Jsack's Mom's Blog

Sharing my heart, tears, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Sense

I have always been able to sense things whether it’s from people, animals, or situations. It’s been a gift that I’ve had as a child. Some may know it as being intuitive, highly sensitive, psychic, or empathic. Whatever you want to call it, the gift bestowed on me has governed my life. My beloved Mama, Gram, and her sisters knew of my ability. They knew of the dreams, vibrations, and auras I had seen. They protected me a lot as they knew not all children displayed these abilities. I didn’t share a lot about what I could sense to family or friends. I remember a friend who lost her sweet dog telling me she missed him so much. I said “why, he’s right there on your lap.” We didn’t talk for awhile after that, and her Mom contacted my Mom and I had to say I made it up to make her feel better. My Mom of course knew different, but in the end it was about protecting me about that knowledge. I did really see the dog on my friends lap, just like I seen my beloved dog Bo after my bus driver ran him over. I’ve seen my great Grandma without knowing who she was, since she passed when I was 3 years old. I was looking through my brothers photo album and saw her picture, so I told my Mom that lady with the pink hat has tea with me and my dollies. Having this sense of knowing things before they happen, dreaming of loved ones that have died, and feel vibrations from people when they talked or stood next to me, could be unnerving at times. To me it was normal and my Mom, Gram, and her sisters never treated me any differently. Because they knew what this was like as they were the same as children. I still have a cousin that has regular visit from our clan up above. And knowing that and having my contact with them is comforting. I couldn’t explain to a lot of people what that felt like to just see my beloved parents in dreams or in reality, and know I couldn’t keep them with me. This sensing they’re around me brings me joy, hearing my Gram’s voice singing along with mine, while I’m singing Danny Boy is a beautiful gift. I never shared this sense while I was growing up either out of fear of ridicule. It wasn’t till I was in my 20’s and I moved to a new town that I found people like me. With even more powerful abilities and I remain steadfast friends with them to this day. I belonged to a meditation group for 5 years led by the most charismatic, gifted woman I’ve ever met. They became my family, my tribe, and my life line as my heart was being buffeted by the winds of change. I’ve always had this sense that I’m destined for great things. God has willed it for me from the family I have, people I’ve met, friendships that I’ve made, and like minded souls I’ve connected with online. I don’t feel weird anymore, and I’m not scared to talk about this gift I was born with. Being aware and embracing this sense has influenced my life greatly. I know when I’m supposed to avoid something or someone, I know when the right time to travel is, I even know when there’s a police car around. So this sense has been life saving, life altering, and life giving to me and my loved ones. I’ve even passed it down to my sons as they sense vibrations, dream, and see things that others don’t. And I protect them just like my beloved Mom and Gram protected me. I also teach them to never be ashamed of who they are or what they see. This sense is passed down from many generations on my Mom’s side of the family tree. My Gram called the all knowing Irish eye, and it’s a gift that we have been blessed to have. So I’m thankful for my Irish heritage that has been apart of me before I was even born. And my ancestors that blessed me with this incredible sense.

This has been my submission to http://lindaghill.com Saturday Stream of Consciousness. Check out her creativity with the prompt (sense, cents) and all the other talent that link up. Smooches and hugs to you. ❤️

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Fridays Feats and Fails

This Friday I’m writing this blog wrapped up in a cozy blanket with a hot chocolate while it snows outside. It’s cold people, -21 with a wind chill factor of -35!!! I’m Canadian and used to the cold but the wind chill factor is new to me. So I’ll be surgically wrapped up in my fleece blanket all weekend as this weather’s supposed to continue. So now on to my week in review!

FEAT

I managed to get all my laundry done and packed for the hockey road trip. I also enjoyed a family movie while joining in for an online tea party. I had my brand new green tropical tea in my sweet little owl mug, and settled down in my cozy Nike hoodie to write some stories from some prompts given by the Brain. Tea parties make me happy, laundry does not. Now for me to not to be bitching about laundry is a feat in itself! Evil bitch nemesis that she is. 😉

FAIL

I didn’t get a lot of sleep the night before the road trip so I was one tired hockey Mama. I didn’t nap along the way either as I help out with navigating with me and my sister friend Siri. We didn’t even argue this time because it was a straight drive all the way to our destination. With only the turn off the highway to find the arena. I really didn’t eat very well the whole trip or exercise, so I felt sluggish after we got home.

