Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Monday Musing-Riding the grief wave

I look at my reflection in the mirror and I’m a mixed tumble of messy emotions.  I don’t feel sad or cry everyday and there’s bursts of enthusiasm for life and all the wonderful things that make me happy. My family, friends, reading, writing, and creating something from nothing. Whether that’s in my kitchen or my craft room making something fills my happy bucket. 

Last year I suffered the loss of three special people in my life and just when I feel I’m dealing with my grief someone else dies! What do you do when you’re grieving during the month of love? Sometimes I can feel these emotions ebbing and flowing like the tides towards my heart. I can catch it in time or let it wash over me and fill me with overwhelming love or sadness. 

Sometimes it’s a mixture of both as this month has been difficult for me since the death of my parents. Seven years ago for my dearest Dad and five for my beloved Mama I had to say goodbye. Their leaving has left a huge hole in my heart in the shape of their love. I’ve done my best to live around that hole and create a new “normal.” Sometimes I succeed and then the grief wave threatens to pull me under again. Under the water where I’m drowning in emotion and struggling to breathe with the weight of my tears. 

I’ve been in counselling a lot of my life. I started when I was twelve in family therapy then continued on into adulthood. I still see someone when the urge arises and he thinks I need to deal with my grief instead of just trying to survive it. In the last ten years of my marriage my husband and I collectively had to say goodbye to ten loved ones. In the seven years since my Dad, step sisters, and my Mom’s deaths I’ve been in grief recovery in some form of another. Whether it was journaling, actively seeing a therapist, or in a support group. 

I’ve learned a lot about myself and I even wrote up a timeline of my happy and sad times in my life to track my triggers. The happiness is about feeling loved and discovering something new. The sadness always centres around a death in my life since I was three years old. I was born to older parents so I was around older people in my family tree. To me this was my life not anything unusual until I went to school and my friends parents were the same age as my older siblings! That was a shock as I never thought about all these special people leaving me. 

Some may say that dealing with death so young prepared me for the path I need to take to resilience. I have questioned my own mortality, mourned for a a young life snuffed out by tragic circumstances, and have wrote out my living will to prepare my family. I’ve learned a lot during this time of self reflection and pain yet still feel like there’s more to discover. As I carve out a new “normal” and live around this void in my heart. I keep taking it one step, one breath, one journey at a time. With all that I have lost I’ve gained more love, perspective and appreciation; for all the people who have touched my life on this earthly and heavenly plane and for that I’m grateful. 

It’s time for #MondayMusings and it’s being co-hosted by Everyday Gyaan and The Philosopher’s Stone
Would you like to take part in #MondayMusings?

Here’s how it works:
Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.

Use the hashtag #MondayMusings.

Add your link to the linky which you will find on Everyday Gyaan and on the post of a co-host.

Use our #MondayMusings badge to encourage other bloggers join in too.

Visit and comment on the posts of other bloggers linked here.

Share the love.

  

  

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Pause 

There are moments in time I’d like to freeze as my children are growing up so fast. One tells me I’m the mayor of Crazy Town (in our household it’s a real place) the other asks me such interesting questions about the Mir space station and will Steve Harvey ever host a Miss America pagent again? 

I still remember when they were babies and the circumstances that led up to me bringing them into the world. One two days late and long and skinny and purple as Barney the dinosaur. The cord was wrapped around his neck and his head was too wide to engage down into the birth canal. He had the brightest eyes and watched my every move as fascinated with me as I was with him. Oh how I loved him I knew he was waiting for me all along. 

I have to pause that moment when he squeezed my finger and looked up into my eyes as it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Now he’s 4″8 and soon will be height at nine years old and towering over me by the time he’s licenced to drive. His little brother made his scary and rapid appearance before I had a chance to prepare for it. I knew nothing about early onset labor and all that will follow having a premature baby. 

I have to press play on my memory bank as those two weeks of having my baby in the hospital NICU are a blur of emotions. He came into the world sleeping the OBGYN actually woke him up as he cut him out of me and lifted him over top of the blue sheet. He was like a little loaf of bread all curled up and he made this meowing sound and I burst out laughing. I looked at my husband and said “did our baby just meow?”

Then the whole OR started laughing and it broke the thick as ice tension with the seriousness of my son’s early arrival. He was such a mystery to me and didn’t open up his eyes for five days. Then when he did I felt like I could see all the wonders of the world. My baby had an old soul and he looked at me as if to say it’s ok Mom I’ve done this before. 

