Jsack's Mom's Blog

Sharing my heart, tears, and love, one story at a time. ❀️

Things that go bump in the night

What is that, that I touch, it feels bumpy and yet I’m able to stick my finger inside and feel something squishy? Is it brain matter, yet it feels bumpy like one of gourds from the garden. They feel so smooth as I run my hands all over it. It’s pitch black I can’t see anything but my other senses are heightened. My ears perk up as I hear a sound of moaning and growling. I’m really scared now so I turn to run and then it’s got a hold of me and its dragging me down deeper and deeper into the darkness. Hands are across my throat and the growling is close by my ear. The breath feels hot on my skin and the moaning has turned into a sickly death rattle. I reach down grab a hold of my leg and it’s covered in something sticky and take off my Don’t F$&K with me boot and start swinging with all my might. The hands release from my throat and there’s a splash I scramble to get up and crawl away. Then something else grabs a hold of my arm and pulls me down. I struggle and scream as I’m pulled into the water. My eyes are are on fire, I can’t see, but I can hear more moaning as it turns into a symphony of death as it moves towards me. I’m surrounded and there’s no where to go so I get very quiet and try to swim away. I start praying with all my might if I survive this night of the living zombies I’ll eat better, swear less, and let my kids eat junky cereal when they ask. Suddenly I feel my hands on cold cement so I slowly get up and inch my way along the wall. I’m soaking wet, cold, and my blood is frozen in my veins. All I can hear is the thumping in my heart as it explodes in my ears. Suddenly the lights go on and I’m blinded for a moment as the brightness assaults my vision. I look up and there’s my sweet Darryl standing there crossbow ready and shooting all the zombies around me. As I look around at the body count around me he reaches for my hand. My prayers have been answered he’s really here to rescue me from a zombie attack. Brains, blood, and body parts, and the stench of blood are everywhere as I swim out the toxic human waste to my hero.
Beep, beep, beep, beep I open my eyes and roll over to that annoying sound of my alarm. I’m half asleep and groggy and so disappointed it was only a dream. That will teach me to go to bed after watching a Walking Dead marathon. Now I’m a Mombie in search of caffeine, a hot shower, and brains!!!!!

Happy Halloween πŸ˜ƒπŸŽƒπŸ‘»

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A changed heart

Yesterday I picked my son up at school and he was walking towards me crying. Instantly I was on alert to see if he was hurt, asking a ton of questions, checking him for fever. He just got over being sick, so this was his first day back. Through his flowing tears he told me he got teased in gym class. He said he was running laps for his gym teacher. Which were given as punishment for the whole class, because of one yappy kid. So my Captain is running his laps and this other kid comes up to him and calls him weird. So the conversation followed like this.

Bully- “You’re weird!”
My son-” just go away,”
Bully- ” no you’re weird, and your hair’s weird.”

So if you’ve been following along with the bullying topic on my blog, this is the fifth kid and the sixth incident to happen. With further questioning I found out this bully has hit my son before, over a Pokemon game he was watching. In nearly 2 months of school the Captain has been pushed, stepped on, hit, poked, and teased by students in his grade and younger. The school will not recognize this as bullying but as a problem nonetheless. I stated I don’t agree, my definition of bullying is any attempt to make someone feel less than, small, insignificant, and insecure in their mind and heart. The school will only call it bullying if it’s consistent and from the same individual or group. Now I have my child who’s suffering having nightmares, belittling himself constantly, and blowing up like a volcano when he can’t handle everyday life at home. This is not how he’s being raised to be cruel, heartless, mean, and unforgiving. I teach him he is strong, resilient, kind, loving, and God’s child as well as mine. The school thinks giving students who are a problem (bullies) community service is going to help. It’s going to teach a lot of them to be a better bully and not get caught. Tomorrow is Halloween and my sons class is going to have a little party. Everyone will be in their Halloween costumes and my son is afraid to go to school. He’s afraid to wear his costume because he might get teased. I kept him home today he was up must of the night crying, tossing and turning in his nightmare world. I phoned the school explained what had happened and demanded a meeting. This school is huge, overflowing at it’s seams and my son is one of many. But I will not let him be treated like he’s just some insignificant nobody, regardless of the population. This school, these people, these bullies are changing my sons heart. And they do not see, feel, or know what anxiety and sadness they’re contributing too. Before this move he was happy to go to school, make friends, experience new things and love to learn. Now his teacher thinks he needs social cueing as a result of all these difficulties. I assure you my son from the age of 2, has been able to converse with people articulately and efficiently. He doesn’t need social cueing he needs to go to school and feel safe!!! He will only take so much abuse and then he will blow his top like a proverbial volcano. I know this to be true, as I’ve seen it when he’s pushed to the brink. So God help the next kid that picks on him. My Captain has been afraid to get into trouble for defending himself. But he’s given permission from my husband and I to do exactly that. This bullying has changed my sons heart, mind, and spirit. And I have to change it back before it’s too late…..

