted you for your brilliance. And how when you get so excited and start talking a mile a minute, I would from and I’d say “breathe love, you’re not going anywhere.” I was wrong you always were going somewhere as you filled up your life and love with people who adored you as much as I did. You never said no, or turned anyone away. You’d drive across the province to lend a helping hand, make your kids happy, make life easier for someone else it was your way. Anyone who experienced your love was changed forever. 

Even now I read all the kind and wonderful words people have left behind. They too are mourning your loss. They won’t see your beautiful smile when they walk through the doors of your work. Greeting them with warm hellos and how are you today? Your bosses were blessed to have you as long as they did, and I was so happy that they told you so. You mattered to many, and not only your family mourns you but a whole community does. 

To touch so many lives and hearts for your short time on earth was a gift. You filled my life with sunshine and love. And my children adored you as I do yours. What will happen to them now that they’re gone? They will never have to question your love for them. They felt that in everything you did. From the sweet little nicknames you gave them, to teaching them independence, to your beautiful smile and Mama bear hugs. I pray that they will all stay together to heal in their grief. You etched an imprint on their hearts that will never fade or be replaced by another. You were their North Star guiding them to safe harbour. You were their quiet place when the world was noisy and annoying. 

You were their safety net when others let them down. Who do they follow now that the light has burnt out in your eyes? My answer is no one, you were their light, love, soft heart, their Mother; there will never be another. You were the yin to my yang, and talked me off the ledge plenty of times in that gentle way you had. I still remember the first time we met. How you smiled that mega watt grin and said hello and extended your hand to me. I was new to town and knew no one. You looked at my son in my arms and stroked his cheek and I felt safe with you. You patted his head and said “so blonde, and so beautiful just like his Mama.” And in that instance I fell in love with your kind spirit. 

As our friendship grew stronger my love and admiration for you did too. That moment that you called me by my childhood nickname I was taken aback. I told you I hadn’t heard it since my Mom died how did you know? You said “it just fit, it was perfect it was who you are.” And then I gave you a nickname and I never called you anything but. We bonded over so many things, but the loss of our Mothers affected our whole beings. You knew of that pain of wanting the one and only women we had ever loved and trusted, more than anyone in the world to hold us. You had been a few years into your grief, and I was year into mine. 

You saw the pain in my eyes that I tried to hide from others, but you recognized it instantly as you had your own. I was coming back to town soon and I knew I was going to see you. I was going to pop into your work and surprise you. I knew I could do that because you were never a slave to social media, and how you gently teased me about “my need for my social newsfeed.” I picture the look on your face as you looked up to see who was coming in the door, and how you’d run out and give me the tightest hug. Now I will come back and see you one last time, as my heart is stacked with pain and remorse. I don’t want to say goodbye to you. I’m not ready, prepared, or able to do so. Today when you left the world a small fragment of me went with you. To a place I pray is your happy place. 

We talked about heaven and what you thought was waiting for you there. How you hoped it would have beautiful mountains, lakes and trees that you so dearly loved in your town. I was so sad when I had to leave you behind when I moved away. I wouldn’t have got through those four months of solo parenting while my husband worked away, without you. When I asked your help you told me “I love you and I love your son’s I will help you, we will make this work.” And how my kids loved when you and the girls would come over. The dance parties, games, the singing, and cupcakes. I always seemed to have a never ending supply of happiness when you were around. And after the kids went to bed the copious amounts wine we would drink and the laughs we would have. 

I don’t want to say goodbye to you it’s just too hard to even mouth those words. I’m devastated like your family is, they had you longer so I don’t even feel a right to my feelings. How do they go on without you? When can they speak your name without dissolving into tears like I do? Thinking of not seeing that mischievous grin or hearing infectious laughter makes me want to scream it’s just not right, or fair! Somehow life will go on, people will go to work, kids will go to school, the earth will keep spinning on its axis. Even though I feel it’s all off kilter and imbalanced waiting for you to come back. 

