Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

My little box of memories

I like to think I’m a juxtaposition of a person I can be soft and gentle with my words and actions, and tough and hard when I feel I’m wronged. I was raised to be strong, speak my mind, and stand up for myself. My parents recognized a tenacious spirit in me when I was very young. I have been a right fighter most of my life. Now I ask myself do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy? 

As a child I could stay awake for hours on end while my poor Mom was sleep deprived and living on pots of cast iron tea to function. This is when four tea bags are added to a tea pot and left to steep all day. My Dad worked long hours as a logger and he would be up getting ready for his work day at midnight. I would still be wide awake partying in my crib. 

He would come into my room and tell me it was time to go to sleep and I would wail even louder. As I got older his attempts to put me to bed became more futile as I had language and comprehension. I would say “Daddy you just go away and mind your own business!”He would walk out shaking his head and say “that bloody kid is lucky she’s cute!”

These are the memories I store in my memory box in my mind. My parents died awhile ago and pictures I have in my memory bank are all I have left. I rely on my older siblings recounts of my childhood and a box of slides to preserve these precious moments in time. I remember when I was young how much I loved to set up the projector to have a slide show as all the happy times came to life on the white sheet pinned to the wall of the living room. The pictures would paint a lively account of the trips we took, birthday parties, baseball games, weddings, and church events. 

Now I store my memories in a special box that keep on my beside table. Inside are pictures of my loved ones,their funeral Mass cards, poems, prayers, and trinkets that they gave me. I have the first story that I ever wrote with my Mom and the first song I wrote for her. I have my Dad’s pins from Lion’s club that he was proud to be a member of for over 30 years. I have a pair of earrings and necklace set from my Gram and Grandpa that they gave me for my graduation, and a old travel sewing kit of my Grandpa’s from the war.

 Each time someone I love passes on I add to this little box. It helps me perserve the love I have for them and keep them alive in my heart. I take them out from time to time when I’m feeling low and in need of a lift from angel wings. I hold them, absorbing the love, energy, and every precious memory I have of my time with them. I feel comforted through my tears as they overcome me with emotion flooding my thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

This little box is my gift I give to myself to pick me up when I stumble and forget how to fly. 
This is a special keepsake that I can pass down to my children when it’s my time to have the special things I’ve given them to place in that box. I’ve written them letters of how I became their Mom and the joy that they have given me with that privilege. As for now I open that box and lovingly hold those memories close to my heart so I will never forget the people who made me who I am today with their presence in my life. I thank them for the gift of their love, light, and guidance. 
  

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Ten things of Thankful

Happy Sunday to you all, it’s been a busy week trying to pack a lot in before its back to school. I have a lot to share so buckle up it might be a bumpy ride to my bucket of thankfuls. So here I am linking up with Lizzi’s TTOT and happy to be doing so. 😃

  
1. I’m thankful for sunny days and times spent playing at the river. I love that it’s a short walk from my house and is my kids favourite past time. 

2. I’m thankful for walks in the woods and beautiful secluded spots where I can sit and read without a care in the world. Watching my kids play and splash in the sunshine is like music to my soul. ❤️ 

3. I’m thankful for hiking in the beautiful trails and feeling the power of nature and it’s effects on my psyche. 

4. I’m thankful for parks, play dates, and play groups to enjoy making new friends and meeting up with old ones.   

5. I’m thankful for all the paperwork completed for my son to file for funding. This will help to acquire a therapy team for him at preschool. It’s been a long road thus far, but knowing it’s coming to a successful completion makes me happy.  

6. I’m thankful for my phone working and being able to complete my blog post for TTOT linkup. I feel something missing when I’m not part of this gratitude gang. 

  
7. I’m thankful for the ability to feel emotions, pain, fear, happiness, and love. Feeling these strongly as I do makes me feel alive. 

8. I’m thankful for reconnecting with a friend I love dearly and have missed. It’s a beautiful gift when everything flows just right when you spend time talking about how much you enjoy each other’s company. 

  
9. I’m thankful for the ability to apologize. I never believe I’m above that kindness and necessity. When I’m wrong I’m learning not to be a right fighter, and just express I’m sorry. 