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One liner Wednesday’s

Well here I was today chatting online to a new friend from Pakistan and we were talking about the weather. I told him it was autumn and chilly in Canada. He said he loved winter, so my response was “do you ski or snowboard?” He said “what is this ski you talk about?” That’s when I realized I’m so Canadian I think every country has snow. So how’s it going eh? πŸ˜‰β›„οΈβ„οΈ

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So I sent him this stock photo. A picture’s worth a thousand words.

This is my submission to http://lindaghill.com/ today’s prompt is eh. Check out her post today and all the other talent that link up. You’re awesome enough to do that eh?

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Awards, accolades, and blogging love

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THANK YOU SO MUCH

Well this has been a stellar month of October I’ve been nominated for the Liebster new blogging award twice. And my blog reached 100 followers and 200 likes!!! This is one happy Canadian girl right here. πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈπŸŽ‰πŸThe wonderfully talented Denise from http://thiscountsaswritingdoesn’tit.wordpress.com
nominated me this time and I’m so very grateful. She’s an incredible writer of fan fiction, and her blog is so relatable. I feel like I’m sitting at her kitchen table drinking tea, while reading her musings of her fascinating mind. In fact I was going to nominate her but Dottie beat me to it. πŸ˜‰Thank you, thank you, thank you Denise, you’ve made my heart super happy.
So onto the questions at hand from Denise. My version of 🎢getting to know you, getting to know all about you.🎢

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You like me, you really like me! Said with my best Barbra Streisand impersonation. πŸ˜‰

1) What inspired you to start a blog?

I was first inspired to start a blog because I was reading so many. And then I was reading one from my favourite Mommy blogger and how she loved to write. So I thought to myself writing has always been a passion of mine so why not! And that’s how jsackmom blog was born, an idea, confidence, and follow through. Bahahaha it sounds like I’m describing my golf swing. 😜

2) What is your favorite season and why?

My favourite season is spring. I love to see all the rebirth of vegetation, buds on the trees and little flowers starting to poke their heads out of the ground. After a long, cold, winter underground the explosion of color, the blossoms on the trees, and the buzzing of the bees is quite intoxicating to me.

3) You have an entire day to do exactly what you want. What do you do?

I would love to sleep in. With 2 kids that wake up early whether they have to or not, this is a wonderful dream for me to envision. I’d casually get up have breakfast in bed, catch up on emails, and off to the shower. I’d spend at least 15 minutes standing there letting the hot water wash over me before I even suds up. After I’m squeaky clean I’d get dressed, blog for an hour, then get some actual work done like my transcription job. It’s lunch time now so I’d make up a healthy, nutritious, meal plan. Then I’d wake up my kids and head to a park for a picnic. We’d play for a few hours while I swung on the swings, racing my kids to see who could touch the clouds first. After that we’d eat and lay on the blanket and cloud watch for awhile then we’d head back home. We’d change into our swimsuits and soak in the hot tub till we were wrinkly old prunes. Then my hubby would come home and BBQ us up a fabulous meal of strip loin steak, garlic herb potatoes, grilled veggies, and I’d make the corn on the cob. After stuffing myself to oblivion I’d light a fire and roast some marshmallows while talking and laughing and enjoying the giggles of my kids, my darling hubby, and the snap, crackle, pop, of the fire. After that I get my kids ready for bed with pj’s, story time, and snuggles. Then Dad and I would wander off to our own bedroom. I’d have a quick shower to get the smoke and chlorine off my skin. Then we’d cuddle up in our bed and that look would pass between us, and we’d know it was sexy time. 😘 Now that I’ve read that back that sounds like a pretty awesome day. I should reenact that soon. ❀️