The love I had in that moment enveloped me like a warm mist floating through me and all around as I was lost in the swirling rainbow of emotions. I have to pause that moment in time as everything I read about Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet came flooding back to me. 

Your children are not your children.

They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not of you. 

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

For such a young little life he had this wisdom about him and I was captured by it. When we brought him home he conpleted our family with his gentleness. It took him two more weeks to find his voice as he was quiet and serious. It was like he was taking every moment in of his new world and didn’t want to miss a minute of it to sleep. We settled into our family of four and I went into grief recovery as my Mom had died five weeks prior to my baby’s birth. 

I felt so much guilt because I loved her so much I couldn’t hold onto my pregnancy. I wanted to pause the last moment I had with her as I told her we were expecting again. The warmth in her hands as she squeezed mine, and the glow in her eyes was my most cherished moment with her. 

I know she watches over my children and wants our greatest gift to be our happiness. Cuddling with my husband while watching our kids entertain us with their antics these are the moments I’d love to pause and hold them in their youth a little longer. 

This had been my Stream of Consciousness Saturday with Linda G Hill as part of Just Jot January posting everyday for the month. Today’s prompt was the word pause. 

  

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Monday Musings Worry

Waiting for days on end for news that I’m praying will be positive instead of negative. I watch my son’s behaviour to indicate if he’s having seizures and I’m missing out on documenting them. My mind can go in a thousand different directions without hearing any results for a month. And trust me it has, is this how my life is supposed to be in constant worry for his health? 

I never knew when I rubbed my belly at eight months protecting him from the news of my Mom’s death that I would be in this state of mind now. I never knew with him arriving at thirty-six weeks we would encounter all these medical issues. I wasn’t prepared for my one and only Mom’s death, nor ready to to give birth prematurely. 

I went home from the hospital reeling with grief while my baby had to stay behind in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive care unit) I had a four year old son and a husband that needed me and I felt so torn. All I wanted was my Mom to hold me and tell me everything would be alright. But I didn’t have her then and I don’t have her now. 

Being a special needs parent feels a lot like venturing out on a lonely road to find my happy, peaceful place in my mind and body. A lot of the time reading and researching helps so I know how to approach Dr’s and specialists with my questions. What is the reason that my son’s Global Developmentally Delayed, why does he struggle so much with basic concepts of visual spatial relations and verbal fluency with his conversational speech? 

Why does he suffer with anxiety, OCD, and possibly ADHD behaviours?  I’m told he was born early so he would be delayed to reach his developmental milestones. Which is half true he sat up and crawled later then his peers, but walked early and ran laps around me by the time he was fifteen months. Yet there are challenges, his speech was delayed, he had a high threshold to pain, but a weaker immune system and was sickly as a baby. 

Life has turned into a system of checks and balances he’s been tested for genetic disorders, allergies, and I’ve completed many developmental questionnaires. To date he’s had a polysonogram and an EEG that will be followed by an MRI and surgery to help improve his severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea Disgnosis. He has a wonderful therapy team that is helping him succeed so I question myself what do I have to worry about? 

I worry for his future will he hold down a job, graduate and go to college, meet someone special and fall in love? What will it be like when he does and he gets his heart broken? How will he cope with his anxiety, how will I? Will he still be living with us or in assisted living? I pray he will be continue to be his own success story as I cheer every accomplishment he makes. The latest is remembering words to the Christmas carols he practiced in preschool. As well as being able to sing Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes while performing the actions. 

When we would sing that song before he’d get so confused and start yelling and putting his hands over his ears to block out all the excess information flooding his brain. I had to explain to his preschool teachers that the song irritated and I think even scared him. It broke my heart to see his reaction so after three months of therapy he can sing the song with a smile on his face. Then I think you don’t have anything to worry about he’ll be fine. I’ve heard this from well meaning people in my life and I always say he will be with the proper early intervention in his life. 

The call I’ve been waiting for finally came in today after waiting for thirty long days! The results were great there’s no seizure activity but his brain will need to be assessed at his MRI. So I arm myself with Teflon encased around my heart, cover myself in prayer and I realize I’m not emotion or bullet proof but I have God and a wonderful support network on my team. I will help my son get through this with love, acceptance, and prayer. I’m a warrior, and I love homand I may get knocked down with worry but I will always get back up ready to fight. 