FEAT

I cheered on my Captain on the ice to a 20-5 win and took a few pictures, and kept his brother entertained while lining up all the toys to watch the game. They had a great concession at the arena where you could watch the game while watching for your lunch to be cooked. After Mad dog couldn’t sit still and was getting bored, I took him to the playground across the street. We had a lot of fun playing in the snow and testing out every slide there. We were frozen by the time we got back to the arena, so it was so nice to warm up with hot tea before we headed off to our next destination. We arrived at our hotel and Mad dog and I immediately went swimming. It was so wonderful to soak in the hot tub and do a few laps and sing songs in the pool.

FAIL

With Mad dog’s sensory condition transitions can be very difficult so a new hotel, town, and traveling can be a lot for him to process. So after swimming I took him to McDonald’s. We sat down to eat as he asked to stay and we proceeded to have our meal. He was tired after the pool and was getting cranky so I was just going to eat and go. He didn’t want to eat he wanted his chocolate milk. I of course told him after he eats he can have it, and that turned into a full blown tantrum!!! I proceeded to pack up our dinner while feeling all eyes on us. I could care less what anyone there thought of me, but I care what they thought of him. So as his melt down escalated I announced “this is my son and he has SPD so take your pictures and stare all you want so you can remember him!” And then immediately left while packing him and our food across a slippery parking lot.

FEAT

After we got back to the hotel I finally got Mad dog calmed down and was able to eat dinner and watch some cartoons. I cuddled up with him while he told me he was so scared and I held him tight. I had to remind myself that he was having a hard time, not giving me a hard time. Hubby and the Captain returned and I had Mad dog ready for bed. I settled down to write a blog about how much I love my family. I wrote about my feelings from when my hubby and I were a couple, and how our children joined our lives and made us a loving family. I then set the kids up with a movie and went to hang out with the other hockey parents, and have some me time. Hubby was very encouraging about me being more social and he’d stay with our sons. ❤️

FAIL

I was up late that night and came back to the hotel and cleaned up, organized clothes, plugged in electronics, and set my phone alarm and finally went to bed. 7 am sure came early so I was very tired. I got to another hockey game with another win 6-3 for the Captain’s team. I just wanted to go home and go for a nap, but I took the kids to the dinosaur interpretive centre instead. I kept on thinking of their smiles and not about how cranky and exhausted I felt. It was better to think positive as I had a lot of fun, and I took a bunch of pictures and picked up some souvenirs.

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FEAT

The rest of the week went well I got unpacked from the weekend, and had a 3 hour theatre practice to attend as soon as I got home. I’m actually feeling more comfortable there as I got a costume and a custom made wooden harp made for me. I still get called by my characters name instead my own, but I’m enjoying getting to know people better. I’m new to the party so they still don’t know what I’m capable of yet. So I’ll keep that ace up my sleeve till next year. My Captain has been doing really well at school, with being more social and got his midterm report card today. I’m very proud of his progress and his ability to overcome the bullying he’s incurred. My Mad dog is really growing up too, he’s able to use his words and tell me when he’s upset instead of hitting and biting. And I’ve accommodated him on the days when he just wants to be held and cuddled. I had the honour of being part of a guest blog on http://howmybrainworks.weebly.com. I was so proud that I was able to make my debut and wrote about being thankful as part of the Brain’s cherish the moments. Because really that’s what it’s all about, learning our life lessons and cherishing those precious moments. ❤️

This has been my submission to Ash’s Feats and Fails at http://morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her week and all the other bloggers who link up. Enjoy your weekend, and cherish those moments. 😘