I feel you nearby watching and waiting not able to take your journey to the other side. You remain fixed until you know everyone is ok. This is how you were in life, and I wouldn’t expect anything less from you in death. I’m just not going to get over losing you. There will be a space in my heart that is the shape of you. You were such an amazing friend, sister of my heart, Mother, daughter sister, Aunty, and cousin. There will never be a day where I speak your name and the memories of wonderful you will come flooding back. I hold those close to my heart for that’s all I have left now. Until we meet again my sweet friend, I will keep you and your family in my heart and prayers always. ❤️

 

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Dear Mom, the day I cried when my kettle died

It’s been a rough day with my youngest son who has the SPD (Sensory Processing Disoder) and impending evaluation for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Transitions are very difficult for him so I made the mistake this morning by saying “let’s get dressed and go do something fun!” I didn’t use his PECS (Picture Example Communication), a visual tool I use so he can see that’s what we’re going to do. Life has been manageable so I just tried talking about it. Big mistake made there, let’s just add that to my ever growing list shall we?

He wouldn’t get dressed so I helped him. Then I got dressed while he undressed. So I sighed audibly and made breakfast. He refused to eat so I turned on the cartoons and went about my online to do list, running my Facebook page and co-admin four others. I carried on with my updates, checking messages, replying to comments, and I looked up to see my son eating. Well that’s one battle avoided. I decided I would get my breakfast and put on the kettle for tea.    

  
I ate, tidied up the kitchen, and went to make my tea. Then I realized my kettle died. All the stress of the morning came to a head and I cried. I burst into tears, and cried till my throat was raw and snot and tears were pouring down my face. I call that the ugly cry of no return. I lost track of how long I cried, my son found me on the floor huddled up into a ball in the fetal position. My Mom bought me that kettle, and it was last gift she ever gave me. It was a painful moment for me the day my kettle died. For a tea lover like me this is a very sad thing! It’s the last gift my Mom gave to me. And now she flies with the angels so I feel the insatiable desire to write about my pain….

  
 I felt so silly crying over a kettle but it’s the memories I have of her and that kettle. Drinking tea, laughing, loving, and sharing our hearts. I miss her so much, and microwave tea water sucks. I just want to sit with my Mom again and babble, banter, and sing like we used to. It doesn’t matter how old we get we just don’t stop needing our parents! Well I’m speaking for myself, but I’ll never forget the day my brother phoned me. He called my cell phone and asked me why I had answered it. I replied “it’s my phone, it rang, so I answered it.” Bitchtastic morning to you too! 

I may need to mention I’m not a morning person. He was trying to get ahold of my husband who he thought would have the phone. I knew my Mom was gone so I voiced it, and he said yes and assured me my husband was on his way home. What my brother didn’t know was that our Mom came to me in a dream. She reached for my hand and called me by the pet name she had for me, I reached back and woke up. Just in time to see her disappearing into the ethers as my phone rang. There I sat on the edge of my bed rubbing my very pregnant belly. I was eight months along, alone, and devastated. 

  
My husband arrived home and gathered me up in a hug while our oldest child slept through it all. I collapsed into my loves chest and soaked his shirt with my tears. I close my eyes now and see it all replaying like a movie in my head. How did I survive that trauma to my heart, psyche, and soul? I gave birth to my baby a month premature and had to keep living, loving, and raising my children. I don’t know if I survived it so to speak, I just didn’t have a choice. My family needed me to recover, to be me even if I was just a mere grieving shell of myself. As I get closer to Mother’s Day I try to remember that it’s important to put myself on my list of priorities. Taking back the me I once was is a gift to myself, and to my family. 

The only thing I would ask for this Mother’s Day would be the gift of time. Wrapped up in beautiful embossed paper I would find a journal and a beautiful pen to write my thoughts in. Recording those days that are so long with sensory meltdowns, those little conversations my son has with his toys about going to the zoo. Remembering how my oldest son used his problem solving skills, instead of screaming out his pain. A gift certificate to my favourite  restaurant where my husband and I could enjoy a date night with each other’s company. A note from a certified special needs caregiver who will stay and look after my children for a few hours of our lives.  