It’s time for #Mondaymusings and all you have to do is this list of things. 

Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.
Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and link to this post.
Add your link to the linky which you will find either here and on the post of a co-host.
Use our #MondayMusings badge to help other bloggers join in too. Write Tribe is going through some maintenance so it will be hosted at a different website for a few weeks. 
Today’s Monday Musings is co-hosted by Crazy Little Family Adventure and Everyday Gyann please check out their posts and all the other talent that link up. 

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Miss 

What did I miss today with my head in the clouds or my nose in a book? Sometimes life travels at the speed of light and I have to slow things down and appreciate those moments that might pass me by. 

It feels wonderful to unplug and feel the smooth pages of my next adventure to get lost in. I can go to any coffee shop, restaurant, or theatre and find people with faces in their phone scenery. When I look up at the sky and see the endless possibilities as the sun sets to signal the end of a day. 
Or the beauty of a sunrise as I’m traveling down the road to my next destination. Feeling that sun kiss my face and bathe in it’s stunning glow is a gift from heaven. I can read, write, and wax poetic about this feeling yet to experience it puts all my efforts to shame. I will miss experiencing my children’s giggles as they entertain each other with their antics on a long road trip when we’re awake before the sun. 

I have to look up and see the tapestry of my life that I’ve woven carefully with each golden thread. Friends that smile and wish you all the best and reach out to me and I feel that happiness. What will I miss if I give into my fears and let the anxiety overwhelm me into tears. I would miss that special moments between my love and I those conversations that help me when I want to cry. 

Life is too short to keep my head down and try to escape. When I look up I can see smiles instead of judgement. It’s easy to get lost and think it’s all in my head. When I get too introspective and have nothing but dread. 

This stream of conscious thought has turned into something more. Free running thoughts untangling themselves from the jumble in my mind to turn into poetry or prose. It all feels the same as when the feeling takes over and I’m held captive with how healing my words have become.

 These mindful moments have taught me to look up instead of down, look within instead around. Let love heal you, when you’d rather run and hide. You’ll never know what you’ll miss if you give into foolish pride. 

This Saturday stream of conscious thought is from the lovely Linda G Hill. Today’s word prompt is miss and this is my version as I write on a family road trip. Thanks for journeying with me today as I clear out the cobwebs of my mind. 

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#Monday Musings-knocking from the inside

 There are times that I’ve felt like no one is listening while I knock on the door to success. Is it because I’m pinning all my hopes and dreams on that door opening? Or did I just forget the formula to achieve it? A lot of time it’s my own self limiting beliefs that are holding me back. I take stock of my life every time someone I love dies. There’s really no better time to make changes and have them have creedence. 

I knew that I wanted to see my name in print so after my cousins death last year shortly before Christmas I wrote out my goal list. On there was my first goal to live life to its fullest, believe in myself, and share my writing. I ended up published for the first time on the Original Bunker Punks website and then I had a dream and wrote about it. As it took me away from the pain and grief of all I have lost of the last seven years. 

  
That dream was a blessing to me as the words ebbed and flowed with my fingertips transporting to a place that was so beautiful and esoteric in nature. I knew as soon as I finished I would have to share this dream that clawed it’s way out of my sleep deprived mind. I was encouraged to submit it to a magazine and it was published. 

To see my name in a by line of a popular magazine was proof that I was believing in myself and I was living life to it’s fullest. I write for myself, for the words that spin and swirl like a tornado in my mind, and most of all for my beloved Mama who still helps me on angels wings. It’s a joy and a privledge to be able to share this story with you here about the Voyage of Discovery

I’m in a habit of making my dreams come true when I can beat back the anxiety monster that threatens me and tells me “I’m not good enough no one would ever read anything you wrote!” I’m proud to look at my story framed on the wall beside a picture of my beautiful Mom. She had always wanted me to grab the opportunities presented to me with a gusto. Now I feel beyond blessed that that my words are being shared and appreciated out there in the interwebs. 
I still have the list of goals keeping me accountable and after a few more publications I decided to try my hand at book writing. I signed up for Nanowrimo and wrote with a flourish then another death in my family sidelined me and my efforts. I dove into my theatre commitments and continued writing with a vengeance to catch up on my word count in my quiet time. Only to have my phone storage delete my 10,000 words! 

