Ten Things of Thankful

Here I am for another week of thankfuls. To be honest I had more stress than gratitude last week with my own headspace and my post was “eaten” by my phone’s lack of storage. So here I persevere again and back up my words not to have them disappear into the ethers. Welcome to my favourite Sunday visit with Lizzi’s and the TTOT linkup. 

I’m thankful for my ability to sing, dance and entertain. My pantomime play came to a close last weekend to rave reviews and some sold out appreciative audiences. I got together with a few and my cast to enjoy some laughs, drinks, and socializing. This my first time attending one of their night outs so I was excited to get to know them on stage as well as off. 

I’m thankful for my role as hockey Mom as that morning I was back on the road for my oldest son’s hockey game. I drove through the mountains with my family admiring the beautiful views with my family. With my son’s giggling and singing Wrecking Ball and Shake it off and my dear husband at my side smiling. 

I’m thankful for the beauty of my Canadian landscape as we were traveling.  I took so many pictures on my digital camera I’m sure I could make a photo collage of the picturesque views. The snow capped mountains were so stunning to behold and I got an itch to go skiing again after many years of my gear being dormant. 

I’m thankful for the love and support I received in my real life and online when I asked for my prayers for my son. I was very nervous about a medical test he had to have done and I asked for prayers and positive vibes to be sent his way. Like the superhero he is he did well and now we wait for the results. 

I’m thankful for the love of my family and friends and making new connections. It’s really the exchange of similar energy, mutual respect, and gentle love that sustains and helps me survive to thrive another day. 

I’m thankful for my loving family. I thank them a lot in each post but I honestly could do or experience half the things I do in my life without their support. They lift me up on angel wings when I forget how to soar and fly. 

I’m thankful for my best friend reaching out to me to help me learn to exhale and have faith. She’s beautiful inside and outside and because of her and her encourage by and respect I have grown in faith in myself and my abilities. I couldn’t have asked God for a better gift than her friendship. 

I’m thankful for hugs when I’m lonely, kisses when I’m appreciated, and unconditional love to light up my soul. Respect for myself and others, and faith that can move mountains and has! 

I’m so thankful after a long wait that I got the call of acceptance of community resource services for my son and his special needs. I was in the que for awhile, and my patience, persistence, and ability to keep a cool head paid off in the end. 

I’m so thankful to visit with my family after being homesick. When my company arrived my kids went into a happy dance. They love having their aunt and uncle visit and seeing them talking, interacting, and loving them is such a gift to my heart. Watching then hug my oldest and my brother hold my sweet baby boy while he falls asleep on in his arms has my tears flowing freely with gratitude. 

My little box of memories

I like to think I’m a juxtaposition of a person I can be soft and gentle with my words and actions, and tough and hard when I feel I’m wronged. I was raised to be strong, speak my mind, and stand up for myself. My parents recognized a tenacious spirit in me when I was very young. I have been a right fighter most of my life. Now I ask myself do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy? 

As a child I could stay awake for hours on end while my poor Mom was sleep deprived and living on pots of cast iron tea to function. This is when four tea bags are added to a tea pot and left to steep all day. My Dad worked long hours as a logger and he would be up getting ready for his work day at midnight. I would still be wide awake partying in my crib. 

He would come into my room and tell me it was time to go to sleep and I would wail even louder. As I got older his attempts to put me to bed became more futile as I had language and comprehension. I would say “Daddy you just go away and mind your own business!”He would walk out shaking his head and say “that bloody kid is lucky she’s cute!”

These are the memories I store in my memory box in my mind. My parents died awhile ago and pictures I have in my memory bank are all I have left. I rely on my older siblings recounts of my childhood and a box of slides to preserve these precious moments in time. I remember when I was young how much I loved to set up the projector to have a slide show as all the happy times came to life on the white sheet pinned to the wall of the living room. The pictures would paint a lively account of the trips we took, birthday parties, baseball games, weddings, and church events. 

Now I store my memories in a special box that keep on my beside table. Inside are pictures of my loved ones,their funeral Mass cards, poems, prayers, and trinkets that they gave me. I have the first story that I ever wrote with my Mom and the first song I wrote for her. I have my Dad’s pins from Lion’s club that he was proud to be a member of for over 30 years. I have a pair of earrings and necklace set from my Gram and Grandpa that they gave me for my graduation, and a old travel sewing kit of my Grandpa’s from the war.