 

*Image found on Pinterest.*

 

 I would love a brand new kettle to make new memories with while sipping my tea and thinking of my Mom. Followed by a gift card to a gardening center to pick up a beautiful plant, soil, and Miracle Grow to plant in my old kettle. A wonderful idea shared by my heart sister friend The Brain. And lastly a box of Kleenex to dry my tears, blow my nose, and a bottle of wine to allow it all to sink in how very blessed I am. 

Happy Mother’s Day to you. ❤️

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Silver Lining

My Mom was a wise woman who always looked on the brighter side of life. Even if I lay my head in her lap overcome with tears, she always had a wisdom to impart. She would say “

“Never be afraid of tears for they are pearls of wisdom of our hearts longing to be whole. Let those tears flow for you are a wonderful and wise child of God.”

It’s comforting to know no matter how bad things can get in life there’s always a sliver lining to a dark cloud. My Mom made sure if we did face trials and tribulations that we prayed our way through it. I have to admit I’ve given in to my stress and felt hopeless at times, but I know if God can bring me to it, then he will get me through it. This is something I’m teaching my son who’s anxiety can prevent him from seeing this silver lining.

 So we pray, sing, and hug our way through his worries. I know that’s what my Mom would want me to do. Everything I learned about being a Mom came from her wisdom. And when her mind started failing and her body followed I abandoned all hope to see my silver lining. Through a time of grief, prayer, recovery, and love of my family and friends I made it through that dark tunnel. I talk to my Mom every day and speak of my memories and share her love and wisdoms with my children. 

It saddens me that my youngest never met her and that his brother was his age when she passed. The silver lining that keeps me going is that they can see my Mom in my face, and as I share my own love for their Grandma. I hold her in my heart and look into the eyes of my precious sons and see her there. It makes me feel special like she’s never completely gone. She comes to me in my dreams and we sit and hold hands and speak through our love and telepathy. She always has a knowing smile that she’s aware of everything that I tell her, as she sees it for her own eyes. 

It’s a gift to feel her presence around me when I see a butterfly fluttering around me or a feather falling from the sky. If I could turn back the clock and relive those memories again of drinking tea and chatting I would be so grateful. Or standing together in the kitchen singing and doing the dishes I would. Every time I hear an Elvis song or an Irish tune I feel her singing with me. 

This is my gift and my hearts longing to feel my beloved Mama’s arms around me again. To hear her laughter, laugh at her jokes, and have her call me honey child just one last time. I know this can only happen in my dreams until we’re reunited together again in the afterlife. I take comfort in my memories and the love and guidance that she bestowed upon me as her daughter and later when I became a Mother myself. This is my silver lining and I’m grateful that I have one to cherish. Until we meet again Mom here you stay in my heart forever and always. 💖

This has been my Sunday confession with More Than Cheese and Beer please checkout her anonymous confessions on her Facebook page of the same name. As well as all the other talent who link up. Thank you. 💗

 

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Mindfulness

I look around me and I see all the beauty around me. I see the sun shining as it rises up over the hills. As it floods the sky with it’s beautiful pinks, yellow, and blues. I walk out onto my deck with my tea cup in hand, and I’m struck with how blessed I am. The colours swirl and intermingle as the sun starts to rise in the sky. I wrap myself up in my fuzzy blanket and sip my tea. This morning I’m not thinking of my to do list, what to make for dinner, or about the laundry that needs folding. For now I sit back and enjoy the beauty and tranquility in this moment. 

 

  
Soon my quiet will be broken as my alarm goes off and it’s time to get my oldest son up for school. I sit with him and we chat about what will happen in his day as he eats breakfast. Soon he’s dressed, ready, kissed, hugged and out the door while his little brother still slumbers. I crawl back into my bed and read for a few delicious moments before he wakes up. These quiet moments hold such beauty for me as they’re few and far between. I catch up on my reading, laundry, and I hear the sound of my youngest son waking. 