I don’t see this as a failure just a set back and I’ll continue writing as my story needs to be told. After a few more publications, guest posts, and seeing my writing being appreciated I set the bar higher. The other thing on my goal list is I wanted to come to fruition was I wanted to be in a book. I chose my opportunity carefully as I wanted to stay true to myself and write something that I would want to read. I’m blessed beyond belief to be a proud contributor to a book anthology with some other amazing collaborators! 

  
I read and reviewed the first book in the Lose The Cape series with the editors and the talented authors Alexa Bigwarfe and Kerry Rivera. I felt I had found the answer to my prayers! I had judged myself for not being  super Mom and this book delivered validation to me for the first time I became a parent. After I read it and put my review up I thought I want to be in their next book. 

  
Well I believe in the power of intention and the law of attraction and once you put those kind of thoughts out in the universe magic happens. Now as the year comes to a close soon I’ve accomplished that goal. The next instalment in the Lose The Cape series will be released on Dec. 9 th and there’s an exciting giveaway going on at their website. As I reflect back on my list of goals I realized all that time that I was knocking on the door to success I was knocking from the inside. And now that door is wide open and there’s no stopping me now! 

It’s time for #Mondaymusings and all you have to do is this list of things. 

Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.

Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and link to this post.

Add your link to the linky which you will find either here and on the post of a co-host.

Use our #MondayMusings badge to help other bloggers join in too.

The co-hosts today are Risha Singh and Rashmi Karthik (Happy birthday to her today!). Do read, comment and share on their posts too.

The quote that inspired this post. Found on the Facebook page Rumi.

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Monday Musings-hiding in plain sight

Life has a way of catching up on you without you realizing. Whether you’ve been eating unhealthy, sleep deprived, or skipping out on daily workouts. All the above has happened to me I’ve been dealing with death, disillusionment, and deadlines. It started out as a way to protect my heart, my family, and just not wanting to deal with the sadness of it all. 
I found it difficult to concentrate on anything so I just kept putting my head down and plowing through life. The late night spent reading, researching, and staring at the moon and asking for answers to life’s mysteries has taken their toll. I had to take a backseat as I felt like my emotions were in the drivers seat. I had to share more than I wanted as I walked away from my business, ignored emails, and my accountability fitness group. I protected myself and put my attention  into my family and my passion and dedication to my theatre group. 

This hasn’t been the first time I put my grief on hold. There’s many times when the pain I felt as an emotional reaction and the empathic aftermath of the grief of others has sent me into a tailspin. You wouldn’t know it to look at me. I got up and got my kids off to school, folding my ever flowing laundry baskets, and made my daily phone calls to family and friends to inform them of the sad news. I had to cut of communication with a family member who’s need for greed was too much for me to bear. Yet I continued to pray that their heart and mind would change. Death doesn’t always bring out the best in people. It’s a rude awakening to see it happening right before my eyes and being powerless to change it. 
Every night for eight shows you’d seen me bright and shining on stage with my cast of our pantomime play. I only told three people how I was really feeling and then dry my tears and put my makeup on and carry on. We had boisterous sold out crowds and small appreciative ones who’s interaction with the pantomime play was as entertaining as the acting itself. 
On our final show I was backstage at intermission and everyone was running around signing each other’s programs and making efforts to keep in touch and it struck me like a thunderbolt, that this was my lifeline. These people, the script, costumes, heart to to heart chats whispering back and forth were my way of divinely grieving. I was honouring my loved one by continuing to live! I had dove headfirst into something that gave me a chance to escape and in the process I was healing my heart. I didn’t realize it until I looked around the room and saw those smiling beautiful faces. It thrilled me to have this ephiphany and I wrote something quickly in my notes so I could cherish this moment for always. Today I share it with you and I hope my words bring you some inspiration about finding your passion in life. Thank you never seems like enough to say so to exude those feelings of gratitude is even more special to me. 
  

  
Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.

Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and link to this post.

Add your link to the linky which you will find either here and on the post of a co-host.

Use our #MondayMusings badge to help other bloggers join in too.

Today I link up with #Mondaymusings hosted by Richa Singh and Vidya Sury thank you for having me in your linkup today. 

