Jsack's Mom's Blog

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

I got my eye on you

I peek out from behind my pillow and I say I can see you peekaboo. And I’m met with the most beautiful smile and infectious laughter. We’ve been playing this game since my son was a baby. It never gets old as I add in puppets, different voices, and stuffed animals to join the party. His favourite thing to do now is put on a puppet show for our family. We sit down on the couch eagerly awaiting whatever joyful exuberance he has woven together. “Ladies and gentleman today we’re here for Mickey’s play house puppet show!” 

 
The happiness I see on his face as he jumps wildly in the air from his mini trampoline fill my heart to the brim. He uses different characters and voices to entertain. How he plays, acts, and draws you in with his cute little voice sounding like a soprano when female, and then low and guttural when he switches characters to masculine. He is living in themoment and you can’t help but get swept up in his love of drama and all things Disney. One moment he’s singing the Hot Dog, hot diggity dog song next he’s singing Let it go at the top of his lungs! My son’s joy is music he lets it fill him up with the tones, lyrics, and rhythm. 

  

   Having fun trying on Dad’s goalie helmet. 😃💛 

He picks out music patterns quicker than any other child his age. Something that his former music teacher was astounded by. It didn’t surprise me though music is a beautiful sensory experience. And one thing my son knows how to do is enjoy any positive sensory experience he can. So peekaboo never gets old as I pop around corners and say “I’ve got my eye on you, peekaboo.” He will pop out the pantry, underneath a blanket, or from behind a couch cushion. He lives for the surprise, joy, and play. He will curl up in my lap and will ask me to sing him a song. I’ll start the first few bars of Twinkle, twinkle and he’ll finish it. I love hearing his sweet gentle voice, that rises and falls, with the flow of the music. 
  

My son will ask me for his favourite tune which he calls the “Yes song.” Most of you know it by Meatloaf’s You took the words right out of my moth. He will sing right along with me, and answer affirmatively when I ask him if he he would offer his throat to the wolf with the red roses. He adores this song and when we go out to do errands he yell “yes song please Mommy!” My son’s love of life and keeping his eye on the wonderful things like puffy clouds that look like dinosaurs, sparkles that act like fairy dust, and whip cream that tickles his nose, when he drinks his hot chocolate. He makes me catch my breath with love and wonder when I see the magic of life through his eyes. 

  
  He constantly teaches me new things when we take a walk and play eye spy with my little eye. He see things that others don’t see eagles nests high up in the trees, and a fish flopping on the rocks trying to make it back into the water. How he can dance circles around the room when he hears a beat that just makes him move and groove fills my heart. He teaches me as much as I teach him at the tender age of almost four. I look into his eyes and see love there and it makes me want to be a better person than I was yesterday. I love him so, and if you’ll excuse me it’s time to play another rousing game of Peek-a-boo I see you.

   
This has been my submission for https://lindaghill.com SOCS please see what she wrote and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 💕 
 

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Pet

I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood. Things that made me happy, sad, and comfortable in my own skin. I was born two days after my oldest sisters graduation. My Mom and Dad came home with me from the hospital and my middle sister wanted a baby brother. My Dad did the next best thing and got her a dog. He was a black Labrador Retriever and he was named Bo. What an amazing dog he was by far the best pet I ever had theprivilege to love. We didn’t own him he owned our hearts. I don’t even have a picture of him, and if one exists it’s living on a slide. I was born in the day when film was developed into slides. And I’ve acquired quite a collection from my Dad. My long term goal is to convert them to digital and make copies on CD.  

This isnt my dog , but he sure looks like him. Image found on http://www.321dogs.com