4) What period of history fascinates you?

The 16 th century of the Ottoman Empire is fascinating to me. It’s the time of royal monarchy, serfs, peasants, and the church. This is the time of my ancestors, who were princes of Moldavia at the time. I know everyone says that the descend from royalty,when they look into their family tree roots. In my case through my genealogy research, it’s actually true. πŸ˜ƒ

5) What was the last book you read and would you recommend it?

The last book I read was The Family Virtues Guide. In fact I’m still reading it as its my family’s bible. It’s written by Linda Kavelin Popov and it teaches you simple ways to bring out the best in our children and ourselves. I would definitely recommend this book as its changing my life one chapter at a time!!! It was given to me by a new dear friend, when he saw I was struggling with juggling my sons health, a new move, and sleep deprivation. It comes with a deck of cards that has the virtues written on them with beautiful artwork. Each day has a beautiful affirmation and I start mornings saying it out loud while looking in my mirror. A very powerful and rewarding gift I give to myself each day. It’s truly awakened my spirit and given me strength to keep on trucking (as my dear Daddy would say).

Here are the rules:

Post the award on your blog.
Thank the blogger who presented you the award and provide a link back to their blog.
Write five random facts about yourself
Nominate five other bloggers who you feel deserve the award and have less than 200 followers.
Answer five questions posted by the presenter and ask your nominees five questions.

So I’m going to do things a little different. Why? Well that’s just me, I haven’t seen anyone I nominated take up the challenge which is ok. Life gets busy and in the way, of our good intentions. So I’ll leave it up to you dear readers. If you as a blogger would like a nomination then please comment below. Or if you know of a blogger that meets the criteria leave their link and I’ll contact them. Thank you for reading another round of “jsackmom on her soap box.” Until our paths cross again, the light in me salutes the light in you. ❀️

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Feel Good Blogging Challenge

I came across this challenge reading a new blog called Mommies quiet place. She had wrote about 10 personal facts that was part of the Alex Beadon blogging challenge. I thought what the heck I’d take a stab at it. So without further ado here is my piece of getting to know me better.

1. I’m a very proud Canadian. In fact I will make it a point to research, promote, and acknowledge any Canadian in entertainment, business, art, and the health field. Especially if they’re living elsewhere in the world.

2. I’m the youngest of 6 children. My Mom was an only child, and my Dad the oldest of 7 children. So they both discussed having a big family when they were dating.

3. When my husband proposed to me I didn’t know the ring was for me, he’s not big on buying me jewellery. I’m also empathic and felt he was “hiding” something from me.

4. After the proposal I told him he had made me the happiest woman in Canada. And I didn’t say yes until 2 hours after the fact!!!

5. I love to sing, doesn’t matter what song. I could sing the phone book and I’d still be happy.

6. My Mom was my biggest supporter of my writing. And we collaborated on many stories together throughout the years.

7. Both my parents died before I turned 40. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t miss them. Or their love, guidance, and influence in my life.

8. I’m a very big advocate for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) as well constantly researching to understand, promote, and respect my sons SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder).

9. The brain fascinates me and I often study neurological research and support MS, ALS, and mental health disorders.

10. Blogging keeps me sane!!! I love to write and find a place to let my rambling thoughts out. It helps me because I’m very stubborn, and don’t take no for an answer. Especially from medical experts that didn’t want to help my son.