10. I’m thankful for sharing my words through submissions, poetry, photography and having them received with gratitude. Just thinking of it brings a smile to my face. 😊🌟

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Quotes the key to my heart 

I love connecting in the online world and it’s wonderful when you meet another blogger in the land of WordPress who is awesome to read and interact with. I recently have made a connection with a like minded soul and he nominates me for a challenge! Thank you so much EMMANUEL’S MUEMA’S BLOG
 What a sweet and kind gesture,  and it happens to be about my love of quotes so here is mine today. This is for you E-man. 😃

This is from one of my favourite poets, philanthropists, and inspirational woman. 

“My mission in life is not to merely survive, but to thrive; and do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.”

-Mayou Angelou

Now here’s the rules of the challenge :

1. Thank the person who nominated you.

2. Post a quote a day for 3 days.

3. Each day, nominate 3 new bloggers to take part in the challenge.

Here are my nominations:

1. Is It Really That Easy

2. Peaceful Rampage

3. The Happylifeaholic

Thank you for stopping by to read my quote. Stay tuned for more quotes and more nominations. 😃❤️

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Writer’s Quotes Wednesday

My heart and my world have been filled with sadness. I sit here in my grief feeling thankful for my memories I shared with my beloved friend. Today I’m thankful that God gave her to me for albeit a short time. She was my gift and I was blessed to be in her golden chain of friendships. 💖
  
This has been my submission to Silverthreading please have a look at her quote and all the other talent that linkup, thank you. ❤️

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I got my eye on you

I peek out from behind my pillow and I say I can see you peekaboo. And I’m met with the most beautiful smile and infectious laughter. We’ve been playing this game since my son was a baby. It never gets old as I add in puppets, different voices, and stuffed animals to join the party. His favourite thing to do now is put on a puppet show for our family. We sit down on the couch eagerly awaiting whatever joyful exuberance he has woven together. “Ladies and gentleman today we’re here for Mickey’s play house puppet show!” 

 
The happiness I see on his face as he jumps wildly in the air from his mini trampoline fill my heart to the brim. He uses different characters and voices to entertain. How he plays, acts, and draws you in with his cute little voice sounding like a soprano when female, and then low and guttural when he switches characters to masculine. He is living in themoment and you can’t help but get swept up in his love of drama and all things Disney. One moment he’s singing the Hot Dog, hot diggity dog song next he’s singing Let it go at the top of his lungs! My son’s joy is music he lets it fill him up with the tones, lyrics, and rhythm. 

  

   Having fun trying on Dad’s goalie helmet. 😃💛 

He picks out music patterns quicker than any other child his age. Something that his former music teacher was astounded by. It didn’t surprise me though music is a beautiful sensory experience. And one thing my son knows how to do is enjoy any positive sensory experience he can. So peekaboo never gets old as I pop around corners and say “I’ve got my eye on you, peekaboo.” He will pop out the pantry, underneath a blanket, or from behind a couch cushion. He lives for the surprise, joy, and play. He will curl up in my lap and will ask me to sing him a song. I’ll start the first few bars of Twinkle, twinkle and he’ll finish it. I love hearing his sweet gentle voice, that rises and falls, with the flow of the music. 
  

My son will ask me for his favourite tune which he calls the “Yes song.” Most of you know it by Meatloaf’s You took the words right out of my moth. He will sing right along with me, and answer affirmatively when I ask him if he he would offer his throat to the wolf with the red roses. He adores this song and when we go out to do errands he yell “yes song please Mommy!” My son’s love of life and keeping his eye on the wonderful things like puffy clouds that look like dinosaurs, sparkles that act like fairy dust, and whip cream that tickles his nose, when he drinks his hot chocolate. He makes me catch my breath with love and wonder when I see the magic of life through his eyes. 

  
  He constantly teaches me new things when we take a walk and play eye spy with my little eye. He see things that others don’t see eagles nests high up in the trees, and a fish flopping on the rocks trying to make it back into the water. How he can dance circles around the room when he hears a beat that just makes him move and groove fills my heart. He teaches me as much as I teach him at the tender age of almost four. I look into his eyes and see love there and it makes me want to be a better person than I was yesterday. I love him so, and if you’ll excuse me it’s time to play another rousing game of Peek-a-boo I see you.

   
This has been my submission for https://lindaghill.com SOCS please see what she wrote and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 💕 
 

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My future 

I cast my eyes forward watching and waiting with great anticipation.