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#Monday Musings-Rejection

She stared at the words on her phone screen goodbye as her tears started to fall and the words blurred into a black squiggly mess. It’s how some people choose to communicate breaking up, getting fired, and ending friendships via text. It’s how disconnected and disingenuous our world has become when this is thought of as an appropriate form of communication. And yet knowing this didn’t stop the pain that she felt as the reality crashed down on her like a ton of emotional back logged sludge. Any way you slice the rejection pie it hurts. 

Goodbye-it seemed so easy to say after many years of a childhood friendship that ends in tatters and torment from one persons choices. She couldn’t understand the finality of those words but as days turned into weeks, and weeks into months it became abundantly clear. How was she supposed to break away from those feelings of guilt for stating an opinion, questions that were mistaken for judgement, how did she become enemy #1 when she had been supportive for so long? 

She wrestled with her own guilt and remorse for things spoken and not said. For all those times when death came knocking on ones door taking a loved one and how that friendship remained loyal and steadfast and supportive through those dark times. When she became so wrapped up in her own grief that she couldn’t breath through the tightness in her chest and her scalp where even her hair began to hurt! 

She was no stranger to grief as she had to say goodbye to her Grandparents, followed by the deaths of her Father and step sister who left the world in sickness and confusion. There was no one to save them from Cancer or a broken soul that couldn’t take the pain of living in the world any longer. Where she could still hear the incessant sound of the PSP pump when it ran out of morphine that was allowing her dear Dad to go gentle into that goodnight. A month after in her tear stained, grief encased fog she was met with the news of the suicide that her step sister took to end her pain. This death so fresh, shocking, and regrettable when the path of her existence of loss and devastation was to great to bear. She began to question what life was all about, how would she survive when her heart felt like it was literally broken in two, and how would she continue to get out of bed and raise her child? 

At one time there were loving arms to wrap around her as the death of her Mother brought her to a halt. When words failed her and she sang so loud and proud on the final day of goodbye that even heaven could hear her. Then after the song stopped and she closed her mouth the tears flowed and the grief wall overtook her like lava from an erupting volcano and burned up her heart. She couldn’t walk without assistance as her bulging pregnant belly and aching hips gave in to the world of loss around her. Words spilled out of her mouth but could find no meaning as they became fear infused stuttering. 

Somehow she managed to carry on and walk that path of hopelessness and loss and raise her children and live to face another day. She had successes, job transfers, losing and loving new friends that entered her life. Each move felt like another form of painful ending mixed with the excitement of a new beginning. So much so that she didn’t know if she really was coming or going in the chaotic existence she had carved out for herself. 

How did she say goodbye to a thirty year friendship, she didn’t have a choice she just had to let it go and grieve another loss in her life as her heart bled on the page once again…

  Today I share this with the #Mondaymusings link up hosted by Corinne of Write Tribe and co-hosted by Philosophers Stone

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*Image used with permission from http://www.bravegirlsclub.com and found on their Facebook page hehttps://www.facebook.com/BraveGirlsClub/photos/a.143945461409.136897.138801301409/10153709766621410/?type=3re

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#Mondaymusings-Thanksgiving

   This is a special day to me the day I celebrate how thankful I am on my Canadian Thanksgiving. It doesn’t take a lot of practice to be thankful, but it takes a lot of self control to not be negative and stop complaining. I took a 21 day stop complaining challenge that my lovely friend invited me to. I learned more about myself and my knee jerk trigger reactions to daily life in 3 weeks, than I would’ve just allowing myself to complain. You can read about it here.  I felt more empowered after I completed the challenge to do more loving acts of kindness, be more positive , and to stop complaining! 

I now focus on being thankful for my blessings and remind myself to complain less. I’m finding with each thing that irks me I become mindful and just breathe and then will myself to let it go. It makes me feel so much more in control of my emotions instead of letting them control me. My relationship with my children has become closer and better because I’m focusing on hearing them out then just jumping to conclusions and complaining. 
I read something awhile back in a parenting workshop about how to miss a childhood, and one thing that stood out to me was not listening to your children. As the days went by where I was keeping myself accountable to stop my endless complaining I began to really listen. I’m a talker I like to use different tones and inflections in my voice so to just listen was a feat in itself! The more I did though, the more I connected with my son’s, and the more they wanted to connect with me. 

I have always been a right fighter and needed to have the last word. In my marriage that has led to difficult times. I always tended to blame my childhood as I’m the youngest of six. Growing up as the youngest I didn’t always feel my voice was heard without yelling and fighting. But the sad truth is I’ve been in denial I just wanted to be simply be right and validated.  As I became more mindful of this trigger my marriage changed for the better. More love, more patience, and more respect were infused in my thoughts, words, and actions was the result. 

