Motherhood

Here’s a confession I have on a Sunday morning I’d like to share with you all as today is officially Mother’s Day. Well here it goes, I don’t like Mother’s Day. So considering this is the mecca of Motherhood I tend to stick out like a sore thumb on this topic. I used to like it, when I had a Mom alive but now it’s just a crushing reminder of what I’ve lost. Now don’t get me wrong I love that my kids think it’s a special day so I make the effort for them. Really there’s nothing better than opening up a homemade gift that my big boy made for me with pride. And I did enjoy making my Mom’s day gift that my little boy will present to me tomorrow. He knows I love to craft while he plays with the cars at play group, so it’s a win/win for both of us. It’s just hard for me when almost everyone I know has a Mom to celebrate. That they can buy a gift for, share a meal with, and give the biggest hug. I don’t have any of that anymore and to be honest it really, really sucks. It’s been 3 years and 3 months since my Mom left the earth. I was 8 months pregnant with my second son when it happened. I had a 4 year old son that needed me his Mom, and I was grief stricken. I stumbled through and somehow made it through my first Mother’s Day without my Mom. By then I had my beautiful baby all be it prematurely, and everything felt so surreal as I was still used to being pregnant! I remember saying out loud how it felt like it was someone else’s life and why couldn’t my Mom be there to meet my precious newborn baby and see all the new things my incredible, curious, loving, son was doing and saying. I just felt gypped, I was the youngest of 6 kids and I got the shortest amount of time with her. My Mom was a truly remarkable women she taught me how to love, laugh, and be myself with no apologies. She taught me how to sing, dance, and be proud of my Irish roots. She told me stories using different voices for the characters and thus began my love reading and of the dramatic arts. She grew up painfully shy as a only child and was unfortunately teased. So she always encouraged me to be strong, independent, and find my voice at a young age. She attended every school Christmas concert I was in and cheered proudly if I sang a solo or played the part of a Christmas tree. She had a deep love of God, her children, Grandchildren, and Great Grandchildren. She loved to dress up fancy, entertain friends, make little tuna sandwiches and drink copious amount of Red Rose tea. And how she loved to sing, anything she was doing she’d break into song. It felt like during my childhood I was growing up in a musical and I loved every minute of it. She loved her parents with all her being and still called them Mama and Daddy as an adult. They doted on her and her children as she was still their little girl even though she was a Mother herself. She was a fabulous Mom who loved with a fierceness and protectiveness. Like a Mama bear as well as a tender and gentleness. She taught me to love Motherhood by making mine so memorable. All I ever wanted to do was grow up and be a Mom like her. My Mom had an incredible sense of humor and could mimic and impersonate anyone. She was better than TV, always funny and entertaining you never wanted to flip the channel. So after telling you all about what a dynamo my Mom was you can see why Mother’s Day sucks for me. I do suck it up and enjoy it for my kids after I’ve had a good, heart cleansing cry. It’s all part of Motherhood, rolling with the punches and being a rock star for my sons. Who I love and adore more than life itself. Every year I send a balloon up to heaven to my dear Mama to show them how much I loved her and always will, and so they can honor her memory. I miss my Mom like the flowers miss the sun, I miss not only the person she was, I miss the person I was when I was with her. I always remember how I’d sit in her lap as a little girl and talk about the world. She would stroke my hair and make me feel like I was the most important person in the world. That was a practice that continued till the day she died. I not only miss the Mom she was to me, I miss how I felt when I was with her. Safe, loved, and protected from the cruelty in the world. Every song I ever sing is for my Mama, every song I ever write is for her, every blog I write is inspired by her. So this Mother’s Day and throughout my Motherhood, I honor this fascinating, amazing, unforgettable woman who gave me life. This special lady I’m proud to call Mom. My love always and forever Mama. ❤️

P.S. I’m participating in my first blogger link up. It’s really exciting for this baby blogger here, so be a doll and check out Sunday confessions. Smooches and thank you’s to you all. 💗
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