Pause

There are moments in time I’d like to freeze as my children are growing up so fast. One tells me I’m the mayor of Crazy Town (in our household it’s a real place) the other asks me such interesting questions about the Mir space station and will Steve Harvey ever host a Miss America pagent again? 

I still remember when they were babies and the circumstances that led up to me bringing them into the world. One two days late and long and skinny and purple as Barney the dinosaur. The cord was wrapped around his neck and his head was too wide to engage down into the birth canal. He had the brightest eyes and watched my every move as fascinated with me as I was with him. Oh how I loved him I knew he was waiting for me all along. 

I have to pause that moment when he squeezed my finger and looked up into my eyes as it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Now he’s 4″8 and soon will be height at nine years old and towering over me by the time he’s licenced to drive. His little brother made his scary and rapid appearance before I had a chance to prepare for it. I knew nothing about early onset labor and all that will follow having a premature baby. 

I have to press play on my memory bank as those two weeks of having my baby in the hospital NICU are a blur of emotions. He came into the world sleeping the OBGYN actually woke him up as he cut him out of me and lifted him over top of the blue sheet. He was like a little loaf of bread all curled up and he made this meowing sound and I burst out laughing. I looked at my husband and said “did our baby just meow?”

Then the whole OR started laughing and it broke the thick as ice tension with the seriousness of my son’s early arrival. He was such a mystery to me and didn’t open up his eyes for five days. Then when he did I felt like I could see all the wonders of the world. My baby had an old soul and he looked at me as if to say it’s ok Mom I’ve done this before. 

The love I had in that moment enveloped me like a warm mist floating through me and all around as I was lost in the swirling rainbow of emotions. I have to pause that moment in time as everything I read about Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet came flooding back to me. 

Your children are not your children.

They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not of you. 

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

For such a young little life he had this wisdom about him and I was captured by it. When we brought him home he completed our family with his gentleness. It took him two more weeks to find his voice as he was quiet and serious. It was like he was taking every moment in of his new world and didn’t want to miss a minute of it to sleep. We settled into our family of four and I went into grief recovery as my Mom had died five weeks prior to my baby’s birth. 

I felt so much guilt because I loved her so much I couldn’t hold onto my pregnancy. I wanted to pause the last moment I had with her as I told her we were expecting again. The warmth in her hands as she squeezed mine, and the glow in her eyes was my most cherished moment with her. 

I know she watches over my children and wants our greatest gift to be our happiness. Cuddling with my husband while watching our kids entertain us with their antics these are the moments I’d love to pause and hold them in their youth a little longer. 

This had been my Stream of Consciousness Saturday with Linda G Hill as part of Just Jot January posting everyday for the month. Today’s prompt was the word pause. 

  

Ten Things of Thankful

I’ve had a busy weekend up before the sun and back after sunset. My son had a hockey tournament and I found so many things to be grateful for in this weekend alone! It’s been a long week that had my kids and I sidelined with the flu bug. In that time I felt sorry for mysel and had to look for things to be grateful for. I’m glad that in my fever hazed and sick days that I was able to see a silver lining in the grey clouds. Tome to wrap up my week with The TTOT linkup. 

I’m thankful for cuddles with my children. There’s something about the vulnerability of a child when they just need their Mama to help them to feel better. 

I’m thankful for my oldest son looking after me when I fell prey to the flu germs infesting our home. He was on his way to recovery but still needed to rest. So he set up movies for his little brother, made me some tea and watched over me while I slept. God bless him and his beautiful loving heart. 

I’m thankful for finally feeling better after not being sick since a year ago! Then it was my youngest son’s turn luckily it was a fast acting flu bug and he got rid of it quickly. He was so weak and exhausted and he spent most of his time sleeping. I was so glad when his fever broke and he was able to keep down some food. My poor sweet boy was so grateful for Mama cuddles as was I. 

I’m thankful for a family road trip. There’s always music, laughter, and yes even some fighting between my son’s. Yet it’s the conversations that take place that are the most special way to get to know what each other’s thinking. 