Bo was a truly amazing dog, I grew up with him as he 
was just a puppy when my Dad brought him home. He would let my sister and I dress him up in my brother’s t-shirts, hats, and he even let us put a cigar in his mouth! He loved is and was our other brother with fur. When my parents marriage ended and my Mom, sister, and I went to live somewhere else Bo came with us. My Dad didn’t want to split us up and really that was the kindest thing he could do as I was only four and my heart was broken. Bo was my best friend and allowed me to cry and hug him so tight. His fur would be soaked with my tears and yet there he would stay. He got me through many heartaches in my life breakups, arguments with my family, and feeling lonely. We spent so much time together over the years, and Bo would walk my sister and I to and from the bus stop every day. He was our neighbourhood dog and everyone loved him. He would get us home from school, play, and then go off to do his visiting rounds. He would end up at our neighbours down the road, hanging out with their little dog. Across from our home was a field all the kids in the neighbourhood would get together and play baseball and football down there. It was so much fun to see Bo getting excited and chasing the baseball when it would get hit. And since I was an excited child is always throw my bat, and he’d chase after it and bring it back to the next batter up. I still have that wonder bat, my Lousiville Slugger. 

This is a picture of what my bat looks like. It’s a childs version and it goes with me, wherever I live.

As I got older Bo slowed down a lot more. He got more grey

on his whiskers and the tuft of white fur became grayer as well.  He’d still come to to meet us at the bus stop, but he’d sleep in longer in the mornings. I remember the day I could see him out the bus window as I was coming home. All of us kids would knock on the window and wave at him. Suddenly an image flashed in my head and it was dog’s face with fear in his eyes. When I snapped out of it, I opened up my window and yelled at Bo to go home. He couldn’t hear me and I saw his fear filled face and he disappeared under the wheels. I was just sick and ran to the front and demanded my bus driver let out. He did immediately when he saw the tears starting to form in my eyes. 

This was a traumatic memory for me. I didnt look or speak to my busdriver for a long time after.

I ran to see Bo laying there on the front of our neighbours lawn. His fur was matted with blood and when I hugged him he yelped. I continue to pat his head and pray that he was going to be okay. Soon I was surrounded by a crowd of my friends and my sister and our Mom were there beside me. I listened to Bo’s panting and nuzzled my face into his and felt his soft breath on my cheek. I didn’t want to leave him but my Mom was guiding me away and our neighbour was coming to help attend to our dog brother. 


It was two days before my twelfth birthday and I had to say goodbye to my best friend. This happened thirty years ago and I’ve never forgotten it, not wrote about it till now. A piece of my heart went away with my beloved Bo that day. An amazing dog, brother, and best friend. He was very friendly, socially inept, a great temperament and best family pet I could ever ask for. I haven’t wanted to own a pet since that day. But if I ever do it will be a black Labrador Retriever. My oldest son asked me when he was four, if he could have a puppy or a baby brother. I came through on my end of the bargain, so for now we enjoy our visits with our neighbours dog. It makes me smile when I see my youngest son running up and down the yard with Frankie the daschund. I close my eyes and I can see my beloved Bo running on the rainbow bridge. 

This has been my submission to https://lindaghill.com SOCS please check out hers and all the other talent that link up. Thank you for stopping by today. 💓

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Attachment

I think we’re all attached to something in life, in one way or another. I’m personally attached to my love for my family, accolades on my writing, and to characters in books I’ve read. I’ve been so attached to the outcome of a movie I’ve been transfixed by my tv. I think there are healthy attachments and unhealthy ones as well. I will focus on the healthy ones as my love for my husband and our children.

They’re attached to my heart in a way I never believed possible. When I walked down the aisle to my future husband, being led by my loving parents was a magical moment. I felt their attachment to me being the youngest and the last one to marry. I felt attached to them and their love and guidance over the years. As I was leaving them behind as an adult and attaching to my future with my husband to be. The first moment I saw my precious babies come into the world I was attached to my love for them, and how I would guide and protect them as my parents did me.

Now I’ll focus on unhealthy attachments as I think both bases should be covered. I was once attached to an unhealthy relationship. I thought he was an ideal boyfriend. He was the quarter back of the football team, volunteer in the community, and had a small part time business while attending high school. I fell for him pretty hard especially when he buttered me up with fantastic comments. They were good for my ego but not for me. He started out all sweet and charming and had met my family I was living with at the time.

As our relationship progressed I noticed little signs of his manipulation. He spent money on me lavishly. I had my hair and nails done, he loved going shopping with me while I tried on outfit after outfit. I loved all the attention and my kind nature over rode my impulsive one at times, while I said stop, I can’t afford to pay you back. He constantly dismissed me and what he called my foolish notions. My reality came crashing down when we were going away on a school trip. He arrived to pick me up and he was very sullen and quiet.