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I’m thankful

I had been given a beautiful opportunity to guest blog yesterday from the wonderful Brain at http://howmybrainworks.weebly.com. Today I will share it with you. 😊
I’m feeling very thankful for her kindness and generosity as part of her Cherish the moment day. I’m thankful for the love of my family especially when I’m cranky and want to stab something with a plastic fork. 😉 I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made in each town I’ve lived in. I know I can call up any of them if I’m in need of advice, or a place to stay if I come to town. I’m grateful for my ability to pack up my family and set down roots with every job transfer my husband incurs. Most of all I’m thankful that I’m starting to love myself again. I’ve had a long journey back to myself through grief, stress, depression, and anxiety. I have grown up worrying and feeling responsible for events that happened in my life. As a young child feeling guilty over the break up of my parents marriage, it was a very confusing and difficult time as a little girl. Through time, heart to heart chats, and therapy I’ve learned I had played no part in the separation. The bullying I suffered in high school had sent me into an emotional turmoil, thinking somehow I deserved all the debilitating torment. And as I’ve grown and matured I have realized that these events in my life have shaped me into who I am today. I’m so thankful that I had a very special relationship with my beloved parents, for their time on earth. I wish I could’ve kept them here forever, yet I hold them in my heart and cherish my memories. They taught me to love, accept, and be myself with no apologies. When I look in the mirror I see my beloved Mama’s face smiling back at me. And I know I can love myself, even if I want to pull her out the mirror and hug her for one last time. I’m thankful my Dad taught me to be strong, independent, determined, and stubborn. I’ve carried those attributes into my daily life as I fight hard for what I love and believe in, never taking no for an answer. I’m so thankful that God blessed me with a wonderful man and our precious sons. My oldest who makes me laugh with his comedic talent, his excitement for technology, and his brilliant mind. I’m thankful for my youngest and how he sees the world with excitement and wonder, and his deep capacity to love everyone who crosses his path. I’m grateful that even though they suffer with sensory disorders and the anxiety associated with that, they know they are loved and cherished by their parents. I’m so thankful for finally being comfortable enough in my own skin, to share my writing in an online forum. It doesn’t matter how many letter degrees I don’t have after my name. I have a love and passion for the spoken and written word and I’m expressing that through my thoughts. I’m thankful for the blessings bestowed on me on my life journey. All the things I thought were catastrophes at the time, have taught me to be patient, brave, courageous, and forgiving. I believe there are no failures in life, just learning experiences. And as I learn and grow I see myself as a human being not a perfect replica of a Mom, wife, or sibling, or friend. I am imperfectly, creatively, authentically me, a human doing in this world. I am thankful that you popped in to read the ramblings of my mind. And for the beautiful Brain for letting me be a part of her Cherish the Moments. May you enjoy your today’s and tomorrow’s and see your circumstances as blessings towards a better, healthier, happier you.
Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers. ❤️

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Writers Quotes Wednesday

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This has been my submission to Writers Quotes Wednesdays from the amazing http://silverthreading.com. Please check out her quote and all the talent that link up. Thank you. 😊

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One liner Wednesday’s

I’ve watched you as you slept until the night became the dawn. Slowly watching your chest rise and fall and then I was gone. Loving you has become my all. No matter what you go through, no matter where we go. I will always be your Mama, how I love you so. ❤️

This has been my submission to One liner Wednesdays with the amazing http://LindaGHill.com. Please check out her page and all the other talent who link up. Thank you. 😘

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Books- the other love of my life

