Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Pause 

There are moments in time I’d like to freeze as my children are growing up so fast. One tells me I’m the mayor of Crazy Town (in our household it’s a real place) the other asks me such interesting questions about the Mir space station and will Steve Harvey ever host a Miss America pagent again? 

I still remember when they were babies and the circumstances that led up to me bringing them into the world. One two days late and long and skinny and purple as Barney the dinosaur. The cord was wrapped around his neck and his head was too wide to engage down into the birth canal. He had the brightest eyes and watched my every move as fascinated with me as I was with him. Oh how I loved him I knew he was waiting for me all along. 

I have to pause that moment when he squeezed my finger and looked up into my eyes as it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Now he’s 4″8 and soon will be height at nine years old and towering over me by the time he’s licenced to drive. His little brother made his scary and rapid appearance before I had a chance to prepare for it. I knew nothing about early onset labor and all that will follow having a premature baby. 

I have to press play on my memory bank as those two weeks of having my baby in the hospital NICU are a blur of emotions. He came into the world sleeping the OBGYN actually woke him up as he cut him out of me and lifted him over top of the blue sheet. He was like a little loaf of bread all curled up and he made this meowing sound and I burst out laughing. I looked at my husband and said “did our baby just meow?”

Then the whole OR started laughing and it broke the thick as ice tension with the seriousness of my son’s early arrival. He was such a mystery to me and didn’t open up his eyes for five days. Then when he did I felt like I could see all the wonders of the world. My baby had an old soul and he looked at me as if to say it’s ok Mom I’ve done this before. 

The love I had in that moment enveloped me like a warm mist floating through me and all around as I was lost in the swirling rainbow of emotions. I have to pause that moment in time as everything I read about Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet came flooding back to me. 

Your children are not your children.

They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not of you. 

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

For such a young little life he had this wisdom about him and I was captured by it. When we brought him home he conpleted our family with his gentleness. It took him two more weeks to find his voice as he was quiet and serious. It was like he was taking every moment in of his new world and didn’t want to miss a minute of it to sleep. We settled into our family of four and I went into grief recovery as my Mom had died five weeks prior to my baby’s birth. 

I felt so much guilt because I loved her so much I couldn’t hold onto my pregnancy. I wanted to pause the last moment I had with her as I told her we were expecting again. The warmth in her hands as she squeezed mine, and the glow in her eyes was my most cherished moment with her. 

I know she watches over my children and wants our greatest gift to be our happiness. Cuddling with my husband while watching our kids entertain us with their antics these are the moments I’d love to pause and hold them in their youth a little longer. 

This had been my Stream of Consciousness Saturday with Linda G Hill as part of Just Jot January posting everyday for the month. Today’s prompt was the word pause. 

  

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The 21 day stop complaining challenge

After reading that title do you think it’s even possible? My sweet friend invited me to the challenge two days ago but I didn’t see the notification until today. Yesterday was blown as I had a few complaints about my oldest child’s behaviour. Today I had a disagreement with him as he got ready for school. His first official “I’m there more then two days back to school week.” Coupled with his little brother going to preschool has made this an emotionally charged week for us all. So when I saw the invitation waiting for me in my inbox I was intrigued instantly. 

So I go back to my original question is this even possible? Yes I believe so with a lot of perseverance and willpower. I decided I would be mindful today and for the next 19 days I would vigilant to stop myself from complaining. With this being my introduction I’m finding this very hard, I messaged another friend for accountability. I even had to unplug for the afternoon because what I was reading was creating judgements and complaints in me. 

  
I know this is important to me to at least make an effort so if I complain verbally, I will have to do 10 burpees. To me that’s one of the worst exercises known to mankind. So every time I break my pledge to be complaint free I will be a burpee, sore, sweaty mess! I’ve found as soon as I decided to commit to this challenge all reasons for me to complain came in like a gale force wind. I had to unplug from the Internet and all its triggers. I was constantly surprised of my reactions  of everything I was reading. I had to shout stop the sanity can’t we all just get along? Can we appeal to our angels of nature and spread kindness instead of ugliness? 