Due to it being very early in the morning I understood, and continued to babble on about my excitement. We got to our destination and we’re boarding the bus and he goes to the back, and sits with a friend. So I’m thinking this is strange and I sit with some people I knew. After a long ride we finally arrive at the location and I walk up to him and hold his hand. He shrugged me off and says “no, not here” so I let him go. I soon learned that this was the beginning of the end.

I don’t really know anyone but a couple of people and my new boyfriend. I gravitate towards them and try to fit in. I feel really dejected as this is a very close knit group of people. I grab my gear as I’m on a camping trip out in the wilderness, and head up the hill. I set up camp and sit down to build a fire. I gather rocks, twigs, and dead leaves. I’m not the best tent builder so I turn around to adjust it and this wind blows out of nowhere.

I suddenly smell burning as I’m trying to hold onto my tent from blowing away! The wind gust has blown sparks all around and my campsite is starting on fire! I trying to grab blankets and beat them out and I end up spreading them and a spark blows up into my hair!!! I’m freaked out right now and screaming while grabbing my water bottles. Suddenly there’s a noise as a stampede of people comes running through the trees. I’m shocked at their arrival as the smelled the smoke and came running. I try to explain that I didn’t intentionally try to burn down the forest, but with the tinder dry conditions things happened very quickly.

My teachers start gathering my supplies and I look over at my boyfriend (who could be my ex by this time) and he looks mortified. It’s amazing isn’t it how I started this post out about how I’m in love and attached to my family, and my past attachments come trickling in? Now that’s a story and experience I must learn to detach from. It goes to show you where I learned to appreciate negative attachments to more positive ones. And there’s a few more stories in between me getting to that realization. As they say that’s a story for another day, and another stream of conscious thought.

This has been my submission to
http://lindaghill.com/2015/02/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-february-1415/
I know it’s Sunday and I’m posting this now. I posted as a draft and forget to change it to publishing. I’m attached to being involved as I love Linda’s Saturday Stream of Consciousness.

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Sadness

I’m so relieved I got through this day. I had two hockey games, six trips back and forth and stressful moments. I was finally home and then I went for a nice walk with my sister. We talked about life, love, and memories of our Dad.

He died six years ago today and I don’t know how that time passed. It felt like it stood still for me for a long time. I hold my breath waiting to exhale and heal from this grief. One thing I know is it takes one day at a time. And with great love comes great sorrow. I wonder who I’ll be without the grief, will I even recognize myself? All I know is I keep on living and being the best me I can be. And with that knowledge I know I honour his memory and heal my heart a little more each time.

So I’m thinking of him and enjoyed a nice dinner with my lovely sister and niece, and we toasted to him and all our wonderful memories. It’s so hard just having the memories to cherish, and not the person to hold. So many days, months, and years have passed and I found myself hanging onto precious moments. As they’re all I have now, which hurts more than having to say goodbye.

I pray I don’t forget his laughter, as he had a belly laugh that started at his toes and lifted you up in love and delight. He could curse a blue streak and smile mischievously, he could whistle a tune of anything he heard on the radio and know it by ear.

He loved with a heart as vast as the ocean and would give his shirt off his back to anyone who needed it. Even if it left him naked, and cold. He loved to be helpful and kind, and it’s from him that I learned to pay it forward regardless if there was any reciprocation. He gave with every ounce of his being and still wanted to give more! He taught me what it was to be a humanitarian and see the big picture of things instead of judgement.

I love, miss, cherish, and admire the man he was and the man he was becoming. Thinking of my Dad inspired this poem. Hugs to you in heaven Dad. I know it’s a better place up there with you in it. ❤️

This has been my submission to
https://lindaghill.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/wp_20150130_009.png for her Saturday Stream of Consciousness. The prompt was the opposite emotion. I chose the opposite of happy and wrote about sadness.

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Most and Least

This has been the most stressful week I’ve gone through since I got the call that my Dad was in hospice. I believe the feelings that are swirling around in my body and brain are the same. This week I had to sit there while the Paediatrician said “I’m going to say some things that are difficult to hear.” So I replied “just say it Doc I’ve lived through a lot.” So she said I want your children genetically tested and evaluated for ASD.