So there it is 10 quick little facts about me. Give it a whirl, it’s fun and therapeutic. πŸ˜ƒ

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Empathic heart

I watched the news tonight I don’t know why I did that. I haven’t watched a news broadcast since the summer and it was for a very good reason. A reason I’ll write about in a future blog. Tonight I saw there was an update about the murderer who shot Corporal Nathan Caprillo. I couldn’t turn off the tv I was transfixed, as I heard the words terrorism, political ideology, and mental health. Then in another news clip my heart nearly split in two, when I saw Nathan’s son dropping the puck at a hockey game in Hamilton, Ontario. A city I know well and spent a lot of time in, since I lived close by. I continued watching, well at this point listening as I folded laundry and tidied up my living room. The reporter was talking about civil war in the Ukraine. At one time a peaceful country, and now taken over by a corrupt government. My mind drifted and I thought of the land my ancestors came from. How they worked so hard farming as pioneers, and then came to Canada to start a new life after a period of war with Austria. I thought of all the hardships they endured, and how moving to Manitoba proved to be disastrous to their livelihood. Due to the soil for farming being to rocky and unforgiving as they struggled to provide for their families. And then by miracle a trip by train to Saskatchewan taken by my Great Grandfather, would bring his family to the homestead, that still resides in my family tree. Then the news broadcast on tv brought me back to reality of scenes of war in the once peaceful Ukraine. I thought of my relatives over there now living in fear, hiding in their crawl spaces while terror is all around them. And an upcoming civil election that the candidates are hoping will unify the war torn country. I thought of my cousins traveling there only a year ago to Kitzman (birth place of my Great Grandfather. And having the pleasure of meeting direct descendants from his siblings. I thought of how my cousins toured through Chianski seeing the museums and the home of the largest pinansky (the worlds largest Ukrainian Easter egg. And how their travels led them to Colomia, Lurrentia, seeing the beauty of the country sides and the hospitality of strangers. Hearing their stories of meeting relatives along the way and finding out family secrets hidden so long ago. And when they arrived in Laviv and Kiev and could already see the rumblings of war. As they witnessed statues and national monuments being taken down. While I was thinking of these events in time, (as I’ve only recently found out about them at the last family reunion I attended) I realized I was staring at an empty screen. In an effort to block out all the pain I had absorbed, I had turned off the tv without knowing it. My poor empathic heart couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve made it a point not to watch the news very often, especially before going to bed. The psychic damage it does to me is hard to repair or reverse. I have always believed if something becomes news than people will talk about it. So I haven’t needed to watch or listen to it on social media. The world is flooded with war, pain, suffering, and loss. And I feel the sensational journalism of competing news stations makes it worse. The feel good stories, the pay it forward moments, and the heroic tales in daily life don’t always make the headlines. And very rarely the top new story or headline in the newspaper. This saddens me because I believe if we heard, saw, and felt those positive topics what an impact they would have on the world. As I write this I have begun to cry, as I’m psychologically wrapped up in these people’s lives, loves, and hearts. So I will have to unplug and take care of my empathic heart, and give it the peace it needs.