I love to read, paperback, hardcover, digital, blogs, and research it doesn’t matter as long as there are beautiful, descriptive words. I love the feel of a book in my hands. Where I know there’s a world of adventure awaiting me, as soon as I open the cover. Books have always been my means of escape and a place to travel to worlds I would never know. I credit my beloved Mama for gifting me with my love of reading and writing. I’ve always wanted to become like the characters I write about. And live vicariously through their adventures. I feel what my character feels, the anticipation that builds up with each of their actions and the depth of their emotions whether they’re angry, sad, or mad. I can close my eyes and envision the emotions they feel and the expressions written all over their face. I’ve wrapped myself up in my characters that I’ve felt their hearts beating as they fall in love, lust, or fear and anger. I hear their voices in my head as I invent what kind of inflections my characters have in their speech. My heart races when they feel pain or slows down when they feel sadness and their hearts are breaking In a sense I become them even though they only exist in books, or later in movies. I think their thoughts and I dive deep into their world and feel their struggles, pain, and emotions. To me that’s the makings of a fabulous writer. If you can invoke those kinds of powerful emotions in your readers. That’s the type of writer I want to be and I know I’ll get there one story at a time. I prefer to read a book series as I travel with these characters to the worlds they inhabit. And interacting with other characters that they come across. I’ve followed a band of young travelers who discover strengths, talents, and abilities they never knew had existed in Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time Series. And I recently started reading the Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S.Lewis to my oldest son. I enjoy seeing the wonder in his eyes as he discovers the magical world that’s lying in wait in the back of the wardrobe. I have been enthralled and devastating by the beauty and danger of the world of Vampires and Witches in the series by Anne Rice. And I have been to the South, and treated to the hospitality, humor, personalities and antics of The Yaya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells. I have had my heart broken and my eyes opened by plight of poverty, starving community, and the heartless government, during the Irish potato famine in the book Angela’s Ashes and the sequel Tis by the amazing Frank Mcourt. I honestly could go on for days with my love of books and my personal favorites on my bookshelf. I would like open up a conversation here dear readers, so you can share with me your favorites you’d read over and over again. Let us unite with our stories that shape us into who we are today with our love of written and spoken word. ❤️

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The treasure map

I was able to treat myself to a nice Chinese food meal. It’s not very often that I get some me time so I took my time piling up my plate and sampling everything in the smorgasbord menu. I dived into my chicken fried rice, wrapped up my shrimp chow mein noodles around my fork, ate my veggies with delight and was so excited to finish this amazing meal with a fortune cookie. Really this the icing on the cake for me. I love the crunchy and light sweetness of that yummy cookie. I opened it up and went to unwrap the fortune and much to my excitement I discovered a map, that’s a treasure in itself! As I examined it closely I learned it was a treasure map! I needed to find a guide to give me a lay of the land. I’m new to the area so I need someone with experience and tracking abilities. Next I went to hire the guide and an excavation team. As the map is leading me to a Mayan temple in the village. My team and I needed to assemble together and enter the temple and split up in tactical teams. As we walked inside I started reading the map and I came upon a wall with inscriptions. With the help of my guide he deciphers them for me. My team fans out being aware of any booby traps in our midst. The squares on the wall are all labelled so one by one I press on them as a musical pattern plays. Very clever oh wise Mayans. The wall suddenly opens up, and everyone is on alert including me, and I’m sweating buckets with anticipation. I look around the room and see that it’s full of ancient artifacts and my eyes are dazzled with oak barrels over flowing with precious gems. The torch I’m carrying lights up the altar before me and my eyes are transfixed upon this gold box encrusted with jewels. I walk towards it and lift the lid and put my hand in the box. I pull out this beautiful platinum ring with a pear shaped pink stone. It’s so huge and beautiful I need a small wheelbarrow to carry it! In a trance like state I put the ring on and a bright blinding pink light covers the entire room and opens up into a swirling vortex! It becomes clear to me the ring is a teleportation device. I step through the portal and let the pink aura envelop me….

This has been my first attempt at writing adventure fiction. I’d like to thank the Brain at http://howmybrainworks.weebly.com for the fun writing prompt. 😊