I didn’t know what to say except I agreed and thanked her for being honest with me. Inside I felt like she had just ripped the bandaid off my broken heart. And it was oozing out the pain I was keeping in there awaiting healing. I walked out of her office feeling the most vulnerable I had ever felt in my life. My kids are my world, and when I first found out that I was expecting each of them I prayed for a healthy pregnancy. I never wanted to see them in pain, suffering or feeling powerless.

So this is the least of their worries as I just allow them to just be kids. They don’t know of the stress, the sleepless nights, the times I’ve spent crying. They know that they get frustrated easy, nightmares awaken them, and change is difficult to comprehend. With my oldest I tell him all our brains are wired differently. He can’t always help what comes out of his mouth, but he should say kind things.

He sometimes asks me why he can’t let go of a thought bothering him, or why he needs his homework to be perfect. The only answer I have is God made us all unique and different. There’s things that really bother me too. But I concentrate on the things that I can deal with. And let go of the things I can’t and let God take care of them. I will admit though this is the most I’ve had to absorb in one day in one week. So I’m praying for strength and acceptance so I can infuse that in my sons.

So where does this leave me? I will be applying for funding, and getting the most help I need for my children, as well as myself. I’ve joined a support group online and I look forward to meeting these other Moms. I’ve also been attending my support groups locally and it’s so gratifying to meet other parents that are walking the same path as me. After the paper work’s completed, and the appointments are made, then I’ll see where we’re at with getting help.

I’ve never been a fan of labels, but in this case it will be what’s needed in order to move forward with a diagnosis with funding. These labels will not define my children or change who they are. They will not change me or my husband either. They will make us the most devoted parents with advocating for them. They will still be happy, healthy, fun loving kids with a few more letters of the alphabet applied. And most of all they’re our gifts from God that were bestowed on us.

I wouldn’t change any moment of their lives or mine. We get the hand that’s dealt to us in life. We can let it define us or let us rise to the occasion. I prefer to feel my pain for a moment, embrace it, and keep moving forward. I owe it to my family to do so, and it’s the least I can do after they blessed me when they made me their Mom. 💖

This has been my submission to
http://lindaghill.com/2015/01/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-january-2415/ for Saturday Stream of Consciousness and the prompt was most/least. Using one or both words.

Please check out her gifted writing and all the other talent that links up. Thank you always dear readers, for your love and support. 😊

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Heal

There are so many parts of me that need to heal. My heart which isn’t as broken as I thought, but cracked and held together with glue and a band aid. My mind which I’ve allowed to overpower me with negative thoughts, and guilt.

My body which hasn’t been the same since my back injury so long ago brought on by grieving for my dear Dad, and saving my son from a near drowning.

My soul which when it’s my time to meet God and enter the Kingdom of heaven, that I will have absolved all my sins and righted my wrongs. I know I was put on this earth for a great reason.

I’ve spent years trying to figure that out as I was a very introspective child. I was hear to speak, sing, and write my truth. I feel this burning passion inside me to write my book of survival, to help people discover their truth, and to make a difference in the world. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be an entertainer.

I spent countless hours writing after school, stories, songs, poems, and plays. Literature fascinated me as I could dive into my books and get lost for hours. When my parents ended their twenty-four year marriage after raising six children, and myself being the last one I felt immense guilt over it. So why should a precious, precocious, little girl of four years old feel such a trip.

I just thought if I was better they would’ve stayed together. I didn’t sleep a lot as a child, I had visions and spirit visitors that needed to be near me. It never scared me it just was natural to me. I stayed up late a lot of nights with my Mom watching black and white movies in the dark. I thought it I could just go to sleep without anyone invading my dreams then my parents would’ve had a better marriage.

I wish I didn’t lay awake at night hearing the screaming, crying, doors slamming and the sound of a body falling to the floor. But I did I heard all of it, and I never told a soul. Well a living breathing one that is, I need to heal from this childhood trauma. It wasn’t my fault that my parents marriage ended.