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Satisfied

I have lived a life of regrets and have had moments of satisfaction. But I’m always reaching and grasping for more. Whether that’s information, emotions or relationships. I’m rarely satisfied because I know, and feel, there’s more that’s not being said and I dig until I come up with the answer. Some people get uncomfortable and it’s hard for me to explain to them why I’m so compelled to do so. For me there’s a satisfaction in knowing the truth. The whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And as Jack Nicholson’s character in the movie A Few Good Men says “you can’t handle the truth!” I’m just one of those people that can, as rare as that is. I can always tell when there’s a lie being hidden as I can “read” people. And if the tables are turned and I’m the one that’s “read” it’s such a strange feeling. My Dad always said I missed my calling as a lawyer. Because I love to argue, and I was never satisfied with half truths. My Dad was good with “weird” and my response was “but Dad, I can see there’s more truth to be told!” Never satisfied, always researching, finding new ways to fix old problems, and never taking no for an answer. Yes all of those things describe me, some may call me stubborn but I prefer tenacious. Some may call me insatiable but I prefer curious. I believe I was put on this earth to be a truth seeker. To walk the path that’s rarely taken, to look for light through a dark tunnel. If I hadn’t been dissatisfied I wouldn’t have found the best specialist to help my son. If I had not pushed to have him assessed at a young age I wouldn’t have a SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) diagnosis. If I had just given up when he was 18 months and my Dr said he’s just being a toddler and picky. I wouldn’t have known of his food aversions. If I would’ve just accepted he was testing his boundaries as he walked into walls and jumped off of bookshelves, and crashed to the ground with a silly smile on his face. I wouldn’t have known that he was seeking sensory input to regulate his central nervous system. And if I would’ve just accepted in the NICU that Dr’s and nurses poking and prodding him, and wanting to g-tube him, because he was jaundiced and sleepy was ok. Instead I fought with all my might, Mama Bear style to protect him, and let ME his Mom help him. I wouldn’t have this tough, tornado, loving boy. And if I had chosen to just believe my son is sensitive and all premature babies are programmed this way. I wouldn’t be able to try to see the world through his eyes. If I was satisfied that the school would look after my oldest son, and there was no need to ruffle feathers about bullying. He would be suffering depression, fear, and feeling unloved and unwanted. There’s a lot of satisfaction to knowing I’m a woman of my word. And my Dad taught me my word is my bond, had I not believed that then I wouldn’t have the amazing support network I’ve created. So if you need to research something dig, if you have questions ask, if you feel misunderstood clarify, and if you feel unheard state your intentions. Trust me there’s nothing worse than settling to being just satisfied by the status quo of life. There is a joy and profoundness, in finding what leaves you happy, satisfied, and comfortable in your own skin. I will set out on that uncharted frontier and search for the truth. And find the answers that people, places, and things can hide so carefully. Because I’m rarely satisfied, and that’s a good thing, and a fact I wear proudly.

Today’s Sunday confession is brought to you by the talented Ash at http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. The prompt was satisfied, check out what she has to say and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 😊

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*Picture used with permission from* http://bravegirlsclub.com

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Degree

Is there any degree of sanity in my chaotic, cacophony of a life I lead. I spend my days rushing, medicating, researching, and ruminating on life’s events. I start my mornings with kisses and cuddles from my cubs, then breakfasts, backpacks filled and off to school. I’m greeting with any degree of temperament in the morning. Tired, cranky, get out bed heads, who seem to think that sleeping is an option lately. And sometimes there’s pleasant good mornings , did you have a nice sleep greetings. The walk to school will bring out any degree of conversation. From Minecraft building secrets, to what cartoon to watch when we get home, or I hope I don’t get bullied today. These conversation topics enlighten, engage me, and break my heart at times. As I fight for the last degree of maintaining patience at my sons school. There are different degrees of personalities he encounters each day. Sometimes friendly, fun, and other times mean and cruel. How much is one child supposed to take as he reacts and reaches for degrees of courage and bravery to stand up for himself. Against these mean little monsters who lack social skills, boundaries, and respect. I go through all degrees of Motherhood as I advocate to protect my son from this over populated, overcrowded, melting pot of emotions school. After the walk home there are requests for hot chocolate, cuddles on the couch, and IPad time. Then on to any degree of Lego building, trucks crashing, and tower stacking. Playtime is fun then it’s time for me to work as I sort through degrees of historical stats, people, events as a type out their stories. The mornings flow from afternoon to school pickup time and once again it’s time to go. And the degree of my sons mood is gauged cautiously with careful questioning. “How was your day, what did you learn, what was great about it, and did anyone bother you today?” Sometimes I feel my level of my patience bucket is dangerously low as I question him. I struggle to hang onto to this degree of sanity, so my emotions don’t take over and overwhelm us both. What degree do you flow with your day? Degrees of happiness, love, faith, or hope? I feel and experience all of them. Wrapped up in a big box with a bright red bow shows my battle scarred heart. That has cried for my Cubs, fought for them, and even died inside for them to some degree. Because that’s the degree of love I have for them and always will.