Why do people have to be keyboard warriors than supporters online? I was once told whatever anyone thinks about you is none of your business. It’s so true it really isn’t and I can happily go on the rest of my life not knowing. But all you have to do if you’re feeling bored, ignored, or curious is state an opinion whether digital or print and then you know what everyone thinks of you and then some! I have found I’m a complainer I see too many rainy or cold days and I complain, I stub my toe in the dead of the night making my way to the bathroom I loudly complain. 

  
This challenge has taught me in literally one day how much I need to change that knee jerk reaction to life. I can think of these next days as challenging and the universe will make sure I get what I expect. Or I can think of this as a way for me to be mindful, kind, and a more positive person to be around. I’m going to document this challenge and see the changes it brings out on me. We all can make a difference in the world and if it starts with something as simple as changing a thought, curbing my tongue, and not having to do another burpee as punishment then I’m all for it! So who’s with me? It’s never to late to spread a little love and kindness to everyone you encounter. You can sign up at Stop Complaining 21 day challenge where’s there’s accountability and a support. Thank you! 

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Quotes make my heart sing

It’s day 3 of my quotes challenge and I woke up feeling inspired to share another. I want to thank Emmmanuel for nominating me for this lovely challenge, it’s been a lot of fun. 😃

Today I chose one of my own and I’m looking forward to reading what my nominations come up with. A good quote is like a warm hug. ❤️

  
Today I nominate three more lovely people in my WordPress life. The rules are simple pick a quote or share one of your own, share it and nominate three people each day for three days. 😊

1. A Momma’s View

2. Champa Mom

3. Bare Naked in Public

No go forth and be inspired and fill your mind and heart with quote love! ❤️

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Quotes from the heart 

This is my day 2 of my quote challenge that Emmanuel Mesuma nominated me for. Today I’m sharing one of my own. This speaks to my heart, soul, and showcases my passions in life. Enjoy, I’m so excited to see what my nominations come up with. 😃

  
Today I’d like to nominate 3 special friends. 

1. Silver Threading (a beautiful poet and writer) 

2. Linda G Hamilton

3. Silver lining Mama 

The rules are simple you thank the person who nominated you, pick a quote for three days, and nominate three people each day. 😊

Go forth and be inspired to find a beloved quote or share your own. ❤️



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Quotes the key to my heart 

I love connecting in the online world and it’s wonderful when you meet another blogger in the land of WordPress who is awesome to read and interact with. I recently have made a connection with a like minded soul and he nominates me for a challenge! Thank you so much EMMANUEL’S MUEMA’S BLOG
 What a sweet and kind gesture,  and it happens to be about my love of quotes so here is mine today. This is for you E-man. 😃

This is from one of my favourite poets, philanthropists, and inspirational woman. 

“My mission in life is not to merely survive, but to thrive; and do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.”

-Mayou Angelou

Now here’s the rules of the challenge :

1. Thank the person who nominated you.

2. Post a quote a day for 3 days.

3. Each day, nominate 3 new bloggers to take part in the challenge.

Here are my nominations:

1. Is It Really That Easy

2. Peaceful Rampage

3. The Happylifeaholic

Thank you for stopping by to read my quote. Stay tuned for more quotes and more nominations. 😃❤️

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Fridays Feats and Fails

Well I’m surprised at how fast time is flying by, like seriously flying at the speed of light. Or is that just me and my heart racing? I’m telling you this has been a tough ass month for me.