He’s so much like me not a morning person as he stomps down the hall. If he was old enough to drink coffee I’m sure he’d demand where it is! We sit and snuggle under my cozy blanket as he adjusts to his wakefulness. After he gets his fill of Mommy’s cuddles we have breakfast. By now he’s wide awake and filling every empty space with his chattering. I smile and realize just how precious and beautiful it is to hear his voice. The beauty of it is that he was speech delayed for so long. Where he only had a few words at two, now at four there’s a word and comprehension explosion! I love to see his face when he says certain words like delicious, sure, I will eat up the no or throw maybe in the garbage when he doesn’t like something being said. 

My sons fill my life and my heart with their love, honesty, and the beautiful beings that they are. When it came to God blessing my husband and I with these two precious souls we hit the jackpot. There’s such a tenderness in the way they love and adore each other and us. I casually joke around that we’re riding the crazy train or going to crazy town, and I’ve been told I’m the mayor of it by my youngest!  And when I hear Ozzy’s Osbourne’s song Crazy Train I will crank it up and exclaim this is my jam. But oh how I love them, and want to hold them and stop them from growing up so fast! I know that’s not possible but time can just stand still for a little while. The magic of the moments frozen in time fill my love bucket to the brim! 
  
It’s time for me to carry on with my day doing my chores. Tidying up my kitchen, unloading, and loading the dishwasher while listening to my favourite radio station. There’s a mindfulness in the rhythm of my life. As I listen to my washing machine singing its little tune that it’s done, and my son and I walk down the stairs, counting each step as we go. 

He trots off to the toy room as I switch the laundry over and carry on to the living room. I set him up with a movie and as he relaxes into the comfort of his blanket and the antics of Toopie and Binoo I watch him with amazement. How much he’s grown, endured, and how he sees the world. I pull out my treadmill, set it up, and step on. As I start out with walking and work up to a light jog I’ve entered my zen. I’m lost in the mindfulness of my footsteps while  I hear my adorable son’s infectious giggles, the whir of the motor, and I feel my heart beating in the rhythm of mindful beauty.  

This has been my contribution to the #OBP #bunkerpunkwordswap. Come and follow along and read some amazing bloggers today. Thank you. ❤️ 

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Writer’s Quotes Wednesday 

  The Walk

 

This is my contribution to http://silverthreading.com Writer’s Quotes Weednesday. I was watching and waiting for some inspiration and this prose came to be. Please check out her gift and all the other talent who link up. Thank you. 💗

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Theft  

I’ve put my heart and soul into the words I write. I have spoken and written the truth. It’s the way I live my life, and it’s what I teach my children. But what if I’m asked “Mommy are we going to be ok?” Are we going to find Daddy? How do I answer that when I don’t really know, I’m honest, truthful, as I’ve just said but not this time. The theft of my conscience in that moment rocked me to my core. 

It started out as a wonderful night of my husband and I surprising our kids. We were going into the city and going to see our first live Lacrosse game. We drove to the train station and started on our journey. My youngest son loves trains, and we’ve watched Thomas on Netflix on a continuous loop. To say he was excited is the understatement of the year. We started out on our train ride while talking about the sights we were seeing before us. 

Half way to our destination we found out the train route was being redirected and we would have to take the bus. So we went from excitement to a new change, which my youngest son doesn’t deal well with it at all. We boarded a very busy bus and sat in our seats. I sat behind the bus driver and my son got really upset because I sat in his seat. I picked him up and set him on my knee, which caused him to really panic. As he was freaking out and flailing in my arms, my husband stood up and I moved him back to his seat. 

Everything was under control as I checked in with my oldest son who has problems with being in close proximity to people in crowds. He was coping the best he could, because he could see his brother was struggling. Then I hear a woman talking she says “I wouldn’t have let him have the seat. I did that before and it ending badly.” I looked at her surprised she was even talking to me that’s when the theft of my patience happened. I said “he has autism, back off!” She replied that her son had it too.