This has been my submission to Stream of Consciousness Saturday with the one and only http://lindaghill.com. Today’s prompt was degree. Check out her Saturday thoughts and all the other talent who link up.

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Friday’s Feats and Fails

Can someone please tell me where my week went? I’m in disbelief it’s Friday again, wasn’t it just Sunday yesterday? Well after that rambling I guess you can tell I’m sleep deprived. Yes it’s been one of those weeks, so I’ll lay all my dirty laundry out here for you to laugh, cry, or sing along with my mellow drama melody. 🎢

FEAT

I made it through the weekend got myself and my Mad dog to his sleep specialist and learned so much in 30 minutes than I did all year!!! The journey I’ve taken with my son to help him get healthy, happy, and regulated has been a long one. To know that I’m so close to answers gives me hope down a long dark tunnel. I also got some work done on Sunday plus laundry folded so that’s a win/win weekend. πŸ˜ƒ

FAIL

Due to my sons diagnosis of sleep apnea the specialist believe it’s linked to food allergies. So he needs blood work, an appointment with an allergist and to start medication and a gluten free diet. He’s been sick so I haven’t taken him for his blood work. Medication was purchased and given but he hasn’t been completely gluten free. I’m supposed to be starting this paleo lifestyle as well but I need to go for a major grocery shop. Mad dog was crying he was hungry after feeding him from 7 am to 12 pm the other day. I was looking for gluten free options in the pantry, and my hubby got sick of the whining and crying and made him a peanut butter sandwich. WTF!!!! 😳

FEAT

Since I’ve had to read all this medical information I’ve dived into anything I can find on inflammatory causes and cures, gluten free and paleo lifestyles, as well as iron deficiencies. I love to read and write so I’ve been a very busy bee lately recording everything for Mad dog’s health binder I’m creating. My friend calls me a master researcher and I take that as a great compliment. I got overwhelmed for a few days then I got some great advice and now I’m taking it one day at a time, one website at a time.

FAIL

Due to being in research mode I’ve been burning the midnight oil. With a son with a sleep disorder I can’t afford to do that. So I’ve had cranky kids, “me as “Mombie” Mom, and rushing to school moments have made this a long ass week. I’ve stayed up late with my Mad dog due to his day napping, and after he’s fallen asleep my Captain and I have been late night chatting. I love spending time with my kids, but my hubby’s starting to wonder where the hell his wife went. 😳

FEAT

I’ve learned a lot in my research and I’m looking for ways to help my son more naturally. I’m really not comfortable with giving him steroids for breathing, acid blockers for reflux, and iron supplements. He’s just a little boy so I’m looking for healthier alternatives that are just as affective. Even with being in research mode I’ve managed to keep my home somewhat cleanish, laundry under control, and my kids fed, washed, cuddled, and loved.

FAIL

I haven’t slept much this week or ate well, at all. Between being a diet cop in my household, rushing to theatre practices myself, and taking my Captain to hockey I’m stretched way too thin!!! I haven’t exercised much other than walking to school every day and up and down my stairs to my laundry room. Besides I’m afraid if I hopped on my tread mill I’d pass out of exhaustion or sleep deprivation. Which would be very bad for me indeed. 😜

FEAT

I had a dear friend call me this week to ask me how I was doing. I haven’t had someone I loved do that in a very long time so I felt so happy!!! I have a sisterly relationship with her and I actually told her the truth, the whole truth and nothing but my truth. When you’re sisters of the heart and mind you can do that, without judgement, preconceived notions, or bitchiness. I also contacted a mutual lovely friend of ours and she gave me a shit ton of awesome info as her and her family had changed their diet and lifestyle. I felt so loved this week, even though it brought back my feelings of missing their in person presence in my life. I will take the good with the bad and just keep on rocking on. πŸ’—

FAIL

I found out this week how anxious and unhappy my Captain is after an epic meltdown before hockey practice. He was crabby after school, so I gave him some quiet time. Then he tells he got picked on and pushed at school again!!! If you’ve been following my blog you’ll know this has been the sixth time with 5 different kids. Well I blew my #€Β₯Β₯^*@ top, exploding in all different directions of my home. Then this just led to my Captain melting down, didn’t want to go to school, hockey, and was going to run away. I wasn’t able to handle this without reinforcements so I called in Dad to the rescue.