 Each time someone I love passes on I add to this little box. It helps me perserve the love I have for them and keep them alive in my heart. I take them out from time to time when I’m feeling low and in need of a lift from angel wings. I hold them, absorbing the love, energy, and every precious memory I have of my time with them. I feel comforted through my tears as they overcome me with emotion flooding my thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

This little box is my gift I give to myself to pick me up when I stumble and forget how to fly. 
This is a special keepsake that I can pass down to my children when it’s my time to have the special things I’ve given them to place in that box. I’ve written them letters of how I became their Mom and the joy that they have given me with that privilege. As for now I open that box and lovingly hold those memories close to my heart so I will never forget the people who made me who I am today with their presence in my life. I thank them for the gift of their love, light, and guidance. 
  

Writer’s Quotes Wednesday with Bewow

Soul searching days have led me to this discovery of my heart and today I share it with you as part of Silver Threading’s Writer’s Quotes Wednesday with Bewow

  

One Liner Wednesday’s

It’s been awhile since I jumped aboard this train of thought. This is mine as part of One Liner Wednesday’s . Please checkout all the inspiration that comes together on Wednesday’s. 

Today I’m sharing that there’s no instruction manuals for raising children. Thankfully there’s plenty of places to learn, research, and gather more tools for your toolbox. 

Monday Musings-hiding in plain sight

Life has a way of catching up on you without you realizing. Whether you’ve been eating unhealthy, sleep deprived, or skipping out on daily workouts. All the above has happened to me I’ve been dealing with death, disillusionment, and deadlines. It started out as a way to protect my heart, my family, and just not wanting to deal with the sadness of it all. 
I found it difficult to concentrate on anything so I just kept putting my head down and plowing through life. The late night spent reading, researching, and staring at the moon and asking for answers to life’s mysteries has taken their toll. I had to take a backseat as I felt like my emotions were in the drivers seat. I had to share more than I wanted as I walked away from my business, ignored emails, and my accountability fitness group. I protected myself and put my attention  into my family and my passion and dedication to my theatre group. 

This hasn’t been the first time I put my grief on hold. There’s many times when the pain I felt as an emotional reaction and the empathic aftermath of the grief of others has sent me into a tailspin. You wouldn’t know it to look at me. I got up and got my kids off to school, folding my ever flowing laundry baskets, and made my daily phone calls to family and friends to inform them of the sad news. I had to cut of communication with a family member who’s need for greed was too much for me to bear. Yet I continued to pray that their heart and mind would change. Death doesn’t always bring out the best in people. It’s a rude awakening to see it happening right before my eyes and being powerless to change it. 
Every night for eight shows you’d seen me bright and shining on stage with my cast of our pantomime play. I only told three people how I was really feeling and then dry my tears and put my makeup on and carry on. We had boisterous sold out crowds and small appreciative ones who’s interaction with the pantomime play was as entertaining as the acting itself. 
On our final show I was backstage at intermission and everyone was running around signing each other’s programs and making efforts to keep in touch and it struck me like a thunderbolt, that this was my lifeline. These people, the script, costumes, heart to to heart chats whispering back and forth were my way of divinely grieving. I was honouring my loved one by continuing to live! I had dove headfirst into something that gave me a chance to escape and in the process I was healing my heart. I didn’t realize it until I looked around the room and saw those smiling beautiful faces. It thrilled me to have this ephiphany and I wrote something quickly in my notes so I could cherish this moment for always. Today I share it with you and I hope my words bring you some inspiration about finding your passion in life. Thank you never seems like enough to say so to exude those feelings of gratitude is even more special to me. 
  

  
Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.

Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and link to this post.

Add your link to the linky which you will find either here and on the post of a co-host.

Use our #MondayMusings badge to help other bloggers join in too.

Today I link up with #Mondaymusings hosted by Richa Singh and Vidya Sury thank you for having me in your linkup today. 