 I had to stay my tongue even though I was boiling inside. I wanted to say “bitch you take care of your own backyard, and stay out of mine!” But I grumbled to my husband while the ignorant woman’s daughter listened to my every word. We finally reached our destination and the weather was bitterly cold so we ran to the arena. I was very relieved to find our seats and to sit down and wait for the festivities to start. The game was very exciting, action packed, and loud. By the third quarter my son’s were done. So we packed up to leave and started out for the train. It was getting ready to leave so my husband said jump on with the kids, so we did just that. He stayed at the ticket booth and we sat down to wait for him. 

The theft of my heart crushed me as I watched the doors close behind me. I tried to open them but the train was moving and the button wouldn’t engage. I sat with my son’s as they began to cry and wail for their Daddy. My own heart was breaking with their pain and anguish. I held them and tried to calm their fears and still my own. We had to get off the train and a woman was telling me instructions on what train to catch. I got out and waited for my husband and after 15 minutes he hadn’t shown up. My oldest began to cry so I hugged him, then my youngest wanted to be held. There was two security guards nearby and they asked how they could help. 

I told them of our situation and they radioed security at the last station with my husband’s description. We waited inside the bus terminal and then a man got the hackles on my neck rising up. So I went outside to stand with the security guards. The one was a wonderful British man who started talking to my son’s about sports. He was giving them a great distraction and me the tired Mama, a break. He got the call back and they couldn’t find my husband, so I made the decision to take the train home. 

I had told my son’s I wouldn’t leave the city without their Dad. But it was getting late and colder and I believed this was the best decision. When I’ve been lost before I’ve always remembered that if you go back to your original destination, that’s where you’ll find your beginning. As we boarded the train I silently thanked God for protecting us and held my son’s closer. What is it about the late nights that bring the creepy people out?!! Ugh creepy guy at 1:00, as my Mama bear is on high alert. My oldest is squeezing my hand so tight my knuckles are turning white. Yet I don’t say anything but “I’ve got this son, we’ll find your Dad and I have friends that live by the train station.”

He seemed to relax a little knowing that so we start counting the stops and coming up with rhymes. I’m doing my best to occupy his mind as his little brother is loving being on the train. We finally arrive at our destination and see my husband walking towards us. My heart skips a beat and I see him smile with relief. Our son’s run to him and I almost collapse with relief!  We get to our truck, warm up my seat and head home. Hoping that I will never have to go through that theft of loss again. 

This has been my Sunday confession with http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Please check out her anonymous confessions on her Facebook page. As well as all the other talent who link up. Thank you for popping by. 💓

  

  

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Friday’s Feats and Fails

  
Easter weekend is upon us and I’m excited. I always look forward to Easter and all the fun extravaganza of the Easter bunny’s arrival and seeing my son’s excitement. It’s the only time I allow chocolate before breakfast or even candy for breakfast! Well let’s get to the good stuff have a wonderful Easter. 😃

FEAT

I had a really relaxing weekend my husband let me sleep in Sunday and then I spent the morning beta reading. Then we switched off and he napped, while the kids played hockey in the backyard and I started a marathon of the Outlander on tv! Oh my gosh I’m so hooked on it I have to start reading the books!!! Oh be still my Celtic heart. ❤️ I was very fortunate to be a guest post on the http://thehappylifeaholic.wordpress.com

She’s an amazing and inspiring woman and I feel blessed that she gave me that honour. You can see my interview here: https://happylifeaholic.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/thl-interview-jeanine-lebsack/ 

And my blog post here:

https://happylifeaholic.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/thl-guest-post-jeanine-lebsack-my-pursuit-of-happiness/
 

  
FAIL

Due to my beta reading I got a little behind on my housework so I had to do a mad scramble before my Mad dog’s birthday party. It was ok though because overflowing laundry baskets can always be stuffed in a closet. 😉 My husband helped me by vacuuming and I quickly tidied, organized toys, and bedrooms, and made up the goodie bags. It’s so wonderful when we work as a team, I feel less overwhelmed when I have his support. 