FEAT

I knew I couldn’t help my Captain as much as I wanted to without adding to his anxiety so I took a step back. My hubby is able to reach him in a place in his heart and mind and for that I’m grateful. And I will admit a touch of jealously, but that’s ok I’m human after all. By the end of the week my kids have felt loved, appreciated, and understood so that’s a parenting win. ❀️

FAIL

I was on social media this week and found out there was a shooting in my country in my nations capital. I watched as the details unfolded online and my heart was hurting for all of Canada. A senseless act of violence and a brave soldier left dead while guarding a national war monument. This atrocity carried on to my Government’s Parliament buildings where it is finally stopped by a courageous police officer. This rocked my soul right to it’s core and I cried my heart out. Being empathic I have to put up barriers to this psychic emotion but this was just too immensely sad and I couldn’t. I cried cleansing tears for the soldier and his family, the police officer and his, and my country, my heart, and my home. 🍁❀️

FEAT

I found out this morning that my Captain hadn’t been getting the “brain breaks” in the sensory room at school like was discussed 2 weeks ago!!! It broke my heart to hear him say “they don’t care Mom. They don’t want to help me, I hate school and I wish I didn’t have to go!” I kept my temper in check and talked to him about the word hate. It’s not a word I allow in my house, I believe it’s a harsh word and words last forever in a universal way. I hugged him, told him I will fight for him to enjoy school again, and reminded him how much fun he had at his friends birthday party last weekend. I’m taking this as a feat as its Friday and I got him to school with a smile on his sweet face. I’m very mindful of the energy that comes into my home and I’m being more vigilant about what’s created here within our sacred four walls and a roof. 😊
This has been my submission to http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com Friday’s Feats and Fails. Check out how Ash’s week has went and all the other awesome bloggers who link up. Big hugs and loads of love and “I get its” sent to you. 😘

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The Art of Letting go

I hang onto things thoughts, anger, expired coupons, and clothes that don’t fit. And when I see or feel these things around me I wonder why do I this to myself? Than I remember I don’t let myself let go. Yes I go through my junk drawer every 6 months and toss out a lot of stuff accumulated there. But there I am again a few months later doing the same thing. And why because I can’t let go!!! I hang on to the pain of the past, words uttered in contempt, tears that I’ve shed, and I’m an emotional mess as these images play in my mind. There are times I just want to scream stop the insanity!!! I feel these things deeply, I’m empathic and I can absorb others pain or happiness as quick as they can project it. And with all the planetary stuff going on with the solar eclipse and Mercury in retrograde I feel every energy current transmitted. Like all of Canada yesterday, my heart was rocked with emotion from the tragedy that occurred in my nations capital. I remember standing in front of that war monument, standing in the parliament grounds so many years ago. I thought about Corporal Nathan and how he got up for work that day showered, dressed in his uniform, and drove to work not knowing it was his last day on earth. I felt such rage bubble up inside that this could happen and asking myself over and over again why? I realized I’m not letting go I’m holding onto my fear, anxiety and anger. I then felt this immense sadness and broke down into tears. I cried for this man I’ll never meet, for the family and friends that he will never see him again, and the job he’ll no longer have. So today in memory of him, of my cousin who was in active duty, and all the soldiers that have fought and continue to fight for my beloved country, I wore red. I’m going to continue to do so all weekend. I know it’s not much, but it’s something that I can do to honour this brave man. I stand in solidarity to remember this brave soldier with my fellow Canadians. This shocking and dramatic day has rocked me to my core. My heart hurts for my country, and we will grieve as a nation and honor this fallen soldier. We are the true, north, strong, and free. We are #Canadastrong. ❀️🍁

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