They had a lot of love for each other, but over the years the respect was gone. My Dad as dear as he was to me, checked out a long time ago. He was there in body but in spirit he was on another planet.

By the time he was forty-five he had six children. He told me he always wanted a big family, being the oldest of seven he didn’t know any different. And my Mom being an only child felt lonely a lot, and prayed to find someone to love and have a big family.

And so these two star crossed lovers were destined to meet, create a family, and not last. I need to heal from their love story ending. It’s what I based my whole life upon a strong relationship, effective communication, and mutual love and respect.

They had it all at one time but unfortunately it wasn’t enough. I tried so hard to be better, and for a while there I thought I was going to heal. Then my Dad moved in with his girlfriend and took on another family. I knew that was the beginning of the end for me. I would not, could not accept that this was his new life.

So I fought furiously and bitterly and wrote story after story of becoming the heroine of my words. Saving everyone from the crashing and burning. I was only four years old so what could I do?

I need to heal from the pain, guilt, and suffering I’ve put myself through. It can never be too late to heal my inner child, treat her with kindness, and let her blossom with beauty and kindness and release her on gossamer wings to finally be free.

This has been my submission to http://Lindaghill.com Saturday Stream of consciousness. Please see what her beautiful brain wrote, and all the other talent that link up. Thank you for being here today. ❤️

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Present

It is a gift to stay in the present. My mind tends to wander to the what if scenarios in life. What if I sleep in and my son’s late for school, what if I stay up late and sabotage my tomorrow, what if I really stopped caring what people thought about me and my parenting. Staying in the present is something I’ve struggled with all my life. I was the empathic child that worried about everything. Than I became worried about my worrying. I could see and feel the thoughts that weren’t being said. And that made it difficult for me as I believed the truth even when it wasn’t being spoken. So many times I remember hearing “don’t worry your pretty little head about it!” Well if I had stayed in the present I wouldn’t need to be reminded of that. What does going against the grain of living outside the present give me? What’s my payoff? Am I treated better or worse, or is it just a way of life for me that feels like home? Questions and questions till the end of time plague my mind. I’ve realized that those beautiful present moments are the most precious ones I’ll ever have. Love and hugs from my children, smiles and laughter from my friends, and that soft tender embrace while I’m crying in my dear husbands arms. I recently received some upsetting news concerning my health. As hard as it was I had to stay in the present moment. I had to hear what the optometrist was telling me, take her advice, be proactive and get the tests done. I had to hold myself together and not cry in front of my son, while I was being told not to worry. As much as I wanted to pack a bag and run away I stood strong and faced my fear. I have no control over this health condition, genetics are what they are, and realizing that in the present will help make my future better. So will I always worry, well that’s like l asking if the sun will come out tomorrow. I will be proactive and deal with the things I can control, and let go of the things I can’t. I will give myself that grace, opportunity, to self reflect and decide what’s really a future worry or a present moment. I owe that to myself, my family, and my friends to not be what iffing myself into a constant state of anxiety and agitation. So now I take a deep breath in and exhale the fear and inhale the truth. Very wise and wonderful advice from my dear friend Amber. And the more time I spend in the present, the more in control of my destiny I am. So I will give myself that beautiful gift of presence, power, and positivity in the present.

This has been my submission to the lovely http://lindaghill.com for Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness who’s presently on vacation. The prompt was the word present, chosen by her friend Helen. Check out hers and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. 😊