Writer’s Quotes Wednesday and #Bewow

I was flipping through my camera role looking for outdoorsy photos. I came across so many pictures of my kids, adventures we had taken, and special moments shared. The one I chose was this autumn picture taken from my favourite spot in my backyard. I lay out in my lounger chair and look up at this tree sharing my thoughts and feeling comforted and protected by its presence and beauty. 

This is a submission to Writer’s Quotes Wednesday  from Siver Threading and #BewowWriter’s Quotes Wednesday and Be a Wonderful Writer check out all the talent pouring forth from that creativity cup. 😃

  

My two year journey sharing one story at a time

Well another busy week has passed and low and behold I see this message from WordPress that it’s my two year anniversary of creating my blog. Time sure flies when you’re writing I hadn’t intended to immerse myself in my words as I started out publishing once a month. Now I’ve created unknowingly an online journal for my children.
There may be things here that may be hard for them to digest. Writing of my worries for them but also my joy for their successes and achievements. I write for me and my beloved Mama who’s influence in my life is immense and who started me on the path of my love of words. I only wish she could read them from beyond heaven and earth, no matter what though I know she feels pride.

She had always told me that I would do big things someday and I truly thought that would happen when I became a Mom. I see the path I travel with my children being their advocate and educating everyone in a five mile radius about special needs, neurological disorders and different abilities. If I had known what I know now I would’ve become a neurologist. Yet here I am fascinated with neuroscience and becoming a walking medical dictionary.
I take that as a great compliment and I credit my Mom and my love of research and having a photographic memory. Without even knowing it I’ve created a space here to share, vent, and make sense of my life. I write to express the chaotic thoughts that run with through my hamster like mind. I write to feel comfortable in my skin. There’s times where I leave myself feeling naked and vulnerable with my words upon the digital page.
Yet at the same time relieved that I don’t have to be suffocated with the feeling of them needing to come to life. My one goal last year was to be published. I made that happen first on a website and next for an international magazine! The one thing I wanted more than ever was to see my words in a book and that will be a dream becoming a reality before Christmas!
One of my essays was chosen to be in a book titled Lose The Cape-Never Will I Ever and Then I had kids. I will be featured as a contributor  with another thirty writers sharing our stories. This is a book I’m really proud to be part of and promote. The book is available for preorder on Amazon on Dec. 7 th. 

Amazon Link-Lose The Cape-Never Will I Ever Then I Had Kids

Amazon Link-Lose The Cape Book 1-Realities from Modern day Moms and Strategies to Survive

The Lose the Cape team has been a incredible gift in my life. They have taught me that I’m super just the way I am, and I don’t need a cape to prove it! So cheers to two years of blogging and finding myself and sharing my heart one story at a time.

 

Monday Musings-normal is relative to weird

 

What feels normal to you? Is it fitting in with the crowd, wearing clothes that are in style, or using a trending hashtag? Are you meant to blend in with the crowd or stick out like a sore thumb? I was always the later in my childhood days. The more I tried to fit in with the popular crowd the more I stood out. I’ve been called strange, weirdo, drama queen, and a worry wart. I wasn’t meant to be in the popular crowd morphing into something I’m not. I was born to shine and be my unique self.

I don’t believe there’s enough of that in today’s world. Most of society is convinced to buy the newest electronic device, wear the latest brand name, and listen to the most popular band. There was a word for these people when I was in high school, they were called sheep. This wasnt something I would judge because we’re all looking for validation in some way or another.

It’s lonely being the one without the big group of friends and on everyone’s social list. It also wasn’t something I strived to be either I found the pressure to be excepted by the cool kids was to immense for my fragile ego. I still don’t gravitate to that in my life. What’s the point of transforming your beautiful, unique self into someone that you don’t recognize nor respect. I walked this path once while my clothes were ridiculed, my hair style was criticized, and I sat there getting makeup applied with a heavy hand to my face. All I wanted to do was impress a boy and I ended up walking away from it all and the insanity and holding my self esteem intact.

After that brief experience of doubting myself I knew I had to work even harder on loving and excepting myself. As soon as I knew who I was other people would want to know too. In the first time in a very long time I feel comfortable in my skin. I laugh at my own jokes, break into song when I feel the urge, and I dance to the beat of my drum. This is who I’m comfortable being and how I raise my kids to be. I’ve lived my life with the philosophy of believing in myself and honouring that child that my parents brought into the world. Every time I let insecurities take their toll my soul dies a little. Normal is relative to weird and I’m ok with that.