FEAT

My husband and I pulled off a great party for our little four year old. We weren’t sure how well things would go because four of the guests were sick and unable to attend. So the two other kids (brothers) showed up with their Mom. It was a wonderful day as the kids are close in age and my husband and I enjoyed getting to know their Mom. It was a blast while the kids played, snacked, and we had a yummy Thomas cake to dive in. 

 

Our birthday boy and his cake face. 😘❤️


 

This cake was so delicious. 😋


FEAT

It’s been a short school week so I’ve got all the laundry baskets folded and put away except for two. I’ve been getting the kids to help me more so I feel better about that. My youngest enjoys helping me, while the oldest grumbles but if wants screen time certain chores have to be done. I was able to have a nice visit with my in-laws as they were just passing through and stayed the night. Once again my house is always at its cleanest an hour before company comes. So we had Chinese food, relaxed and had a few cocktails while the kids entertained us. I took my Captain out of school early and then took him to an appointment to meet the infant and adolescent psychiatrist. He took him for the first half of the visit and then we went in towards the end. My Captain really liked this therapist and said he’d love to go back to see him. He doesn’t think there’s a need for my oldest son to start medication and will write up a report for our paediatrician saying so. I left there feeling like I was on cloud nine finally someone that understood that not every issue in children needs to be medicated. I recognize it’s needed in some cases as well as therapy so I wasn’t completely opposed to it.  Im happy to say that we’ll continue doing what we’re doing with managing his anxiety and getting the school to fill out paperwork to help him with his sensory needs there. 

  
So that brings us to the  weekend of TGIF day so I send you Easter blessings  to you all. Hug your loved ones close, and remember the reason for the season. Thank you for stopping by now it’s time to link up with me and More Than Cheese and Beer and let us know how your week was. 😊🐰🌸🐣

Link up time!

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Friday Feats and Fails 

Hello Friday where have you been? I’ve been searching for you since Monday and couldn’t find you. Whenever you show it up its so wonderful and when you leave I’m so sad. Let’s enjoy the time we have together before another twenty four hour day comes and whisks you away.

FEAT 

I had a great weekend wrap up to my Captain’s hockey season. On the Saturday it was the Dad’s versus the kids game. My husband was the goalie for the kids side. Every time one of them scored he skated to the blue line and high fived them. The Captain loved playing hockey with his Dad, and  I could see and feel his pride. *Sigh* how I love that man with all my heart. ❤️ On Sunday we had a wind up party at the pool. We swam, soaked, dived, played, and slid on the waterslide. It was an absolute blast, I even ran into an old work friend I hadn’t seen in ten years!!!  A great day shared with great company. I can’t wait till the next hockey season. Now onto to decide what the next sport will be. Soccer, baseball, golf, or lacrosse. The choices are endless in the big city!

FAIL

I had to deal with some confusion in regards to my youngest son’s health journey. I applied for finding through my province and received back a letter stating I didn’t have enough medical information. So I contacted my Paediatrician to ask her help. She got very ignorant with me and told me she couldn’t give me a diagnostic letter. I told her I wasn’t asking for that, I was asking for her to write up a letter stating that she made referrals to the children’s hospital. She said she put the referrals in and I needed to be patient and wait and get a diagnostic letter from the neuropsychologists. I responded I don’t want to wait I’m only going to be a case file till the end of May and I’ll have to apply again! She responded with more ignorance and said she could write me up a letter but it’s not covered by my insurance. I just need something that says she’s tested my child and the referrals are going through for more tests. So that will be $100 dollars for two letters ugh I’ve never wanted to throat punch someone so badly before! 😡

FEAT

Ive managed to keep my house fairly clean and get out and enjoy some beautiful spring weather. I also did a meet and greet in town where I didn’t know a soul. I even made some new friends and I went to geocaching three times this week. I love treasure hunting and finding little treasures its so much fun. My kids love it too, especially my youngest as he adds new treasures to his collection. 😊