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Sense

I have always been able to sense things whether it’s from people, animals, or situations. It’s been a gift that I’ve had as a child. Some may know it as being intuitive, highly sensitive, psychic, or empathic. Whatever you want to call it, the gift bestowed on me has governed my life. My beloved Mama, Gram, and her sisters knew of my ability. They knew of the dreams, vibrations, and auras I had seen. They protected me a lot as they knew not all children displayed these abilities. I didn’t share a lot about what I could sense to family or friends. I remember a friend who lost her sweet dog telling me she missed him so much. I said “why, he’s right there on your lap.” We didn’t talk for awhile after that, and her Mom contacted my Mom and I had to say I made it up to make her feel better. My Mom of course knew different, but in the end it was about protecting me about that knowledge. I did really see the dog on my friends lap, just like I seen my beloved dog Bo after my bus driver ran him over. I’ve seen my great Grandma without knowing who she was, since she passed when I was 3 years old. I was looking through my brothers photo album and saw her picture, so I told my Mom that lady with the pink hat has tea with me and my dollies. Having this sense of knowing things before they happen, dreaming of loved ones that have died, and feel vibrations from people when they talked or stood next to me, could be unnerving at times. To me it was normal and my Mom, Gram, and her sisters never treated me any differently. Because they knew what this was like as they were the same as children. I still have a cousin that has regular visit from our clan up above. And knowing that and having my contact with them is comforting. I couldn’t explain to a lot of people what that felt like to just see my beloved parents in dreams or in reality, and know I couldn’t keep them with me. This sensing they’re around me brings me joy, hearing my Gram’s voice singing along with mine, while I’m singing Danny Boy is a beautiful gift. I never shared this sense while I was growing up either out of fear of ridicule. It wasn’t till I was in my 20’s and I moved to a new town that I found people like me. With even more powerful abilities and I remain steadfast friends with them to this day. I belonged to a meditation group for 5 years led by the most charismatic, gifted woman I’ve ever met. They became my family, my tribe, and my life line as my heart was being buffeted by the winds of change. I’ve always had this sense that I’m destined for great things. God has willed it for me from the family I have, people I’ve met, friendships that I’ve made, and like minded souls I’ve connected with online. I don’t feel weird anymore, and I’m not scared to talk about this gift I was born with. Being aware and embracing this sense has influenced my life greatly. I know when I’m supposed to avoid something or someone, I know when the right time to travel is, I even know when there’s a police car around. So this sense has been life saving, life altering, and life giving to me and my loved ones. I’ve even passed it down to my sons as they sense vibrations, dream, and see things that others don’t. And I protect them just like my beloved Mom and Gram protected me. I also teach them to never be ashamed of who they are or what they see. This sense is passed down from many generations on my Mom’s side of the family tree. My Gram called the all knowing Irish eye, and it’s a gift that we have been blessed to have. So I’m thankful for my Irish heritage that has been apart of me before I was even born. And my ancestors that blessed me with this incredible sense.

This has been my submission to http://lindaghill.com Saturday Stream of Consciousness. Check out her creativity with the prompt (sense, cents) and all the other talent that link up. Smooches and hugs to you. ❤️

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In love

I am in love with my husband, we have been together for a long time and he still makes my heart skip a beat. I still get butterflies in my tummy when I make him laugh. Last night we lay in bed talking about how much fun we had at our wedding. It was a blast, a great party, and we didn’t even want to leave but they were shutting down the hall. After 9 years all those memories came flooding back to us and we wanted to relive it all over again. This to me is a gift, to be deeply in love after all the trials and tribulations, we’ve gone through in our years together. He has seen me through the deaths of my Grandparents, my one and only beloved Mom and Dad, and the suicide of my step sister. I have held his hand as he lost his biological Father, his Grandparents, and our best friend Marco who was like our brother, from another Mother. After everything that grief puts you through the heartache, stress, the feeling of being numb while your mind rattles around in your body, we have endured. I have known even when I was 12 years old and the first time I met him, he would be my forever.

“Love…it surrounds every being and extends slowly to embrace all that shall be.”

-Kahlil Gibran

I have grown up believing that things and people don’t last forever. But it’s very important to treat them like they do. We have carved out a wonderful life together, and in that time have had our beautiful sons join our journey. Our oldest who’s bravery, intelligence, and deep capacity to love constantly amaze me. And our youngest who’s life started so early with his premature birth, his courage, his heart, his natural comedic talent, his love for his family and friends moves me to tears. I am so in love and connected with our sons. I knew even in utero that they were meant to join my life. I had my oldest who is Daddy’s boy that would kick me awake as soon as he knew Daddy was home from hockey. And my youngest who is Mommy’s boy, when I was meditating would roll around till he was comfortable and then be completely still. I knew he was listening to my heart beat in perfect synchronicity with his own. I knew and felt this spiritual connection with my sons as my empathic nature does. Yet I feel they are my blessings and my lessons to learn in life. They are mine and my loves children yet they belong to God and the world. I see great things for our sons and by raising them with good morals, values, and a strong work ethic will be our greatest accomplishment. To see them grow up to be kind, genuine, strong, compassionate, loving men will fulfill my life’s purpose. It’s like my favorite philosopher and poet, Kahlil Gibran says in his book The Prophet

“You’re children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They came through you but not from you, and though they are with you, and yet they
do not belong to you.