I’m thankful for sunrises that take my breath away. There’s nothing more spectacular than seeing God’s graciousness in the colourful tapestrys of beauty. 

 I’m thankful for the clouds that roll in to signify the end of the day and turn into a stunning sunset. Beautiful like a treasured artwork painted by God’s paintbrush. 

I’m thankful for strong little hockey players that put there all into playing their game. My son’s team finished up in third place after two wins and one loss. They passed, played, and held themselves with pride and did everyone in that arena  a service of watching their hearts on display. 
I’m so proud and thankful that the coaches recognized my son for the heart and hustle award for the second year in a row! He was so excited to show me his certificate and hockey puck. 

 I’m thankful for a fun but hectic weekend. There was so upset and meltdowns to deal with due to my son’s special needs and crowds of people can be hard for him to process. He knew that I would be there for him and protect him when needed. 
I’m thankful for pizza pool parties with a bunch of happy hockey players, and taking turns trying to out splash each other on the water slide. After all that was said and done soaking in the hot tub was the best gift of the day. 

Ten Things of Thankful

Ive been feeling so many emotions lately and I know that’s always coincided with a full moon on the horizon. Today I spent time reading and I looked out onto a sunny day and the thankfuls were bursting from my heart! I had company this weekend and it was the first time they had been to my house. It was so much fun to show them around and enjoy their company, as my kids jumped around like they were surgically attached to pogo sticks. Today I’m so happy to link up for TTOT and share in my bucket of thankfuls. ❤️

It’s these moments in time I’m so thankful for my family the one I created, and the one I was born into. I’ve been keeping busy reading and writing and I’m so thankful to be published for the first time at Lose Your Cape. I have the blessing to be in their upcoming book Never will I Ever as a contributor. So to read myself there and be introduced as such made my heart glow and tears spring to my eyes. 

I joined my theatre group again this season and we will be putting on the pantomime play Beauty and the Beast. I’m playing a singing chandelier as well as being in the chorus. I’m so thankful for my time with my cast and creativity spent on stage. Singing, dancing, and acting, are three of my greatest passions. So to be able to do all of them at once fills my love bucket to the brim!

I’m thankful that I’m expanding my social circle and enjoying time with my book club. We met today to discuss an urban fantasy novel we had read and as I sat and looked around the room of smiling, kind, very gifted, and knowledgeable people I realized I had found my tribe. I’m so excited that they chose one of the books I really wanted to read and that I will be hosting book club next month. 

There’s times in my life I’m not able to be two places at once so I’m so thankful for my husband for being so supportive. He took our kids to hockey so I was able to be social today and be where I was needed the most. He does this without any need for thank you’s, but I still show and tell him I’m appreciative. As he knows it’s important that I have the me time to feel fufilled and be a better me!

I’m thankful for the busy week I had with running my kids up and down the highway to school and extra curricular activities that I was able to have a day at home to rest and recharge. Being strong and fit are essential to my well being. I get such joy, vitality, and energy from my Beach Body workouts that I’m thankful that I’ve made them a priority in my daily life. I’ve completed my tenth fitness challenge in a Piyo group. This is a combination of Pilates and yoga poses and it makes me feel so much more stronger, dynamic and balanced in my hectic life. 

I’m thankful for the writing opportunities that have come my way on my blog, submissions, and my own book writing in progress. I’ve had the most fortunate experiences to meet and discuss with my new real life, and online friends and authors. I’m learning so much to help me be a success at honing this writing craft, that I’m so proud to be able to do and share with you all. 

I’m so thankful for all the things I’ve learned from my beloved Mama. She is never far from my thoughts and her influence in my life is so greatly appreciated. Her gifts are heaven sent and bestowed on me in little messages, signs in nature, and our special times in the dream world. She is who I write for knowing with her love and guidance of the spoken and written word, I know I’m making her proud one day and one story at a time. 💖