What by chance do I see waiting and watching on the edge of the precipice?

Do I see hope on the horizon, faith in myself, or disaster looming ahead?

It all depends on my point of view how comfortable I feel in my skin. 

Thinking positively I see help, support, and advice. 

Thinking negatively will lead me to feeling exposed, vulnerable, and protective. 

Will I let down my barriers and allow goodness to pour forth?

Like wine, songs, and poetry enjoyed on a dark night with the moon looming above. 

I hope to conquer my fears and rise up to my challenges. 

Instead of cowering into the mysterious passages of my mind. 

Every soul carries a mystery and misery to their name and sometimes it’s revealed or hidden for all of time. 

I must learn that my heart is still intact even while the words spew forth, like a geyser emptying its contents from the earth. 

It is here where I sit, my mind contemplating, then upright and pacing my heart racing. 

This newness, this peacefulness, this soul’s rebirth. 

This is my attempt at a sonnet, for my Writing 201 Poetry. I pray that this poem won’t have Shakespeare rolling over in his grave with discontent. The prompt is future, the form is sonnet, and the device is chiasmus. 

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Writer’s Quote Wednesday

I love to take walks down by the river where I teach the fine art of skipping stones to my kids. As we enjoy the sun shining and the peace and tranquility of the sounds of skipping and splashing, this poem came to be.

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This has been my submission to https://silverthreading.com for Writer’s Quotes Wednesday. Please check out how she inspires me, and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 💓

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Most and Least

This has been the most stressful week I’ve gone through since I got the call that my Dad was in hospice. I believe the feelings that are swirling around in my body and brain are the same. This week I had to sit there while the Paediatrician said “I’m going to say some things that are difficult to hear.” So I replied “just say it Doc I’ve lived through a lot.” So she said I want your children genetically tested and evaluated for ASD.

I didn’t know what to say except I agreed and thanked her for being honest with me. Inside I felt like she had just ripped the bandaid off my broken heart. And it was oozing out the pain I was keeping in there awaiting healing. I walked out of her office feeling the most vulnerable I had ever felt in my life. My kids are my world, and when I first found out that I was expecting each of them I prayed for a healthy pregnancy. I never wanted to see them in pain, suffering or feeling powerless.

So this is the least of their worries as I just allow them to just be kids. They don’t know of the stress, the sleepless nights, the times I’ve spent crying. They know that they get frustrated easy, nightmares awaken them, and change is difficult to comprehend. With my oldest I tell him all our brains are wired differently. He can’t always help what comes out of his mouth, but he should say kind things.

He sometimes asks me why he can’t let go of a thought bothering him, or why he needs his homework to be perfect. The only answer I have is God made us all unique and different. There’s things that really bother me too. But I concentrate on the things that I can deal with. And let go of the things I can’t and let God take care of them. I will admit though this is the most I’ve had to absorb in one day in one week. So I’m praying for strength and acceptance so I can infuse that in my sons.

So where does this leave me? I will be applying for funding, and getting the most help I need for my children, as well as myself. I’ve joined a support group online and I look forward to meeting these other Moms. I’ve also been attending my support groups locally and it’s so gratifying to meet other parents that are walking the same path as me. After the paper work’s completed, and the appointments are made, then I’ll see where we’re at with getting help.

I’ve never been a fan of labels, but in this case it will be what’s needed in order to move forward with a diagnosis with funding. These labels will not define my children or change who they are. They will not change me or my husband either. They will make us the most devoted parents with advocating for them. They will still be happy, healthy, fun loving kids with a few more letters of the alphabet applied. And most of all they’re our gifts from God that were bestowed on us.

I wouldn’t change any moment of their lives or mine. We get the hand that’s dealt to us in life. We can let it define us or let us rise to the occasion. I prefer to feel my pain for a moment, embrace it, and keep moving forward. I owe it to my family to do so, and it’s the least I can do after they blessed me when they made me their Mom. 💖

This has been my submission to
http://lindaghill.com/2015/01/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-january-2415/ for Saturday Stream of Consciousness and the prompt was most/least. Using one or both words.

Please check out her gifted writing and all the other talent that links up. Thank you always dear readers, for your love and support. 😊

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