Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Dream

I had a dream that most people thought was fiction when I wrote about it. It really wasn’t it was an amazing event that I feel blessed enough to experience. I wrote about it, submitted it and it was published in an International magazine. I was so elated and pleased that I was chosen. And here I am two months later thinking about that dream I had. I’m even dreaming about it, and I let it take me away from my life which has been difficult to bear at times. I wonder where this little girl that I know so well from my childhood dreams will lead me. Will she take me to her favourite places tucked away in a country hillside? Will she lead me back to feelings I had when I heard stories of my Grandma’s Celtic ancestry? Will she talk to me and tell me of her joys of her childhood even though it was a short one? 

I dream of this sweet little girl with the strawberry curl and long to hear of her memories of a family that adored her, and mourned her greatly after her death. I wonder what she remembers about her life. What was her favourite toy, did her doll have a name, what was her special lullaby her Mom sang to her night? My dreams are full of her smiles, the lilt in her voice, and adorable laughter that echoes in my mind long after I wake up. I wonder what she dreams about her parents faces, her siblings smiles, or the beautiful life she’s living now. I wonder who she would’ve been if she was allowed to grow up. I wonder if she’d have children and who she would name them after. I know how much she was loved and adored as it was my Grandma’s baby sister in my dreams.

 She died so tragically and anytime my beloved Gram told the story I would wipe away her tears. I can only imagine the grief and shock the family would feel with her loss. I went searching for her in the death records I had access to through my work. I couldn’t find her and it was so distressing so I prayed to her,

and this is where I am today. She has been located, and due to her untimely death she didn’t have a grave marker. She will now though, I have a family member that will be making her one. After all these years I’m so happy that she will have this closure and honour. And when I go back to my hometown I plan on visiting her. I’ve never seen a picture of her but I always have the one from my dreams. Rest in peace sweet angel, you may be gone but you will never be forgotten. 

This has been my Sunday confession for http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Please check out her facebook page for anonymous confessions, her talent,  and all the other dreamers that link up. Thank you for being here. 💗

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Consumed

I have been consumed as of late by every little thought, action that I make. I have struggled to get my sons the help they need from Doctors, professionals, the school, and now support services. I had to move out of the province to find the support they needed. And now it’s finally coming to be, as I met with my Dr and begged him to help my sons with their anxiety and neurological disorders one diagnosed, and one pending. It’s been a long haul for my family as I’ve been consumed with keeping the peace in my home and beyond. My Dr came through since I’ve received minimal help from my former province. So he’s wrote a referral for my kids to see a developmental paediatrician, and we will start the process in January. I’ve also qualified and have had respite care so Mama can get a break too. And starting next week my husband and will able to have a scheduled date night as well. I haven’t felt like the best wife for some time now, because it’s so hard when I’m consumed with keeping everyone calm. And when we’re not then it just feels like hell on earth. The screaming, crying, whining, sensory overloaded meltdowns drain me of my life force. I feel old, tired, and completely spent with nothing left to give. I’ve felt consumed over my children and have left my husband on the proverbial back burner. I’ve felt torn over my love for him and how much I love and need to be there for our kids. He’s always there loving, helping, and cheering me on as I fight battle after battle. And yet I’m too exhausted to really appreciate it. It’s not fair for either of us but it’s our lives and we make the good and not so good times work. It’s all about balance and not letting each of us get too consumed. Him with his work, me with our kids health, my oldest with his anxiety, and our youngest with his fears. This Christmas I was prepared I had the sensory tools, all the calming regulating techniques with music, fidgets, and the electronic devices charged and ready. And my kids did great, they slept in Christmas morning due to all the excitement the night before. My husband’s family celebrates with Danish tradition and that’s complete with a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, and then presents after. So it was a treat to sip my tea and Bailey’s and read while enjoying the Christmas tree and softly falling snow outside. This was my first moment of peace and contentment and I was happy to share it with my love. I wasn’t consumed about anything no presents to wrap, no breakfast to make, no occupational therapy schedule to plan, just pure happiness. After our kids woke up we enjoyed their excitement as they dived into their Santa gifts and I enjoyed his goodies in my stocking too. We had a lovely breakfast prepared by my Father in-law and after cleanup I played outside in the snow with my sons. We had so much fun making snow angels, running, rolling, and jumping off the deck into beautiful fresh powder.

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It was truly what my mind, body, and spirit needed. I looked at the mountains consumed with their beauty and marvelled at how lucky I was to grow up with this in my backyard. Now I can share in this luxury with my children as we have to drive now to see the mountains up close. There are moments in time that truly takes my breath away, and this was one. I wanted to stop and freeze time and become consumed with this love. My tummy was full, my heart was filled, and my spirit was rejoicing in the magic of Christmas. Blessings to you all as you enjoy the very best of this beautiful season.

This has been my submission the lovely http://lindaghill.com. Please check out her post and all the other talent that links up. Happy new year my dear readers. 😘❤️

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Books- the other love of my life

I love to read, paperback, hardcover, digital, blogs, and research it doesn’t matter as long as there are beautiful, descriptive words. I love the feel of a book in my hands. Where I know there’s a world of adventure awaiting me, as soon as I open the cover. Books have always been my means of escape and a place to travel to worlds I would never know. I credit my beloved Mama for gifting me with my love of reading and writing. I’ve always wanted to become like the characters I write about. And live vicariously through their adventures. I feel what my character feels, the anticipation that builds up with each of their actions and the depth of their emotions whether they’re angry, sad, or mad. I can close my eyes and envision the emotions they feel and the expressions written all over their face. I’ve wrapped myself up in my characters that I’ve felt their hearts beating as they fall in love, lust, or fear and anger. I hear their voices in my head as I invent what kind of inflections my characters have in their speech. My heart races when they feel pain or slows down when they feel sadness and their hearts are breaking In a sense I become them even though they only exist in books, or later in movies. I think their thoughts and I dive deep into their world and feel their struggles, pain, and emotions. To me that’s the makings of a fabulous writer. If you can invoke those kinds of powerful emotions in your readers. That’s the type of writer I want to be and I know I’ll get there one story at a time. I prefer to read a book series as I travel with these characters to the worlds they inhabit. And interacting with other characters that they come across. I’ve followed a band of young travelers who discover strengths, talents, and abilities they never knew had existed in Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time Series. And I recently started reading the Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S.Lewis to my oldest son. I enjoy seeing the wonder in his eyes as he discovers the magical world that’s lying in wait in the back of the wardrobe. I have been enthralled and devastating by the beauty and danger of the world of Vampires and Witches in the series by Anne Rice. And I have been to the South, and treated to the hospitality, humor, personalities and antics of The Yaya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells. I have had my heart broken and my eyes opened by plight of poverty, starving community, and the heartless government, during the Irish potato famine in the book Angela’s Ashes and the sequel Tis by the amazing Frank Mcourt. I honestly could go on for days with my love of books and my personal favorites on my bookshelf. I would like open up a conversation here dear readers, so you can share with me your favorites you’d read over and over again. Let us unite with our stories that shape us into who we are today with our love of written and spoken word. ❤️

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