I began to listen more and talk less, and it changed me from always needing to be right and have the last word. I won’t kid myself and say this isn’t a struggle some days. It’s been a large part of my life and I won’t change overnight. I’m confident though that I will change daily. Because I’m so thankful for my family they lift me up when my heart’s hurting, and love and forgive me when I don’t feel I deserve it. I’m so thankful that I am a strong personality to contend with because I don’t back down, and that has served me well with advocating for my children. 

They’re starting to see a gentler, more mindful Mom than a screaming, complaining banshee of a torment. I’m not proud of those moments when I’ve let the crazy train run off the rails. I am proud that I’ve taken the steps to change that from promoting and participating in my self care. I exercise more, and panic less. I meditate more and hold my breath less. I’m thankful for the calm that can full my days if I allow it to. I’m thankful for this rebirth of me and my loves, my country, and this Thanksgiving day. ❤️

Today I’ve linked up with Everyday Gyaan co-hosted by Kalidescope as part of Write Tribes #Mondaymusings. This is what I was musing about today, thank you for stopping by. 😊

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Writer’s Quotes Wednesday 

  The Walk

 

This is my contribution to http://silverthreading.com Writer’s Quotes Weednesday. I was watching and waiting for some inspiration and this prose came to be. Please check out her gift and all the other talent who link up. Thank you. 💗

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I got my eye on you

I peek out from behind my pillow and I say I can see you peekaboo. And I’m met with the most beautiful smile and infectious laughter. We’ve been playing this game since my son was a baby. It never gets old as I add in puppets, different voices, and stuffed animals to join the party. His favourite thing to do now is put on a puppet show for our family. We sit down on the couch eagerly awaiting whatever joyful exuberance he has woven together. “Ladies and gentleman today we’re here for Mickey’s play house puppet show!” 

 
The happiness I see on his face as he jumps wildly in the air from his mini trampoline fill my heart to the brim. He uses different characters and voices to entertain. How he plays, acts, and draws you in with his cute little voice sounding like a soprano when female, and then low and guttural when he switches characters to masculine. He is living in themoment and you can’t help but get swept up in his love of drama and all things Disney. One moment he’s singing the Hot Dog, hot diggity dog song next he’s singing Let it go at the top of his lungs! My son’s joy is music he lets it fill him up with the tones, lyrics, and rhythm. 

  

   Having fun trying on Dad’s goalie helmet. 😃💛 

He picks out music patterns quicker than any other child his age. Something that his former music teacher was astounded by. It didn’t surprise me though music is a beautiful sensory experience. And one thing my son knows how to do is enjoy any positive sensory experience he can. So peekaboo never gets old as I pop around corners and say “I’ve got my eye on you, peekaboo.” He will pop out the pantry, underneath a blanket, or from behind a couch cushion. He lives for the surprise, joy, and play. He will curl up in my lap and will ask me to sing him a song. I’ll start the first few bars of Twinkle, twinkle and he’ll finish it. I love hearing his sweet gentle voice, that rises and falls, with the flow of the music. 
  

My son will ask me for his favourite tune which he calls the “Yes song.” Most of you know it by Meatloaf’s You took the words right out of my moth. He will sing right along with me, and answer affirmatively when I ask him if he he would offer his throat to the wolf with the red roses. He adores this song and when we go out to do errands he yell “yes song please Mommy!” My son’s love of life and keeping his eye on the wonderful things like puffy clouds that look like dinosaurs, sparkles that act like fairy dust, and whip cream that tickles his nose, when he drinks his hot chocolate. He makes me catch my breath with love and wonder when I see the magic of life through his eyes. 

  
  He constantly teaches me new things when we take a walk and play eye spy with my little eye. He see things that others don’t see eagles nests high up in the trees, and a fish flopping on the rocks trying to make it back into the water. How he can dance circles around the room when he hears a beat that just makes him move and groove fills my heart. He teaches me as much as I teach him at the tender age of almost four. I look into his eyes and see love there and it makes me want to be a better person than I was yesterday. I love him so, and if you’ll excuse me it’s time to play another rousing game of Peek-a-boo I see you.

   
This has been my submission for https://lindaghill.com SOCS please see what she wrote and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 💕 
 

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