This is my submission to #Mondaymusings from Write Tribe hosted by her and co-hosted by Vidya Surry. If you’d like to join in here’s the instructions

Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. . Make it as personal as possible.
Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and link to this post.
Add your link to the linky which you will find either here and on the post of a co-host.
Use our #MondayMusings badge to help other bloggers join in too.

Ten Things of Thankful

  
I’m back for another week of thankfuls after missing my chance to post by falling asleep before the linkup expired! You know you’re sleepy when you fall asleep writing. Usually it’s the opposite the words pouring out of my brain to my digital paper keep me awake. Tonight won’t be any different as I replay my week and share my thankful moments positive or negative. Thank you to the TTOT gang to have a place to ruminate, reflect and replay my bucket full of thankfuls. 
This has been a rough week I’ve had a death in my family, four theatre performances, and a lot of appointments. I’ve been emotionally and physically exhausted and fell off my workout scheduled. All I’ve been able to do is exchange it for yoga and meditation. This is the second death to hurt my heart in six months and I feel the need to hide away for awhile and heal my wounds. But alas my life’s not designed in the way so I just take a break from things that I don’t have the energy for. I’m thankful that I’ve realized I can do that without any guilt to weigh me down. 

My son had a polysonogram sleep study last month and I’ve recently got the results that he has severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I knew this before the test was done as I’ve been walking this path with him for nearly two years! I’m so thankful that I found someone to help him finally! He was seen by the first ENT who said his tonsils were fine and he just had a long tongue and there wasn’t anything he could do for my son surgically. 

  Fast forward to 7 months later and I know his medication regimen has shrunk his swollen tonsils but he will require surgery. I’m so thankful for the new ENT that will be performing the surgery. His office administrator was amazing to me as she explained the procedures and what to expect before and after surgery. My son will also require further testing of an EKG to rule out seizures, and an MRI to measure his brain size for his developmental challenges. I’ve called these his invisible forces you can’t see them until they come out in his behaviour. Even though my sweet boy has a lot to endure for his tender age of four he still smiles, lives life with a gusto, and loves with all his being! I’m so thankful for his tenacity and inner strength that inspire me daily to be better and advocate more for him and his brother. Life throws me curve balls and I’m thankful that I’ve been able to knock them out of the park. I’m only one Mom with an amazing support team and for that my gratitude is endless. 

I have another passion in life besides reading, writing, and fitness  and that is theatre. I’ve been so blessed to become part of an amazing cast in the  pantomime Beauty and the Beast. We’ve had four performances this week with a sold out show today! I love being part of this very talented cast of all ages with the camaraderie we share on stage and backstage. This is my theatre family who make me laugh, cry, and feel grateful to have this connection. I’m so thankful to be able sing, dance, and entertain and put some happiness in some sad hearts- including my own. 

I’ve been keeping up with my book writing and I joined up for Nanowrimo (National November Writing Month) I’ve enjoyed finding writing buddies to encourage me and my own local region that keep me inspired with my daily word count. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to write out the pain that engulfs me and to let it go in print. Being busy has got me further behind with my word count but I’m thankful that I still have some time to catch up. 

Through all of this worry, stress, and grief I have my family holding me up when I feel I will fall. I stumble from time to time and they’re always there to lift up my heart again. Death is difficult, I don’t see the final goodbye to life as a beginning at first. I need time to process it as I think about all that I’ve lost in the last ten years and I’m overcome with emotion. I’m thankful for these dark nights of my soul as they help me appreciate the sunshine in my life. I would be lost without my loves who are my greatest support and the best cheerleaders to be blessed with. 

I’m thankful for a place to share and I thank you for letting me pour it all out here. I write to make sense of things in my life, and to feel less scared. I truly believe that each story I give birth to helps me to heal one fragment of my heart at a time. For that I’m thankful and feel so blessed. 

Writer’s Quotes Wednesday

My submission to Writer’s Quotes Wednesday touches me deeply with my struggle of sinking or swimming through another tidal wave of grief and disillusionment. I pray that I will persevere by the grace of God as I’m no stranger to this pain. ❤️