Friday Feats and Fails

Wow what a week it’s been, hard to believe it’s almost March! I for one am glad that spring is around the corner. February being the shortest amount of days on the calendar sure feels like the longest month of the year. My parents both passed away in this month. So there’s always that pull of my heart towards connecting with them again. I worked on something that I’m happy to share with you today. So let’s gets to the details and then the fun stuff after. 

FEAT

Hockey fills my weekends so I was able to attend both of my Captains games and they won! The first one was an 8-5 victory and the second was a come from behind win of 4-3. That game was so exciting, the score was tied 2-2 in the second period and then the opposing team scored in the beginning of the third. There was a breakaway and my son’s team mate scores  to tie it up. With some bad bounces it looked like the opposing team might just win, as our team was short handed with a player in the penalty box. With only 15 seconds left in the period our team scores to lead 4-3 with a win. Now it’s semi finals this weekend so I’ll be cheering and wearing my team jersey. Proud hockey Mom in the house!!!

FAIL

My husband went away on business so no one slept well in the household. Without enough sleep we’re like a bunch of toddlers being short tempered with one another. We had a particularly rough morning as my Captain slept in and refused to go to school. So I took him to a councillor to discuss his anger. I didn’t want to argue anymore so we went down to the office and was told they were booked. I said how is that possible you just opened? I didn’t receive a lot of help so I got very vocal and demanded I see someone that day. The worst thing is to turn away someone who’s struggling and tell them to come back the next day and still don’t offer any help. 

FEAT

I really didn’t want my kids to see me get upset but I compared my experience to a car who was running on empty without enough gas in their tank. They understood why I fought so hard for them. I’m always the squeaky wheel getting the grease, and my Dad always said I missed my calling to be a lawyer; on the account I like to argue. I did push to get seen and then an appointment opened up for later that afternoon. 

FAIL

Lack of sleep, is equal to lack of patience and zero desire to clean and organize my home. So the laundry piled up, as well as scrubbing and cleaning. My husband came home and the upstairs was clean minus bathrooms I need to sanitize. I pulled out the couch and discovered a multitude of sins hiding there. So I will be inspired to tackle the rest after hockey. 

FEAT

I’m so proud and happy that a story I wrote got published on the Original Bunker Punk site. As well as being chosen for the #1000 speak compassion movement!!! You can check out my story here. 

 http://originalbunkerpunks.wix.com/originalbunkerpunks#!A-Cup-of-Kindness-by-Jeanine-Lebsack/c1kod/15FA560B-DFDA-420F-AC08-901D7D8D502E

FAIL

I scheduled an appointment for both the Captain and I to talk with a therapist. I’m glad I took that step because we both have been locked in a power struggle and needed some intervention. Mad dog was enjoying playing with the toys and was quite upset to have to leave. He grabbed a box and ended up ripping it, and biting me. It really sucked as I had to pick him up screaming and leave the office. I handled it the best I could but it’s been a very long week and I cried as soon as I got home. While I was preparing dinner my kids went outside to look at the stars. It warmed my heart to know even with a rocky start to our day, we could end it on a positive note. 

FEAT 

I joined this blogging challenge group and I was able to stretch out of my comfort zones with my first assignment. It was a lot of fun and getting some positive feedback on it. You can check it out here. 

http://youtu.be/AA6Yf5SqlmM
I find the more new things I try the better I feel. I have people that ask me how I manage with little sleep, a lot of busy ness, and children who have some special needs. I just don’t think about it, I just do it. And little challenges that push me to see what I’m made of as a writer and entertainer feed my soul. 

FAIL

We had Dr’s appointments scheduled this week and there’s never a fun outing. The Captain had a physical to do and I had to talk him into going. I got chastised for bringing his little brother to the appointment. I told her I didn’t have people, my husband was away on business, and I didn’t have anywhere to take him. I only get respite once a week and it’s so I can have a break. She explained she just couldn’t do a consult with having my youngest there, I told her I understood but where was a supposed to put him on my roof? Professionals just don’t get it, even if they have children. I don’t have babysitters lined up to look after my children whenever I need them. Plus I need to find someone who’s qualified to deal with my Mad dog when he gets sensory overloaded. 

FEAT

I have managed to keep up with my blogging challenge group as well as my Writing 101-Poetry challenge. Emotionally I’ve been detached because I’ve needed to really focus mentally on not sinking into a self induced depression. Missing my parents and there influence in my life is something I have always struggled with. I just keep trying to build that new “normal” around my heart. I actually despise that word and I write some poetry and completed this blogging challenge assignment. You can check it out here. 

http://youtu.be/ZYAiSVZHZbA


And here we are at the end of the week going into the semi finals with hockey, Dr’s and therapists scheduled into the fabric of our lives. Now time to have some fun, prepare for adventures, and start jumping over those obstacles one at a time. Onward and upward my friends, until our next story needs to be written enjoy your weekend. Smooches. 😘

This has been my submission to Ash’s Friday’s Feats and Fails of http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her week and all the other talent that link up. 