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Always

I will always worry, even when someone says don’t worry about it. I don’t know why I’m like this, is it the way I grew up, or do I get some kind of pay off in the end? Tough questions to ask myself for sure, but in the questioning comes the truth. I come from a long line of worriers. My beloved Mom, Gram, and her sisters were all worriers. Then they raised a next generation of worry warts. I remember when I was kid and I’d hear a family member say something like “I’m going to go visit my sister on Sunday, which is an ordinary conversation. Added with a prayer would be “yes if God spares me, that is. ” There was nothing ordinary about that, I would question “why wouldn’t God spare you, he loves you!” It was a confusing time because then I would worry if that loved one was going to die! Then I would spend my time worrying and praying instead of playing and just being a kid. There’s no wonder I grew up with anxiety, I don’t blame anything or anyone for it. It was a generation of worriers raised by another older generation of the same. Growing up as empathic child was a double edged sword. I could always feel so much love by absorbing the energy around me. Than the alternative was fear, worry, and hate, and emotions so ugly they would wake me up screaming at night. My beloved Mama and my Gram would always protect me from myself. There was lots of prayers, love, and secrecy. As I told them about my dreams, aura colors, and energy I picked up around me. They were my precious protectors and really made me feel safe, even if all I was feeling was uncomfortable. So I question myself endlessly am I the product of my environment or blessed with spiritual gifts? I could let these deep thoughts and emotions overtake me and send me into a swirling vortex and suck me in. Yet I fight against them and just give them a moment of time in my head, and then move on. I owe it to my family to not always feel fear and worry. I don’t want to raise my sons to be afraid of life and all the wonderful things in it. I always have to fight and be vigilant to not let the demons of worry enslave me. I learned a lot from my previous generations of wise elders. I need to have my faith in God, the love of my family, and the believe in myself that I can rise above whatever my fretful mind can worry about. I owe to my family to at least try….

This has been my Sunday confession for Ash at http://morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her blog and all the awesome talent that link up. Smooches. 😘

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In love

I am in love with my husband, we have been together for a long time and he still makes my heart skip a beat. I still get butterflies in my tummy when I make him laugh. Last night we lay in bed talking about how much fun we had at our wedding. It was a blast, a great party, and we didn’t even want to leave but they were shutting down the hall. After 9 years all those memories came flooding back to us and we wanted to relive it all over again. This to me is a gift, to be deeply in love after all the trials and tribulations, we’ve gone through in our years together. He has seen me through the deaths of my Grandparents, my one and only beloved Mom and Dad, and the suicide of my step sister. I have held his hand as he lost his biological Father, his Grandparents, and our best friend Marco who was like our brother, from another Mother. After everything that grief puts you through the heartache, stress, the feeling of being numb while your mind rattles around in your body, we have endured. I have known even when I was 12 years old and the first time I met him, he would be my forever.

“Love…it surrounds every being and extends slowly to embrace all that shall be.”

-Kahlil Gibran

I have grown up believing that things and people don’t last forever. But it’s very important to treat them like they do. We have carved out a wonderful life together, and in that time have had our beautiful sons join our journey. Our oldest who’s bravery, intelligence, and deep capacity to love constantly amaze me. And our youngest who’s life started so early with his premature birth, his courage, his heart, his natural comedic talent, his love for his family and friends moves me to tears. I am so in love and connected with our sons. I knew even in utero that they were meant to join my life. I had my oldest who is Daddy’s boy that would kick me awake as soon as he knew Daddy was home from hockey. And my youngest who is Mommy’s boy, when I was meditating would roll around till he was comfortable and then be completely still. I knew he was listening to my heart beat in perfect synchronicity with his own. I knew and felt this spiritual connection with my sons as my empathic nature does. Yet I feel they are my blessings and my lessons to learn in life. They are mine and my loves children yet they belong to God and the world. I see great things for our sons and by raising them with good morals, values, and a strong work ethic will be our greatest accomplishment. To see them grow up to be kind, genuine, strong, compassionate, loving men will fulfill my life’s purpose. It’s like my favorite philosopher and poet, Kahlil Gibran says in his book The Prophet

“You’re children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They came through you but not from you, and though they are with you, and yet they
do not belong to you.

I read that to my Captain when he was only 2 months old as he looked into my eyes, and I was lost in the depths of wisdom. Very deep I know and I’ve read that passage countless times absorbing a new meaning each time. Sometimes my emotions overcome me by how much I’m in love with my family. They make me better a woman, wife, Mother, and sister. And with that knowledge I can learn to be more in love with myself.