FAIL

I managed to have ten clean laundry baskets throughout the week so yay me!!! I have four folded, three put away, and three to be folded. I’m totally owned by my bitch laundry. It’s just easier to light a match and walk away. Either that and walk around naked, I’d probably have to invent some creative excuse as to why I was. 😉

I wish I had this sink , I’d spend a lot more time in my laundry room. 😉🍷

FEAT

I was brave this week I stood up for my beliefs and didn’t allow the professionals to dictate to me what I was thinking or saying. I resisted the urge to throat punch bitches, and pushed back when I felt cornered. I crossed my hurdle and started seeing a therapist. I wrote from my heart even though it pained me. It was for the #1000 speak compassion movement called building from bullying. I verbally puked that story out of me as I wrote about my experience of being bullied for a year in high school. I’ve been so fortunate to have it published on the http://www.originalbunkerpunks.com. And my lovely friend bought me a t-shirt to celebrate. I made some new friends and connected with old ones. If you look up in the dictionary for the definition of brave you’ll find my picture. I’ve also been blessed to be nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award from the fabulous https://one mothertoanother.com.  I also guest blogged for https://happylifeaholic.com. My 1000 speak story can be read here 

http://wp.me/p46h5g-kO

My guest post can be read here

https://happylifeaholic.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/thl-guest-post-jeanine-lebsack-my-pursuit-of-happiness/

 

Rocking my new OBP t-shirt. 😃❤️

FAIL

I’ve been fortunate to be co-host this segment Friday’s Feats and Fails recently with the lovely http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. And my big fail is not getting my link up in time and to share and promote within social media. I have no excuse but to say I got so busy with trying to complete a book review project, planning my Mad dog’s birthday party, and ran out of time and sleep doing all the above!!! I haven’t been a very good sister and I’ve needed to make apologies for that. I’ve judged a friend harshly for the decisions she’s made, and with zero patience left in my bucket I’ve yelled at my kids, husband, and anyone else who pissed me off.😣

FEAT

 I took a personal day on Wednesday and read all day. I of course parented and enjoyed myself immensely. I need to have more days like that. I was reading the sequel anthology to I just want to pee alone. Oh my sides still ache from laughing and my eyes are red and swollen from crying. Funny, touching, hilarious, and a much needed feel good book. You can read my reviews over at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Special thanks to the awesome http://www.tracyontherocks.com who’s featured in this fabulous book for this wonderful opportunity. Please check out her latest blog post that has the links to all of the lovely Jen Mann books. 😘❤️

 

I want to be in the next group with these amazing, funny, talented, group of writers! I’m fangirl crushing on all of them. ❤️


*Update*

My cousin and her family have been home from the hospital for a week tomorrow. Amazing Grace has been growing well, putting on weight, catching up on sleep, and doing so incredible. Thank you to everyone for sharing/contributing to the Go fund me. All the proceeds will go to providing whatever services, and baby supplies that Grace will needed. And thank you to everyone for all your prayers and support. My family is so grateful for all the kindness bestowed on their precious baby girl. 💖

It’s link up time tell me how your week was. 💞

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Friday Feats and Fails

Wow what a week it’s been, hard to believe it’s almost March! I for one am glad that spring is around the corner. February being the shortest amount of days on the calendar sure feels like the longest month of the year. My parents both passed away in this month. So there’s always that pull of my heart towards connecting with them again. I worked on something that I’m happy to share with you today. So let’s gets to the details and then the fun stuff after. 


FEAT

Hockey fills my weekends so I was able to attend both of my Captains games and they won! The first one was an 8-5 victory and the second was a come from behind win of 4-3. That game was so exciting, the score was tied 2-2 in the second period and then the opposing team scored in the beginning of the third. There was a breakaway and my son’s team mate scores  to tie it up. With some bad bounces it looked like the opposing team might just win, as our team was short handed with a player in the penalty box. With only 15 seconds left in the period our team scores to lead 4-3 with a win. Now it’s semi finals this weekend so I’ll be cheering and wearing my team jersey. Proud hockey Mom in the house!!!