My future

I cast my eyes forward watching and waiting with great anticipation.

What by chance do I see waiting and watching on the edge of the precipice?

Do I see hope on the horizon, faith in myself, or disaster looming ahead?

It all depends on my point of view how comfortable I feel in my skin. 

Thinking positively I see help, support, and advice. 

Thinking negatively will lead me to feeling exposed, vulnerable, and protective. 

Will I let down my barriers and allow goodness to pour forth?

Like wine, songs, and poetry enjoyed on a dark night with the moon looming above. 

I hope to conquer my fears and rise up to my challenges. 

Instead of cowering into the mysterious passages of my mind. 

Every soul carries a mystery and misery to their name and sometimes it’s revealed or hidden for all of time. 

I must learn that my heart is still intact even while the words spew forth, like a geyser emptying its contents from the earth. 

It is here where I sit, my mind contemplating, then upright and pacing my heart racing. 

This newness, this peacefulness, this soul’s rebirth. 

This is my attempt at a sonnet, for my Writing 201 Poetry. I pray that this poem won’t have Shakespeare rolling over in his grave with discontent. The prompt is future, the form is sonnet, and the device is chiasmus. 

Writer’s Quotes Wednesday



This has been my submission to https://silverthreading.com. Please check out her inspiration and all the other talent who link up. Thank you. 💓

Pink shirt day

This has been my submission to https://lindaghill.com One liner Wednesday. Today I support anti bullying awareness and advocate for my children always. 💞

Open

Trigger alert: If you’re suffering from any mental health issues pertaining to cutting or suicide. Proceed to read with caution. I discuss both in text openly. 

My life is an open book I’ve acted like I’ve had together but I really don’t. I’ve found out it takes a village to raise a child. And how lonely life can be when you don’t have a village. I’ve been open about not feeling like an adequate parent, good wife, or being a lousy friend. I have retreated into my world of words and writing, and have tried to make sense of the chaos before me. I’ve advocated for mine and my children’s mental health and have been told to hurry up and wait. Last week after an epic blow up between my oldest son and I, I put all my fears aside and phoned the mental office office. I was told to come down between the hours of 11 am to 3 pm and someone would have a meet and greet with me. 

This is how mental health is dealt with in my province. You’re set up to meet with someone who greets you and sees if you meet the criteria for obtaining services. So I went down there last Friday only to be told the Doctors aren’t seeing anymore walk ins today. That’s the worst lunch bag let down for the week. After talking my son into agreeing he does need help I leave empty handed. Today after battling with him to get up and go to school he decides not to go. I can’t deal with it after being up late myself with his brother having nightmares. I go back to bed, only to be woken up and blamed by my oldest for not going to school.

 I tell him just go eat and get dressed you’ll only be a little late. Then the fight begins that I failed him yet again, and he’s not walking into school late! I get a much anticipated call from my respite worker and I end up telling her everything that I didn’t get to tell her yesterday, with both of my children being home. My Captain (my oldest son, if you’re new to my blog) has been off for a week of school. This has been due to a teachers convention and after eight days of constant battling I NEED A BREAK. Yesterday I drive around in a new neighbourhood looking for a birthday party he was supposed to attend. I couldn’t find the location and my GPS was zero help.

 So I only had respite for a short amount of time as I had my youngest at home. I came home feeling defeated and tried to throw myself into busy ness of housekeeping so as to not start yet another arguement. There’s always something brewing on the horizon and then it came time to get ready for hockey practice. I asked my Captain to get his gear ready, while I quietly and quickly got his brother and I ready to go. We were set to leave when the comments started we’re going to be late, I wish Dad was here, I don’t want to go to hockey. I’ve been walking the thin parenting line between crazy and sane and I blew up and said get out and get your gear in the truck. He refused so I threw his bag on the lawn. Then I proceed to chase my youngest son down the block as he just wants to run away from all the noise. In the midst of my incessant parenting tantrum I lose my keys so I’m frantically looking for them.  

I find my back up set but it doesn’t allow me to lock my door with the key. Useless I know but key fobs are expensive to replace. So my crazy train is loaded up and we arrive at practice. Yes we’re five minutes late, and I just want to run away and hide somewhere. On the way home after practice I encounter a near accident as a racing truck passes five vehicles and is on coming into my lane!  I’ve got my music cranked and I’m singing Paradise by the Dashboard light. When the part of the song sung by the female lead Patti Russo comes on and says Stop right there, a voice inside my head screams the same. So I slow down and head towards the ditch just in time to see this truck fly past me and into the other lane. 