This has been my submission to the lovely http://lindaghill.com Saturday Stream of Conscious thought. Check out what she wrote and all the other talent who link up. Thank you, many blessings to you my dear readers.

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Friday’s Feats and Fails

Well onto to another addition of my week in review. I’m feeling like it’s a fabulous Friday, which is the topic on my Facebook page right now. I love sharing and interacting there, it’s so much fun to celebrate with people through their words and pictures. You
can check it out here if you wish.

https://www.facebook.com/jsackmomblog

So onto my week, it’s almost December now so everything’s speeding by on the speed of light in my world. So let’s catch up shall we?

FEAT

Last Friday was an epic one as I attended the Fleetwood Mac concert, and crossed off my bucket list seeing them with Christine Mcvie. After a 16 year hiatus she joined them on your. She was fabulous, as was the amazing Stevie Nicks, phenomenal Lindsay Buckingham, and incredible John Mcvie, and rocking Mick Fleetwood. Wow, just wow can those seniors ever rock hard!!! Lindsay had a beautiful quote that he shared and it rang in my ears like bells of inspiration.
“We’re just a band who lived, loved, learned, and grown over the years. And that has made us more connected and prolific than ever. I wish I had videoed it but I was lost in the beauty of his words and spirit ❤️

FAIL

Well I was meeting my sister and her friend at the concert, as they were driving up after work. I got to the bank, got McD’s for the kids, (yes I know not the healthiest dinner but convenience and a texture sensitive child made it possible) My family was off to a hockey game so they were dropping me off at the subway. Which my anxious soul wasn’t happy about but I digress, we got lost trying to find the station!!! Do you know what you say to my husband when he’s lost?! Absolutely nothing, not a word, yes I must learn to remember that. 😳 So I quickly texted my friend who lived in the neighbourhood and we found our way. I get on the train, totally out of my empathic comfort zone so I breathe and blog and then I missed my stop!!!!

FEAT

Ahhhh the for the love of God and all that’s holy get me to this concert on time!!! Luckily I pray a lot and my plea was answered, and I made it to my destination. I danced, drank, and got lost in the awesomeness of the Fleetwood Mac vibe. I even got to a concert shirt that wasn’t black or white, but a beautiful blue. My hi light was seeing, hearing, and loving the beauty of Christine Mcvie singing Songbird. And then watching Stevie Nicks sing and dance to Landslide. I was in a puddle of tears as my emotions enveloped me.

FAIL

I haven’t been very connected to my husband as he’s been sick with tonsillitis and sleeping a lot. I miss him and it doesn’t matter if life is clicking along, if I don’t have my soft place to fall with him I’m incomplete. So after a few expletive exchanges due to my jealousy of him going out last night, and I had to drag our kids to an AGM. We’re due for some alone time, so tonight we have a date with Grim and Constantine and a bottle of wine. I really dislike that green eyed monster when he rears his ugly head. I must do more to keep him in check.

FEAT

Well I’m happy to say that my laundry nemesis was my bitch, instead of being hers!!! It feels so good to get all that accomplished before it’s road trip time. I’ve also written over 100 posts on my blog, so here I am doing a happy dance. 💃Things are going well for my Captain at school. He’s been playing soccer after refusing to be the referee. He’s a very gifted player and these kids just didn’t want to be the ref. So being the kind of kid he is, he made peace and took the position to end the bickering. But he wasn’t having any fun because kids on a semi supervised playground, don’t always play by the rules. So picking up the Captain and hearing a positive interaction instead of a negative one is super awesome. 😃 And my Mad dog is back to using the potty after a brief hiatus. So now I’ll celebrate with swimming sensory fun, wine, and hot tub time. It’s time for a hockey road trip, making new friends, and getting to know the other hockey parents. I’ve been so lonely lately and interacting lots of social media. So it will be great to have that and some social activity in reality as well. Cheers to a fabulous Friday and a beautiful weekend ahead. 😘❤️

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This has been my submission to http://morethancheeseandbeer.com check out Ash’s week and all the other talent that link up. 😃

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