FEAT

I’ve managed to make it through the last few Friday’s without inflicting harm on anyone. My son has been bullied in his new school and it’s tearing me to pieces!!! I dealt with immediately and blogged about it, since it brought back a lot of my past icky memories. 💔

FAIL

I wanted to hurt someone, just for a moment, for picking on my sweet boy. I ranted with my hubby about school being a safe place, and our son has every right to be able to learn and grow there as an individual. He shouldn’t have to be watching his back and having to physically move himself every time the bully comes near him! With all this stress and changeable weather I got really sick, like a cold/flu virus from hell. 😳

FEAT

I managed to fold 8 loads of laundry and get 3 put away before I had company on Saturday. My brother in-law and sister in-law came to visit. This was their first time meeting my youngest son, so it was a big deal. It was nice to catch up with them as we don’t see them more than every 3 years. But we live only 2 hours away from each other, so I look forward to more future visits. My kids were excited and in full show off mode for aunty and uncle. So they got away with a little more goofing off then usual. I’ve been sick cranky Mommy lately, so they had to meet fun Mommy sometime. 😉

FAIL

Due to being so sick I got really behind on housework and my responsibilities. So it looked like Toys R Us set a bomb off in my house. Toys everywhere, laundry multiplying like filthy rabbits, demanding kids, and a busy working husband, well something had to give and Mommy blew up!!! I immediately apologized but the damage was done, and I did more harm than good. 😒You see my youngest has a sensory condition and requires daily occupational therapy. Feeling like death on a ritz cracker and him and I sharing the same germs, we got nothing done. As the result of that his central nervous system has been over loaded. He’s been biting, spitting, and screaming at the top of his lungs. And my poor frayed nerves couldn’t take one more moment. 😔 And his brother couldn’t handle all the garbage at school, so he’s been anxious and lashing out at everyone. So one wound up sensory jumper cable of a boy + one anxiety ridden powder keg of emotion boy= BOOM!!!! A massive melt down of epic proportions. 😔

FEAT

I got through the weekend feeling about 75 % and took my time cleaning the house. I had theatre practice that day, which always makes me happy so I went off to that. While I was waiting for the doors to open up, i started thinking about all these toxic emotions. I got myself worked up and I could feel a panic attack coming on. I haven’t had one of those in 2 years so I got scared. I did some deep breathing exercises and took some Bach rescue remedy and carried on with practice. No would’ve known I was struggling to breath into a paper bag 15 minutes before. I’m like super Mom (without my cape, because it’s still in my overflowing laundry basket) 😜

FAIL

I didn’t get as much as I wanted to accomplish this week done. So I’ve been beating myself up about that. I have kind, encouraging, words for everyone when they need it but when I need it the most, I’m the last to give it. I know I suffer from “Mommy comes last syndrome” and it sucks. I need to make some changes and continue putting my emotional, physical, and mental needs first. Well that is after everyone has clean clothes, food in their bellies, and a clean diaper for my toddler. 😏
I took a one week fitness challenge and failed miserably. Being so sick I was living off of tea, water, and soup. So I didn’t follow the meal plan and I was too weak and dizzy to do the exercises. So time to repeat that challenge and work a little harder, especially on my self worth as that’s been in the toilet lately.

FEAT

As we were feeling 90 % better my little one and I went to play group. It was nice to see some Moms I knew, meet new ones, and see my son playing and having fun. I also took him to the playground which is great exercise for us both and instant OT. 😊 I made plans to visit with 2 of my dear high school friends as we live close by each other. I didn’t realize how lonely I felt till they appeared in my kitchen. I wanted to cry, squeal with joy, and hug them all at once. I held back a bit on my over enthusiasm, as to not overwhelm them. I took a pic before we had rush off for school pickup and posted it on my Facebook. Our smiling faces started a thread of comments and 65 likes and counting. It seems a lot of our other high school friends want to have a reunion. Our happiness brought their happiness out, and to me that was the best gift of the week. ❤️

Today’s Friday’s Feats and Failures brought to you by the brave and beautiful Ash of http://www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her week and all the other fantastic bloggers that link up. Smooches my dear readers, you keep me smiling and brave enough to face another week. 😘
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