I’m literally shaking as I get home and start preparing dinner for my kids. I listen to them outside chatting while they gaze at the stars. Soon it’s bedtime and I settle in trying to process my day.  Thinking about everything crammed in my brain, it took me a long time to stop shaking and fall asleep last night. Hearing the alarm go off at 7 am after maybe four hours of sleep is like a jackhammer in my head. This morning when my son refused to go to school I said fine you don’t go to school then you go talk to a therapist. I arrive at the office only to be told they are full with walk ins. I don’t take this well at all, I complain you told me this last week and now you just opened up and your full? I have and will always be the squeaky wheel who gets the grease so I continue to triade. The receptionist sees I’m not leaving so she phones the office down the hallway to let them know I’m there.  

I walk over there with my shrieking sensory child who just wants to go home and explain I want to see someone. I’m once again told I can’t and to come back tomorrow. Well the quickest way to ignite the Irish fire inside of me is to tell me I can’t do something. This is unacceptable for urgent care should I be a cutter or slit my wrists would that get me seen faster? That line of questioning and behaviour got me seen faster than taking no for an answer. I have a therapist come to meet me who says I have a few minutes of her time. So I proceed to get my kids in the office while they play with Lego. So I tell her the quickest way to get help is to act crazy. She appears taken back at my honesty, so I spew on and say I’m an open book what do you want to know? I introduce her to my kids and proceed to tell her of the life we’re living.

 I’m told I’ve come to the right place, I’m very well versed, and educated. In another time and place had I known if I’d be walking this path to mental health, I would’ve studied to be an neurologist. Anything to do with the brain fascinates me, neurological disorders, psychiatric illness, all the labels and letters associated with mental illness.  I research about them all and I just want to know more. Being educated, articulate, well versed, helps me as an advocate for mine and my children’s mental health helps everyone. Now I walk a different journey to allowing this help to transform my family. From chaos to calm, from anger to happiness, from power struggles to peace. I’ve found the quickest way to get help is to stop acting like I have it altogether. So why do I tell you all this today? Well it’s simple I live my life like a open book, I can’t hide away from it anymore welcome to my book of life. Today I start to write a new chapter of hope, help, and resolution. I really think my guardian angel drinks if I was her I would too. Cheers to you Mom and thank you for saving our lives. ❤️

This has been my submission to Ash’s Sunday Confessions on http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Please check out her story, the anonymous confessions, and all the other talent who link up. Thank you for following along on my journey. 💓

Today I’m linking up with http://silverliningmama.com for her conquer challenge for the month of February. 

Writer’s Quote Wednesday

I love to take walks down by the river where I teach the fine art of skipping stones to my kids. As we enjoy the sun shining and the peace and tranquility of the sounds of skipping and splashing, this poem came to be.

This has been my submission to https://silverthreading.com for Writer’s Quotes Wednesday. Please check out how she inspires me, and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 💓

One liner Wednesday

I’ve been thinking of what inspires me lately and I came across a beautiful quote. I will share it with you today.

“Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I’m not perfect, and I don’t live to be.
But before you start pointing fingers make sure you’re hands are clean.”

-Bob Marley

This powerful quote is my submission to http://lindaghill.com One liner Wednesday. Please check out her talent and all the others that link up. Thank you. 💓

Ode to my Mom

Elizabeth Louise was her name.
Loved by everyone who knew her.
Intrinsically gifted with humour and the gift of gab.
Zealous with her love, honesty, and faith.
Amazing with her glowing light of virtue and trust.
Beautiful beyond measure inside and out.
Eloquently soft spoken with a sharp wit.
Talented, gifted, devoted to the ones she loved.
Heart of gold, my best friend, and heroine of my dreams.

This is a poem for my beloved Mama. She was my gift, to my siblings, and the world. Today I wrote this poem for her as part of my Day 3 Blogging 201 assignment. The word trust was the prompt and in the acrostic form of poetry.

The Journey- A limerick

This journey I will take.
Before my wee heart will break.
Into the vast unknown.
I rise to the challenge
Even though I feel alone.

This is my first attempt at writing a poem in the Irish limerick style. I hope I didn’t offend my Celtic ancestry by doing so. Day 2 of my assignment with Blogging 201-Poetry

Water

I watch my son
Playing in the water, happily
He splashes, dives, and sings.
Pure joy he brings.

This is my first attempt at writing a Haiku since high school. I’m still not sure is its proper, but it brought me happiness to write it. This is my first assignment for Blogging 201Poetry.