FAIL

My husband went away on business so no one slept well in the household. Without enough sleep we’re like a bunch of toddlers being short tempered with one another. We had a particularly rough morning as my Captain slept in and refused to go to school. So I took him to a councillor to discuss his anger. I didn’t want to argue anymore so we went down to the office and was told they were booked. I said how is that possible you just opened? I didn’t receive a lot of help so I got very vocal and demanded I see someone that day. The worst thing is to turn away someone who’s struggling and tell them to come back the next day and still don’t offer any help. 

FEAT

I really didn’t want my kids to see me get upset but I compared my experience to a car who was running on empty without enough gas in their tank. They understood why I fought so hard for them. I’m always the squeaky wheel getting the grease, and my Dad always said I missed my calling to be a lawyer; on the account I like to argue. I did push to get seen and then an appointment opened up for later that afternoon. 

FAIL

Lack of sleep, is equal to lack of patience and zero desire to clean and organize my home. So the laundry piled up, as well as scrubbing and cleaning. My husband came home and the upstairs was clean minus bathrooms I need to sanitize. I pulled out the couch and discovered a multitude of sins hiding there. So I will be inspired to tackle the rest after hockey. 

FEAT

I’m so proud and happy that a story I wrote got published on the Original Bunker Punk site. As well as being chosen for the #1000 speak compassion movement!!! You can check out my story here. 

 http://originalbunkerpunks.wix.com/originalbunkerpunks#!A-Cup-of-Kindness-by-Jeanine-Lebsack/c1kod/15FA560B-DFDA-420F-AC08-901D7D8D502E

FAIL

I scheduled an appointment for both the Captain and I to talk with a therapist. I’m glad I took that step because we both have been locked in a power struggle and needed some intervention. Mad dog was enjoying playing with the toys and was quite upset to have to leave. He grabbed a box and ended up ripping it, and biting me. It really sucked as I had to pick him up screaming and leave the office. I handled it the best I could but it’s been a very long week and I cried as soon as I got home. While I was preparing dinner my kids went outside to look at the stars. It warmed my heart to know even with a rocky start to our day, we could end it on a positive note. 

FEAT 

I joined this blogging challenge group and I was able to stretch out of my comfort zones with my first assignment. It was a lot of fun and getting some positive feedback on it. You can check it out here. 

http://youtu.be/AA6Yf5SqlmM
I find the more new things I try the better I feel. I have people that ask me how I manage with little sleep, a lot of busy ness, and children who have some special needs. I just don’t think about it, I just do it. And little challenges that push me to see what I’m made of as a writer and entertainer feed my soul. 

FAIL

We had Dr’s appointments scheduled this week and there’s never a fun outing. The Captain had a physical to do and I had to talk him into going. I got chastised for bringing his little brother to the appointment. I told her I didn’t have people, my husband was away on business, and I didn’t have anywhere to take him. I only get respite once a week and it’s so I can have a break. She explained she just couldn’t do a consult with having my youngest there, I told her I understood but where was a supposed to put him on my roof? Professionals just don’t get it, even if they have children. I don’t have babysitters lined up to look after my children whenever I need them. Plus I need to find someone who’s qualified to deal with my Mad dog when he gets sensory overloaded. 

FEAT

I have managed to keep up with my blogging challenge group as well as my Writing 101-Poetry challenge. Emotionally I’ve been detached because I’ve needed to really focus mentally on not sinking into a self induced depression. Missing my parents and there influence in my life is something I have always struggled with. I just keep trying to build that new “normal” around my heart. I actually despise that word and I write some poetry and completed this blogging challenge assignment. You can check it out here. 

http://youtu.be/ZYAiSVZHZbA


And here we are at the end of the week going into the semi finals with hockey, Dr’s and therapists scheduled into the fabric of our lives. Now time to have some fun, prepare for adventures, and start jumping over those obstacles one at a time. Onward and upward my friends, until our next story needs to be written enjoy your weekend. Smooches. 😘

This has been my submission to Ash’s Friday’s Feats and Fails of http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her week and all the other talent that link up. 

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