I read that to my Captain when he was only 2 months old as he looked into my eyes, and I was lost in the depths of wisdom. Very deep I know and I’ve read that passage countless times absorbing a new meaning each time. Sometimes my emotions overcome me by how much I’m in love with my family. They make me better a woman, wife, Mother, and sister. And with that knowledge I can learn to be more in love with myself.

This has been my submission to the lovely http://lindaghill.com Saturday Stream of Conscious thought. Check out what she wrote and all the other talent who link up. Thank you, many blessings to you my dear readers.

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But I….

I wanted to write this thought provoking, brilliant blog today but I stayed up too late hacking and coughing, BUT I wrote about being a right fighter instead. I didn’t want to confuse my young son with my sarcasm when he didn’t clean up his toys. BUT I sang the clean up song my self and played basketball with the toy box. I didn’t want to keep up my sardonic wit parade BUT it’s a family trait and I’ve learned well from my Masters. I just tried to mix my sarcasm in with a dash of nice and kindness, so I’m a fair ratio kind of chick cookie. 😉 I really wanted to fold those 5 loads of laundry, BUT I have a smart phone and when it goes off with a text, notification, or phone call I’m like Pavlov’s dog salivating and waiting for my treat. I wanted to go for a walk in the sun instead of being overwhelmed by Mount “Laundry more”, BUT I wrote a blog about it instead. I spend so much time in my laundry room that I’ve installed a wine rack in there. If I have to do the job of keeping my family clothed, I might as well be happy (or drunk) doing it am I right?!!!! I feel guilty today because I should’ve returned those phone calls and emails when I had a spare moment, BUT I blew it all off so that I could watch Hercules for family movie night. Come on people it’s the “Rock” Dwayne Johnson join me in my puddle of drool over here. 😉 I really should’ve cleaned my house as it’s infected with cold/flu germs BUT my body was in pain from hacking the night before in a coughing fit. So when my little Mad dog said “Mama cuddle time?” I lovingly gave in. I really should’ve just hung up on that telemarketer phone scammer, BUT the force to argue when my B.S. detector is high is too strong. In fact anyone that attempts to blow sunshine up my ass when I know it’s raining, makes my argue meter go into overdrive. Like my son’s school officials when they thank me for coming in to complain about the umpteenth bully incident towards my son. I really should’ve worked out sometime this week, instead of just dragging myself off the couch to drop off and pick up my son and feed them both. BUT the thought of running on my tread mill made my bones ache, and my tummy want to hurl. 😳 I really should dig out the winter clothes before the arctic storm that’s going to hit the province with a thrashing, BUT I’m cozy in my fleece penguin pj’s and fuzzy blanket. I really need to get my hot tub set up before the impending snow storm, BUT I’m stuck in my fear of electrocuting myself or poisoning my family with improper chemicals ratios. I wish I could remember what my lucid nightmare was about before my Captain woke me by being inches away from my face. BUT all I can recall is there were shadows flying at my face and I screamed when I saw my son!!! I wish my heart would stop beating like a jack hammer thinking about that. BUT recalling how I woke up from my nightmare has me a little freaked out this morning. I need to jump into my shower and get ready to be super hockey Mom, BUT I’m sitting here enjoying chatting with you. Now in conclusion I’ve discovered I’d really be sad if the word BUT wasn’t in the Oxford dictionary. And now I would like to end this blog with something witty to wrap it up in a bright red bow. BUT I’m fresh out of ideas and instead I’ll thank you for reading my ramblings on this lovely Saturday morning. I thank you very much. 😘

This has been my submission to http://LindaGHill.com Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Today’s prompt was the words but, bet, bit, etc. Please check out what Linda had to say and all the other talent that links up. 😊

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